Price of love

by Rachel Lindsay

  It was not until Sunday evening that her mother gave any indication that she knew Paula was unhappy, and she only touched on it lightly as they kissed goodbye at the station.

  ' Don't marry for any reason except love,' she counselled.

  'And if it's not there, it's better to remain single.'

  Paula looked at her mother in surprise. 'Who said any thing about getting married?'

  'I did, I'm not prying, Paula, but I know some thing's wrong, and if I can help . ...'

  ' You can't.' Paula felt the need for honesty. 'I got involved with a patient.' ' Couldn't that get you struck off?'

  Paula shook her head. ' He wasn't my patient'

  'I see. Then what went wrong? Didn't he feel the same way about you?'

  The guard's whistle drowned Paula's reply and she climbed quickly into the carriage, and then leaned can of the window. 'I'll tell you about it next time I see you. At the moment it's still too close . . .'

  ' By the time I see you again it will be over—one way, or another.'

  One way or another ... the words pounded in Paula's brain throughout the journey, and the nearer she came to Marsden the greater was her desire to see Jason. What value was logic if it meant heartbreak? What right did she have to condemn herself to loneliness without giving herself a chance of happiness? Of course there were differences between them, but it had been arrogance on her part to assume those differences were

  insurmountable. In the morning she would see Jason and tell him so.

  As usual, Monday in Out-Patients was hectic, increased by the arrival of a dozen people injured in a coach crash. It was mid-afternoon before she was able to snatch a few minutes' free time and set out for the private wing. Halfway down the quiet corridor her courage failed, and she paused, wondering if it might not be better to leave things as they were. But, no. That was a coward's way out. Trembling, she ran the last few steps and pushed open the door to his room. It was empty. With a sharp sense of panic she saw that the bed was freshly made, the curtains drawn, the flowers gone. She swung round and walked quickly to Sister's office.

  ' What's happened to Mr. Scott?'

  ' He left yesterday.'

  ' Wasn't it rather sudden?' Paula marvelled that no sign of shock was evident on her face, for Siste'r smiled at her and went into a lengthy explanation. The words seemed to come from a long way off, though here and there a sentence infiltrated . . . nagged Mr Edgar into letting him go . . . bored to death . . . collected by a charming girl.'

  It was the last remark that caught Paula's mind. 'Yon mean Debbie Scott?'

  Sister shook her head. " Somebody called Caroline. And I'm sure she wasn't a member of his family—not from the way they kissed each other hello! Which reminds me, he asked me to give yon a message. It was cryptic, but I hope you'll understand it " Tell Dr MacKinnon I've taken her prescription!" ' Sister's expression was curious. 'Can you make anything of that?'

  Paula nodded. The constriction in her throat made it impossible for her to speak, and with a murmur she left the room. She had told Jason he would feel differently about her once he left the hospital, and he had said he would prove her wrong. Well, he had. He had changed his mind even before he had gone home! Shakily she rubbed her hand over her forehead. It was a good thing she had gone away for the weekend. Otherwise she would have gone to Jason and told him she loved him. And what a joke that would have been for him!

  ' Paula! Are you all right ? '

  With a start she looked up to see Martin in front of her. '

  Of course I'm all right Why?'

  ' You're so pale.'

  'Different make-up' she said briefly.

  Together they walked down the steps and across the annex. She was aware of Martin glancing at her and knew he did not believe the answer she had given him. _ 'You know Jason Scott's left?' he asked conversationally.

  'I just heard it from Sister.'

  'I wanted him to stay another week, but he absolutely refused. Said he'd employ his own physiotherapist and that I could attend him at home.'

  'He's right.' Her voice could not have been more casual. " I imagine a lew of the nurses must be sorry. He can be a real charmer when he wants to be.'

  'I take it he didn't exert his charm on you?'

  She stopped walking and faced him, head tilted to meet his eyes, unshed tears in her own giving them an added lustre. 'I was immune,' she said carefully. ' So I'm still lacking in the experience you require!'

  ' To hell with that I' he retorted. 'I've changed my mind.'

  He put a hand on her arm. ' Have dinner with me tonight, Paula?'

  ' May I take a rain check on that? I'm rather tired.'

  Of course.' The eagerness left his face and he was reserved again. ' Any time you suggest.

  With an inclination of his head he left her, and she continued on her way knowing she had not fooled him for one single moment No more invitations would come from Martin until she gave him the go-ahead. And that, from the way she felt now, might be never.

  For the next month, work became Paula's safety valve, her release from the necessity to think. No one heard anything of Jason, and though she knew Martin was visiting him twice a week, he made no mention of it. It was from Donald that she got her first indication of what he was doing, and only then because it concerned Debbie.

  ' Two weeks without her and it already seems like a lifetime!' He put down the X-ray photograph he was examining and frowned at the wall. 'I must be mad!

  Stark, staring mad.'

  'You are—if you're falling for Debbie.'

  'Not falling, dear Paula, fallen!'

  Dismayed, she stared at him. ' You can't be serious '

  'Why so surprised?'

  'She s so—so' she floundered, and finished lamely.

  'She's so different from the sort of girl I imagined you'd fall for.'

  'All glasses and earnestness, I suppose?'

  'At least not an empty-headed deb!'

  ' She happens to be highly intelligent,' he said huffily, looking, in his thin, scowling fashion, like an angry stork.

  'You can't blame her for not working. With the kind of money she has, most jobs seem a joke.' ' But doing nothing . . .'

  'It's not from choice. She has a mother to contend with.'

  Paula picked up the photograph Donald had put down and fixed it into position to study it more closely. ' From my vague recollection of Mrs. Scott, I'd say she'd be delighted for her daughter to take a job.'

  'But what sort?' Donald questioned triumphantly. '

  Something that'll enable her to traipse off on holiday when Mama needs a companion or Jason wants someone to amuse him? If she'd been in a decent job how do you think she could have gone off for a month?'

  ' Where are they?' she asked, ignoring his question for one of her own.

  ' At their villa, near Nice.' He ran a hand through his hair, making the dark thatch even more untidy. ' You'd think he'd have a stack of females to choose from, wouldn't you?

  But no, he has to take Debbie.'

  Paula stopped looking at the X-ray. ' You're not serious about her, are you?'

  He nodded. 'I am.'

  'But it's ridiculous, you've nothing in common.' No more than she had with Jason, she thought, his memory bringing a sudden stab of pain. Yet it hadn't stopped her loving him. 'How well do you know her?' she demanded.

  'Well enough to be sure she's the only girl for me.'

  'And she loves you?'

  'Yes.'

  Paula recalled the day she had seen the girl scurrying through the annex, bound, she now realized, for an assignation with Donald. The idea would have been laughable if it hadn't been pathetic. ' You've as much hope of a future life with Debbie Scott as you have of being appointed Senior Registrar,' she said bluntly. ' Anyway, you couldn't afford to keep her in stockings!'

  'I wouldn't even try. I'm not proud,' he grinned. 'I wouldn't expect her to give her allowance to charity if she married me. All she d have to do was to see ou
r budget covered what I earned. She could spend her money on clothes for herself.' He peered at the X-ray and shook his head. ' As I thought: pneumonia. I'll confirm the diagnosis with Dr Warren.' She nodded agreement but followed his previous tram of thought.

  'If you're both enmeshed in love's young dream, who's preventing the marriage?'

  'Her mother. She's got some chinless wonder sorted out for her. Bags of cash and a title too. As a matter of fact, he's a cousin of the girl she's got lined up for Jason.'

  Paula's heart thumped heavily. ' An heiress, I suppose?'

  He nodded. 'Caroline Leonard. Her father's the big wheel in the Leonard Motor Company. If Jason hadn't had his accident he'd have been racing for him this season.'

  The entry of a nurse with another batch of X-ray plates put an end to Donald's confidences, and when they were alone again Paula changed the subject. Much as she longed to hear about Jason, it could only prolong her misery. He had gone from her life and it was better not to let him enter it again, even as a memory. Butmemory, reactivated, could not quickly become dulled, and the passions she had sublimated to her work awakened to haunt her. The emotion Jason had aroused in her remained to be satisfied, and unless she did so, she was liable to end up a frustrated old maid. With a greater awareness of her desires she knew a longing to see Martin, and on an impulse went into the next room and called him on the telephone.

  'I once took a rain check on your invitation to dinner' she said without preamble. 'Does it still hold good?'

  'Always. Tonight at eight?'

  ' Yes.' She put down the receiver with a hand that was suddenly shaking. If she wanted him, Martin was hers for the asking. Sooner or later it was a decision she would have to make. Their dinner together that night set the pattern for the many that succeeded it, being warm, intimate on a friendly level though with an undercurrent that occasionally came out in a touch of hands or a sudden quick goodnight kiss.

  " He's treating me like -a vestal virgin," she thought after one such evening, and for the first time felt irritated with him. If only he would drop his control and force her into a response the way Jason had done! Jason . . . why did he have to come to mind again.

  ' Martin.' She spoke the name aloud. ' Martin, Martin, Martin. I won't think of anyone else.' She unzipped her dress, and bending to throw it over the chair, saw herself in the mirror. A beautiful body that no one saw. It was time the situation was changed.

  Her new awareness of Martin was increased by the close proximity into which she was unexpectedly thrown with him by the forming of a Regional Casualty Team, which he had helped to organize. Martin suggested she restricted her activities to administration, but she insisted on joining the staff of volunteer doctors who went out with the ambulances. During the first month of the project she acted as his assistant in several emergencies, including a fire and a motorway pile-up, but as demands on the service increased, it became necessary for doctors to work singly instead of in pairs.

  Her first experience of treating a fire victim in a swaying ambulance was something she would not forget in a hurry, but soon she felt herself an old hand and when —

  on a cool spring evening—a call came to assist at a factory explosion, she had no hesitation in setting out with only a staff nurse and two ambulance men to assist her.

  'Paula's ambulance arrived at the disaster at the same time as the fire service and they drove through the open factory gates into a scene of confusion. One part of the low, modern factory building looked as though it had been struck by a bomb, and a pall of dust and smoke hung in the air, obscuring the sickle moon.

  As she jumped down, a man in overalls pushed his way through the crowd of workpeople and introduced himself as the works manager.

  'We've got everyone out except one man,' he gasped. Part of the roof at the end of the experimental shed has fallen in and he's trapped by his leg. It's impossible to move him.'

  'Show me where he is. 'Instructing the nurse to attend to the walking injured and the ambulance men to bring up a Neil-Robertson stretcher, Paula ran towards the wrecked building.

  ' You can't go in mere! The rest of the roof may cave in at any moment.' The works manager ran after her

  distractedly. ' This is a job for a doctor, not a nurse. The man who found him says the only way to get him out is to amputate.'

  'I am a doctor,' Paula said brusquely. ' And I'll decide about amputations. Where's the man who found him?'

  ' He came out to report and then went back in again. He said he'd stay there till help arrived.'

  ' Good,' Paula said, and for once the empty word was heartfelt. Whoever the man was he had a cool head and would make an invaluable assistant Putting on the tin hat that the works manager handed her, and taking her medical bag from the ambulance driver, she began to clamber over the wreckage.

  ' Hey, you!' a rough male voice bellowed. ' Get out of there

  —you'll be killed!'

  Ignoring the order she pressed on and, as her eyes became accustomed to the haze of smoke, she saw that a rough passage had been cleared through the debris. She dropped to her knees and inched along, glad when she could no longer hear the protests of the angry man still ordering her to come out. The tunnel narrowed abruptly and she was forced on to her stomach, feeling her stockings rip as sharp flints dug into her legs. Above her head a loose beam swayed crazily and from all around came the ominous cracking of glass and masonry.

  The distance she had to cover was not great but the need for caution slowed her movements, and time and again she had to stop, waiting for a precarious chunk of concrete to fall or for a trembling timber to become motionless. Oblivious of scraped shoulders and elbows, she struggled on, breathing heavily as she pushed herself forward. With a sigh of relief she saw a brightening in the gloom, and within a moment the tunnel lifted and ahead of her the sound of groans became audible, punctuated by a deeper voice murmuring encouragement. The noise of someone in pain spurred her on, and more quickly than was prudent she crawled forward. A shower of rubble fell about her and she would have fallen flat if strong arms had not reached out and hauled her the last few yards to where the injured man lay beneath the fallen roof. For a moment she lay still, fighting to regain her breath. Then the dust eased from her throat and slowly she drew herself up into a kneeling position and bent over the injured man. He was silent, his body limp, and fearfully she put her ear to his chest.

  'Is he dead?' the man beside her asked.

  ' No, only fainted.' She answered automatically, turning at the same time to pull her medical bag forward. But even though her mind was preoccupied, the familiarity of the voice that had questioned her set up a warning in her subconscious and she peered forward into the gloom. Bright blue eyes stared back at her from a dirt-streaked face. ' Jason I' she exclaimed. ' What are you doing here?'

  ' Watching over the Scott empire! How are you, honey-gold girl?'

  She moved back sharply, sending another pile of rubble clattering around them.

  ' Watch out!' he said sharply, and flung himself across her. Pressed down by his weight, Paula lay still, aware of his face close against hers and his hands heavy on her shoulders. ' You've got to get out of here,' he said fiercely, '

  the whole place is likely to cave in.'

  'I must get the injured man out first.'

  ' Send someone else.'

  'There's no time.' As if to emphasize her words, more stones crashed down, and Jason bent closer, shielding her with his body. A shaft of pure joy such as she had never before experienced raced through her and, unable to stop herself, she clung to him. ' Jason!' she gasped.

  ' Darling . . .' For an instant his mouth touched hers, then he drew back gingerly. ' Get out of here, Paula. There's no need for two of us to remain.'

  She evaded his hands and bent over the injured man.

  'When I go, this man comes with me.'

  ' No! It's too dangerous for you here. This is no place for a woman!'

  'I'm a doctor,' she said softly, a
nd stared into the blue eyes. 'Remember?'

  Jason stared back at her. ' How could I forget?' he answered huskily, and turned his head away.

  CHAPTER IV —

  Aware of Jason crouched beside her, Paula examined the injured man. A steel bar had fallen over his leg, pinning him down like a butterfly to a board, and blood had stained the ground around him, draining viscously from beneath the shaft that held him prisoner. It needed only a cursory look to tell her he could not be moved without bringing the entire roof crashing down on their heads, and she sat back on her heels and looked at Jason.

  ' How long has he been bleeding like this?'

  ' Since I found him. Fifteen minutes, maybe'

  ' How did you find him?'

  ' Didn't you hear what I said? This is the Scott empire I I'd come to see my father'

  She digested the information, thinking how different her reaction would have been if she had had any forewarning of where the emergency call had come from. Seeing Jason in these bizarre circumstances had not only made her forget the manner in which they had parted, but also the circumstances in which he had left the hospital. But there was no time for personal embarrassment. In front of her a man was bleeding to death and she had to try and stop it.

  ' Hold this for me.' She thrust a torch at Jason and as he held it, made another brief examination. The steel bar had cut deep into the leg and the loss of blood was already considerable. Experimentally she tugged at the protruding end of the bar, stopping instantly as a beam swayed crazily overhead.

  ' For heaven's sake, Paula, stop it and get out while yon can!'

  ' Stop being gallant and keep the torch steady.' She turned her attention to the seeping wound. ' How did it happen?

  The explosion, I mean?'

  I don't know. This is the experimental section—at least it wasl I was in the office waiting for my father, when eveiything went skywards.' Anticipating her need, he handed her a dressing, ' So far as I know, everyone got out except this chap. We tried to move him, but it was impossible to do it without bringing the roof down on him.' He watched her hands at work. 'How is he?'