Rosie Loves Jack

by Mel Darbon

  I don’t feel well. I’m shivery and my bones hurt. I slept on top of bumpy newspapers last night. I didn’t feel the lumps cos I was ill, deep-sleeping. My bed cover was an old sleepy bag and some cardboard. It was warm. Even though I was sleeping outside. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. It feels like for ever long. But I know it can only be one night and a bit.

  I try and look in my head again to see how I got under the bridge. The picture doesn’t come. I see me standing in the snow watching Janek drive away. I feel sick seeing his face in my head. I feel cross I can see Janek and not Jack. Janek has rubbed him out. Badbadbadman. I must push Janek out.

  I love Jack. I shout it to the bridge tunnel, “I LOVE JACK” and the bridge tunnel shouts back, “I LOVE JACK…I love Jack…love Jack…Jack.”

  I move nearer to the fire-can and hold my hands out. They are dirty and my nail bits are black. The hot makes my fingers come back to life. I shake them about.

  I take my Jack cards out of my bag. The dog sticks her wet nose on them so I push her away. They’re already smudged, like the pictures in my head. She walks over to the other side of the fire-can. Reading Jack’s words helps bring him back to me.

  Remember our first date, Rosie?

  I will neverever forget it.

  I smile and the dog sits next to me. I rub her football head and talk out loud to her. It makes me not so frightened. “I was so excited on our first date, dog. We saw a funny film. I don’t know what it was about cos I couldn’t stop peeking at Jack. We held hands. At the end we stayed sitting when everyone had gone. He kissed me. It was the best.”

  The dog’s ears stand up and she yawns. Then she jumps up and runs off. I want her to stay now. She’s gentle. I don’t want to be on my own, and the fire is going out… Jack and me cooked on a fire in the summer. We went to the island on the River Thames. Ben took us there in Dad’s boat. Dad didn’t want us to go but Mum changed his mind up. It was a magic day…

  “I’ll come and get you in a couple of hours. Mum and Dad are in the kayak and keeping an eye out. They’re on the far side of the river at the moment. Me and the guys are river jumping on the other island. I can see you from that bank over there. Blow the whistle if you need me.”

  Jack picks up the whistle and blows it very hard. Ben puts his hands over his ears.

  “Christ, Jack, chill. Only do that if you have to. Keep putting bits of wood on the fire, so it doesn’t go out. Don’t lean over it or go too near. I’ve filled a bucket with water in case you need it. Mum and Dad are trusting you, so don’t muck up. Oh yeah – and don’t burn yourselves.”

  “YeahweknowBen.”

  He jumps into the boat. “See you later.”

  Jack and me grin at each other.

  “Woohoo!” Jack punches the air. “Look at that fire. It’s ace.” He picks up a stick and pokes it.

  I put the blanket on a grassy bit. I sit down and watch Jack. His curls fall over his face. The sun catches gold bits in his hair. He stands up and stretches. His T-shirt pulls up and shows his tummy. It’s full of muscle. I tingle inside me.

  “I’m going to explore.” Jack finds a big branch. He swings it at the grasses to make a path.

  “Don’t be long. I’m going to make lunch.”

  He turns to smile at me. Happy fills me up. I don’t want to stop this moment.

  I watch a boat row past. Circles of water plop onto the tiny beach. White foam bubbles on the edges. Two swans sail up and look at me as they paddle their orange feet. I wave to them. One opens its wings wide up. They crack the air. The wind touches my face.

  “Hey, dreamer, where’s my lunch? I’m starving!” Jack throws himself down next to me. He lies on his back. A bit of grass sticks out of his mouth. I take it away. I lean over and kiss him. He pulls me on top of him and wraps his arms round me. The swan honks and honks. We fall apart laughing.

  “I bet that’s your dad hidden in a swan costume,” Jack says. “More kisses later.” He runs his finger along my lips. “Maybe not, come here.” He holds my head in his hands. The rough bits on his skin tickle my face. I vanish into his kisses.

  Behind us, I hear the Henley-on-Thames paddle steamer boat as it chug chugs past. People cheer. Someone does a big whistle. Jack and me sit up and see everyone on the boat waving at us. We wave back. I can feel my mouth wide-split in a grin. My cheeks blush up. Jack gets up and does a jiggy dance. We hear laughter as the boat steams on its way.

  Jack’s tummy rumbles. We fall into giggles.

  “Let’s eat.” Jack pulls the picnic bag towards us.

  I unpack our food onto the blanket. “Mum’s given us sticks of marshmallows to melt on the fire.”

  “Cool!” Jack jumps up. “Let’s do those first.”

  “Save-oury first.”

  “Stuff that, Rosie. We can do what we want.” He takes a marshmallow stick and holds it over the fire. “This one’s for you.”

  It sizzles and smells of burned sugar. I blow on it to cool it down. I hear a dog barking and wonder where it’s coming from…

  My eyes half open. In front of me a black nose fades in and out. My face is licked by a warm wet tongue.

  “Go away, dog!” I bury my face into the cover pulled round me. “I want Jack back. You spoiled it up.” Tears fill my eyes. I want Jack back. I want the island back. I want to go home.

  I hear a bark again. Not near. When I open my eyes properly, the dog comes back with the boy. He stays back by the wall. He smiles at me. He looks friendly but I don’t trust him. Janek smiled. But he was bad.

  I watch him carefully. There’s a bag in his hands. He puts lots more bits on the fire. Then chucks an empty burger box on. I can smell onions. My tummy hurts out loud.

  “Hot chocolate?” He hands me the cup. “It will help warm you up. Try and eat this burger, you’ll feel much better for it.”

  I’m so hungry I eat too fast. I don’t like meat but I don’t care. Then I remember I should get a wet wipe out of my bag, to clean my hands. I’m too hungry to bother. The dog jumps on the bits I drop on the ground. She sits at my feet with her tongue hanging out. I give her my last bacon bit.

  The boy takes his beanie hat off and scratches his head. His hair falls over his face. It’s the colour of the sun when it falls to the bottom of the sky.

  He wipes his hands on his coat. “What’s your name, then…? I’m Tom.” He tucks his hair back into his beanie and pulls it down to his eyebrows. He has a fluffy bit on his chin like Lawrence had. “You’ll feel better now you’ve eaten something. When was the last time you ate? It’s okay, I won’t hurt you… I can see you’ve made friends with my dog. Her name’s Bella. Could you maybe tell me yours?”

  The dog wags her tail at her name and goes up to the boy. He scratches her head.

  “How long has Rose been here? How did Rose get here?”

  “You slept through one night and it’s now mid-morning-ish. Bella found you or you’d be buried under the snow.”

  Bella wags and wags her tail. She comes back to me and rests her head on my lap.

  “ThankyouBella.”

  “So, what’s the story?”

  “I don’t want to tell a story.”

  Tom smiles. “I mean, how come you’re on the streets at night by yourself? You could’ve died out there. Hang on, you’re shivering.”

  He puts the sleepy bag round me. I don’t want him near me.

  “Sorry, I’ll move well away from you and stay here.”

  “Why are you helping Rose?”

  “If you’re on the street it’s what we do, look after each other. I don’t get how you’re out here? It doesn’t make sense.”

  I don’t know how to make the words to tell. Telling it makes too much pain. And I can’t. Janek will get me.

  Bella licks my face and curls up on my lap. She’s very heavy. I start to talk a little bit, when I didn’t mean to. It spills out my mouth. “Abadbadmangotme.”

  I hold onto Bella and cry.

  “Bastard!
” Tom swallows. He steps towards me. “It’s okay, I won’t touch you. We need to get you to the police…or hospital, Rose.”

  “No! I m…must get the train to Brighton.”

  Tom makes a cigarette stick, lights a match and puffs on it. He kneels down near me. He reaches over and scratches between Bella’s ears. “Don’t you think you should go to the police?”

  “Nopolice! I’m going to Jack. I want my Jack.”

  “You should go home to your parents first. You do have parents?”

  I nod. My mum smiles in my head. Ben ruffles my hair. I even think about Dad playing Frisbee with me and Winniebago. My heart hurts. Then Jack brings a big sea-wave of love. And I know. “NO! Jack first.”

  “It sounds like you’ve been through, well I don’t know what… Obviously it’s bad stuff? Your parents must be going crazy with worry and the police need to catch the man who took you and check you’re okay.”

  “The bad man should be put in prison. He keeps girls in his house. I don’t know what he does with their mums and dads. He wanted to keep me too.”

  “Jesus, Rose, what the hell’s been going on here?”

  “But Danka put magic cream on my burny bit. Danka was a nice lady. And Lisette looked after me. And made me safe.”

  “For sure, but—”

  “No, Tom, listen.”

  He looks at me with gentle eyes.

  “Rose loving Jack makes Jack strong… Jack loving Rose makes Rose brave. Then Rose will be able to talk to the police.”

  “Wow, okay, I get it but you should still go to the police as soon as possible and then home, for your sake…and the other girls.”

  “Roseknows. Why don’t you go home, Tom?”

  “I’m happy here.”

  “But it’s dirty and cold and scary. And you haven’t any family here.”

  “I have Bella, I have food, heat, books.” Tom lifts up a black bin liner and underneath is a pile of books with worn out covers. “See, I have all the world I need under my bridge.”

  I want to cry again, but I can’t explain it to me.

  “I choose to be here, Rose, because here is far better than anything else I ever had.”

  I try and make a picture of this. I can’t do it. Tom does a sad smile. I take a big bit of air in.

  “I want to go to Jack.”

  “I just don’t know, Rose.”

  “PleaseTom. I find Jack first.”

  “But you’re vulnerable.”

  “I don’t know that word.”

  “Um, more likely to be hurt.”

  I stand up tall. “Why? Cos I have Down’s? I am the same as you. I. Am. Rose.”

  Bella lets out a bark. Tom looks embarrassed.

  “I’m sorry, Rose, but this is difficult.”

  I look at Tom and try and get the words to help him. “Mum told me, ‘Above everything, Rose, you are a human bean…we love the same…we think the same…and we are as important as each other.’ The words in my head are the same as yours. Sometimes they just come out wonky.”

  Tom’s voice seesaws as he talks. “Th…that’s amazing. I get it, I really do, and it’s not you who worries me so much, but everyone else. Oh crap, I’m not explaining this well. You did a much better job than me.”

  “IknowIdid. You could get hurt under this bridge. You are vun-rable.”

  Tom smiles and holds his hands up in the air. “Checkmate – you got me there. Look, give me a moment to think about all this.”

  He puts more wood on the fire and goes to watch the black river. Mist rises and makes a white scarf. It floats over the water. Tom picks up stones and throws them out to the middle. I hear them plop into the water. Then he sits with his legs over the edge. Bella snuffles over to him. She nudges him and whines. He strokes her big head. She takes his sleeve in her mouth and tries to pull him back. He stands up and comes towards me. He squats in front of me, keeping Bella in front of him.

  “You’ll need to disguise yourself or someone will recognize you. I’m sure your picture must be on the news or something.”

  “Why would Rose be on the news?”

  “Cos when someone goes missing, you know, doesn’t go home when they should, the police help find them. For sure your parents would have gone straight to the police when you didn’t get back safely; then the police get the newspapers and television to show a picture of the missing person, so they can, hopefully, be found. Someone might see your picture and it will jog their memory. Understand?” I nod. “So, that’s why you need to get a disguise.”

  “Dis-scise?”

  “Look like someone else; so they won’t know it’s you underneath.”

  “How can I do that?”

  “Easy, I’ll go on a night visit to the charity shops, get some different clothes.”

  “They won’t be open at night-time.”

  “Doesn’t matter because people dump bags of stuff outside the doors in the evening. I’ll get some things for you. All my stuff will be way too big for you and that would get you noticed.”

  “Will you be stealing clothes if the shops are shut?”

  “Call it…borrowing. I’ll go tonight.”

  I hold up my money. “I can pay.”

  “Where the fuck d’you get all that?”

  “Everybody in the bad house used that word a lot. A girl called Lisette gave me the money.”

  Tom whistles. It makes Bella lift her ears up. “She must’ve risked a lot for that.”

  “I don’t understand what you said.”

  “Lisette did good by you. Now hide that money away, you’ll need that to get to Brighton.”

  “You won’t tell the police man?”

  Tom watches the fire before answering. “I don’t think so.” He throws the hat off his head onto the ground. He pushes his hair back with his fingers. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Please, Tom. Jack looks after me. He helps me read better. He helps me make my writing as good as his. He loves me with all his heart. He takes away the bad and makes me feel on-top-of-the-world Rose. If I don’t have Jack I will start to vanish like Tinker Bell. Cos no one believed in fairies. If I go home now, Dad won’t let me see Jack ever again. I have to see him. Or Jack will vanish too.”

  I feel very tired after all my thinking. Tom watches me with his grey-cloud eyes.

  “I’ve made my mind up; I think you should get to Jack BUT as long as you promise to ring your family as soon as you get there.”

  “I prom—”

  “Shush!” Tom puts a finger on my lips. “There’s a bike coming along the towpath, quick, hide under here.”

  Tom lifts up the black plastic and lies me down next to the books. He pulls the cover over me and tucks it up.

  I’m in black dark. I don’t like it. Janek made me go in the black dark. Something squashes up to me on the other side of the plastic. I can feel Bella’s warm.

  I hope she doesn’t move.

  I know you can’t hear me, Jack. I’m sending my thought pictures to you. Through the sky and over the clouds. I’m hiding under black plastic to keep me safe. I can feel you here. Like you’re with me. I lost you for a bit cos I was frightened. I thought I was going to heaven. A terrible man tried to hurt me. He pushed you out my head. But I got you back again. I’m going to be with you soon. I think about you all the time. In the morning when I wake up. And last of all when I close my eyes to sleep. And all the time in between. I am Rosie cos of you.

  I love u my Jack XXXXXXXX In my head I’m kissing you.

  “I want to go with you.”

  I’m in a panic. I can’t stay on my own.

  “Best you stay here. You’re still in shock and we can’t risk you being seen, we’re lucky to have got away with it earlier when that cyclist went by. With that hair you’d be spotted instantly. I have the same problem.” He pats his head. “Except I’m a carrot top! So, keep your hood up, even under here.”

  “I don’t want to stay on my own. He said he’d come and get me. The bad man
said.”

  “He won’t come back.”

  “Hehurtspeople. I…I c…can’t stay here by m…myself.”

  Tom gets a black jumper out of a plastic bag and puts it on. “Rose, I won’t let anyone hurt you and Bella won’t let anyone hurt you.”

  “Tom?”

  He looks at me with serious eyes. “You’ll be okay if Bella stays with you.”

  “He’llcomeback.”

  “No he won’t because it’s too risky, you’ll never see him again.”

  “Promise?”

  “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

  Janek said that. He lied. Maybe Tom is bad. He crossed his heart. Like Janek. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be on my own here. He moves towards me, so I back up to the wall. Tom stops and moves back a step.

  “You can trust me now, yeah? I know that’s hard.” His face crumples. I think he’s sad. For a bit we just stand still and watch each other. Tom smiles a Mr Cheeky smile. “If that man did come back, Bella would rip his bollocks off!”

  “Tom! My brother Ben says that word… How would Bella know it was Janek’s bol-locks?”

  We both start to laugh. It echoes around the bridge tunnel and Bella barks and barks, joining in with us. When the laughing stops I start to cry. I can’t stay on my own under this bridge that sends our voices back to us. The noises sound spooky at night. You can’t stop the ghosts reaching into your ears.

  Tom takes my hand. “Don’t cry, I get it, you can come with me, but you do exactly as I say.”

  Bella gruffs and turns in a circle, wagging her tail.

  “We’ve got to do something about those purple boots; they’re a dead giveaway. They’re really mental! I’ve got an old pair of wellies that are way too tight on me. We’ll have to stuff the ends with newspaper, so it’ll be a bummer to walk but it’ll have to do. Let’s hope we don’t have to make a run for it. Here, push all your hair into my beanie and I’ll get the boots.”

  We walk along the towpath. It’s not pretty like in Henley-on-Thames. It’s lonely and smells of rotting vegetables. Like my dad’s compost heap. The river mist has got inside my coat and my teeth are banging together. It’s clumsy to walk in the boots. Tom must be freezing cos I’ve got his hat and woolly scarf. Bella trots beside me. Her breath is coming out in little huffs of white. Tom kicks an old can out of the way and it clatters on the stony path. Bella picks it up in her mouth and takes it to Tom.