Keeping Claudia (Toby & Claudia Book 2)

by Suzanne McKenna Link

  “And spend more time with the old man? No, thanks.” Toby zipped up his old leather jacket.

  I grabbed his elbow. “We need this, Toby.” We’d never seen eye-to-eye on matters of religion, but still…

  “I don’t need church. What I need is a drink,” he said. “I’m going to meet up with Ray.”

  I angled my chin to meet his eyes. “That’s how you want to spend the rest of this special night?”

  “Yes,” he replied without a hint of remorse. “Tell your father I’m not coming because I’m afraid I might burst into flames.”

  I was torn between stamping my foot and dissolving into tears. It was maddening that he could be nearly as stubborn as my father.

  Pride left my tone cool and polite. “I guess this is good night then. Merry Christmas.”

  Chapter 20 • Claudia

  “Claudia, you’re not planning on leaving, are you?” Liz’s question came out of the blue. With the two of us working on individual tasks, the office had been usually quiet.

  I made an attempt at an offhanded laugh. “What do you mean? Where would I go?”

  Liz swiveled her chair around to look at me. “I get the feeling something’s changed, that maybe you might be planning on leaving Sterling.”

  My gaze shot to her face, but I clamped my mouth shut to prevent it from falling open in surprise. “I don’t have any plans, but I’m considering what my next step will be.”

  It was an honest answer.

  “As you should, but before you leap into anything, I hope you’ll give Bill and me a chance to make Sterling your career home,” she said.

  “Of course.” I nodded, wondering if someone knew or had overheard something.

  “Any exciting plans for the night?” Liz asked, her tone returning to conversational as she walked past my desk. “It’s Thursday Date Night at our house. One Thursday a month Kel and I go out without the kids.”

  “I have plans, but I wouldn’t call them exciting.” I watched her thumb through a stack of folders. She’d obviously picked up on my distracted state of mind. I owed her some sort of explanation. “Toby and I are meeting with my church’s priest so we can sign up for pre-cana marriage preparation classes.”

  “You got engaged! I thought something was up.” Liz turned quickly. With a growing smile, she came closer and wiggled her fingers out at me. “Let’s see the ring.”

  I curled my bare hands in my lap. “It’s at the jewelers being sized.”

  She hugged me anyway. “That’s wonderful news. You must be so happy!”

  One would think so. But Toby’s obstinate refusal to share my holiday traditions fueled a weeklong standoff and didn’t foster an iota of pre-nuptial giddiness. We’d spent the last week communicating through texts and phone calls and hadn’t seen each other since New Year’s Eve. We’d rung in the New Year with me beleaguered with reoccurring queasiness, too afraid to stray far from the bathroom. He’d been giving me a brooding silence and preferred spending time with Bones and Ray than me.

  I couldn’t remember a time I’d been more uncertain about my future, but we had to move forward. Toby made it abundantly clear he wasn’t enthusiastic about the pre-cana classes, but to get married inside the church, it was required. I didn’t share his ambiguous thoughts of God. I was getting married in church. And soon. There was no time to slow down. The new semester was about to start up, and soon I’d be busy day and night. Feeling rushed and out of sorts made my stomach more unsettled. The baby was going to arrive whether we were ready or not.

  I made an appearance in the kitchen after work to nab a few crackers. Dad sat at the table with his laptop.

  At the sight of me, his fingers stilled on the keypad. “You’re very pale. Are you sick?”

  “No.” I swallowed back the sensation rising in my throat. “Only nauseous. It doesn’t seem to stop.”

  Grabbing his cane, he swiveled in his chair and stood. “Come on. Let’s go out for a walk. The fresh air will do us both good.”

  Even though I didn’t feel like it, walking was good for him. Not giving him a chance to change his mind, I kicked off my black work heels in exchange for my fur-lined boots and took his arm. In the street, I adjusted my pace to his slower one, and we drifted down River Road toward Brown’s River. A light sheen of sweat glazed his forehead, his lips puckered and released with each step.

  “I’m going to finish out this month of physical therapy, and then I’m done,” he said.

  I pulled back to gape at him. “Daddy, you’re barely getting around on your own. The therapist—”

  “—is too young and doesn’t know what she’s doing,” he finished.

  I pressed on. “We’ll find another therapist.”

  He shook his head stiffly. “I know the exercises. I can do them on my own.”

  A lecture hung on the tip of my tongue, a buildup of concerns about his therapy and the one thing I didn’t know quite how to broach: his drinking. One glance at his stubbornly set profile told me to bring it up would be declaring war, and it’d be a bloody battle. With this rare brief amity between us, I turned my head and blew out the tension. I’d leave the fight for another day.

  Thoughts turned to the night ahead of me. “Toby and I are meeting with Father Daniel tonight. We’re hoping to plan the wedding for April.”

  “You’re really going to do this?” The question came with a tone of genuine curiosity.

  I drew in a long breath, unsure how to convince him getting married was for the best when I, myself, was hesitant. Of course, I wanted it to work, but things between Toby and I were already strained. What would happen when the baby arrived?

  “We love each other,” I finally answered. It was all I could say for sure. I prayed it was enough.

  We continued our walk, a hush falling over us once again. It wasn’t until we rounded the corner and headed up our street that he spoke again.

  “Baby girl.” Dad turned earnest eyes on me. “Why don’t you think about staying home and raising the baby here? That way, there’d be no reason to rush into marrying or worrying about your money situation. I’ll help out wherever I can. You won’t have to leave your old man home alone either.”

  “Oh, Daddy, thank you.” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. “I’d like to raise the baby in a traditional family, but your offer means everything to me.”

  “If you have any doubts, I’m here for you.” He patted my back, listing under my weight, and I put his arm around my shoulders, stabilizing him.

  I helped him up the front porch steps, letting go only to unlock the front door. I glimpsed an uncommon upward arch of his mouth. “Oh, my, is that an honest-to-god actual smile I see on your face?”

  “Why? Isn't a soon-to-be-grandfather allowed to smile?”

  Grandfather. He referred to himself as a grandfather! Tears of happiness burned my eyes.

  “No one around here has been smiling for a few weeks, least of all you.” I steered him inside, but as soon as I shut the door, my stomach twisted, tightening and becoming hard.

  “Oh, that smarts,” I groaned, buckling under the pain.

  “Sit down.” Dad caught my elbow and hobbled me to the couch.

  After a moment the tightening subsided. I gradually let out a breath and looked up at him. “Is that normal? Should I call the doctor?”

  “Probably a Braxton Hicks contraction,” he said. “It’s an early form of contraction.”

  “Sounds a little early for that.” I rubbed my belly, hoping little Bella wasn’t disturbed. “It’s better now, but I’ll call Dr. Shapiro tomorrow and ask. I’m surprised you remember anything from when Mom was pregnant with me.”

  “Only because I’ve been doing a little reading.” My father’s ears reddened as he pointed to a book on the coffee table. It was an old dog-eared copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting he must’ve dug up from one of old boxes of books in the guest room closet. “Thought it’d be good to be prepared.”

  Tears fill
ed my eyes. “Daddy, thank you for not hating me.”

  “Bella faccia, there isn’t anything you could do that would put hate in my heart for you,” he said. “Soon you’re going to know what it is to love a child. That love feels bigger than life itself. Then you’ll understand that all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy and well taken care of.”

  * * * *

  Toby was to meet me at church directly after his technical class. I hated the animosity between us, and deciding to extend an olive branch, I left the house early to stop at the store to get a special treat for him.

  The grocery store was quiet, and unfettered by other shoppers, I browsed the bakery area, considering the assortment of cookies and cakes trying to decide what Toby would like best.

  From behind me, I heard someone exclaim, “Hey, if it isn’t my new, favorite Italiano.”

  I turned to find Toby’s boss, the younger Delfino brother, Joe, standing behind me.

  “That boyfriend of yours has some stugots.” Joe launched right into conversation. “I can’t believe the bum ditched the AutoCAD class.”

  “What?” Clutching the basket handles tight, I reeled back in surprise.

  Joe’s grin evaporated. “You didn’t know?”

  I felt foolish. A fiancée should’ve known. “I knew he had some reservations about continuing, but no, I wasn’t aware he quit.”

  Joe shuffled from foot to foot. “I have a big mouth. I was out of line.”

  Uncomfortable with his embarrassment, I assured him, “No, please. We’ve both been so busy I haven’t even seen him all week.”

  Joe apologized again, and as soon as he was out of sight, I left the store, empty-handed. I went straight to church, but after sitting with Father Daniel for a half hour and receiving no response from Toby to my call or texts, we rescheduled.

  I drove to Toby’s house, doddering between being irritated with him and frantic with worry that something had happened to him. The house was dark, but I went inside and tried to calm down and prepare for what I’d say to him. Bernie hip-hopped around my legs until I let her outside. Once back inside, she settled down, snoring at my feet, while I sat stewing in the darkened room.

  The house was full of somber memories. I tried not to think about the awful things that had happened under this roof, the violent history of the Faye family. As I sat there, fear rose in my chest. How could we raise our baby here? I dreamed of a stable home life with happy, loving parents for Bella. With Toby and I rushing into things and haphazardly slapping the construction of our own futures together, I questioned if we would be able to give her that kind of life. I put my shoulders back, determined I wouldn’t let Bella suffer the fates of our families as Toby and I had. I would allow neither the Faye family’s misfortunes nor the disenchanted marriage of my own parents to taint our baby’s life.

  Above all else, protecting her was my number one priority.

  The front window briefly lit with headlights coupled with the hum of an engine in the driveway. A voice drew near the door, followed by more, until the door opened with a crash, laughter, and the sound of several pairs of footsteps.

  Toby, trailed by Ray, Eddie, and four girls, Leah one of them, paraded past me on their way to the kitchen. Bernie abandoned me to rush them. I waited, silent in the unlit living room, for them to see me, but none of them noticed me sitting there. I became an unintentional eavesdropper to their boisterous conversation.

  “Don’t light that up in here. Go out back,” Toby told one of them. The sliding glass door opened and shut a few seconds later. Glasses clinked, and bottles hissed upon being opened.

  “You co-coming?” Ray stuttered. The door scrapped closed, and the house grew quiet again.

  Moving to the kitchen, I saw the group of them through the curtain-less window. The distinct scent of marijuana stung my nose before I saw the small pipe being passed among them. Toby was my connection to these people. It should’ve been enough to make me comfortable to join them, but the glaring reality was I would never be comfortable with that crowd. Or they with me.

  My attention flitted away until abrupt motion pulled it back.

  Leah and Toby had gotten into a scuffle. No, it wasn’t a scuffle. They were arm wrestling. He clearly had the upper hand and could’ve taken the win, but he seemed to enjoy watching her try to overpower him.

  They looked comfortable with each other. With her brash personality, revealing clothes, and tattoos, Leah looked more the part of Toby’s girlfriend than I ever had.

  I stared at her, struck by how familiar her dark hair and face were, and then I remembered the snapshots that had fallen out Toby’s yearbook. There were discrepancies, but Leah absolutely resembled the girl in those photos.

  Leah stretched across the outdoor table and licked Toby’s mouth, a full, tongue-on lick across his lips. I jerked backwards almost as fast as he did. Leah used the distraction to pin his arm to the table. She wielded a satisfied grin as she yanked his beer from his other hand. He tried to swipe it back, but laughing, she moved out of his reach and took a long pull from the bottle. There was something well versed about their little game, and then I was hit broadside with a realization.

  Leah was the one Marla had seen Toby with.

  Toby got up, and I lost sight of him until the back door opened. Startled, I jumped back. He knocked into the frame of the doorway, stalling when he saw me.

  “Hey,” he said. “What’re you doing here?”

  “I’ve been waiting for you. My car was parked out front when you pulled up. You didn’t notice it?” He shook his head. “You missed our appointment with Father Daniel.”

  “Oh shit. I forgot,” he replied, a sheepish smile on his face. He came closer, swaying as he did so. His hand slid into my hair, his clumsy fingers tangling in the strands. “Sorry, baby.”

  Pungent smoke wafted around him, and the smell of beer lingered on his breath.

  “You’re high.” I pulled away from him.

  “A little.”

  “And drunk. Were you driving?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “No, Ray drove my Jeep.”

  “You had time to go out after class tonight?” I posed the question and waited for his answer.

  His expression changed, his chin dropping slightly, as his gaze floated away. He clapped a hand over his face, rubbing at a whiskered cheek. “It was a brutal day at work. I skipped class and went out for a few drinks afterwards.”

  It was bad enough knowing that I’d spent nearly every moment obsessed and preparing for our future while he felt free to spend his time drinking, doing recreational drugs in the company of other girls, but his duplicity made my whole body tight with anger.

  “My God, Toby, you’re a liar and a terrible one at that. Before I sat at church uselessly waiting for you, I ran into Joe Delfino in the supermarket. He told me you quit the class.”

  A cramp-like contraction expanded throughout my lower abdomen, this one carving a much deeper trek than the earlier one had. I held onto the edge of the granite countertop and waited for it to pass.

  Toby darted forward, his a hand wrapping around my arm. “Are you okay? You’re white as a ghost.”

  “I’m fine.” I twisted away from him. We were not going to be distracted from the issue at hand. “How could you drop out of the program without discussing it with me first?”

  He retreated, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets and kicking at the tiled floor with the toe of his work boot. “I knew you’d overreact about it.”

  “Oh, you’re right about that,” I said sharply. “You’re career building, making yourself invaluable to the company.”

  “I’m not interested in computer programming. I never have been.”

  “If you don’t finish it, it isn’t likely Joe and his brother will offer you any other advancement opportunities.” I wrung my hands together, pleading for him to see the fault in his actions. “Please tell Joe you made a mistake. Tell him you want to finish the class.”

 
; “Stop it. Just stop it.” The edge of his temper flared. Bitterness crackled between us, like embers furiously trying to grow into a larger, more perilous fire. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t do this with you tonight.”

  The apathetic dismissal held no weight with me.

  “The beauty of this is you don’t have to do this with me, ever.” I squared my shoulders. “I don’t have to marry you to have this baby.”

  “That kid is half mine.” Eyes ablaze, he slanted towards me, revealing his dwindling patience. “Married or not, you’re stuck with me, baby.”

  “Lucky me. The father of my child would much rather be getting stoned and drunk with his friends than securing a future.”

  I heard the snap. Flexing his fingers, he stepped closer, his eyes steel flints.

  “If I’m so awful, why the hell did you ask me to marry you?”

  My anger abated, jellying into a bizarre mix of panic and thrill.

  “I guess I didn’t realize the horrible mistake I was making.” I rammed my hand into my coat pocket for my car keys and sprinted out the door into the cool night air.

  He bolted after me, swearing loudly. His long strides overtook mine, and he intercepted me before I could reach my car. His fingers curled around the sleeve of my coat, tugging me back.

  “Claude, you can’t leave it like this,” he huffed out with a pained voice.

  The wind blew a frosty gust between us, the night’s low temperature numbing my damp cheeks. Inside me, common sense, pride, and love warred, fighting to win control of the moment.

  “What are we doing?” Tears stung my eyes, and a dull ache thrummed in my belly. “Why did you disappear today?”

  He sucked in a breath and bowed his head. “I don’t know. I needed some time.”

  “Do you want to be part of this—our baby, being a parent?”

  His gaze rose, determination anchored in the set of his mouth. “Don’t worry. I’ll figure out a way to make more money.”