Being Diane

by Dennis Adkins

  Chapter 18

  I got my bag and Ms. Givens bag out of the trunk and carried them inside. I had the most unusual feeling that I was being watched though. Ms. Givens bag weighed a ton and as I reached the top of the steps, I saw the local police car parked down the street and then a commotion came from the hedge next to Ms. Givens house. The police were dragging someone out of the hedge. I couldn't see who it was but I could tell from the voice that it was a male. Ms. Givens came out to see what was going on. She walked down to the police car where they had taken the boy. She talked with them for a few minutes and then she came back.

  “Come on inside now.” she said and got the telephone book and looked up a phone number. “Diane go and get out of your church clothes and put something else on.”

  I did as I was told, but I could hear her talking to someone on the other end and it wasn't pleasant. Apparently, she was calling the parents of the boy who the police had caught spying on Ms. Givens. She told them that she didn't appreciate his behavior and wanted it stopped. Then she hung up the telephone forcefully and came in to the bedroom and started hanging up her clothes from the suitcase. I took my suit case into her spare bedroom and started hanging up my clothes also. I got my old clothes and put them back on. The depression overtook me like a dark cloud. I hated dressing like this, however, I had no choice. I finished and waited in the living room for her to come out and when she didn't I knocked on her door.

  “I'm sorry Diane. I am really upset by what that little pervert said. He said I was using Annie and Sally as prostitutes and that you were being used to service the gay men.” she said. “And why do you have those old clothes on?”

  “I have to go home and I don't think a skirt would go over well.” I said and continued. “So who was it?”

  “Jeff, the one that came up to us at the restaurant. He is a jerk.” she said. “I called his parents and told them that I didn't like what he was doing and I really didn't like what he said. They said that they would take care of it. I hope they do.”

  “I'm sorry, I guess that he will be telling everybody tomorrow. I’m thinking that I had better stay away for a few days.” Although I was thinking that I had better just stay away altogether. I knew that things like this had a way of snowballing to the point that they would never go away.

  “If he does I'll have my Father's attorney on his parents so fast that they won't know what hit them. That is the only thing they will understand and respect. Now don't worry your pretty little head over it.”

  “Okay, well I'm going to go on home now.”

  “Wait I'll take you.” and she got up and grabbed her purse.

  “No I think I need some time alone right now and I know I won't be bothered. By the way, here is the twenty you let me have. Well most of it anyway. I bought a couple of papers with it. I'll pay you back when I get a chance.”

  “Don't worry about it you keep it.” and she folded my hand around it. “Now, I am not going to let a young lady walk all that way home by herself. So let's go.”

  On the way out, I slipped the money under her homework box without her knowing. I got in the car with her and we took off. She drove me home and when she pulled up to the barn she reached out and stopped me from getting out. Then she leaned over and kissed me. “Diane, I really am very fond of you. I think of you as the little sister I always wanted. Get a good night’s sleep and I'll see you in school tomorrow.”

  “Thank you for the wonderful weekend.” I said and got out. I watched as she drove away thinking, “I wish we didn’t have to part like this.”

  That was the worst night's sleep I had ever had. I tossed and turned. I couldn't get comfortable and the hay smelled and was itchy. I was wishing that I had never gone and seen what a real bed was like. I felt so alone and now the sadness was setting in again. I could hear the voice again telling me that I could end it all by trying harder this time. It said the sadness would go away and I could be whoever I wanted to be if I would just go and get the gun and pull the trigger. I finally asked God to make the voice stop and it did. Sleep came then and I didn't even feel the cold.

  The ride to school on the bus was difficult. None of the kids would talk to me or sit close to me. I heard two of them talking about how I had killed two men. One whispered that I was some kind of monster according to his parents. Kids could be cruel and these were really cruel. I was standing up to get off the bus and one of the little kids almost knocked another down trying to avoid getting too close to me.

  I got off and started up to the building and every one was staring at me like I had two heads. Then I saw Jeff standing there pointing at me. That was the last straw. I walked right up to him. “Well if it isn't the little sissy bitch. What no dress today?” he said loudly and laughed. I kicked him in the groin and when he bent over and held his balls, I punched him in the nose.

  “That's for lying about Ms. Givens and my friends Annie and Sally. You asshole.” and I walked away. I was almost at the door when I heard clapping start up until it got louder and louder. I tuned to see the rest of the kids clapping and cheering. Then a bunch of them came up and clapped me on the back. The teacher on bus duty that morning made Jeff go in and stop his nose from bleeding and then he turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. I didn't have any more problems out of Jeff.

  The rest of the day went well I had to run laps in P.E., but it seemed to ease my mind. The coach made me get dressed away from the rest of the class and he stopped me and made me go in and take a shower before the rest of them. The only bad part was one of the class morons asked me if I would go out with him Friday night and show him a 'good time' and made some lewd suggestions. The coach came up behind him before I could get to him and snatched him up and had him do push-ups all during the period. I caught him later and made him think twice about being a jerk to me or anyone else.

  I went into the library to see if they had the Memphis paper. I wanted to read the business section. I found it and opened to the second page on the way to the business section and saw a short article titled; Teen Commits Suicide. The article was about a fourteen year old boy found hanging by his parents last night. It was Albert. I broke out into tears and cried. The librarian came over to see what was wrong and I blurted out that I had met him yesterday in church. She patted my back and tried to sooth me, but I finally had to get up and go outside. I didn't know whether I should tell the others or not. I knew that Sally and Annie would cry also. So I wiped my tears and didn't let them know.

  English class was sad for me I couldn't concentrate. Ms. Givens stopped me as I leaving the class for band and asked what was wrong. I told her and started crying again. She started crying with me and hugged me tight. Finally, she told me to go on to band, she said she would be along in a few minutes.

  I guess Albert listened to the voice and believed it. He was so happy with me at the movie after I told him that I didn't care what he was or how he looked. I told him that I thought he was a beautiful person. I have since learned that people like me are at a greater risk of suicide than any other social group. I just hoped that I wouldn't give in to the voice again. I prayed that God would take him and keep him safe and heal his heart in heaven.

  That afternoon I went in search of a part time job again. I found one in a strange place. The police department needed a dispatcher in the evenings to take care of the prisoners and answer the radio. Mr. Stedman The chief of police hired me on the spot. I had to be there two days a week from five to ten o'clock on Saturday and Sunday evenings. I was excited and told him I would take the job. I had to come in for three days and be trained, but I would be paid for it. I would start Wednesday evening. I left and went by Sally's house to tell her but she wasn't there. Then I went by Annie's house and she wasn't in either. So I walked on over to Ms. Givens house and found both of them there.

  Ms. Givens answered the door and I found two men in suits there also. They had note pads and were talking to Annie and Sally. Ms. Givens pulled me in the door and introduced me as
Diane to them.

  “Diane, these gentlemen are from the Memphis Police Department. They are asking about Albert.” She said.

  “One of them spoke up. “I understand that you went to the movie with Albert yesterday. Is that right?”

  “Yes sir.” I answered.

  “Did he seem alright? Did he say anything disturbing to you?” he asked.

  I started crying then. “Have you told them what has happened?” I asked and pointed to Annie and Sally.

  Ms. Givens said. “No they don't know yet.” Then she turned to them and said. “Albert took his life last night.”

  Then they started crying with me. We all cried and cried until we were all cried out.

  “How did you find out about his death?” the officer asked.

  “I accidentally found it in the paper today. It said he hung himself. I guess he listened to the voice and did it.” I said.

  “Voice, what voice?” he asked. “Did he tell you he was hearing voices?”

  “No. I had a similar experience recently and I guessed that the same voice told him what it told me. I wasn't successful like he was.” I said.

  “Did you try to take your life?” he asked.

  “I did but it was over something else that caused me a lot of guilt.” I said.

  “You didn't say anything to us about it.” exclaimed Sally.

  “I thought it would upset you so I kept it to myself.”

  “Did he say anything to you about wanting to take his own life? Did he say anything about his home life?” he asked.

  “He told me that he wanted to be a girl and that his parents were doing everything they could to stop him. He said they searched his room and wouldn't let him go anywhere without them. Then yesterday when we dropped him off his father met him at the sidewalk and acted like everything was hunky-dory, but we all saw him practically throw him through the door and slam it behind him.”

  “Did he say anything about being abused at home?”

  “No sir he didn't say anything like that. He was such a nice person, I liked him.” I said.

  “Tell me isn't your given name Dennis?” asked the other officer. “And didn't you kill two men in a break in attempt about a week ago?”

  “Yes sir. I did. The Sheriff said it was self-defense.” I said.

  “So tell me about it.” the second one persisted. “I think it would be an important thing for us to hear.”

  “I don't!” said the first officer.

  “I do!” argued the second.

  “I said drop it. Now!” said the first.

  “I am not going to talk about it without my Uncle present anyway.” I said.

  “And I am not going to let him discuss it either.” said Ms. Givens.

  “So you didn't put the thought in his head that he needed to hang himself, like you did to alleviate your own feelings of guilt over being gay?” the second asked.

  “I think that this interview is over.” said the first. “Thank you for your cooperation. Come on let's get out and let them alone.” Then he gave the second a sour look and cut him off from saying anything else. He thanked Ms. Givens and took his partner and left. We could hear them arguing outside and the first told the second that if he ever tried something like that again he would be put out writing parking tickets.

  “I don't see what happened to me had anything to do with Albert. I liked him.” I said.

  “Don't worry honey. He was just a bigot and that is all there is to it.” said Ms. Givens.

  We talked about it for a while and then Ms. Givens wanted to know if we wanted something to drink. “No thank you this is the last pair of clean pants and shirt I have.” I have. They all snickered at that.

  “Well, how about if we drown our sorrows with a milk shake and a cheese burger. I found some money on the table this morning when I picked up my homework box. Diane, you wouldn't know anything about it, would you?” asked Ms. Givens.

  “One of the customers must have left it.” I said. I got flogged for that remark by all three of them.

  “Come on let's go get a burger. And to keep the pounds off we'll walk.” she said.

  The burger stand was about a block away so it wasn't that far. Sally held my arm the whole way talking about Albert and the two Policemen. Annie was shocked by his death and how that police officer tried to make it look like it was my fault. I asked Ms. Givens if she had heard from Ted.

  “Yes we talked last night and he wants to see you again this weekend. I told him I would see what I could do.” She said.

  “Oh I forgot. The reason that I came by in the first place was to tell you that I have a part time job that starts Wednesday evening. I'm going to be a jailer-dispatcher for the police here. I will train for three days and then my regular days will be Saturday and Sunday evening from five to ten at night.”

  “That's great.” they all exclaimed.

  “I really need the money and it will keep me out of trouble, or I hope it does.” I said.

  “So if I call for the police you will come and save me.” said Sally.

  “No, I'll send someone to bring you in, so I can put you in jail to keep you out of trouble.” I said.

  “How are you going to get back and forth to work? You live quite a ways out in the country.” said Ms. Givens.

  “I can just kill some time after school for the first three days and then it shouldn't be a problem on the weekend. I can jog to work and jog back after work.” I said. “Which reminds me I am going to have to skip the burger and get on home and check on Smokey.” I really was hungry, but I had imposed on Ms. Givens enough already. So I took off and headed home. I had walked about two miles and was regretting not getting a burger, but I had my pride. When I got home, Ralph came out to the barn to talk to me.

  “Hey brother, how's it going?”

  “Fine I guess.” I answered. “What are you doing out here. I was under the impression that you weren't allowed out here.”

  “I just wanted to know why the Memphis police wanted to talk to you? Have you done something wrong?”

  “No, I met this kid yesterday in church and he committed suicide last night.” I said.

  “Damn, you must be the angel of death or something.” he said.

  “That's not funny!” I said. “Did you come out here to piss me off? Because if you did you're doing a good job of it.”

  “Naw, I really would like it if you would talk to Mom and try to work things out. Listen I know she didn't do right by you, but I don't like you being out here. So how about it?” he said.

  “I'll think about it.” I said. In the back of my mind, I thought fat chance.

  “Well okay I'll see you them.” he said and left.

  It was a cold night so I pulled the hay in tighter to make the room a little smaller hoping that it would keep me warmer. I did my exercises and laid down and went to sleep after praying that I didn't have to hear the voice again.

  It was getting close to Thanksgiving. Mom still hadn't said a word to me. I was making a little money working at the Police Department and was able to eat regularly now. I kind of got to know the underside of the town and was learning some of the dirty little secrets that were in the town. I couldn't tell any of them, but I was learning who to look out for. I had started figuring out how to work the stock account I had and had managed to increase it by thirty percent. Ted and Ms. Givens were seeing a lot of each other and I was on the cheer squad now. I had to learn to dance and do the cheers with the others. Joey and Sam were having to do the same thing. They were there because they were kind of muscular and could anchor a pyramid really well. I really didn't know why I was there, but I really didn't care I was loving it. We went to all of the basketball games and did a dance-cheer performance at the halftimes. I was doing better in my studies and had managed to bring my grades up from a C to a B plus.

  Ted was coming down on the weekends to see Ms. Givens and each Saturday I had to meet with him to discuss my situation. He finally gave me a diagnosis of g
ender identity disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. He was more worried about the PTSD than the gender problem. I talked about using female hormones to enhance my appearance, but he said he was uncomfortable with doing that without my parent’s consent. I told him what I had been keeping quiet for a while. “I had to go see Mr. Rosenthal the other day. My Uncle Will has him working on a solution to the problem I have with my parents. I am going to see the Judge next week and he is going to rule on making me an emancipated minor. That will mean that I will be able to make business decisions on my own and make decisions concerning my own well fare without an adult's permission.”

  “I see. So would you want to try the female hormones if you become emancipated?” he asked.

  “Yes sir. I would. Doc Clifford told me about a week ago that the blood he drew showed that I had no testosterone production, however I wasn't going to fully develop into a female form without the estrogen. So I guess I would rather go all the way instead of half way. He said I was at the physical development of a ten year old right now and would probably stay there. I want to move on and actually develop a feminine body instead of a little girl’s body. I mean I have a feminine face and the general shape, but I would like to have breast and no significant body hair. I also learned of a female who had an operation that changed her completely to a female. Oh, what was her name? Oh I remember it was a Christine Jorgenson.”

  “Yes, she had to go to Denmark to get it done. Although, I have heard that a doctor in the north east is planning on doing them soon. That is a long way off though, but I will check on it for you if you don't mind. Now how are you doing with the depression?” he asked changing the subject.

  “I have good days and bad days equally. The good days are excellent and the bad days are terrible. It seems as though I can start off happy and something will set me off and everything turns dark. I mean really dark. It's like a roller coaster ride, up and down and I can't get off of it. The lows are getting lower and the highs are getting higher and the slide to the bottom is terrifying. They are getting so bad that I am frightened to have anything to do with anybody. Then it takes a day or two to get back to a normal demeanor and then the highs start. I don't even get to relax and enjoy a calm day anymore. And the lows are starting to make me angry at the world.” I explained.

  “Sounds like you are going to need a mood stabilizer or an antidepressant. I will work on that also.” He said. “So have you spoken to your mother yet?”

  “No sir.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don't know. I only know that I am angry with her for abandoning me.”

  “I know we have covered this before, but I really think that in order to move on you are going to have to talk to her. This is a major issue in my opinion. I don't see any healing happening until you do.”

  “I disagree, I feel as though she will only drag me backward and try to make my life more difficult than it already is. I know for a fact that Dad has disowned me and is refusing to pay child support on me and she isn't going to push the issue. So to me that indicates that she has disowned me too.”

  “Well, I still would like for you to work on trying to talk to her by next week okay? And we can discuss what happened then. Right now, our time is up. I think Julie is wanting to go to the burger stand and get something to eat. Would you like to go with us.”

  “No sir. I am going to have to go and get my check and go home. I have to stop at the grocery store and pick up some dog food for Smokey he's almost out and I have a lot of homework thanks to a certain English teacher.”

  “Well okay be careful going home.”

  “Okay I will. Thanks.” I said and left them to see each other.

  The chief was sitting in the dispatcher's chair and he didn't look happy at all when I walked in. “Hi chief how's it going?” I asked.

  “Like shit! Loraine called in sick again and I couldn't get anybody to work tonight. Would you like to pick up some extra money?” he asked.

  “Yes sir I would, but I need to walk up to the grocery store and get my dog some food first and then I will be right back.” I said.

  “That will work. Here's your check hurry back.” He said.

  “I ran up to the grocery store and picked up the dog food and cashed my check. Then I ran back and clocked in. We only had one prisoner that had been sentenced to ten days for public drunk in the jail and we didn't even lock the cell door on him. He stayed in his cell and slept most of the time. I thought all the time that this was like Mayberry on TV. I did my homework and my exercises and at ten o’clock, I gave John, the prisoner the keys to the jail, called the Sheriff’s dispatcher, and turned the phones over to them. Danny the policeman on duty came by and told me to get in so he could take me home. I didn't argue since it looked like it was going to rain. Then the Sheriff's department called and gave him a call at the edge of town in the opposite direction I was going so I didn't get a ride.

  I put the dog food in my back pack and took off running home. I didn't make it home though before it started pouring down rain. I was soaked to the bone by the time I got to the barn and it was a cold rain. Smokey was waiting for me and I fed him and tried to explain to him why I was late. He just turned up his nose at me and ate his food. I had been able to put a set of stairs in that went up to the hay loft and Smokey got to sleep with me again. I really like it even though he still tries to push me out from under the cover all the time. He was at least warm. We had a bunch of old boards stacked up from a sharecropper house that had been torn down and I made the stairs out of them I also cleared out most of the loose hay from the floor and repaired some of the holes that were exposed. The walls of the barn were made of oak that had shrunk over the years leaving gaps in the walls. I managed to fill in most of them with the old boards and I made a set of doors for both ends of the loft to keep the wind out. That was the hardest part and I had to get Uncle Will, Will and George to help me hang them since they had to swing out to work right. I couldn't put a stove in there because of the fire hazard. The whole barn was so dry that it would go up like a match with one spark, but it was a lot warmer than it had been.

  We laid down and slept the whole night. Sometime in the night, I started having chills and pulled Smokey in closer to get warm. I also pulled a lot of loose hay in on top of me and I seemed to get warmer then. The next day I got up and went to school as usual, I left Smokey some food out and told him to watch the place while I was gone. Yes, I know he is a dog but I really think that he understands me. At school, I kept feeling worse and worse and started coughing. I thought I had a cold from being out in the rain. It was tutoring day and I met Ms. Givens at her room and took the box out to her car as usual. I was standing there and I felt a strong chill and started shaking all over. She came walking out and saw me standing there shaking and hugging myself to get warm. She felt my forehead and declared that I had a fever.

  “Then I guess I had better go on home and get in bed then.” I said.

  “And just how are you going to get there?” she asked. “No, you are going to go with me and get some rest while Chrissy does her work and no arguments.”

  “Yes mam.” I said resignedly. I really wasn't thinking right and I hurt all over. I just wanted to sleep and get warm.

  At her house, she made me go and take a hot bath and put on my nightgown. I didn't argue and I enjoyed having something clean and soft on. Then she put me in the spare bedroom and put an extra blanket on me. I fell asleep almost immediately, but I woke up a little while later shivering even harder than before and I was hurting all over even worse. The cough got worse and worse making it hard to get to sleep. Mrs. Killibrew came in and had some pills and a bottle of medicine and she made me sit up and take a pill and a teaspoon of the medicine that tasted terrible. Then she sat with me and stroked my hair until I went to sleep again. I don't know how long I was out, but when I woke up it was daylight. I got up and went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and put on my robe and walked out to the living room to
find a note that said. “Stay in bed today and take your medicine as prescribed I will call at lunch to check on you. Julie.”

  I got some water and took the medicine and was heading back to the bedroom when someone knocked at the door. I guess I wasn't thinking right because I opened the door without even thinking about how I was dressed. Doc Clifford was standing there. I let him in and he asked, “Where is Ms. Givens?”

  I had to think about that for a minute because things still weren't registering well with me. “I...think she is at work. What are you doing here?”

  “I came by to check on you. Do you remember me coming by last night?” he asked.

  I had to think about that. “No sir. I really don't. What time is it? Where am I?” I asked. Damn I was confused. I must have really passed out because I don't remember how I got here.

  “Dennis sit down I want to take a look at you again.” He took out his stethoscope and listened to my chest and looked in my eyes, ears and mouth. “Dennis, are you taking female hormones?”

  “No sir I'm not taking anything except this and it tastes bad.” I said still fuzzy and getting fuzzier.

  “Are you wanting to be a girl?”

  “I would love to be a girl. Can you make me into one?” I said and felt as though I was slurring my speech. My eyes were having a hard time focusing and my mouth felt like cotton. I got up and tried to take a step and almost fell. Doc helped me back into the bed and said he would check on me later. I fell asleep again and didn't wake up for a while. I could hear Mrs. Killibrew talking but it sounded way off and didn't make a lot of sense. She came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I could smell her perfume, a sweet smell that made me feel better. “Did you know that you are one of the prettiest ladies I have ever met?” I said with a slur. I don't remember her answer because I fell right back to sleep.

  Later I awoke again and this time I had a headache. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I got through Ms. Givens was there. My cough had returned with a vengeance so I was given another dose from the bottle. I was able to sit up and eat a little soup this time and I wasn't as fuzzy as I had been. I asked, “Ms. Givens how long have I been out?”

  “Oh long enough to flirt with Mrs. Killibrew and to tell the doctor that you wanted to be a girl and ask if he could do that.” she said with a laugh.

  “Sorry I guess I need to apologize to Mrs. Killibrew then. Why did Doc ask me if I wanted to be a girl?”

  “He came by last night and you had your night gown on and he put your general physical development together and figured it out. He said he wouldn't say anything since it involved patient confidentiality issues. But he thinks you need to be on hormones. I told him that you were seeing a psychiatrist already about issues that have come up about the shooting and he prescribed an antidepressant for you. Mrs. Killibrew is going to pick it up tomorrow for you. Annie and Sally are worried about you and came by earlier this afternoon. I tried to call your mother and tell her you were sick but she wouldn't talk to me. Sorry.”

  “Am I going to be alright?”

  “Yes honey. You have pneumonia and it will take a day or two to get better so don't worry about a thing. I called your Uncle and he is going to feed your dog and check on him for you. So when you get finished with your soup I want you to go take a bath and get cleaned up and wash your hair. I am going to change the sheets on your bed while you take a bath.” and she got up and started to walk away but came back and gave me a hug and kissed my head.

  I finished the soup and went and took a bath and put on one of Ms. Givens night gowns that she laid out for me. I came out with my hair wrapped in a towel and sat down on the bed. I put on the big fluffy robe that she had laid out also. I still felt a little fuzzy but I was getting better. When I took the liquid medicine, the cough went away but I felt fuzzy after taking it. I picked up the extra blanket and put on my slippers and went into the living room and sat on the couch with the blanket around me. I just sat there and finally fell asleep again. When I woke up Mrs. Killibrew was there and she was sitting next to me holding me.

  “Hello sugar are you feeling better?”

  “Yes mam. I guess I owe you an apology for being rude to you earlier.” I said.

  “Actually you gave me the nicest compliment. I thought it was sweet. I want you to know that I think you are one of the sweetest young ladies I have ever met.” and she hugged me tighter.

  “Thank you.” I said. I really didn't think I deserved all of the wonderful treatment that I was getting. I really thought I was a lot of trouble if you want to know the truth, but it felt good to be loved and cared for, to be held and touched in a motherly way. I missed it so much. We sat there for a long time, Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens talked while I dosed off and on. Then when Mrs. Killibrew left, Ms. Givens brushed out my hair and rolled it up in rollers and sent me to bed.

  I slept through the night and didn't have the nightmares that usually did. I woke up in the morning feeling better than I had in days. I had an appetite and ate some toast and drank some water for breakfast. I wondered what day it was since I had lost track of time. Ms. Givens was up and instead of getting dressed for work was in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I asked what day it was and she told me that it was Saturday so I didn't have to go to school but I did have a lot of work to catch up on so after breakfast I had to get dressed and get my books. She also told me that I didn't have to go to work tonight because the other dispatcher was going to make up her time tonight.

  I worked all morning on my homework and I did get caught up so that was a plus. I had my corduroy jeans on and a lite blue blouse with a pair of lace topped ankle socks with my suede saddle oxfords. I really wasn't planning on going anywhere so I dressed in some soft clothes. I had just finished my homework when Annie and Sally came over. I hugged them both and told them that I had missed them so much. We talked and giggled until Ms. Givens asked if they would like to go with us to see about my dog. They said yes. but first I had to take my hair down out of the rollers. They decided that I needed to have my hair brushed out and styled a little. So they brushed it out and left soft curls in it. I liked the look and didn't complain.

  I gathered up my backpack and my clothes to take home. Smokey was so glad to see me. I hugged him and he licked my face. For some reason he didn't bark at the others with me and even let them pet him. He was a real gentleman for a change. I showed them where I stayed and all of the work I had done to the hay loft. They were impressed with it. I made sure that Smokey had plenty of food and water and we left. He looked sad as we walked back to the car. I really missed him. We had gotten very close lately. I told them I was going to stay at home tonight Ms. Givens looked at Smokey and understood. They drove away. And I went upstairs and did my exercises. I was looking out the front of the loft and saw mom in the yard. I knew that Ted was going to ask if I had tried to talk to her. I figured now was as good a time as any. I had already put my old clothes on so I wouldn't get my nice ones dirty, so I walked up to the house. She saw me and turned and started back to the house. I called out to her, but she just kept going. She slammed the back door as she went through it.

  That went well, I thought. Why didn't I just disappear. She would probably like that. I could at least say that I tried.

  I walked over to Uncle Will’s to call Ms. Givens to ask if she was going to church in the morning. I asked where she went and she said that she went to a church in Charlestown and wanted to know if I would like to go with her. I said yes and she told me to be at her house at eight to take a bath and get ready to go. She said that Mrs. Killibrew and Chrissy went there. It was a really nice church. I told her I would be there in the morning. I also called Mr. Washington and we talked about a stock that I wanted to sell and two that I wanted to buy. He told me he would take care of it for me. Then I visited with Uncle Will and his family for the rest of the day. George and I gave Will fits and he thumped us both on the head. I was teasing him about his new girlfriend. We had a great day. We went
out and washed the truck and cleaned out the inside so he could go out on a date that night. His girlfriend was a really sweet girl and was smart as a whip. She was the head of the school chess club and the math club.

  We had just finished with the truck when Angie's father came up with her in his truck. He let her out and Uncle Will was talking to him. The three of us came up and stood back and remained quiet. We weren't to speak unless spoken to. He looked at me and asked. “Dennis I heard you had a rough last couple of days?”

  “Yes sir. I caught pneumonia.”

  “How did you catch it?” he continued.

  “I guess I caught it from getting wet the other night after I left work.” I said.

  “Where do you work?” he asked.

  “He works for the City as a dispatcher two nights a week.” said Uncle Will with the sound of pride in his voice. “He got to pick up an extra day on Wednesday and he didn't make it home before it started raining.” Then he chastised me by saying. “From now own if it looks like rain you better call me. You understand?”

  “Yes Sir. I will.” I said.

  “By the way don't you have to go in tonight?” asked Uncle Will.

  “No sir. The other lady is making up the day she missed by working tonight.” I said.

  “Good you need another day to get better.” He said.

  “You know Will, I have that old Dodge pickup that would do just fine for him to use to go to work and back. I wouldn't trust it to go a lot farther but it would do fine for around here. I only want three hundred for it. Give it some thought.” Angie's dad said. “By the way did you know that Mr. Williams over there across the creek from you is wanting to sell his little farm. I think he is going to retire and get out this year.”

  “No I didn't know that. I wonder how much he is going to want for it?” said Uncle Will.

  “I don't know but if you could get it pretty reasonable it would be worth it. Well listen I have to go now. Angie be home by ten thirty we have to go to church in the morning. Will I'll see you around.” and he left.

  “You know, Daddy that would be a pretty nice piece of land if we could get it. I don't think he has done much with it except grow hay on it the past two years. The only problem I can really see with it is that creek takes up a lot of area.” Will said.

  “I know but right now I don't have the money to spare on it and we would need another tractor to work it. It might be more than we could afford.” Uncle Will said.

  George was thinking about it just like I was. “Yeah but I know where a 5020 is that is reasonable and a 1266, either one would do fine to work it.” he said.

  “Yeah, we need all the extra acreage we can get this year to put into wheat or soybeans because I think that cotton prices are going to fall starting in March or April.” I said.

  “And why is that?” asked Uncle Will.

  “I have been seeing the clothes designers are going to a polyester fiber and a nylon fiber more and more this fall. And they are making more and fashions out of them. I am also concerned about Brazil and its increase in farming. They are clearing more and more land to farm and I am concerned that if they start exporting more and more they will lower the commodity prices to a low that will hurt us all.” I said.

  “Where did you learn all of that?” he asked.

  “From Mr. Washington, the guy that I have been doing the stocks with.” I said. “So far I have increased the seed money they gave me by thirty percent. I have to do a lot of research to do this and I have found out that South America is pushing hard to improve its agricultural export standing.” I said.

  “Any ideas on what to do about it?” Uncle Will asked.

  “Yes sir. We need to find a crop that is compatible with our current equipment like corn or wheat and maybe even think about planting early wheat and late soybeans and use some of the no till methods that I have been reading about. We can see a major increase in our profit margin with them and it still won't be as expensive as cotton to raise.” I said.

  “Hmm we'll see. Will if you are going to get good seats at the movie you and Angie had better get going.” Said Uncle Will and he went inside.

  I said bye and started back to the house. I called Smokey and we walked back. He stayed right with me the whole way. We crossed behind one of the farms that bordered ours and as I walked along, I found about four arrow heads and a piece of old pottery. They were really pretty. I thought I would give them to the guidance counselor since he really liked things like that. Smokey suddenly stopped and started growling. I wondered what he had spotted and then I saw them. Three wild dogs were coming toward us and they suddenly spread out and circled around us. Smokey walked out and challenged the biggest one. They stopped and growled at each other for a minute then they started circling. The other two were a lot smaller but even a hungry small dog can be dangerous.

  Smokey and the big one suddenly attacked each other and the two little ones continued circling me. I moved out and kicked one and sent him flying, the other one came up behind me and bit into the fabric of my pants leg. I kicked at it and shook it lose but it came right back. This time I fell onto it when it bit into my pants again. He tried to bite me but I grabbed it's head and twisted it and snapped it’s neck. I looked up and Smokey had the big one down and he was squalling like a baby. Then he broke free and took off with the other small dog right behind him. Smokey came up to me and sniffed at the one I had killed then he licked my face. I checked him for wounds but he didn't have any.

  “Thanks big guy. I would have been screwed if you hadn't been here. Come on let's go home.” and he jumped up and waited for me to get up and follow him. This time he moved out in front of me like he was guarding me.