Because of You

by Pip Harry

Then I see one person, sitting in the front row. Meredith. She smiles and her crinkly eyes urge me on and give me courage. I pull the microphone down to my mouth and smooth out my paper on the stand.

  Because of you

  I want to stay.

  Because of you

  I want to say

  Yes.

  Because of you

  I taste the sweet.

  Because of you

  I raise my voice.

  Because of you

  I tell my story.

  Because of you

  I found hope.

  Because of you

  I let the train go past

  Behind my yellow line.

  I fold up my poem. Meredith is wiping away tears, but smiling at the same time. She stands up and claps. Everyone is cheering, shouting and whistling. For me. For my words.

  When Tiny finishes her poem, she gets a standing ovation. I clap until my hands are sore. There are encores. More stories. People ask questions and our writers answer them. Afterwards I expect that the room will clear out and everyone will go to their next session.

  But they don’t go. They buy books, get them signed and talk to our authors. Mr J chats to Hattie and Pee Wee. Eddie, Aimee and I stand in front of it all. Amazed.

  ‘That went well I think,’ says Eddie.

  Aimee laughs. ‘Let’s not understate it, Eddie. That was an absolute triumph.’

  Ebony and Lolly approach me.

  ‘You guys came,’ I say. ‘Did you like it?’

  ‘I loved it. Congratulations, Nola,’ says Ebony.

  I’m glad she’s here so she can see what I’ve been doing these past months. Why Hope Lane has become so important to me. Maybe like Mr J said, our friendship has come to a comma, not a full stop.

  ‘I can’t believe you used my print for the cover. I’m a book designer now,’ says Lolly.

  On the opposite side of the room, Tiny is talking to my parents.

  ‘Hey, do you guys want to meet my parents and my friend Tiny? Come on, they’re over there. I’ll introduce you.’

  Ebony smiles at me. ‘Finally!’

  Nola and I sit in the almost empty room, in front of a table cleared of books.

  ‘Wow,’ she says.

  ‘I know, right?’

  She hugs me. ‘You were sensational.’

  ‘I was so nervous.’ I’m still recovering from being on stage, my legs feel weak and unsteady.

  ‘You couldn’t even tell.’

  ‘Do you want to come to my place for dinner on Sunday?’ I ask. I want to cook for her to say thank you for everything. To let her know she’s special to me.

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘I’ll text you the address later.’

  ‘Okay, cool. Here, I’ve been meaning to give this to you.’

  She hands me a ticket to a summer music festival.

  ‘Want to come with me to Haze? There’ll be some heavy bands there. Plus, some poppy chart stuff that I like. What do you think?’

  I hold the square paper in my hand like it’s a winning lottery ticket. In this city of five million people, how did I get lucky enough to bump into Nola?

  ‘Yeah, course I want to go. Thanks.’

  ‘I better go see about a guy,’ she says, smiling. ‘Before some book girl gets in first.’

  After our authors finish signing copies. After all our books sell out. After Dad meets Eddie and tells him he looks like a young Keanu Reeves. After I recover from embarrassment. After my parents leave for dinner and everyone gets back on the community bus. It’s just Eddie and I. Trying to catch our breath.

  Volunteers pack up the chairs and stalls and the food trucks close their shutters and drive away. It’s dark, and we’re standing outside a huge tin-roofed building.

  ‘They have a farmer’s market here on Saturdays,’ Eddie says. ‘Do you want to go next weekend?’

  ‘That sounds like a date. Are you asking me on a date, Eddie Go?’

  ‘Yes, I’m asking you on a date, Nola Piper.’

  ‘I accept your kind offer.’

  My phone vibrates in my pocket. A text from Ebony. Her first since she threw me out of the group.

  You could still come to the formal tomorrow night. There are tickets left! You could sit with us? I don’t care if you don’t bring a partner. We can all hang around together like we used to.

  ‘Speaking of dates, do you want to go to my formal tomorrow night?’ I ask.

  Eddie screws up his face. ‘I went to two of my own and that was enough. Did you … I mean, we could I suppose. Did you want to go?’

  ‘No. Not really.’

  There would be drunken kisses and stolen boyfriends. Lost phones and virginities. Substandard after-parties and epic hangovers. Blistered feet, big hair and side fringes.

  I didn’t want any part of it. I’m completely happy with my life, just as it is right now. Standing at an old rail yard with Eddie.

  ‘I don’t want it to be over,’ says Eddie.

  ‘Yeah, me either.’

  ‘I wasn’t talking about today,’ he says. ‘I mean us. All the time we’ve spent together. I know you don’t need any distractions with your HSC exams coming up, and I was going to wait until you finished school, but if I wait any longer I might miss my chance. I think you’re the kindest, smartest, most beautiful inside and out girl I’ve ever met. Will you be my girlfriend, Nola?’

  I can’t believe I’m hearing Eddie say these words, and how good it feels.

  ‘Yes, I will be your girlfriend, because I happen to think you’re the kindest, smartest, most beautiful inside and out guy I’ve ever met,’ I answer.

  ‘Okay, so it’s settled,’ Eddie says, grinning. ‘I’ll arrange coffee and chocolate supplies during your exams. I’ll go to your graduation. I’ll even be a Toolie at Schoolies week. Does that sound agreeable?’

  ‘What took you so long?’

  His hands reach around the small of my back and he pulls me closer. Our lips meet gently and then not so gently. Kissing Eddie makes me feel like I’m in the middle of a crowded dance floor. Our faces meeting as the night swirls in soft focus around us and the music turns into a slow dance. Confetti falling from somewhere in the ceiling. Roll credits.

  My hand hurts from signing books and my cheeks hurt from smiling. In my pocket is a card from the fiction editor of The Big Issue. She wants me to email her my stories and poems. I think I will.

  I’m heading to the bus stop when I see a chubby kid playing with an older lady on the grass and it takes a few seconds to realise it’s Charlie and Mum. My family.

  ‘Mum?’

  She turns around, picks up Charlie on her hip. ‘Hi, Mia.’

  ‘Charlie!’

  She passes Charlie to me. He slobbers into my neck, giggling, his little arms around my shoulders.

  ‘Did you see me read my poem?’

  ‘Yeah, you made me cry. I didn’t know you could write like that. I’m proud of you, darling.’

  ‘Where are you staying?’

  ‘We got a hotel room. Thought we’d stay for a few days. I know you’ve got work at the restaurant, but we’ll stay out of your way.’

  ‘You can be in the way. Come on. I want to show you my new place. I’ll make us something to eat. I’m off tonight, so we can be together.’

  Mum sits on the couch and finishes her dessert. An Eton mess with meringue, fresh berries and cream. I’ve missed cooking for her.

  Siena is out seeing a band so it’s just the three of us. I give Charlie a bath and dress him in pyjamas. He’s clean and happy, sitting on the carpet and chewing on a hard toy. He’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.

  I remember I have a present for him.

  I hand a book to him and he tries to eat one corner. It’s a copy
of The Very Hungry Caterpillar that I got from a second-hand bookstore. I’ve had it in my backpack for a long time.

  ‘I used to read that to you,’ says Mum. ‘You were obsessed with it. You would cry when I read the last page and make me start again from the beginning.’

  Charlie gnaws on the book, trying to take off the cardboard spine.

  ‘What’s he doing?’ I ask. ‘Is he hungry?’

  ‘It’s how they figure out the world,’ says Mum. ‘By seeing what it tastes like. Read it to him. Go on.’

  I sit down on the floor and pull Charlie into my lap. Then I prise the book from his chubby hands, open the first page and start to read.

  We push our way through a wall of people into the mosh-pit, holding hands tightly so we don’t lose each other. My exams are over and everything feels clean and fresh. Like I could be anyone, do anything, and go anywhere.

  ‘Far enough in?’ Tiny shouts.

  ‘Yeah!’ I yell back, as we elbow ourselves into position.

  ‘I’m excited to see these guys!’ she says, her face shimmering and her eyelashes painted silver. We dressed at my place, and with the help of Dad, we resemble fallen angels with feathered wings, daisy necklaces and way too much white glitter. My parents agreed to babysit Charlie and I’ve got a day off from my summer intern job at Hope Lane, so we’ve got all day and all night to hang out and listen to bands.

  ‘Me too!’

  We’re a few metres back from the safety barriers, right in front of the main stage. I sway with the crowd, straining to see what’s happening. It’s sweltering. Muddy. Sweaty bodies everywhere. Anticipation builds as the crowd claps and chants for the band.

  There’s an ear-splitting roar and everyone leans forward as the Sour Pixies run onstage.

  We put our hands up as they start playing; the song is their big hit, the one everyone wants to hear and it’s loud, explosive and weird.

  Tiny throws her arm around me and we sing and scream into each other’s faces, as someone fires a water cannon into the crowd and we’re drenched with cool rain. I close my eyes and let the music move through my skin, past my ribs, heart and spine. Right at this moment, it feels as if the city belongs to us.

  Resources:

  Going through tough times? You don’t have to feel alone. Access support, counselling and compassion through these organisations.

  Youth Beyond Blue

  1300 22 4636

  youthbeyondblue.com

  Beyond Blue

  1300 22 4636

  beyondblue.org.au

  Kids Helpline

  1800 55 1800

  kidshelpline.com.au/teens

  Lifeline Australia

  13 11 14

  www.lifeline.org.au

  Acknowledgements

  First and always, I could not write books without the support of my husband Dale and my daughter Sophie. Thank you for giving me the love and encouragement I need to make my dreams a reality.

  The idea for this novel was sparked by my time volunteering with the writing group Word Association at a homeless shelter in Darlinghurst. Thank you Jo and Gavin, for inviting me to be part of your affirming and inspiring initiative and to all the writers who attended workshops and shared your words and stories.

  Thank you to my wonderful publisher, UQP, especially the incredible Kristina Schulz, super organised editor Vanessa Pellatt, eagle-eyed copy editor Jody Lee, and marketing and publicity guru Harriet Swatman Manasa. You have all added so much to this book. For the beautiful cover, many thanks to designer Astred Hicks.

  For believing in my writing and listening through the ups and downs, eternal thanks to my mum, Mary Harry. Your ninja skills in moving my novels to the front of piles in bookstores are unparalleled and much appreciated!

  Thank you to Sarah, Nico and Damo, John and Donna, Ken, Garg, Eddie and Monica, Aaron and Sharon, and Heather and Ian and all my cousins for continued support and belief.

  Special thanks to my amazing writer friends, who inspire me with their work and have given me a push along the way: Simmone Howell, Gabrielle Tozer, Kirsty Eagar, Wai Chim, Danielle Binks, Trinity Doyle, Rachel Smith, John Burfitt, Zena Shapter, Anna Maguire, Renee Jarvis and Anita Emor.

  Many key scenes were written in the beautiful hills of Djerassi artists retreat in California. Thank you, warm and wise Nova Ren Suma for bringing me into your creative circle and to all the YA writers who told me this book was important and to keep going to the end. Thanks also to Michael and Ann Keaney for once again hosting me as a writer in residence at peaceful Ten Ten Farm.

  Thank you for to my perceptive first readers for valuable early feedback: Sarah Minns, Michael Harry and Francesca Padilla. Thanks also to Penny Barletta for inviting me to spend time at Rough Edges and reading.

  To all the hard working bookish bloggers, youtubers, podcasters and bookstagrammers and the #LoveOzYa community for flying the flag for Australian young adult writing and authors. Most especially, Mands (aka the talented Bookish Manicurist!), the team at Inside a Dog and Michelle Gately.

  HEAD OF THE RIVER

  Pip Harry

  Shortlisted for the 2016 Adelaide Festival Awards for Literature

  Longlisted for the 2015 State Library of Victoria

  Gold Inky award

  It’s the most elite school sporting event in the country. Nine rowers, 2000 gruelling metres and one chance for glory in the ultimate team sport. Sit forward ... ROW.

  Tall, gifted and the offspring of Olympians, superstar siblings Leni and Cristian Popescu are set to row Harley Grammar to victory in the Head of the River race. With six months until the big day, the twins can’t lose. Or can they?

  When Cristian is seduced by performance-enhancing drugs, and Leni is suffocated with self-doubt, their bright futures start to fade. Juggling family, high expectations, study, break-ups, new relationships and wild parties, the pressure builds. As the final moments tick by, who will make it to the start line? And who will plummet from grace?

  ‘Flows fast and deep and occasionally treacherous. I loved it.’ Simmone Howell, author of Girl Defective

  ‘As the climactic race approaches it becomes harder and harder to put the book down.’ Magpies

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5326 3

  I’LL TELL YOU MINE

  Pip Harry

  Kate Elliot isn’t trying to fit in.

  Everything about her – especially her goth make-up and clothes – screams different and the girls at her school keep their distance. Besides, how can Kate be herself, really herself, when she’s hiding her big secret? The one that landed her in boarding school in the first place. She’s buried it down deep but it always seems to surface.

  But then sometimes new friends, and even love, can find you when you least expect it.

  So how do you take that first step and reveal yourself when you’re not sure that people want to know the real you?

  ‘I loved it. It has three of my favourite ingredients: boarding school, great characters, and a lot of heart.’ Melina Marchetta

  ‘This debut YA novel comes with a ringing endorsement from Melina Marchetta, and I couldn’t agree more: a boarding school setting plus great characters plus plenty of heart definitely equals a great read.’ Bookseller + Publisher

  ‘What an angst-ridden, passionate and funny story!’ Good Reading

  ‘A beautiful debut told in a crisp clear voice by an author who has expertly captured the struggle to find your identity, fall in love, and survive high school.’ Viewpoint

  ISBN 978 0 7022 3938 0

  First published 2017 by University of Queensland Press

  PO Box 6042, St Lucia, Queensland 4067 Australia

  uqp.com.au

  uqp@uqp.uq.edu.au

  Copyright © Pip Harry 2017

  This book is copyright. Except for private study, resea
rch, criticism or reviews, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.

  Every effort has been made to contact copyright licensees for permission to reproduce material. Please contact the publisher if material for which you hold the rights has been reprinted here.

  Cover design by Astred Hicks, Design Cherry

  Typeset in 11/15 pt Bembo by Post Pre-press Group, Brisbane

  The University of Queensland Press is assisted by the Australian Government through the Australia Council, its arts funding and advisory body.

  Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

  National Library of Australia

  http://catalogue.nla.gov.au

  Harry, Pip, author.

  Because of you / Pip Harry.

  Teenage girls – Juvenile fiction

  Creative writing – Juvenile fiction.

  Homelessness – Juvenile fiction.

  Friendship – Juvenile fiction.

  Betrayal – Juvenile fiction.

  Young adult fiction.

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5977 7 (pbk)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5949 4 (pdf)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 6050 6 (epub)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 6051 3 (kindle)

  UQP is not responsible for content found on non-UQP websites.