by J. Kearston
He’s wearing his perpetual sneer, marring the perfection his blonde hair and green eyes might otherwise afford him. The scar that rakes from his left eye to his lip should ruin the effect of fae beauty, but by some cosmic mishap, actually adds to his appeal. If he wasn’t suck a fucking twat, I might actually consider him attractive, but the constant degradation really dampens the appeal.
“Dickoff,” I greet cordially.
His eyes narrow as they always do at the name, yet I just can’t seem to bite my tongue where the asshole is concerned. It’s the only thing I have left, the one thing he can’t take away from me.
“For a minute there, I thought you’d skipped town with your little pets,” he jabs and my back goes ramrod straight.
“You’ve been in my apartment?” His eyes sparkle with amusement and it instantly makes me hostile and want to throw up at the same time. “You had no reason,” I spit out.
He clucks his tongue. “Of course I did. You claimed the humans and then disappeared for days. For all I knew, they dragged you back to their world to do depraved, immoral things. Or experiment on you; you know what sort of scum humans are.”
“Listen here, asshole,” Atlas snaps, but I pass him my bags to stop him before things can escalate. The last thing I want is Rickon goading them into doing something stupid and having an excuse to execute them.
I step forward with murder in my eyes. “Stay the fuck out of my apartment.”
He grins malevolently. “You forget who you are, little Lark. An attention whore like yourself doesn’t get to give me commands. You think anyone cares what happens in the slums? To the people in it?” He leans down as he sneers. “You think anyone would cry if you withered away in the human world?”
I didn’t even blink, and I still missed Lucien stepping forward to cold cock Rickon in the face. He stumbles back a step before smiling psychotically, his teeth covered in blood as if he just got the best Christmas present ever. I close my eyes for a moment, nauseous, because the guys played right into his hands. He came here looking for an excuse to fuck with me and I didn’t even consider warning them about something like this.
As Rickon moves to restrain the guys, I act on instinct. Wrapping a hand around him and one of the nameless soldier’s wrists, I inhale deeply. As they stumble, I duck before the other soldier’s backhand can strike me, stepping to the side as I rise up. Atlas grabs the wrist of the last standing soldier as he moves to punch me in my ribs this time, and I grab the soldier’s arm, breathing deeply once more. A tense moment later, he falls to the ground, unconscious.
I step back, sick to my stomach as the reality of what I just did hits me. My ears are ringing so loudly that Atlas and Lucien’s voice sound like they’re underwater, muffled and distorted. When Dorian’s fingers brush against my hand, I jerk away swiftly.
“Don’t touch me, I’m not, I can’t,” I ramble, starting to hyperventilate. I clutch my hands in a ball over my stomach, tears starting to blur my vision.
“We need to get off the street,” I vaguely hear Lucien saying.
Dorian is suddenly before me, bending down so he can see my face. “Skin to skin only?”
I nod my head rapidly, a few tears escaping and trailing down my cheeks as my breath hitches. A moment later, I’m lifted up with my face pressing against Dorian’s chest and cloth rubbing beneath the back of my knees.
Before I know it we’re back in my apartment and Dorian gently sets me down so that I’m sitting on the table with my legs hanging over the edge. I fight to get control of myself, but every time I think I make some progress, I’m assaulted by another vivid memory.
“What’s happening to her?” Atlas asks nervously.
I try to answer him, but I can’t choke the words out, barely able to focus beyond drawing in my next breath. The edges of my vision blur, darkness threatening to steal my sight and leave me alone, always alone. Silent and sightless, where I can’t hurt anybody.
“Panic attack,” Lucien answers calmly, sounding far less annoyed with me than usual.
He drags the chair in front of me, taking the sheet Dorian passes him to drape over my front and gently tucks it beneath my thighs to stay in place. It leaves only my face and neck exposed, creating a barrier between them and myself. Just that knowledge alone helps, that I won’t be able to hurt them by accident.
Over the sheet, Dorian puts his hand on my knee and starts stroking his thumb back and forth. “Everything’s alright now, beautiful. Slow, deep breaths. Nobody’s going to hurt you.”
“What do you mean hurt her?” Atlas asks, tugging his shirt back on now that Dorian doesn’t need to use it as a barrier. “She’s the one that dropped those guards like it was nothing.”
Lucien mimics Dorian’s soothing action and answers Atlas in a level tone. “And a sudden, severe reaction like this stems from something bad happening when she’s done it before.”
“What makes you an expert on fae all of a sudden?” Atlas snaps nervously, pacing.
Lucien and Dorian share a look in silence, and just that small thing is enough for my breathing to start evening out. The fact that they aren’t judging me, that they understand on a deeper level, helps immensely.
Atlas picks up on their silence and stops his pacing, giving Dorian a repentant look as his face falls apologetically. “Shit, sorry, I’m a jackass,” he whispers. “I didn’t think before I said anything.”
Dorian murmurs sweet words, keeping the room from falling into awkward silence, and after who knows how long, I feel more like myself again. Although admittedly, a more embarrassed version than before.
“Sorry,” I whisper, so low I’m surprised they hear me.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Lucien states emphatically, jaw tight. “But we should grab some bags and get moving. Three dead guards are bound to draw attention, and I hate to say it, but you don’t seem to be in many people’s good graces in the first place.”
I fist the sheet to dry my sweaty palms. “They aren’t dead.”
He looks at me quizzically, so I press on. “I temporarily stole their abilities from them. It’s one of the reasons people don’t like me very much; it scares them.”
“And people lash out when they’re scared,” Atlas scoffs in indignation.
Dorian’s eyes are hard as he adds, “And the attention whore comment. You know that’s bullshit, right?” When I don’t say anything, he just seems to get angrier. He puts his hands on my shoulders, looking down with a stormy expression that I have to fight to remind myself isn’t directed at me.
“You are goddamn amazing and those assholes are idiots for not being able to see it. I may not have been here long, but even I can tell that the fae here are power hungry, jealous people. People blinded by greed and envy will always tear others down if they can’t claw their way up. So don’t listen to them, alright?”
I fight a new wave of tears for a very different reason. The fact that a human is going so far out of his way to be empathetic and console me is just all the more reason why I prefer their world to this one.
“Thanks, Dorian.”
Releasing a long, slow breath, I get to my feet, walking over to the door and pressing my palms against it. I release the pent up energy from the guards’ abilities back out of me, knowing that it will make its way back where it belongs. Rickon will be pissed off, but maybe it’ll be a good reminder for him to leave me alone for a few days. When it’s been so many years since I’ve used the ability, it’s easy for people to quit thinking of me as a threat. He spends so much time riding my case and browbeating me into a form of submission because he fears not having any power, that eventually I start believing him.
“Is that why we keep running into that same guard?” Atlas asks, mirroring my thoughts.
“Yep,” I sigh, starting to put away the groceries to keep my hands busy.
Now that I’m in control again, I shouldn’t be able to hurt them. Still, the thought of laying a hand on any of them while I feel so s
limy and disgusting makes me internally cringe. So while it may be safe, that doesn’t mean a damn thing is okay. I’m not sure what would happen to a human without abilities to steal if I touched them while in that state, but these three are the last ones I want to experiment on.
“The Queen assigned him to ‘keep an eye on me’ when I left my family five years ago,” I scoff, stuffing things in the fridge. “But I swear, he tries to goad me into fucking up. It was why I tried to diffuse the situation at first when he was being a shithead.”
I don’t look at them yet, just keep my hands occupied and head down so I don’t have to look at the disgust in their eyes as they realize they were saddled with the worst possible fae. While my emotions are still raw, I’m not sure I could stand seeing it.
“So what’s going to happen now that you did?” Lucien asks slowly.
I pause with my head in a cabinet. “Either he’ll report back to try and get me punished, be embarrassed I kicked his ass and try to sweep it under the rug, or make my life ten times more difficult to punish me himself.”
Closing the cabinet door, I stand up, stepping around the empty bags and keep my eyes on the wall. “Make yourselves at home, I’m going to take a shower. We should be able to head back tomorrow; I’m feeling better.”
I maneuver around them and close the door, stripping and stepping under the hot spray. Before long, I break down; unattractive, gut wrenching sobs tearing out of my chest as I relive just how shitty and unfair my life has been. All of the abuse, all of the suffering, just because I was born defective. I’ve gotten pretty good at smothering those thoughts over recent years, making a semblance of a life for myself, but things like this just threaten to undo all of the years I’ve spent piecing myself back together.
Hours later the water’s long since gone cold, but I’m still sitting in the freezing bathtub after turning off the spray. I don’t even lift my head from the wall I’m resting it against, staring up at the ceiling when a soft knock sounds out against the door.
“It’s open.”
There’s a slight rustle of clothing as someone sits down beside the bathtub, but I can’t tear my eyes away from the ceiling; staring, but not seeing. I just feel numb and exhausted, and I can’t seem to muster up enough energy to even dry off and crawl into bed.
“I didn’t realize things were that bad,” Lucien of all people states evenly. We sit there in silence for a bit before he continues. “I’m sorry. For acting like such an asshole and riding your case so much; I didn’t know. I was so caught up in what all of this meant for us and how it would affect my life, I didn’t bother to get to know you. I just tossed your need to come back here into the schedule rotation and kept disregarding what you wanted for what was convenient for me.”
I sigh, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my head on my knees, turning to face him. “You’re fine. Honestly, beyond that first night where you tried to lecture me on my poor money management, I haven’t looked too deeply into anything coming out of your mouth. It was clear you were struggling with all of this and I’m used to people lashing out. Besides, you needed to find the right place to put it so you could wrap your head around everything. It’s a huge change and a lot to expect, so really, Lucien, we’re okay.”
He shakes his head. “Just because you’re used to people taking shit out on you, doesn’t mean it’s alright. I need to do better, and I will. I,” he cuts himself off and groans, thumping his head back against the wall and gazing up at the ceiling.
Dorian walks in a moment later, so I imagine he was eavesdropping outside of the door. He leans against the counter, looking down at me with pity for a brief flash before sighing and hopping up to sit, strumming his fingers on the edge.
“Luce and mine’s story isn’t a happy one, but it’s probably long past the point when we should all be getting to know each other. He took me in when I had nowhere else to go. I was lucky. I mean, how many twenty-two year olds would be willing to take in a punk ass fifteen year old? But that’s just the kind of guy Lucien is; remarkable.”
Luce scoffs, but Dorian ignores him. “It still kills me, and I feel guilty as shit about it, but it was sheer dumb luck that saved me. I was found beaten to a bloody pulp and they thought I was a missing boy they’d been searching for. Luce rushed in to find his younger brother, but got me as a piss poor replacement, a disappointment. To my surprise, he took one long look at me, thanked them, and brought me home.”
I blink, not expecting the way this story is going at all. “But why?”
Lucien parrots monotonously, “I couldn’t save him, but I can still save you. Throwing you to the wolves won’t bring my brother back.” He captures me in his gaze, amber eyes hard with painful memories. “I told that exact thing to Dorian when he asked, so I shouldn’t have been such a hypocrite. I should have respected you more for doing what you did. You didn’t know us and had no obligation to take us in. Thank you, Cambria.”
I give him a weak half-smile, turning to Dorian as he picks up where he left off. “We didn’t talk about it again, even though I had a million questions. But I was still better off taking my chances with this broken stranger than I was returning to the hellhole I barely crawled out of.
“When I was seventeen, we finally found the guy that killed his little brother. Luce got his revenge, but I doubt he’ll ever find his peace with it.” He turns to Lucien in sympathy. “I, on the other hand, gained everything in his loss. A home. A brother. A mentor I respected that didn’t beat the shit out of me. But still, some scars are so ingrained into our beings that even time can’t heal them, and I get thrown right back into the shoes of a weak little kid anytime some jackass touches me when I’m not expecting it.”
I sit up a bit more, facing Lucien. “I’m sorry about your brother.” Biting the inside of my cheek until I taste blood, I force myself to spit out the painful truth that started the downward spiral of my life. “My parents never forgave me after I killed mine.”
Not only do their heads whip to me in shock, but Atlas gives up hiding out on the other side of the door to come into the overcrowded space and lean against the doorframe. I turn to stare at the shower wall in front of me so that I can hurry up and spit the words out without seeing their faces.
“I was just a little kid at the time, so I suppressed most of the details. But that’s when I discovered I had the ability to steal others’ gifts. Cody was teasing me and I lashed out. Next thing I knew, he was on the ground. I had no idea what was happening at the time, so I didn’t act quickly enough.” I steel my heart and finish on a rush. “I ended up hurting sixteen more people before anyone figured out what was happening and was just hoarding all of their abilities inside myself instead of transferring them or giving them back. Cody died before I figured out how to calm down and release the energy back out. The others made it, probably because they were adults, but Cody was dead by the time I worked it out.” A traitorous tear slips out. “A greedy little attention whore that couldn’t stand sharing the spotlight with her brother.”
The words aren’t remotely the truth, logically I know that, but after a lifetime of them getting beaten into me, it’s hard to remember that sometimes.
I blink in surprise as I suddenly find Dorian’s lips on mine in a fierce kiss, but it works to snap me out of it before I fall too far down the rabbit hole. His fingers tangle into my hair for a moment to hold me against him before he pulls back as abruptly as he arrived, looking at me with glacial eyes.
“That is a damn lie, and you know it. I don’t know exactly the sort of shit you went through growing up, but I can hazard a guess. Just because you hear something a thousand times doesn’t make it true, Cambria, but if that’s what you need then fine. It’s not your fault. You were a kid and the people that should have protected you didn’t. You deserved better and didn’t get it, but you survived. So even though you’re legally responsible for us, how about we all agree to take care of each other instead, okay? The three of us don’t have anyone
besides each other either, so why not piece together our own family instead?”
I’m openly crying and swipe a hand over my face, annoyed with myself for letting them see me like this at all. “I mean, I don’t have anything else going on today, so I guess I’m free if you are.”
He breathes out a laugh in relief, grabbing my hand and helping me stand as Atlas tosses me a towel. I wrap it around myself and snatch a washcloth to attack my blotchy face. It’s incredibly cramped in the small room with all of us, but we may as well get used to it if we’re going to be living together.
Atlas musses the top of my hair and I bat his hand off in annoyance before he steps out into the hallway. “I’ll go make some dinner out of your weird food.”
Dorian and Lucien file out after him, leaving me alone to brush my hair and collect myself. I don’t think they even know how grateful I am that they were here, for what they did for me. If it wasn’t for them, I would still be on that street right now and Rickon would have had my head when he came to.
Maybe adopting my fully grown, emotional support humans was the best thing that could have happened to me.
Chapter 10
Lucien
It’s so quiet.
I type away at my desk, continuously shooting furtive glances at my cell phone and the clock, just waiting for something to go wrong. After no one came beating down her door, it was clear the guard hadn’t said a word to anyone, which just has me that much more on edge. If his job is to keep an eye on her to make sure things like this don’t happen, why not drag her off?
We agreed that Cambria should go with Atlas first upon coming back when she’s fully charged and end our three day stint at my office where I can keep an eye on her, where it’s less physically demanding when she’s getting close to burning out. But despite the way I should revel in the silence and being able to get caught up without her at the front desk and distracting my thoughts, I still can’t get her out of my mind.
