Hard Times

by Dickens, Charles

'I'm sorry to interfere with your plans,' said Bitzer, shaking his

  head, 'but I can't allow myself to be done by horse-riders. I must

  have young Mr. Tom; he mustn't be got away by horse-riders; here he

  is in a smock frock, and I must have him!'

  By the collar, too, it seemed. For, so he took possession of him.

  CHAPTER VIII - PHILOSOPHICAL

  THEY went back into the booth, Sleary shutting the door to keep

  intruders out. Bitzer, still holding the paralysed culprit by the

  collar, stood in the Ring, blinking at his old patron through the

  darkness of the twilight.

  'Bitzer,' said Mr. Gradgrind, broken down, and miserably submissive

  to him, 'have you a heart?'

  'The circulation, sir,' returned Bitzer, smiling at the oddity of

  the question, 'couldn't be carried on without one. No man, sir,

  acquainted with the facts established by Harvey relating to the

  circulation of the blood, can doubt that I have a heart.'

  'Is it accessible,' cried Mr. Gradgrind, 'to any compassionate

  influence?'

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  'It is accessible to Reason, sir,' returned the excellent young

  man. 'And to nothing else.'

  They stood looking at each other; Mr. Gradgrind's face as white as

  the pursuer's.

  'What motive - even what motive in reason - can you have for

  preventing the escape of this wretched youth,' said Mr. Gradgrind,

  'and crushing his miserable father? See his sister here. Pity

  us!'

  'Sir,' returned Bitzer, in a very business-like and logical manner,

  'since you ask me what motive I have in reason, for taking young

  Mr. Tom back to Coketown, it is only reasonable to let you know. I

  have suspected young Mr. Tom of this bank-robbery from the first.

  I had had my eye upon him before that time, for I knew his ways. I

  have kept my observations to myself, but I have made them; and I

  have got ample proofs against him now, besides his running away,

  and besides his own confession, which I was just in time to

  overhear. I had the pleasure of watching your house yesterday

  morning, and following you here. I am going to take young Mr. Tom

  back to Coketown, in order to deliver him over to Mr. Bounderby.

  Sir, I have no doubt whatever that Mr. Bounderby will then promote

  me to young Mr. Tom's situation. And I wish to have his situation,

  sir, for it will be a rise to me, and will do me good.'

  'If this is solely a question of self-interest with you - ' Mr.

  Gradgrind began.

  'I beg your pardon for interrupting you, sir,' returned Bitzer;

  'but I am sure you know that the whole social system is a question

  of self-interest. What you must always appeal to, is a person's

  self-interest. It's your only hold. We are so constituted. I was

  brought up in that catechism when I was very young, sir, as you are

  aware.'

  'What sum of money,' said Mr. Gradgrind, 'will you set against your

  expected promotion?'

  'Thank you, sir,' returned Bitzer, 'for hinting at the proposal;

  but I will not set any sum against it. Knowing that your clear

  head would propose that alternative, I have gone over the

  calculations in my mind; and I find that to compound a felony, even

  on very high terms indeed, would not be as safe and good for me as

  my improved prospects in the Bank.'

  'Bitzer,' said Mr. Gradgrind, stretching out his hands as though he

  would have said, See how miserable I am! 'Bitzer, I have but one

  chance left to soften you. You were many years at my school. If,

  in remembrance of the pains bestowed upon you there, you can

  persuade yourself in any degree to disregard your present interest

  and release my son, I entreat and pray you to give him the benefit

  of that remembrance.'

  'I really wonder, sir,' rejoined the old pupil in an argumentative

  manner, 'to find you taking a position so untenable. My schooling

  was paid for; it was a bargain; and when I came away, the bargain

  ended.'

  It was a fundamental principle of the Gradgrind philosophy that

  everything was to be paid for. Nobody was ever on any account to

  give anybody anything, or render anybody help without purchase.

  Gratitude was to be abolished, and the virtues springing from it

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  were not to be. Every inch of the existence of mankind, from birth

  to death, was to be a bargain across a counter. And if we didn't

  get to Heaven that way, it was not a politico-economical place, and

  we had no business there.

  'I don't deny,' added Bitzer, 'that my schooling was cheap. But

  that comes right, sir. I was made in the cheapest market, and have

  to dispose of myself in the dearest.'

  He was a little troubled here, by Louisa and Sissy crying.

  'Pray don't do that,' said he, 'it's of no use doing that: it only

  worries. You seem to think that I have some animosity against

  young Mr. Tom; whereas I have none at all. I am only going, on the

  reasonable grounds I have mentioned, to take him back to Coketown.

  If he was to resist, I should set up the cry of Stop thief! But,

  he won't resist, you may depend upon it.'

  Mr. Sleary, who with his mouth open and his rolling eye as

  immovably jammed in his head as his fixed one, had listened to

  these doctrines with profound attention, here stepped forward.

  'Thquire, you know perfectly well, and your daughter knowth

  perfectly well (better than you, becauthe I thed it to her), that I

  didn't know what your thon had done, and that I didn't want to know

  - I thed it wath better not, though I only thought, then, it wath

  thome thkylarking. However, thith young man having made it known

  to be a robbery of a bank, why, that'h a theriouth thing; muth too

  theriouth a thing for me to compound, ath thith young man hath very

  properly called it. Conthequently, Thquire, you muthn't quarrel

  with me if I take thith young man'th thide, and thay he'th right

  and there'th no help for it. But I tell you what I'll do, Thquire;

  I'll drive your thon and thith young man over to the rail, and

  prevent expothure here. I can't conthent to do more, but I'll do

  that.'

  Fresh lamentations from Louisa, and deeper affliction on Mr.

  Gradgrind's part, followed this desertion of them by their last

  friend. But, Sissy glanced at him with great attention; nor did

  she in her own breast misunderstand him. As they were all going

  out again, he favoured her with one slight roll of his movable eye,

  desiring her to linger behind. As he locked the door, he said

  excitedly:

  'The Thquire thtood by you, Thethilia, and I'll thtand by the

  Thquire. More than that: thith ith a prethiouth rathcal, and

  belongth to that bluthtering Cove that my people nearly pitht out

  o' winder. It'll be a dark night; I've got a horthe that'll do

  anything but thpeak; I've got a pony that'll go fifteen mile an

  hour with Childerth driving of him; I've got a dog that'll keep a

  man to one plathe four-and-twenty hourth. Get a word with the

  young Thquire. Tel
l him, when he theeth our horthe begin to

  danthe, not to be afraid of being thpilt, but to look out for a

  pony-gig coming up. Tell him, when he theeth that gig clothe by,

  to jump down, and it'll take him off at a rattling pathe. If my

  dog leth thith young man thtir a peg on foot, I give him leave to

  go. And if my horthe ever thtirth from that thpot where he beginth

  a danthing, till the morning - I don't know him? - Tharp'th the

  word!'

  The word was so sharp, that in ten minutes Mr. Childers, sauntering

  about the market-place in a pair of slippers, had his cue, and Mr.

  Sleary's equipage was ready. It was a fine sight, to behold the

  learned dog barking round it, and Mr. Sleary instructing him, with

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  his one practicable eye, that Bitzer was the object of his

  particular attentions. Soon after dark they all three got in and

  started; the learned dog (a formidable creature) already pinning

  Bitzer with his eye, and sticking close to the wheel on his side,

  that he might be ready for him in the event of his showing the

  slightest disposition to alight.

  The other three sat up at the inn all night in great suspense. At

  eight o'clock in the morning Mr. Sleary and the dog reappeared:

  both in high spirits.

  'All right, Thquire!' said Mr. Sleary, 'your thon may be aboard-athip

  by thith time. Childerth took him off, an hour and a half

  after we left there latht night. The horthe danthed the polka till

  he wath dead beat (he would have walthed if he hadn't been in

  harneth), and then I gave him the word and he went to thleep

  comfortable. When that prethiouth young Rathcal thed he'd go

  for'ard afoot, the dog hung on to hith neck-hankercher with all

  four legth in the air and pulled him down and rolled him over. Tho

  he come back into the drag, and there he that, 'till I turned the

  horthe'th head, at half-patht thixth thith morning.'

  Mr. Gradgrind overwhelmed him with thanks, of course; and hinted as

  delicately as he could, at a handsome remuneration in money.

  'I don't want money mythelf, Thquire; but Childerth ith a family

  man, and if you wath to like to offer him a five-pound note, it

  mightn't be unactheptable. Likewithe if you wath to thtand a

  collar for the dog, or a thet of bellth for the horthe, I thould be

  very glad to take 'em. Brandy and water I alwayth take.' He had

  already called for a glass, and now called for another. 'If you

  wouldn't think it going too far, Thquire, to make a little thpread

  for the company at about three and thixth ahead, not reckoning

  Luth, it would make 'em happy.'

  All these little tokens of his gratitude, Mr. Gradgrind very

  willingly undertook to render. Though he thought them far too

  slight, he said, for such a service.

  'Very well, Thquire; then, if you'll only give a Horthe-riding, a

  bethpeak, whenever you can, you'll more than balanthe the account.

  Now, Thquire, if your daughter will ethcuthe me, I thould like one

  parting word with you.'

  Louisa and Sissy withdrew into an adjoining room; Mr. Sleary,

  stirring and drinking his brandy and water as he stood, went on:

  'Thquire, - you don't need to be told that dogth ith wonderful

  animalth.'

  'Their instinct,' said Mr. Gradgrind, 'is surprising.'

  'Whatever you call it - and I'm bletht if I know what to call it' -

  said Sleary, 'it ith athtonithing. The way in whith a dog'll find

  you - the dithtanthe he'll come!'

  'His scent,' said Mr. Gradgrind, 'being so fine.'

  'I'm bletht if I know what to call it,' repeated Sleary, shaking

  his head, 'but I have had dogth find me, Thquire, in a way that

  made me think whether that dog hadn't gone to another dog, and

  thed, "You don't happen to know a perthon of the name of Thleary,

  do you? Perthon of the name of Thleary, in the Horthe-Riding way -

  thtout man - game eye?" And whether that dog mightn't have thed,

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  "Well, I can't thay I know him mythelf, but I know a dog that I

  think would be likely to be acquainted with him." And whether that

  dog mightn't have thought it over, and thed, "Thleary, Thleary! O

  yeth, to be thure! A friend of mine menthioned him to me at one

  time. I can get you hith addreth directly." In conthequenth of my

  being afore the public, and going about tho muth, you thee, there

  mutht be a number of dogth acquainted with me, Thquire, that I

  don't know!'

  Mr. Gradgrind seemed to be quite confounded by this speculation.

  'Any way,' said Sleary, after putting his lips to his brandy and

  water, 'ith fourteen month ago, Thquire, thinthe we wath at

  Chethter. We wath getting up our Children in the Wood one morning,

  when there cometh into our Ring, by the thtage door, a dog. He had

  travelled a long way, he wath in a very bad condithon, he wath

  lame, and pretty well blind. He went round to our children, one

  after another, as if he wath a theeking for a child he know'd; and

  then he come to me, and throwd hithelf up behind, and thtood on

  hith two forelegth, weak ath he wath, and then he wagged hith tail

  and died. Thquire, that dog wath Merrylegth.'

  'Sissy's father's dog!'

  'Thethilia'th father'th old dog. Now, Thquire, I can take my oath,

  from my knowledge of that dog, that that man wath dead - and buried

  - afore that dog come back to me. Joth'phine and Childerth and me

  talked it over a long time, whether I thould write or not. But we

  agreed, "No. There'th nothing comfortable to tell; why unthettle

  her mind, and make her unhappy?" Tho, whether her father bathely

  detherted her; or whether he broke hith own heart alone, rather

  than pull her down along with him; never will be known, now,

  Thquire, till - no, not till we know how the dogth findth uth out!'

  'She keeps the bottle that he sent her for, to this hour; and she

  will believe in his affection to the last moment of her life,' said

  Mr. Gradgrind.

  'It theemth to prethent two thingth to a perthon, don't it,

  Thquire?' said Mr. Sleary, musing as he looked down into the depths

  of his brandy and water: 'one, that there ith a love in the world,

  not all Thelf-interetht after all, but thomething very different;

  t'other, that it bath a way of ith own of calculating or not

  calculating, whith thomehow or another ith at leatht ath hard to

  give a name to, ath the wayth of the dogth ith!'

  Mr. Gradgrind looked out of window, and made no reply. Mr. Sleary

  emptied his glass and recalled the ladies.

  'Thethilia my dear, kith me and good-bye! Mith Thquire, to thee

  you treating of her like a thithter, and a thithter that you trutht

  and honour with all your heart and more, ith a very pretty thight

  to me. I hope your brother may live to be better detherving of

  you, and a greater comfort to you. Thquire, thake handth, firtht

  and latht! Don't be croth with uth poor vagabondth. People mutht

  be amuthed. They can't be alwayth a learning, nor yet they can't

  be alwayth a working, they a
n't made for it. You mutht have uth,

  Thquire. Do the withe thing and the kind thing too, and make the

  betht of uth; not the wurtht!'

  'And I never thought before,' said Mr. Sleary, putting his head in

  at the door again to say it, 'that I wath tho muth of a Cackler!'

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  CHAPTER IX - FINAL

  IT is a dangerous thing to see anything in the sphere of a vain

  blusterer, before the vain blusterer sees it himself. Mr.

  Bounderby felt that Mrs. Sparsit had audaciously anticipated him,

  and presumed to be wiser than he. Inappeasably indignant with her

  for her triumphant discovery of Mrs. Pegler, he turned this

  presumption, on the part of a woman in her dependent position, over

  and over in his mind, until it accumulated with turning like a

  great snowball. At last he made the discovery that to discharge

  this highly connected female - to have it in his power to say, 'She

  was a woman of family, and wanted to stick to me, but I wouldn't

  have it, and got rid of her' - would be to get the utmost possible

  amount of crowning glory out of the connection, and at the same

  time to punish Mrs. Sparsit according to her deserts.

  Filled fuller than ever, with this great idea, Mr. Bounderby came

  in to lunch, and sat himself down in the dining-room of former

  days, where his portrait was. Mrs. Sparsit sat by the fire, with

  her foot in her cotton stirrup, little thinking whither she was

  posting.

  Since the Pegler affair, this gentlewoman had covered her pity for

  Mr. Bounderby with a veil of quiet melancholy and contrition. In

  virtue thereof, it had become her habit to assume a woful look,

  which woful look she now bestowed upon her patron.

  'What's the matter now, ma'am?' said Mr. Bounderby, in a very

  short, rough way.

  'Pray, sir,' returned Mrs. Sparsit, 'do not bite my nose off.'

  'Bite your nose off, ma'am?' repeated Mr. Bounderby. 'Your nose!'

  meaning, as Mrs. Sparsit conceived, that it was too developed a

  nose for the purpose. After which offensive implication, he cut

  himself a crust of bread, and threw the knife down with a noise.

  Mrs. Sparsit took her foot out of her stirrup, and said, 'Mr.

  Bounderby, sir!'

  'Well, ma'am?' retorted Mr. Bounderby. 'What are you staring at?'

  'May I ask, sir,' said Mrs. Sparsit, 'have you been ruffled this

  morning?'

  'Yes, ma'am.'