After I Fall

by Amity Hope

  I paid, letting him keep all the change for a tip. He grinned at me as he handed over two familiar looking pizza boxes. I was sure one held a combination deep dish, the other an apple crumble dessert pizza.

  When I made my way back into the den, Eric was seated on the couch with Natalie. She looked up at me with big, curious eyes.

  “Natalie can be really shy,” I said. “Don’t be offended if she doesn’t warm up to you.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t realize. We’ve been playing rock-paper-scissors. She didn’t seem all that shy.”

  Natalie giggled and I made a silly face at her.

  “You warmed up to Eric right away, did you?”

  She laughed. “He’s not very good at that game.”

  I turned to him. He smiled and winked at me. I had a hunch he was better at the game than he let on.

  I set the pizzas down on the coffee table. “I forgot plates. Are you okay for another minute?”

  He nodded and I hurried off to get them. When I came back Eric was leaning forward on the couch, one hand protectively resting on the pizzas.

  “Madison,” I started, “you know you can’t start eating until you have a napkin and a plate. Those are Mom’s rules. Otherwise she might not let us keep eating in here.” The den was the only room in the house besides the kitchen and dining area where food was allowed.

  By the time the pizza was eaten and the dishes were stacked in the dishwasher, the storm had arrived. The girls had insisted on following me into the kitchen. Neither of them liked storms, and they were both terrified of thunder. Luckily I didn’t have much cleaning to do in the kitchen because they were constantly attached to my side.

  “Do you know what I used to do when I was scared?” Eric asked when we made it back to the den.

  Natalie shook her head and looked up at him through her messy mop of curls.

  “Can you find me a big blanket and I’ll show you?”

  Natalie glanced at the doorway, clearly hesitant. Finding a blanket would mean that she’d have to leave the room. I was about to offer to find one but Madison beat me to it.

  “Come on Natalie,” Madison said as she took our sister’s hand. “I’ll go with you and we’ll hurry.”

  The two of them scampered out of the den. Minutes later they came back, each holding a corner of the comforter from Madison’s bed. They dragged it along behind them.

  “Will this work?” Natalie asked Eric.

  “It’s perfect,” he assured her. “This is what you do.”

  I watched with a smile as he shifted the furniture around just a bit. He tossed the large comforter over the top of the couch and a chair, creating a tent for the girls. They squealed in delight when they realized what he was doing.

  I couldn’t help smiling, too.

  “Is it ready?” Madison asked.

  “Pretty much. I used to stuff it full of all of my favorite things,” Eric admitted. “I had a favorite pillow and blanket. I had a favorite stuffed animal. And—”

  “What was his name?” Natalie demanded.

  “What? Who?” Eric asked.

  “Your favorite stuffed animal,” she clarified.

  “Oh, his name was Bear. He was a stuffed bear named Bear,” he said with a sheepish grin.

  Madison and Natalie found that little snippet of information oddly amusing. They both giggled shrilly. When the next round of thunder hit, Natalie was so distracted she didn’t even notice.

  “Sometimes,” Eric continued, “if the electricity went out, I’d find a flashlight and a book. I’d read until the storm passed.”

  “I like to read!” Natalie announced.

  “You can’t read yet!” Madison corrected.

  “Madison, Natalie likes books. She loves looking at the pictures and having someone read her a story,” I gently reminded her.

  “But she can’t read,” Madison pouted.

  “I know some words,” Natalie argued.

  She knew very few, but I wasn’t going to point that out.

  “I know some words too!” Madison said. She frowned as she looked at me. “What does cadoodling mean?” Her face was puckered in curiosity, her nose wrinkled and her forehead creased.

  Eric choked out a laugh and I stifled a giggle of my own.

  “What?” I asked, trying to keep a straight face. “Do you mean canoodling?”

  She nodded.

  “Why are asking?”

  “Because when Mommy was on the phone she said that it was a disgrace that you were cadoodling with the help.”

  My laughter froze somewhere deep in my chest and in that moment I realized that Eric’s had stopped too.

  “Mommy said that you’re just being rebellious. She said—”

  “Madison,” I said sharply.

  Her face fell into a frown. “Mommy said—”

  “Madison.”

  This time she looked at me with a scowl.

  “Maybe you should let her finish what she has to say,” Eric suggested. His tone was quiet but his words rang loudly in my ears.

  Her words came out in a jumbled rush. “Mommysaidhe’saphase.”

  “Well sometimes mommies are wrong and sometimes they say things they shouldn’t say,” I said, keeping my tone light.

  Natalie’s eyes grew big and round. “Even our Mommy?” she asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

  Especially our mother, I thought.

  “Yes, even our mom,” I said in a tight voice.

  “Was Mommy bad?” Madison asked. She looked gleeful at the thought.

  “You know what girls? It’s getting late! Who wants a story?”

  “I want a story,” Natalie answered.

  “I want to play in the tent!” Madison argued. “It just got made!”

  “Okay, you two play in the tent for awhile,” I said. I didn’t care if they stayed up for a bit longer. I’d just wanted a subject change.

  As they both giggled and scrambled inside, Eric caught my eye.

  Though I maybe had changed the subject momentarily, I could tell he wasn’t ready to let it drop completely.

  * * *

  “Thank you,” I said to Eric.

  “It was no problem,” he assured me as we dropped down onto the couch.

  The girls had finally fallen asleep. In the tent, no less. Eric had carried Natalie up to bed while I carried Madison. I’d tucked them both in and now we finally had a little bit of time to ourselves.

  “I don’t mean just carrying Natalie up to bed. I meant for the whole night,” I explained. “I know this wasn’t exactly what we planned on doing.

  “I know. And I meant it really wasn’t a problem.”

  I gave him a quizzical look. I couldn’t imagine a lot of other guys being totally cool with babysitting five year-old, sometimes high-maintenance twins.

  He laughed at the look I gave him. “I don’t have any brothers or sisters. It was actually kind of fun.”

  I glanced at the clock. “We should find a movie or something. It’ll probably be another hour or two until Mom and Phillip get home.”

  “Yeah…huh,” Eric said. “So your mom? She kind of hates me?”

  I cursed myself for forgetting and bringing my mother up.

  “She doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t even know you.” I kept my tone light, hoping that I was reassuring.

  “In this case,” he wondered, “is there really a difference?”

  I avoided his question. “It doesn’t matter what she thinks. She’s wrong. She also thinks I secretly aspire to be just like her. But that, again, I’m too rebellious to admit it. I do not aspire to be like my mother. I want to be the opposite of my mother.”

  The way he looked at me let me know that he wasn’t convinced.

  “Look, Eric, can we not talk about my mom?”

  “Sure.”

  He was quiet for awhile.

  “So can we talk about you?” he asked.

  “What about me?” Judging by the way he was looking at me
I decided it was nothing good.

  “Is she right? Are you just with me because you’re being rebellious?”

  “Do I look like the rebellious type?”

  He didn’t smile at my lame attempt at a joke.

  “No,” I said seriously, “there’s no truth to that at all. I like you.”

  He bit his lip and looked as though he were thinking my words over.

  “I like you too,” he quietly admitted. “I like you a lot.”

  “A lot?” I pressed with a smile.

  “Maybe even a whole lot,” he said as he leaned in. His breath felt warm against my cheek.

  My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned forward, so sure he was going to kiss me. When he didn’t I leaned back to get a good look at him.

  He took my hands in his.

  “I meant what I said. But I don’t want to come between you and your mom. Does she not want us dating?”

  I shrugged and I felt my irritation spike. “I thought we agreed not to talk about my mom. If you haven’t noticed, I don’t care what she thinks.”

  “What if I care?” he asked earnestly.

  What was I supposed to say to that? I couldn’t just tell him that he was right. Mom probably didn’t like him but it was through no fault of his. That was all on her.

  “Phillip likes you,” I heard myself say.

  I was surprised to hear him chuckle.

  “And you care about what Phillip thinks?”

  I was even more surprised by my answer to his question. “Yeah,” I said, “I guess I do.” For the last few weeks I’d felt more comfortable around my stepfather than I did my own mother. I decided it was like choosing the lesser of two evils.

  Maybe evil was too strong of a word. But the lesser of the two problematic adults. Now, as I thought about it, really thought about it, I realized that Phillip had grown on me.

  “Well, I care about what your family thinks of me. Both Phillip and your mom. I mean, they don’t have to love me. But it would be nice if—”

  They respected him? I wondered if that was what he was going to say.

  “Eric, I’m sorry. I haven’t told you a lot about my mom, but she can be really difficult. Half the time I feel like she doesn’t even like me.”

  He gave me a skeptical look.

  “It’s true. She’s constantly trying to change my hair, buy me better make-up, find me new friends,” I explained.

  He gave me a playful smirk but it looked forced. “Find you a new boyfriend…”

  “That’s just how she is. I don’t want you to worry about her. Or care what she thinks. I just want you to care about what I think.” I gave him a nudge and a smile.

  “And what do you think?” he asked.

  “I think I like you a whole lot too.”

  Chapter 15

  “What is this?” Mom asked with a scowl.

  The blanket that comprised the fort was hanging askew. The items inside were strewn about, leaking onto the floor.

  Eric had left before they returned. I’d fallen asleep on the couch. Now it was Mom’s face I was waking up to. I scrubbed at my eyes as I sat up.

  “A fort,” Phillip said with a grin. “Man, I used to love making those things!”

  Mom turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

  He shrugged. “I did.”

  “Well, it’s an eyesore,” Mom argued. “I’ll have the girls clean it up first thing in the morning.”

  “They’ll be bummed,” I said. “Eric helped them build it and they loved it.”

  Mom didn’t look particularly impressed.

  “I think it’s great!” Phillip interjected. “I think we should keep it up.”

  “What? Why?” Mom demanded.

  “You heard EmLynn. The girls like it. It lets them use their imagination. I think we should keep it. At least for a little while,” he said.

  Mom looked at the tent. It was filled with books, blankets, pillows and a few more of the girls’ favorite things. Some of them were, most of them, were creeping out from the tent and edging into the middle of the room.

  “We’ll just keep the door to the den closed,” Phillip compromised. “What will it hurt? If they don’t play in it, we’ll have them pick it up then.”

  Mom made a dismissive gesture with her hands. “Fine.”

  “How did everything go?” Phillip asked.

  “Great,” I said. “Madison wanted to know what ‘cadoodling’ meant.”

  Phillip chuckled. “She did, did she? Where did she hear that?”

  I turned to Mom who was looking at me with a frown.

  I raised my eyebrows at her, silently asking if she’d figured it out. She remained silent so I decided to clue them both in. “It seems Mom was on the phone. She told whoever she was talking to that it was a disgrace that I was canoodling with the help.” I leveled my gaze on her. “You know little ears overhear everything. And you also know little mouths repeat everything. Did you say that in front of Madison on purpose? Were you hoping she’d repeat it in front of Eric? Did you want to make him feel bad?”

  She scoffed at me and turned to Phillip. She clearly expected him to scoff as well.

  He didn’t.

  “Tori?”

  “Oh please, you cannot be serious!” she said.

  “If you were hoping she’d say it in front of Eric, you’ll be happy to know that she did.”

  “Oh, EmLynn. I’m so sorry,” Phillip said. “I’ll have another talk with her. How did Eric react?”

  I didn’t want to admit that his feelings were clearly hurt. Nor did I want to admit that if Mom had hoped to drive a wedge between us, she might have succeeded. It was a small wedge, but I felt it all the same. There was no way I was going to let her know that.

  “I told him not to worry about it,” I evaded.

  He turned to Mom. It was clear he had something to say. It was also clear that with me present, he was holding his tongue. Instead he simply shook his head. I’d never seen him look so disappointed in my mother.

  “It was an accident! I didn’t know that Madison was there,” she insisted.

  “I think the point,” Phillip said firmly, “is that it never should’ve been said at all.”

  She hung her head contritely for a moment, as if she needed a few seconds to pull her thoughts together. “You’re right,” she finally said. “EmLynn, I’m sorry. I’ll apologize to Eric the next time I see him.”

  “No. Don’t. I think it would just make it worse.” Somehow, an apology coming from my mother had a tendency to not feel like an apology at all.

  “What would you like me to do then?”

  “I would like you to back off.”

  Phillip’s hand came up and he gently squeezed her shoulder. She glanced back at him and he smiled at the both of us. “Done,” he said. “Right, Victoria?”

  She exhaled a pitiful sigh. “Of course.

  I got to my feet. “I’m going to bed.”

  “You’ll be in for breakfast?” Mom asked—commanded, really.

  I waved my hand at her as I slipped into the hallway. “We’ll see.”

  * * *

  I didn’t make it into the house for breakfast. In fact, I left the house before lunchtime and managed to avoid my mom altogether. I met Eric at his house.

  Lisa and Tim had a wedding to attend. They were gone by mid-afternoon. Eric and I had made good use of the lake. Before leaving, Lisa reminded us that the fridge was well stocked and we should just help ourselves.

  So we did. It was the second time Eric had insisted on throwing together a meal for us. True, Lisa had most of it prepared. But Eric was a master sandwich maker.

  Now it was evening and we were both dried off. Somehow we’d both managed to maneuver our way into the hammock that rested near the water’s edge. The sun was setting and it was beyond gorgeous.

  Eric had one foot on the ground and we gently swayed as I snuggled into his chest.

  “Where do you plan on going to college?” I asked. I crin
ged the moment the words were out. College was almost a year away. Was it obvious that I was asking, wondering where he would be a year from now? Was it obvious that I was wondering because I was hoping that I’d be there too?

  He frowned and at first I thought it was because, yes, I was getting ahead of myself.

  “College?” He said the word slowly, as if it were foreign to his tongue.

  “College. You know, the place we go after high school?” I teased.

  He remained silent and my teasing smile evaporated.

  “Are you not planning on going?”

  “Honest answer?” He shook his head. “I haven’t given it much thought.”

  “You could go if you wanted to, right?”

  He shrugged.

  “Is it your grades?” I pressed. “If that’s the problem, you have a year to get them up. RHS actually has a tutoring center. Clara works there. Sweet girl, fantastic tutor, disgustingly smart.”

  “My grades aren’t great,” he said. “But they’re not terrible either.”

  I realized then what the problem was.

  “Is it the cost?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Have you looked into financial aid? You could set up a meeting with a guidance counselor as soon as school starts.”

  “Why are you pushing this? If I don’t go to college…I’m not good enough for you?”

  It sounded like a sincere question. There was no edge to his tone, just curiosity.

  “I didn’t say that,” I carefully answered. But after a moment’s thought I couldn’t just leave it at that. “Do you have something else in mind?”

  He looked at me blankly.

  “Because,” I continued, “not going to college is fine. As long as you have a backup plan. Or just…some kind of plan.”

  He turned his head away from me and gazed out at the water.

  Obviously he did not have a plan.

  I decided to let the subject drop. We’d only been together a month. I didn’t want to pummel him with questions about the future.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean to be pushy. I was just curious. I get that it’s really none of my business.”

  “No,” he said with a sigh. “It’s not that. I just really haven’t given it much thought. College has always just been something other people do. Kinda like it’s other people who live in nice houses, drive nice cars, and have real families.”