Rosie Loves Jack

by Mel Darbon

  I look at him and put my eyebrows up. I give him a twenty-pound note and he puts the change in my purse. I don’t want to be in bed with strangers but it’s better than having to go home. Better than no Jack.

  The front door opens and a snow-blowing wind rushes into the room. A big crowd of boys and girls come in talking in words I understand but they sound different.

  The man helping me groans when he sees them.

  “Here’s your key to your room. Ground floor, room six, down there on the left. Bathroom opposite with self-catering kitchen at the end of the corridor. Cafe with snacks at the other end of the corridor, to the right. Grab the bed you want as soon as you get in there.”

  “You haven’t given me a key.”

  He picks up the white card on the table. “This is your key card; use it like a credit card in the door. It accesses all other floors as well.” He looks over my head at the person behind me. “Who’s next?”

  “Okaythankyou.”

  It isn’t okay. I have a key that looks like my money card. I feel too tired to keep my thinking cap on. Room six. I shut my eyes for a moment and see me in my bedroom at home. P’raps my home bed is better. Mum is tucking me up and stroking my head with butterfly fingers. My mum. She will be frightened when she can’t find me at home today, at evening seven on the clock.

  “Can you not stop there, please? You’re blocking the bloody way! Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you… I mean – sorry.”

  The girl picks up her bag and walks away. I don’t know why she was sorry. I follow where the man at the helpdesk pointed. There are so many doors and all the numbers are dancing around in my eyes. When I find my room I’m pleased, but then I can’t see where to put the card key. I want it to be easy. I’m cross and upset that opening a door is too hard for me. I will never be in-de-pen-dent. I throw the card on the floor.

  “Hey, you dropped your card. Can I get it for you?” The girl with the Ben freckles bends down and picks it up. “Here, let me show you, these things are tricky – there’s a knack to it.” She opens the door then pulls it shut again. “See? You have a go.”

  I take the card and push it down in the slot like she did. The door opens when I turn the handle. As I stand up straight I feel like I’m spinning around.

  “Whoa, I’ve got you. You look shattered, come and sit down.”

  She takes me to a bed that squeaks when I sit on it.

  “Lie down until the dizziness goes. Let’s take those boots off.”

  I sit back up. I need to text my mum. To tell her I’m safe.

  “I’m okaythankyou. I can do my boots.” I push her hand away.

  She looks a bit cross. “Hey! I was just trying to help.”

  “I’m grown up now. I can take my own boots off.”

  “Sure, I get it.”

  She doesn’t sound sure. She half smiles at me. “Well, I’m going to have a shower. Perhaps I’ll see you later in the cafe.”

  She opens the door and starts to go through but turns around instead. “I know you want to paddle your own canoe, as my grandma says to me, but it makes people feel good to help.”

  The door clicks shut. I’m happy she’s gone but I feel a bit wrong. I don’t understand why she thinks I want to go in a canoe. I don’t like them.

  I walk round the room. There are two bunk beds squashed up against the walls. And my bed at the side. The floor is like the bathroom floor at Grandma’s. It looks like tiles but they’re not real. It feels sticky under my boots. In the corner is a sink with a mirror over the top. The glass has a big crack in it. That’s bad luck. The sink has a hair in it. Mum would get the Spray and Bleach out. It dissolves grease and dirt so you can remove tough stains in the kitchen and bathroom. Mum uses it all the time.

  Mum!

  I get my phone out the front pocket of my bag. It takes for ever to undo the buckle as my fingers are falling over each other. The front glass on my phone has gone black. I push the top button down but nothing happens. I shake it up and down. It stays black.

  My phone has died.

  I go through all my bag in all the pockets to find my phone charger; but it’s no good. I didn’t think like a grown up. I don’t have my charger.

  I’m for real on my own now. No Mum. No Grandma. No anyone to get me.

  Crying won’t sort me out. I’ve cried two times already and it’s ri-dic-ulous. It won’t make my phone work. I need to have a grip.

  All my numbers are in my phone. Maybe I can remember Mum’s number if I look inside my head. I sit on the bed and shut my eyes tight, but nothing happens. I can’t remember anything.

  Don’tpanicRose. I need my messy head to go away.

  If I can’t call her, I can’t tell Mum that I’m okay. She will be beside herself. She will be scared-sad.

  Ben probably won’t notice I’m not there. His face will be stuck onto Sophie’s on his laptop screen.

  I don’t care what Dad thinks cos he stole my Jack from me.

  I need Jack. I get my photo of him out of my bag. My hands are shaking, making Jack’s face tremble. I bring the picture up to my face and try and get him to help me.

  I feel calmer. Jack stops shaking in my hands. I hold his picture-face against my ear. I listen. I shut my eyes to imagine us both in Brighton.

  We will be holding hands on the beach. The sea wind will be blowing across our faces.

  Jack’s fringe flies over his eyes. I reach up and push it away from his face. He takes my hand and kisses my fingers.

  “You’re frozen like ice,” he says.

  Then he opens his coat and wraps me up with him. We stay like that for a long time. We don’t see the waves washing white foam over our feet.

  After a while we walk along the water’s edge finding shells curled under the stones. Jack picks up a twist of seaweed and circles it round his head. He lets it go and it flies through the air before splashing down on the water and rolling with the tide.

  Jack turns and smiles at me. “We can go to the beach when I see you tomorrow,” he whispers in my ear.

  My eyes fly open. I can get a train tomorrow. The snow will melt off the train lines. It’s not for ever until tomorrow. It’s only one sleepover.

  “Not for ever,” Jack echoes in my head.

  I pick my phone up. There is an idea I can’t make into a shape. I’m about to give up trying, when I get it! If I tell my mum where I am, she will come and get me. Then Dad will stop me seeing Jack ever again.

  I look at the black phone glass. I can see my face smiling on it. It’s good that my phone didn’t work.

  Fingers crossed. Please, please let the snow be all melted tomorrow. Then I can be in Brighton in one hour and one minute. With Jack. And I can find a phone and let my best mum know I’m okay.

  I find Jack’s card with the name of his house in Brighton. I trace my finger over the words. Manor House Farm. It’s not a farm for animals. I think it’s a people farm, for people who need help. I run my finger over the shooting star Jack’s drawn on the front of the card. We saw one once.

  Jack’s drawn a little cartoon house in the corner. It stands on the top of a hill.

  Outside the door I hear people talking. Then someone pushes the door open and tumbles into the room.

  “Sounds like they’re having a real jol next door. Mine’s the top bunk? Ja?”

  “Ja, ja, just don’t roll over the top in the night. What’s happened to Maryke? I thought she was right behind us?”

  Two girls stand with their backs to me. They talk like me but they don’t sound like me. They must be the girls who came into the hostel when I was paying for my room.

  One girl takes her coat off and throws it onto the top bunk. My mouth feels dry and I can’t swallow.

  “Taryn, help me with this damn rucksack, it’s stuck.”

  “Ag, shame.”

  At that moment the door opens again and another girl comes into the room. “Sorry. I was talking to this cute guy.” They all laugh very loudly.

 
“PleaseSHUSH! You’re very noisy. Pleasethankyou.”

  They stop and look at me.

  The whole room has gone quiet.

  “Hi, we didn’t see you there.”

  One of them steps in front of me. I feel very small. I can see right up into her nostrils.

  “What…is…your…name?”

  Her nostrils go in and out as she talks. One of the other girls, whose hair is almost white, smiles at me and bends down to talk to me. She has winter-sky eyes.

  “Where…is…your…carer? Should…you…be…here?”

  “Why are you talking so slowly? And in that funny voice?”

  All the girls look at each other and burst out laughing again. I join in.

  The girl with almost-white hair stands up. “Do you mean our accents? It’s because we’re from a country called South Africa. This is Lindi, this is Maryke and I’m Taryn.”

  Maryke looks grumpy but Lindi and Taryn smile with all their white teeth showing. I smile back.

  “My name is Rose Tremayne. I’m going to Brighton. Jack is there.”

  “That’s nice for you. What a pretty name. Who’s Jack?” Taryn glances at the other girls and pushes her eyebrows up.

  “Myboyfriend.”

  All three of them hold their eyebrows up this time.

  “Well, that’s lovely,” Lindi says in a squeaky voice.

  “Shame.” Taryn walks over to her bunk bed.

  I don’t know what’s a shame but I’m glad when they all stop staring at me and start to unpack their rucksacks. They sound like seagulls screeching at each other. I lie down on my bed and stick my fingers in my ears.

  Why did the trains have to go away? Snow makes me happy at home. This snow makes me fed up.

  I wrap a pillow around my head and think about Jack. He promised to take me ice-skating in the Christmas holidays, to London’s coolest ice rink. His mum took us before, at the beginning of November. It was in front of a big house that wrapped all around the ice, with hundreds of windows. The garden was turned into an ice lake. We were so excited.

  “Take my hand, Rosie, I won’t let you fall.”

  Jack stops my feet slipping away on the ice. We hold onto each other, trying to stand up straight. People fly by on their skates, their scarves floating out behind them. They make it look so easy. My boots are strange on my feet. Heavy and awkward. I’m clumsy all over.

  Jack laughs at me. “You have to move your feet from side to side, don’t try and walk on them.”

  He slides across the ice getting faster and faster. Racing away from me. His head held up high. His hair blown back by the wind as he skates. I watch him moving in and out of the people, like a dragonfly darting in and out of river reeds. He spins in a circle and waves to me from across the ice. I let go of the side to wave back and nearly fall over. A lady catches me and helps me up just as Jack shoots past, spraying us with an ice shower. He stops and turns back. He holds onto me and kisses me. His lips are snow-cold on mine.

  “Come on! You can do it.” He drags me out into the middle of the ice.

  I copy what his feet are doing and move forward. Right, left, right, left. I hold his hand tight. Slowly, I start to slide across the ice without falling. But I make Jack go back near the edge, just in case. He slips his arm around my shoulders and we move our feet together. We’re dancing on the ice. My heart sings inside me. I look up at Jack and he shouts to the sky, “Go, Rosie! I knew you could do it!” He twirls round me, clapping his hands and bumps into a man with a little boy.

  “Watch what you’re doing!” The man tells him off.

  “Slow down, Jack,” I say. “Look at the house!”

  It’s pink all over, but the windows are shining in gold. The Christmas tree at the end is twinkling with silver lights that dot the skaters. The house changes to blue and the ice becomes the sky under our feet. White snowflake lights pattern the floor, turning slowly in time to the music. I turn with them…

  “Watch it, Taryn!”

  The girls are getting louder and I’m hot and sweaty under the pillow. I want to go back to the ice-skating in my head. The girls are too shouty. I feel all fidgety, even though I’m so tired. I sit up and get more Jack cards out of my bag and spread them on the bed.

  Maryke passes a bottle of Coca-Cola around. Everyone I meet seems to like Coca-Cola, but fizzy drinks are very bad for you. They’re full of sugar. Six teaspoons in every glass.

  Maryke says something that makes Taryn burst out laughing. Her drink sprays out of her mouth all over my cards.

  “Oh no! I’m so sorry.”

  As she gets up to come over she slips and the bottle splashes more Coca-Cola on them.

  “MyJack!”

  I see Jack’s words spreading in a puddle. I try to push it off. Taryn grabs the cards and rubs them on her jeans. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

  “Getoffgetoff!” I can hear myself screaming. “MyJackis goingaway!”

  “Ag! What is she saying? Tell her to stop, Taryn, or they’ll think we’re doing something to her.”

  Taryn tries to help me but I push her off. “Leave my Jack alone!”

  “Shush, sweetie, shush, I only got a couple of them a bit wet.”

  I wave my card in front of her. “It’sallmyJack. He’s washed a…w…way.”

  “No, no, look, he’s fine, he’s just a little smudged.”

  “Don’ttouchmyJack!”

  Taryn snatches her hand away. “I won’t, I promise. Lindi, go and get the guy on reception, eh?”

  “J…Jack is r…rubbed out.”

  “Shame. It’s okay.”

  “What’s she on about?”

  “Shut it, Maryke.” Taryn picks up my hand and strokes her finger in a circle on my arm. I don’t like it. I rub where she touched me.

  Maryke kneels in front of me. She’s all blurry. “Do you have any more Jacks in your bag? Maybe you could put these Jacks on the radiator and find another one to hold?”

  I wipe my eyes and sniff. I want them all to go. Taryn is hiding the bottle under the bed. Maryke goes to the bathroom. She comes back out trailing something behind her.

  “Here’s some loo roll to blow your nose, it’s a bit long, sorry.”

  Lindi walks through the door with the reception man with the bun on his head. She points at me. Pointing is rude.

  The man kneels down in front of me. “Hi again, my name’s Rick. You okay?”

  I shake my head. “Jackgotwet.”

  “So I understand, I think. The young lady here says that perhaps they’re being a bit big and noisy for you.”

  “Yes.”

  “Um…look; I think it might be best if I call someone, your parents or a carer, maybe? I’m snowed under, no pun intended, but maybe you could give me a number to call? Do you understand what I’m saying, Miss—”

  “Tremayne. Rose Tremayne. There isn’t any snow on you.”

  “Yes, um, actually that was just an expression.”

  “I know those. My mum likes expresshuns.”

  “Talking of Mum, do you have her number so I can give her a call as I’m kinda pushed for time here?”

  “I don’t have her phone number. It went away when my battery died.”

  “You don’t remember it?”

  “No. And I don’t have to remember it. I press MUM on my phone.”

  “Okay…well, we need to find you a place to stay, Rose.”

  “I have a room. Rose paid – I paid my money.”

  “Well, um, we can refund it, you know, give it back.”

  “I don’t want it back, thankyou. I have to get to Brighton tomorrow.”

  “Right you are then, so I think the best thing I can do is move you upstairs to a private room. I have a big queue waiting at the desk so I don’t have time to do anything else now. The private rooms are cool.”

  “You said a private room costs a lot of money. I need my money to find Jack in Brighton.”

  “Okey dokey, no problem as it will be at no extra cost, so
we can get you settled. Can I carry your bag for you?”

  “Nothankyou. I can manage.” Then I decide to give it to him cos people like to help. “Okaythankyou. You can.”

  Rick holds out his other hand to help me off the bed. I take it and stand up. I pick up my cards and hold them tight. I can hear a bell ringing outside the door.

  “All right, I’m coming!” Rick shouts.

  I turn and wave to all the girls as I go. They smile and wave back.

  “Sorry about Jack!” Taryn shouts after me.

  When the door shuts I hear them all burst out into laughter. I don’t mind.

  I spot the girl with freckles and the blue jumper leaning against the wall outside. I go up to her. “I have a private room. All to myself. No extra cost.”

  “Go you.”

  We high-five and I walk to the desk with my hand tingling.

  We pick up my new plastic key card at the desk. Everyone is trying to talk to Rick all at the same time. A red-faced girl with lots of spots keeps ringing a bell on the desk by thumping it with her purse.

  “Will you please stop ringing that bloody bell!” Rick grabs it and throws it in the bin.

  Everyone is very loud and very snappy in London. They use a lot of bad words. I can’t wait to have my all-by-myself room. I can be with Jack. In my head. No one can take him away.

  My new room is big with a window overlooking the back garden. It’s nicer than the other room and smells like Febreze Cotton Fresh Air, so all the tough odours have gone. I have my own shower that no one else can use and it’s shiny clean.

  The walls don’t have any pictures on them like my home bedroom. It makes the room a bit lonely. But I have a very big bed! And the duvet is pea green. I like peas. My stomach is hungry and grumbles at me. I’m not going downstairs. I don’t want to meet anyone again.

  All my brave has left me.

  I put my cards on the radiator. They start to curl up at the edges and it feels like Jack is safe and warm in the middle. I want to talk to him so much. At night I play his voicemail over and over so I can go to sleep with his words. But cos my phone died I can’t hear his voice now.

  The window is covered up with mist, so I wipe it away with the loo roll paper Lindi gave me. It leaves bits all over the glass so I wipe it with my sleeve. The room is warm but the glass is snow cold. The lights from the house make ink-shadows of the trees across the ground. The tops of the benches look like they have Christmas cake icing on them.