Fury (Tranquility Book 3)

by Krista D. Ball

  Why did Apexia allow this to happen to us? I suppose it was my vanity in the end that caused all this. I left you because I wasn’t man enough to accept who and what you are. You forgave me and gave me another chance. I rewarded that chance by marrying another woman. I should have just given the throne to Celeste, or even Edmund. I fooled myself into thinking it was Apexia’s will. But now, I wonder if I’d just been hit on the head and was seeing things I wanted to see.

  This might be our only chance. Oh, I wish you were coming with us. I could use your sword at my side. I love you so much.

  Celeste made me promise to do this, but you’re gone now so I can’t keep that promise. Apexia hang it all, I will do it anyway.

  Bethany, daughter of Apexia, Lady Champion, my beloved, will you be my wife? I know I don’t have a long life and I know it would be difficult, but I love you. How I feel for you is permanent and unyielding. The love I feel for you will change and grow, I know, but it will never diminish. I love you. If there is any fairness left in this world, you will come back to read this letter. And, if Apexia has a sense of humor, I will live to see you throw this letter in my face, scream vulgarities at me, and tell me to get out of your sight.

  I miss you more than words can say. Why did you break my heart by dying?

  Arrago

  Tears welled in Bethany’s eyes. Her poor Arrago. The ink was smeared at the end, where he didn’t even bother to hold back his tears. For the Arrago who wrote this letter, their last words had been full of anger and selfish spite; two people who were hurting so much that they couldn’t even think past their own pain.

  So much had changed. Arrago’s life was no longer a human’s span. She didn’t even know how long she would live, and now Arrago shared that burden. Would they fall out of love as quickly as they’d fallen into it? She couldn’t live a courtier’s life, and Henry was a long way from being able to rule.

  So many legitimate questions. So why was she smiling?

  Her smile grew wider. Whenever she thought of Arrago, it felt like coming home, where the world couldn’t hurt her. With him, she knew—not just felt, but knew—she could do anything. As long as he was with her, she could always see in the darkness.

  Marrying a human would cause the Elven Council to shit cows. She snorted, and rolled over to face away from the fire. She needed to sleep on this for a few days, just to make sure. Hope was a luxury she’d not yet purchased.

  ****

  Bethany was unable to sleep after reading her letters. She wrapped Arrago’s cloak around her shoulders and gripped an unopened bottle of whiskey she’d stolen from his cellars—that man needed to have better security in place or he was going to be robbed blind, and probably by her—and wandered the battlements of Castle Gree.

  It was a clear night and the air was warm. Summer was approaching.

  Taftlin summers were beautiful, and she felt a little pang that she was going to miss this one. She’d have to leave to report back to Wyllow. What a mess this was.

  She spotted Jovan on the far edge of the eastern battlement, leaning against the stonework. She took a deep breath before approaching him, but approach him she did. He was alone and probably thought that was what he wanted, but she knew him better. No one should be alone when they lose both their lover and their friend. No one.

  She sidled up to him and passed her bottle to him. He took it without a word. His breath hitched at the strong drink and he coughed once, but he drank a long swig before handing it back. Bethany took her own long swig.

  “I feel like I should say something,” Jovan said.

  “You don’t need to.”

  “But I feel like I should, you know?”

  “I know.”

  They exchanged the bottle back and forth a few more times before Jovan asked, “Why are you up?”

  “Arrago,” she said, like that explained everything.

  “Well, that explained everything,” he said dryly.

  Bethany snorted.

  “Well?” he asked.

  She glanced at him. “This isn’t the time.”

  “If it will take my mind off Eve for even a second…” He took another long pull from the bottle. “It’ll make this the right time.”

  She exhaled and leaned against the stonework beside him. “Promise you won’t tell anyone, not even Kiner.”

  “Done,” he said.

  “Arrago asked me to marry him.”

  Jovan sucked in a sharp breath. He closed his eyes and an indescribable hurt flashed across his face, but it faded and he gave her a sad smile. “What did you say?”

  “Nothing yet.” She shrugged. “I was thinking I might. Maybe.”

  “You should. Absolutely.”

  Bethany cocked an eyebrow. “Truly?”

  Jovan didn’t hand the bottle back. He took a pull and then held it tightly. “Eve never wanted to marry me. She always said that she’d leave and go back to Rygent once she was old. She never wanted me to look after her. But I loved her with all my heart and soul. I loved that woman so much.” Her voice quavered. “Before she left, I almost asked her to reconsider it all the same. But I didn’t, and now…now I never will.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jovan.”

  Jovan shook his head and he drew in a shaky breath. His voice was cracking. “If I start, I won’t stop.”

  “Then don’t,” Bethany said and wrapped an arm around his waist.

  The contact broke Jovan and he gripped her in an embrace. He wept into her hair, sobbing that his last days with Eve had been filled with them fighting. Bethany said little, as there was precious little she could say.

  So much pain. They’d lost so many friends.

  Footsteps approached and Bethany turned to see Erem. He also held a bottle and, from his sluggish steps, he’d clearly drunk a goodly portion of it. He froze when his eyes met Bethany’s and he turned on his heel, his shoulders slumped.

  She wiped at her face and shouted, “Erem! Wait. Join us.”

  Erem walked over, swaying a little. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I was just looking for a quiet place to get drunk.”

  Jovan rubbed his eyes and forced a smile. Bethany pulled her arm back and rubbed her hands together to warm them. “As were we.”

  “Come join us,” Jovan said. His voice cracked. “None of us should be alone right now.”

  “Besides, you’re one of us.” Bethany clapped Erem on the back. “More than ever.”

  Erem lowered his head into his hand and sobbed.

  “Oh, Erem.”

  Jovan wrapped his arms around Erem and Bethany joined in, her own heart breaking.

  And the evening continued until at last it was Jovan, Bethany, Erem, Kiner, and Arrago, all sitting on the stone floor of the battlement. Their words were heavily slurred and Bethany struggled to keep her head up.

  “I’m so drunk,” Arrago slurred.

  Bethany laughed. “I can’t feel my toes.”

  “That’s because your boots are too tight,” Jovan said.

  “Ya know, I still remember the first time I met Allric,” Bethany said, her words thick and slow.

  “I remember it, too,” Jovan said quietly. “Apexia’s tits, I wish I didn’t.”

  Arrago smiled. “What happened?”

  “I’d been in Taftlin with Jovan’s parents. I was being exposed to the world, so I could be locked up later to be protected from it. They knew I was Apexia’s daughter, but…they didn’t understand what that meant. Some men grabbed me at a market, thinking I was just some random Elorian kid.”

  “Beth, you sure you want to tell this?” Jovan asked.

  Bethany tipped back her bottle, discovering it empty. She threw it and it smashed against the stone wall. She’d meant to throw it in the pile of hay in the corner, but missed. “Well, shit. I’ll have to clean that up later.”

  Arrago passed her his bottle.

  She grunted her thanks. “It was a long time ago. Besides, I’m too drunk to keep things to myself.” She barked out a
laugh.

  “Well, what happened?” Erem asked.

  “They dragged me off to some house. They were going to sell me. I didn’t understand what was going on, but looking back, they were planning to sell me and the other kids as sex slaves most likely.”

  Arrago growled. “No wonder you hate Taftlin.”

  “How did you escape?” Erem asked. “I’ve never heard the story.”

  Bethany stared down at her hands and whispered, “I burned it.”

  “You caught it on fire?” Erem asked.

  “I summoned up my Power and burned it to the ground, with myself and the kids still inside.”

  “Merciful Apexia,” Arrago whispered.

  “I didn’t mean to,” she said, gulping. “I killed the slavers and the other children. But not me. I walked out of that fire. Covered in blisters and burns, but I walked out.”

  Arrago put his arm around Bethany and pulled her close. She let him. In fact, she’d been waiting for that all night.

  “Did you get into trouble?” Erem asked. “I never heard of this.”

  “Jovan’s parents bundled me up with healers and the knights they came with. Plus, they paid some mercenaries to go with us until the first outpost. I mean, I walked out of a burning building where a dozen people screamed and died. And I just walked out and said I’d burned it down. They had to get me out of Taftlin fast.”

  “I was at the Temple because Mother and Father wanted me to be a priest,” Jovan said, a horrified look on his face, “I was there when they brought Bethany in. Surrounded by knights, like fully vowed, battle-ready knights, healers wrapped around her, and my parents looking horrified. Bethany was screaming. Apparently, she’d screamed the entire way from Taftlin to the Temple.”

  Bethany nodded. “It’s true. When I realized what I’d done and what was happening to me, I had a complete breakdown. I was so hurt and in so much pain. It had it all worse.” She smiled. “But Allric picked up me, even while I screamed the entire time. He just picked me up, wrapped his arms around me, and said he was there to protect me now. I was safe as long as…” her voice cracked, “as long he held me, I was safe.”

  “Wow,” Arrago said. “Is that why you became a knight?”

  Bethany nodded. She leaned against Arrago and he pulled her closer. The wine, brandy, whiskey, and whatever else they’d drunk was mixing in her stomach and making her eyes droop. Grief was exhausting.

  “What an example to hold yourself up against,” Erem whispered.

  “He was the best knight who ever lived,” Jovan said.

  They raised their bottles and saluted the memory of Allric.

  “I wish…” Erem started. He frowned and said, “I wish I’d gotten to know Eve better. As friends, not as someone I worked for.”

  Jovan smiled through his tears. “Eve adored you.”

  “She did?”

  Jovan nodded. He leaned his head against the wall. “She used to lay in bed and tell me how you were trying to impress her.”

  “She was such a hardass,” Erem said.

  “That was her job,” Jovan said. “She loved being a knight.”

  “She was good at it,” Bethany added.

  Jovan turned to look at Bethany. He smiled. “She was, wasn’t she?”

  “She really was,” Kiner said. “I’m going to miss her.”

  “As will I,” Bethany said.

  “What’s going to become of us?” Arrago asked. “I mean…we’re all different now.”

  They were silent. Bethany couldn’t answer his question, because she didn’t know.

  “I was born like this. This is the only life I know,” she said. Arrago kissed her cheek. She let him. What’s more, she wanted him to. She could have him forever now. What a terrifyingly wonderful thought. “It’s strange knowing my friends are going to share that future with me.” Tears formed in her eyes and she sniffed.

  “Beth,” Jovan chided. “Don’t cry or I’ll start again.”

  Bethany laughed, even as tears trickled down her cheeks. Her heart ached so much. “All I know is that I’ve always feared…I’ve always been afraid. Now…” She looked around at them. “I’m not so afraid anymore.”

  She leaned her head against Arrago’s and closed her eyes. Soon, the alcohol did its job and she fell into a dark, blank sleep.

  CHAPTER 27

  Bethany sipped her mug of tea in silence, fighting off the terrible hangover from the night before. Lendra rested her head in Bethany’s lap, feet tucked up under her cake-like dress. Lendra had been crying off and on the last three days, and Bethany wasn’t feeling much better herself. But they were each other’s only family now, and Bethany spent as much time with Lendra as possible.

  “What did you do today?” Lendra asked.

  “Letters of condolence, I wrote one to Amber, but…she’s our friend. Someone should tell her in person, but I can’t leave right now. Are you up for it?”

  Lendra sat up and rubbed her nose in her lacy sleeve. “Of course. She should hear it from one of us. Do you think Arrago could arrange it?”

  “Ask Lord Stanley. He seems the type to enjoy helping a young lady in distress.”

  Lendra smiled, but it faded away.

  Bethany touched her sister’s face and said, “We’ll get through this.”

  “I know,” Lendra said miserably. “Bethany?”

  “Hmm?”

  “We should talk.”

  Bethany put her mug of tea down on the ornate table next to the sofa. She looked at her sister’s puffy eyes and said, “I’m not ready.”

  “You’re never ready.”

  Bethany barked out a laugh. “Probably. I don't know how I'm going to sleep ever again.”

  Lendra slipped her hand over Bethany’s. Lendra’s hands were always cold, just like hers. “It wasn't your fault.”

  “Which part?”

  “All of it,” Lendra said. “I can’t imagine how much courage it took for you to end Sarissa’s suffering.”

  Bethany began to protest, but Lendra hushed her. “Listen to me. Whatever the reason, Sarissa made those choices. She was a murderer. She started a war that caused the deaths of tens of thousands of people. No, listen to me. What you did was a mercy and everyone knows it. You just hoped that she would fight you so you wouldn’t have to make a cold, calculated decision to put down your suffering sister.”

  Bethany looked away.

  “No, don’t turn away. You need to face this.”

  Bethany blew out a breath. “I know, but it’s going to take me a long time. You have to be patient with me. I don’t adapt like you do.”

  “You need to learn,” Lendra said. “It’s all going to move rather fast, I think.”

  Bethany put her arm around her last remaining sister. “When did you get so smart?”

  “My big sister had been rubbing off on me.”

  Bethany chuckled. “Perhaps. I'm sorry about…mother.”

  “Don't be.” Lendra sniffled and Bethany pulled her tighter. “No, really, Bethany, don't be. Mama was so unhappy. This is what she wanted. She'd done so much to correct her mistakes. And the more she tried, the more harm she did. She told me she didn't want to be tied to this world anymore. You gave her what she wanted.”

  Tears flowed down Bethany’s cheeks. “I didn't want that. I wanted to yell at her and punish her for everything she'd done. I didn't want her to die. What does that even mean? I killed Apexia, the Gentle Goddess. I killed her with the sword she blessed. Oh sweet divine and shitballs, what does that mean for future knights? There won't be any more Blessed Blades and Bows and all that now. How…?”

  “You could do it,” Lendra whispered.

  “Oh, fuck no,” Bethany said. “The last thing I need is for people to think I took Apexia's place. Any of us.”

  Lendra looked dubious.

  “I can’t wrap my head around it, okay? All I know is that you are alive,” Bethany kissed Lendra’s straw-coloured hair. “Arrago, Kiner, Jovan, Erem…we’ll get thr
ough this.”

  Lendra pulled away and gave Bethany a pointed look. “You haven’t talked to Arrago yet, have you?”

  “I sent him a note.”

  “A note?”

  Bethany glared at her sister. “Don’t give me that look.”

  “A note? You sent him a fucking note?”

  “Watch your mouth,” Bethany ordered.

  “Don’t change the subject. A note, Bethany?”

  Bethany sighed. “We talked a bit, but…I asked him to give me a few days.”

  “Why?”

  “I need time to think.”

  Lendra crossed her arms. “Why?”

  Bethany shot her a cross look. “Grown-up things.”

  “You can talk to him without being intimate with him.”

  Bethany made a disgusted noise. “I simply need time. The war is over. From everyone's perspective, I was dead for weeks. I need to deal with that. I didn't even get to say a proper good bye to Allric or Eve…” Bethany's voice hitched in her throat. “I wish I'd…I knew better, too. I should have said good bye to them.”

  Lendra shook her head. “Don’t. Allric's last words here in the Castle were about getting you back. They were going to invade the main island, but Allric hadn't given up on you. He was worried and I think he died thinking you were dead, but he hadn't given up hope.”

  A heavy weight pressed on Bethany’s chest. “I just wish he knew how much he meant to me. And Eve. She was such a good friend to me for all these years. It's such a waste. Apexia did all this just to…what? Atone for her own mistakes? To cover up what she'd done? How did you even figure it out?”

  “I threatened her.”

  “What?”

  “Well, I was digging around in your things…”

  “You were what?”

  Lendra recounted the story about finding the journal and Erem's role in it. As she did, Bethany’s horror grew at the idea of her baby sister and Erem…in her bedroom…together…oh merciful Apexia!

  “Stop,” Bethany said, unable to listen further. “Tell me you and Erem didn't do anything in my bedroom. Lie if you must.”