Ooh Darren. I’ve always wanted to be a singer but am tone deaf.
So am I!
Smantha looks like a pop star. Fit. Pretty face and funny smile. She sees me staring at her legs. Nice legs. She gets embarrast.
I asked her if she wanted a drink. Tea.
Ma drinks tea. I made her a tea. Two sugars.
Nice tea. Smantha smiles. Tar.
Not many people say that to me. Tar. I was chuffed. Made up. If anyone has said thank you its ages ago. Ma never. Rob hardly never.
Does your Dad work?
Dunno.
Yewa?
Me dad’s dead. I say.
Now Smantha blushes. She spills the tea.
Am sorry Darren. I never know. Oh God a feel ashamed now. Sorry.
Smantha’s a nice girl. I’m surprised she’d be friendly with Richie coz he’s dead hard and always getting in fights. Police always knocking on his door.
How jew know Richie? I ask.
Lu used to go with him.
Oh.
Underneath he’s a softy.
Smantha is smiling. She says she’s surprised I hang round with him. I say I hardly don’t.
I tell her I seen the march for jobs on the telly and she says she didn’t go in the end but her dad did. She had it all out with him and she’s got exams coming up so she wanted to concentrate on them coz she wants to go to university so she needs to go get her o levels so she can go the 6 form college and do her a levels. I ask her what job she wants and she says she doesn’t want a job she wants a career. I just smile at her coz I’m all impressed.
Smantha is staring at me and smiling.
I wonder what’s wrong. I wonder if I got something on my face.
But next thing I know she pulls me to her and starts kissing me. Tongues n all. She puts her arm on my shoulder and rubs it and I don’t like it. I don’t like people touching me. So I pull back.
Oh sorry Darren.
S’alright.
It felt weird that. Nice weird. But weird all the same. Nicer than kissing anyone else. ____ never wants to kiss. Says its for girls. But I like it. Well I like it with her.
We sit by the fire on the floor and talk about this n that. She’s a student doing her A levels. I knew she’d turn out clever the minute I met her. She can read French. I can just about read English, let alone different languages.
I tell her I’m thick. She says av been let down by the education system which makes me laugh.
I was in the unit.
I don’t care.
She’s had a good education. Brainy, like our Rob.
Smantha had to leave in the end. She give me her number. So I can phone her.
Trar Smantha. Trar.
Before she leaves she goes. My mum and dad met round here.
Oh aye?
Yeah Rialto Ballroom round the corner. It was dead classy in them days.
It’s a furniture shop now. I go.
I know. She goes. You can picture it being glamruss though cant you?
I know.
The domes n that.
I know yeah.
And she goes.
From the window I watch her goin down the street. Seen her bum waggle as she walk. Can’t stop looking at it. Her blondey hair cut like Lady Di. Feel like I’m smiling non stop.
I go for a walk. Go and look at the Rialto. Imagine it in the sixties. Smanthas mum n dad on the steps. Going in giggling. In my dream she’s drinking milk – don’t ask me why. Short socks. Big skirt.
The twin domes on the top. The pillows holdin it up. The white tiles. So smart. Like a palace. Curving round the corner. Everyone knows the Rialto, like they know Dicky Lewis, like they know the Adelphi.
One day am gonna go in the Adelphi. Go and drink tea with Smantha. There’s a big hall in there where people sit n drink tea and wear fair coats and talk all posh like. When I win the Littlewoods pools I’m there.
The Adelphi’s in my favourite joke.
Bloke gets on a bus. Goes to the driver: Jew stop at the Adelphi?
Drivers goes. On these wages? Jokin aren’t yer?
That’s like my favourite joke ever.
I look back at the Rialto.
Course it’s not a dance hall now. Those days are long gone. Now it’s a place called Swainbanks. Tables chairs in window. Sofas carpets. All good things must come to an end. Sign outside says this
Second hand furniture emporium.
But in my head the dome on top spins round and fire works hit the sky. And Smanthas mum n dad are in there dancing.
Why am I thinking about Smanthas mum n dad?
Why am I thinking about Smantha so much?
Feelings I don’t understand. But not bad feelings. Pointless pushing them away.
Emporium. I don’t no that word. It’s like magic.
Emporium. I think I’m saying it right.
It’s magic like HORATIA DELAMERE.
I like words.
I get an ice pop and go home.
Lucy comes round and is all jealous about Smantha. Wants to know all about her and doesn’t look that impressed when I tell her. She takes the piss out of me. She tells me I’ll never take my clothes off in front of her and so it’s going nowhere and I should stop it now before it gets out of hand.
I tell her she’s been over dramatic and we have a row.
She tells me am stupid. I was in the unit. I got no exams. I will never amount to nothing.
I tell her to shut up.
She goes. Well go on then. What you gonna do? What you gonna do with your life except sit in here playing silly games and watching telly and watching the cathedral and hardly never going out.
And I say it back to her. Well what you gonna amount to? Coming round here all the time. Not out there are you. In here aren’t you.
Your ashamed of me. She says.
I just want to have a nice time with Smantha.
She’s a slag. She says. Then she goes.
When she has gone I stand in front of the long mirror in Ma’s room and look at myself. She is right. I don’t want Smantha seeing this. I don’t want anyone seeing this. My skin is so white. It’s the body of a dead person. The body of someone else. And where I’ve cut myself on the leg it’s like norts an crosses. Who would want to look at this?
I decide I am gonna knock it on the head with Smantha like Lucy says. Before it all gets out of hand.
Went the shop for milk. Fatty Arbuckle’s in there. She don’t like us coz of Ma’s job. Every time she sees me she’s like looking away like there’s a bad smell in the air. And is funny coz she smells like cheese. I don’t like cheese. Today she’s no different. Pulls her cardigan too her and wrinkles her nose up like that bird off the telly in the 60s. American. Her mouth’s moving like Ermintrude the cow like she’s saying stuff but no words actchally come out.
Scuse me. I say so she’ll move for me to get past. She leans about 2 millimetres forward so I have to shape shift to get past her to the frdgey bit. Anyone would think I had asked her to lie down in the path of a train to Lime Street.
While I’m choosing milk I hear her making a big song and dance about getting her money out of her purse. Like we’ve never seen a five pound note before.
I hear next year there bringing out twenty pence pieces Umed. She goes to the shopkeeper. Whatever will they think of next? This country’s going to the dogs.
And she looks over at me. I bold it out and take the milk to the counter. Not gonna let her make me feel shit.
I didn’t realize it was half term. She goes, flicking her eyes at me.
I say nothing. Not rising to it.
Is it half term? She goes, now looking right at me.
I just shrug.
Someone should tell the authorateas. And she gets her change and walks out, which coz she is so enormous takes about half an hour. She can hardly lift her feet off the floor. You just hear her flip flops slowly flipping and flopping like two snakes sucking slowly. When she go through the doo
r she sort of have to dance through it. Left a bit right a bit shifty shifty.
I don’t like Fatty Arbuckle. She is not a nice person. She don’t think families like us should live in what she still sees as posh houses from long ago.
I do a detor walking home coz if I go normal way I will bump into Arbuckle coz she walk so slow. I go round the block. It’s no problem like as it’s a nice sunny day. Pavements look yellow as custard. There’s an orange cat outside the church on Percy Street who’s lying slap bang in the middle of the pavement enjoying the heat and licking itself. Oblivious to the rest of the world. I walk round him and he doesn’t flinch.
When I get to ours Fatty Arbuckle is long gone. Seen Richie in the hall instead. He was like
Smantha says you haven’t called.
I know.
Smantha’s a nice girl Darren.
I know.
Ringer now.
Looked like there was no getting out of this. Richie and his Ma have got a phone in theirs that you put money in so I called her from there coz Richie was giving me daggers.
I dialled the number. I still had it in my pocket. Richie said that was a sign. It wasn’t. I just didn’t want Ma finding it and taking the piss. Had a small chat with Smantha and arranged to meet her two o’clock tomorrow under Dicky Lewis.
Nice one Darren laa. Richie goes while I’m leaving his.
What you doing using junglebunnies phone? Ma says when I gets back upstairs.
Ma don’t like Richie’s family. Richie’s Ma always calling round to see my Ma and trying to convert her. Make her change her ways. Ma tells her where to go.
Richie’s Ma’s nice though. She is always smiling and she has nice white teeth. White as the paper I write this on. And her laugh is loud as a lorry. She tells us about Jesus who’s one of her friends. She wants me to be his friend as well but like I say to her. I’ve never even met him. Which always makes Ma laugh.
Don’t call them that. I say.
She tuts.
So I told her about Smantha. I wish I hadn’t.
She some sort of fruit loop is she? She said. Sideways on.
No.
She like a bike is she?
No Ma. Smantha’s nice.
Well why’s she going with you then?
Just then I hear Rob’s voice.
Ma don’t be an arlarse.
Ma turned round to look at Rob in the hallways. Rob goes all pale.
You spoke? She says all hard.
Don’t be tight on our Darren Ma. He’s not ugly and Smantha’s nice.
How jew know? Ma goes.
I’ve met her actchally. Rob smirks.
Oh have you ACTCHALLY? Gasps Ma. Well I say she’s the local bike.
She’s from Wavertree. I go.
Just coz you’re a whore doesn’t mean everyone else is a whore! Yells Rob dead violent like and angry.
Ma slaps him straightaway. Like she’s hittin the words right out of his mouth. Rob stops dead.
Silence.
Ma’s looking at her hand. She never usually hits like that. I think she’s surprised herself. Rob starts shaking.
Watcha do that for ay? I asked in a whisper.
Ma looks back at me like she’s scared an all. Then she ran out fast as her legs’d carry her. Door slam. Ma’s outside.
Rob started crying. I put me arm round him and hug him. He stuck up for me he did. He’s sound.
I hate her. He screams and pushes me away. Then he screams it again and again.
No Rob. She’s your Ma.
I hate her. She’s a whore.
Nah Rob she loves you.
She hit me.
Snot the first time.
It is.
Is it? I didn’t believe it. You mean Ma never hit you before?
No Darren.
Ma’s always hitting me. Ever since I was little. I don’t cry though, not like Rob, though usually I feel like it. I’m good at not crying. Ma doesn’t hit me much now though. Now am older. Rob’s small though. Thirteen.
Rob says he’s gonna run away and see his Dad. I say no. Leave it. Ma’ll be ok. Rob’s not too sure. Ma loves Rob though, she’ll say sorry soon.
Ma hasn’t said sorry to Rob.
Rob says he couldn’t give a damn but he’s sad really.
Seems like she’s hitting everyone at the moment. This morning I went to get milk and when I was coming back I seen her on the corner of Huskisson Street. A car slowed down and I seen her getting ready when who comes round the corner but Margy. Ma ignored the car and went flying at Margy and pulled her down to the ground by her roots. I jumped and hid in the entry coz I didn’t want her to see me and I didn’t really wanna see her. She was shouting all sorts at her and calling her all sorts of names and saying how could you how could you? I waited a bit.
By the time I come out Ma was in the car driving off and Margy was getting her breath back leaning against a wall.
Yalright Margy? I goes as I went past.
She nodded. Yeah I’m fine lad.
What was all that about?
Think your Ma’s got the wrong end of the stick as per.
Her face was all red and her hair was a mess. I wanted to say sorry but I thought of the things Ma said to her and I thought well if there true she can get to fuck.
See you Margy.
You’re a good lad Darren.
When I got back to ours there was a bizzy car outside and the front door was open. When I went inside I seen ____ in the hall talking to Richie’s Ma.
Mrs Eustace I need to speak to your son.
He ain here.
Mrs Eustace I have a search warrant.
I ran upstairs but I knew he seen me. I couldn’t settle knowing he was in the building. I thought about going out but I didn’t wanna bump into him in the hall again. But then he knew I was in so I expected the key in the door at any minute. I just sat on my bed thinking of nothing. I hadn’t even had a bath. That was good. I was probably stinking. All good. I sat there and realized I really needed a piss. But I couldn’t get off the bed. Suddenly I needed it bad. I was frozen. I knew I should go to the bathroom. Knew I should fight my way cross the landing with the stalactites of slips n tights hanging from the ceiling that Ma always had drying. Go in there and relieve myself.
Stalactites. I remember Miss teaching us that in the unit. I never forgot it. Coz when she said it was like tights hanging down I could just picture our landing.
I looked down. Thinking about Miss I’d taken me eye off the ball and I had let a little pee come out. A dark patch sat on my jeans. Dirty bastard Darren I thought. Pissy pants Darren.
And then I realized what might happen if I just pissed myself so I did.
Let him knock now. Let him knock now and see what he says when he sees I’m a mess. Come on you dirty bastard knock for me I dare you.
I must’ve sat there for half hour or so. Nothing. Not like him. Maybe I was losing my touch. Good.
The piss had gone cold on me now. I slowly got up and went into the living room. Quietly I lifted up the window and slowly stuck me head out. Nothing. The bizzy car had gone. I went to the door and opened it. Downstairs I could hear Richie’s Ma crying.
Lucy came round. Didn’t say much today. But she washed my jeans and my undies for me and hung them up to dry on the landing.
I tell her I’ve decided not to see Smantha again.
She says it’s probably for the best.
Turning the corner to Hope Street I see orange. Orange dress. Orange dotty skin. Orange hair. Long. Like her off the telly who sings the songs. Her who Ma wants to slap. And Ma’d want to slap this woman too. What’s she doing here?
Hello Darren. She say.
Hello Miss. What you doing here?
I came to see you.
Why Miss?
You know why Darren. You haven’t been to school in months.
Am nearly 16 Miss.
Can you take me into your flat Darren?
No Miss. It’s really
messy.
Is your Mother in?
No she’s out at work.
What time will she be back?
I don’t know Miss.
I’ve written a lot of letters Darren. Social services have been in touch.
They don’t care Miss. Coz I’m nearly 16 Miss.
I care Darren.
And I can see it. She does. She likes me. She’s been good to me. Better than Ma really.
I think your wasting a valuble opportunity Darren.
Miss I’m thick Miss.
You are not thick Darren.
But it’s no point arguing with her. I know am thick.
You always liked to write your stories.
Can’t spell though Miss.
You have a good imagination Darren. And you had the best spelling in the unit.
Not gonna put bread on the table is it though Miss?
What are you going to do with your life Darren?
There’s no jobs Miss.
How are you going to make yourself happy Darren?
Bloodyell she was like a dog with a bone this one. And I wish she’d stop saying my name it’s getting on my tits.
I know your different from other lads Darren.
How d’you mean?
Your more sensitive. Struggle to cope sometimes.
I’m fine.
Good. Good. I didn’t mean anything by it.
Miss I’ve gotta go.
And I just ran. She calls after me but I ignore her. What does she mean? She didn’t mean anything by it. Why say it then? But when I get in I sit in my room and think. Well I bet Richie hasn’t got norts an crosses on his legs.
Smantha came today. Out of the blue. Ma in. I was really embarrass.
You never met me. She goes. Under Dicky Lewis. She goes.
Sorry. I goes. I forgot.
She knows I am lying.
Smantha said hello to Ma and Ma just murmured something stupid. Smantha bought a can of coke with her so she sips on it. Bit noisy like. Am thinking I best get her out the flat so I head for the door when Smantha goes. I hear you’re a cabaray singer.
A what? Laughs Ma looking at me.
Darren said you’re a cabaray singer.
I’m no singer love.
Smantha looks at me confused then goes. Oh what is it you do then?
Ma walks about all tutting and strutting.
To be honest love. I don’t think it matters what I do. Whatever it is I do I’ll bet I do it a damn site better an you. And what I do do is me own business. So Smantha. Stop poking your massive fucking beak into thingsat don’t concern you.
The Girl Who Just Appeared Page 12
