by Ann Patty
Our daily routine now is to dine at the fence line while the Ham and Spam Swinets entertain us with their playpen shenanigans. Toby, of course, looks on—or joins them. I feel pretty safe eatin' my supper on the OTHER side of JD. He is my buffer zone since he is fearless.
Ma always scares up some new toy for the Swinets to mess with. Lately it's been pots and pans for the critters—but not to fry them bacons up in; rather to give them somethin' new to play with! And, so it goes. An old pot. A big ball. Toby's bones. A rubber mat. The porklets LOVE that rubber mat, and for some reason don't chew it up. They drag it all over like a blanket. The twins roll on it, toss it around like a rag, and even sleep with it almost nightly! That simpleton rubber mat is like their best buddy. Go figure!
These Pinto Pigs as Ma calls them are obnoxious. I hear Ma lettin' out a yipe once in a while when "Bitey" sneaks up and clips her in the shin. Yes, that one has a name, as Ma found out—too late!—from her farmer friend. He told Ma that "Bitey" is aptly named after her mother, who also bites. Occasionally I hear Ma call Bitey other more inappropriate names though.
Recently the two hoodlums have taken to dinin' on the stall floor mats. Made Ma a tad huffy. They chewed on the edges of the new rubber mats in their stall. "Can't have that," Ma grumped. And, then she sprayed bitters on every chewable corner in their stall. From the mats to the wooden edges and beyond she sprayed. And what did the loony-tune twins do? They got down and rolled on the bitters like it was the perfect mud bath! But they never chewed on another edge again.
Right now I got to say the only one that has adjusted to pigland here is Toby. He can't seem to get enough of them holy hoggers. They match his energy and are catchin' up on his mentality. The farmer said they are now growin' at a pound and three quarters a day. Seems so. They go through their feed bin rations every few days. That means they are gonna git to be porky pigs in a jiffy. That's a scary notion for me; big to bigger pigs comin' up.
Pig behavior is pretty silly. They like their possessions, particularly their giant bin feeder. So the Pinto pigs, Ham and Hock, have taken to decoratin' their Pigloo bedroom area—sans the Pigloo, because they don't fit inside of it anymore. With their prized rubber mat, pots and cans, and a horse shoe for good luck, the ham hocks piled it all on top of their blanket bed Ma gave them. Then they cuddled up with it all. Kind of endearing I guess—if you like to sleep with inflexible accessories. Myself, I prefer my bed a bit softer. One night, this pair of female heathens even went so far as to drag their food bin to bed and pile it on top. And one slept happily ever after—underneath it.
Headin' into Spring
Today Ma hitched me up to and then ponied me alongside JD again. Ho hum. It was a ride down past my favorite piggy farm once more. As long as no big sassy sow comes out screamin' at me, I can handle the walk by. Guess I've tempered my attitude and nerves quite a bit since that trauma day so long ago.
Ma's neighbor inquired about me as she walked past us. Ma proudly told her that I was a "nonevent." Ma thinks activities with horses that are a "non-event" are a good thing. There is some accuracy to that there assessment I suppose.
Here's another truth: if horsey humans thought more like their horses than like the humans that they are, they would get our "horse head" mentality. We are not that complicated. We are simple—and like things even simpler. We like our environments safe. For me that means preferably pig-free. We horses covet good hay, fresh water, a nice shelter along with the occasional blanket for comfort—all sans fine swine dinin' in the next stall. For me, it boils down to pretty darn basic logic: no pigs please.
But, alas, I'll admit my folly. After my pig trauma, I made Ma's life very UNsimple. She should have put me on horsey Prozac. I was a bit out of sorts. And, okay, now that I get a daily dose of pigtails, I'm adjustin'. And, I have to admit, I kinda like them. I mean, why else do I go stand out by their pen every morning waitin' for them to be let out to play . . . out of habit or boredom? Perhaps, like Toby, I like to be entertained.
Yes, we equines are beautiful, bodacious creatures. We shine like copper pennies; have flowin' flaxen manes; are adorned with pert little ears and big soft eyes. Our breeds vary, yet we grace a landscape like no other creature can. But, in the end, we are volatile, emotional, twelve-hundred-pound train wrecks waitin' to happen, given the right set of circumstances. All you need is a good four-hundred-pound pig to blow the train whistle!
There are days when those prehistoric pesky porkers irritate me, violate my yard space, and swine-squeal way the heck too much—so one day I got a new one for them to think about: I got my brave on and took up chargin' their fence. If JD could be brave and mean, then so could I. Yup, I was goin' to scare the swine silly. From thirty feet out I ran and charged them, then skidded to a stop right in front of their fence. I was sure those porkers would be impressed with my super-skid stops—but, no.
Fence chargin' didn't faze them ham hocks any. In fact, not at all. They weren't watchin'. So I thought and I thought, and instead turned my butt to the fence. My back leg raised and kicked the air a bunch of times. See there, piggies—I could kick your fat bellies way across the yard. But, again, they weren't watchin' me. So what's a horse to do? Resign and watch the porky pigs entertain me during our mealtime.
April Showers
Ma has ridden me a total of three times in our arena that abuts the pigpen. And, guess what? I couldn't care less about them Pinto Pigs now.
I go round and round quietly in the arena. I even give Ma a decent head set. She pats me a lot and talks to me. I like her reassurin' me of the fact those little hogs won't turn into five-hundred-pounders as we ride. At least I hope that is what she said. Mind you, the darlin' duo are currently about one hundred fifty pounds each as they are. I heard Ma talkin' to her pig-farmer friend about them goin' back home soon cause they are gettin' too big. Plus, I heard Ma say that "Lily is done baking the bacon." I think that means I'm over them.
April End
This is a sad week in our barn. It is too quiet. Life is gone from the pigstall. Toby has planted himself in front of the pigstall in hopes that they will return. He obviously misses his daily pig rodeo. No more random sequels. The tarps have come down from the stall fronts. The big feeder bin that graced the Pinto Pigs' bed is now empty. It sits out front ready to be loaded. No more pig-poo smells. No more morning barks at Toby. No more silly shenanigans in the play yard. No more pigs—period.
I walk by their stall and look. I'm perturbed, as in Where are they? Are they goin' to come out and scare me? Ma has ridden me in the arena, and as we pass by the former pigpen, I look over, goosy and on edge. After a few days, Ma put me in the pigstall to adjust to their whereabouts—which is GONE.
Ma still ponies me regularly down the road past the piggies' farm. I do fine, most of the time, except when I see them bigger pork chops. Snortin' and prancin' is part of my game. When there is a bunch of bacon biggies in the field, I get testy. I can't go take it out on them, so in my angst I bite JD in the neck, provided he lets me get away with it. Geez. My nerves can get me so beside myself.
Except for my wary eye focused on that pig farm, I've become my old self. Havin' the tiny Pink Piglets and then the Pinto Pigs stay over turned into a nonevent for me. Most all of my anxieties have subsided. Guess this happenstance goes to show there are no guarantees; sometimes life just throws a big ole screechin' sow at ya when you least expect it.
Friends and neighbors of Ma just marveled at her persistence and patience dealin' me out. Most shook their heads in doubt, and a few most likely silently wondered if Ma had gone around the bend herself. One commenter said they wondered why I wasn't sent down the road. But Ma never gave up on me, mostly because she believes in never givin' up on family. I'm sure glad I'm her daughter, of sorts.
A Month Later
Havin' personal assistants as pigs to get me through that rough spot was probably one of the smartest things Ma did for my healing. Ya, I hated the whole thing at first—but what's a horse to
do? Run away from my home, which happens to be the best darn deal in town? NOOOooo way.
Ma has been ridin' me a lot lately. She has been takin' me to gymkhanas, and some competitive shows. Guess I did good. Ma was awarded some ribbons for my reining classes. We even got a blue one!
I, Sassy Lil Playgirl—my given registered name, by the way—am not the only ribbon winner in our barn pack. One of the Pinto Pigs went on to become the grand champion gilt at the state fair that summer. Imagine that! I can assure you, however; it was not that Bitey Pinto Pig—who more than likely ended up on someone's dinner plate.
My obsession with the neighboring pig farm has disappeared. Oh, yes, I look over yonder, but then walk on. It's summertime now. The grass is tall, luscious and green—no more worries in this here horse world of mine. Unless…
More pigs? Most definitely! The neighbor borderin' the backside of our pasture has just bred all his sows. Eighty piggies are to be expected soon!
Thank YOU for Enjoying
Never Name Your Pig
From Lily the Horse's Mouth
TOBY
Learns 2 Discover
Written, Illustrated & Designed
By Patty Ann
Published by Patty Ann
Copyright © 2013
Toby's Book is 4 Learning!
Hello Teachers, Parents & Mentors! Welcome to Toby Learns 2 Discover a picture book of one dog's adventures. In addition to this fun story there are ideas for group discussions, questions, and activities offered at the end of the book. Every chapter has an associated section to help introduce the discovery theme of this book.
This book uses Toby the dog to help understand the concept of discovery. His tales can be read as a cohesive story, and the suggested questions and activities can be introduced at will.
The topic of discovery is a key ingredient for life. This is an essential message to foster in young minds for discovery leads to great inventions. Enjoy Toby's life!
Toby is a real live dog and this is his true story.
Toby was abandoned at a river when he was just 3 weeks old, and way to young to survive on his own. A really good person discovered Toby and brought him to the Humane Society. The animal shelter took good care of this lost puppy and raised him until he was old enough to be placed in a proper home.
Patty Ann loves animals and wanted a new puppy. When she discovered Toby's picture on the Internet she went right over and adopted him. Toby was then 3 months old. He was so happy to have a new home and family to care for him.
This is a story about some of Toby's discoveries in his young life. Follow along to see where Toby's path takes him!
Toby is always curious about things he did not understand. Curiosity is good because it helps you ask questions to understand about other people, places, or things. And being curious helps you to discover a lot about a lot!
This is the first day Toby came home. He sat down in the grass. He did not know what to do.
He was raised inside a brick building for most of his young life. So he had not played or rolled in the dirt, or ever even got muddy. He had not discovered water and ponds, or that as a dog he could swim naturally.
So Toby needed to learn and discover about his natural environment. Who do you think taught him? Why Toby taught himself!
When Toby discovered snow he rolled in it! Then he ran around and around in circles. Toby gets cold because he has short hair. For snow days he wears his bright orange snow coat.
Toby discovered how to roll around in the dirt and rocks. He still does it almost everyday. Toby found that rolling in the rocks scratches his back, and laying on rocks feels cool on a hot summer day. Toby loves to dig in the dirt. When he digs holes sometimes he discovers bones he has buried and wants to chew on again. Toby also discovered he doesn't get to come inside the house when he is dirty.
Doesn't Toby look happy and relaxed?
Ah yes discovering the smell of green grass in the spring is the best! There is nothing more pleasant to Toby's nose, except a field full of flowers! Toby loves to hide in the tall grass where he can be discovered by his family.
Just as a strong odor can overwhelm people, scents and smells are more extreme to dogs. Did you know that dogs see with their noses first? It's true. A dog's nose is so sensitive that they discover their world through smell.
One time Toby discovered a skunk. He was curious and poked it with his nose. Then the skunk sprayed Toby. Yuck ~ did he stink awful! So Toby got a BIG bath. Now Toby stays away from skunks because he discovered they smell pretty bad when they are mad!
Mirror Reflection
Dogs don't always get to look at themselves in mirrors like humans do. One day Toby discovered a mirror and barked at himself! Now he knows what he looks like and doesn't bark at himself anymore.
Toby is a Mess Maker !
Sometimes Toby rips up paper, throws pillows around the room, and makes a giant mess. Why? At times Toby acts like this because he has too much energy and he is bored. There is no one watching him so he goes on his own discovery. So now Toby stays in a crate with all his toys when no one is home.
The ocean is a wonderful place to discover sea life. This was Toby's first day ever seeing the ocean. He was unsure of such a large body of water. At first he was scared of the waves. But he soon discovered running in the sand, chasing after driftwood sticks, and other sea adventures. What fun!
Toby came upon a seal. He smelled it. His instinct told him to stay away. It was dead and the carcass could give him diseases. Toby sniffed the air and left it alone. The ocean waves would take it back out to sea. This was one discovery Toby could not play with.
Toby loves to climb logs and rocks. He is agile and sure footed and able to scale steep spots. Here Toby is on a very tall rock where he can perch to look down the beach. He can see if anything else is left to be discovered.
“Come on!” Toby says when he discovers a trail to hike. Trails always lead to interesting places.
Some lead to waterfalls. Some go up mountains. Others lead to other trails. There are trails that become very long walks. Some are steep and windy. Some are rocky, and others sandy. Each trail you take in life leads to a new discovery.
Toby looks down the path and is anxious to get going. There are so many places to see both on the trail and above it.
Toby Discovers Silly Fun
One time Toby learned how to do a silly growl. Then he discovered that he could make people laugh. Now when he wants attention he rolls on the floor and make silly noises. He is so, well, silly!
Toby Discovers the Sofa!
Another time Toby decided to sleep on the sofa with his head on the pillow! He discovered that this position was so comfortable that now this is where he sleeps for his daytime naps!
It's true! Toby can grin and smile. Every dog can smile like Toby if they learn how. Toby has discovered that if he smiles then other people will smile back. One happy dog makes all his friends smile!
Toby's most favorite discovery in the whole wide world is life on his farm. He not only has horses to herd, but his favorite discovery was when the visiting pigs learned to play with him. They all quickly became friends. Toby couldn't get enough play time with them.
The neighboring farm needed help weaning some new piglets. Toby discovered he liked to watch over the tiny pigs that came to stay at his house. Toby soon took charge as their guardian keeper.
Toby discovered he liked all pigs and became the watch dog for new visitors. This pair were named the Pinto Pigs because they were black and white like pinto ponies.
During the day when the horses were fed by the pig pen Toby and the pigs would run around their pen and provide entertainment. The pigs soon discovered that Toby was their friend. Everyday they waited for him to come play with them.
