Consensual

by Livia Jamerlan

  “Fuck off, Braelynn.” She turned and walked away, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

  “You’re only pissed because you know it’s the truth! Caleb is the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you’re too dumb to realize it! Let’s hope he doesn’t realize he’s wasting his time with someone who’s only interested in her career!” I shouted through the apartment. It was the second time today a door had slammed, ending a conversation.

  I brought the ice cream to my room as tears formed in my eyes. Kennedy’s words hurt in more ways than she’d probably meant them to, but Peyton’s words didn’t hurt. His words made my blood boil. I wasn’t naïve; I knew exactly what that asshole had done to those women. I was trying to help Natasha get what she deserved, and if I could go one step further and help put Drew Seymour behind bars where he could never hurt anyone again, even better. But when I thought about the past few weeks and the past fifteen minutes, I couldn’t help but wonder if Kennedy was right. Did Loren throw it all away for me?

  Wiping my tears away, I set the pint down and pulled out my cell phone. I sat on top of the bed, hugging my knees and waiting for her to answer.

  “Hey, Braelynn.” Her voice was filled with love. It was the same voice that had soothed me back to bed any time I’d woken up from a bad dream.

  I sniffled back tears. “Hi, Lo.”

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing,” I lied. “I’m just in a funk and wanted to say hi. I guess I’m feeling a little homesick.”

  “You sure, honey? Do you want to talk about it?”

  Exhaling, I grabbed the ice cream. “Work really sucks right now. I have a big case and I think I just blew it. I barely have any time to study for the bar, and I just got into a big fight with Kennedy.” I sighed. “Lo?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you feel like you gave it all up?” My eyes glassed with new tears forming. “Do you feel like the only reason you came all the way out here was because of me? Is that why you didn’t fight Henry?”

  “Braelynn, don’t you ever think that, do you understand? I don’t regret leaving there for one second.” I could hear the pain in her voice when she spoke.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you all emotional. I just have so much going on. I think I might take a week off just to catch up on some work and study for the bar,” I said, closing my eyes. I massaged my scalp, trying to fend off the impending migraine forming deep in my head.

  “Like you did for finals in college?” Loren asked.

  My senior year of college, I checked into a Motel 6 for a week and blocked out the world so I could concentrate solely on my studies. Now it seemed like perfect timing again, but being tight on cash, it didn’t make sense. Not to mention that a cheap hotel in New York City would probably include rats and bed bugs. But after the arguments I’d had with Peyton and Kennedy, maybe the rats wouldn’t be that terrible. “Yeah, just hide out somewhere for a few days and cram everything in,” I replied, contemplating what to do.

  “I’m here for you, baby girl.” Loren’s soothing voice warmed my heart.

  “I know. I love you.”

  “I love you too. ”

  After my conversation with Loren, and after devouring my pint of gelato, I walked back into the kitchen. Our apartment was quiet. Cold, really. Walking over to the side of the fridge, I looked at Kennedy’s work schedule; she was off for the next three days. I refused to be the first one to apologize, and I knew Kennedy was more stubborn than most bulls, so there was no way she was going to apologize anytime soon. The next three days were going to be hell unless I found somewhere else to stay, but where?

  Gus.

  Surprised that his name took so long to pop into my mind, I ran to my room and packed an overnight bag. Maybe a break away from my dramatic life was what I needed.

  After walking through Central Park, I finally climbed the steps to Gus’s apartment building. It was a night and day difference to where Kennedy and I lived. The apartments were smaller and cramped, and there were businesses and bodegas at almost every corner. Ringing his doorbell, I waited by the intercom.

  “Yes?” His voice was static through the speaker.

  “Gus, it’s me. Can I come up?” My plan of getting away from Kennedy was filled with flaws. I hadn’t even checked with Gus to see if this was okay or not; I just showed up at his house with my bag packed.

  The door buzzed and I jogged up the three flights of steps. His front door swung open when I made it to the final landing.

  “Hi,” I huffed, breathless from the climb. Shifting my overnight bag higher on my shoulder, I walked toward Gus, my eyes still puffy from earlier.

  “Hey, baby Brae. What’s the matter?” He reached out for my bag.

  Exhaling, I let my shoulders slump low. “Can I stay here a couple of days?”

  “Braelynn, what’s wrong?” Gus asked when we were in his tiny apartment. His living room served as a kitchen and dining room too, but Gus decorated in such a way that you never felt crammed in.

  I flopped on the couch, hugging his teal decorative pillow. “Kennedy and I had this really big fight. She doesn’t have to go into work for a couple of days, and I’m really not in the mood to see her.” I attempted to keep my explanation as simple as possible.

  “What? You two never fight.” He dropped my overnight bag on the chair before curling up next to me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, letting his arms wrap around to comfort me.

  “She said some fucked-up shit, then I said some fucked-up shit.” I didn’t want to get Gus involved in my drama, and I didn’t want him to know that it was Peyton who I’d been screwing. Not to mention, I didn’t want him to call me dumb too. Gus planted a kiss over my hair, his way of reassuring me that he was there for me.

  I had tried to push Peyton away. I figured I’d wait until the case was over or my internship was done before I got involved with him, but I could no longer help what I felt for him. There was no point in hiding from my feelings; he wasn’t there just to scratch my itch. For the first time, I was falling for someone, but now it had all turned to shit.

  Gus stood and walked to the kitchen. I heard the fridge open and close before he returned with a pint of Häagen-Dazs and two spoons. Popping the lid open, he handed me a spoon before he scooped out a big spoonful for himself. Gus was never one to indulge in sweets, so this was weird. I grabbed my spoon and reached for the pint with a puzzled look on my face.

  “What?” he asked as he savored the first bite.

  “Nothing.” I smiled for the first time since I saw Peyton in my living room. I scooped a small amount onto my spoon. “I thought you didn’t like sweets.”

  “What can I say, Brae? You’ve been rubbing off on me. Eating ice cream helps.”

  I looked into his big chocolate eyes and saw what I assumed was the same pain that lurked in my own expression. “You want to talk about it?” I asked. I handed him back the pint of ice cream before laying my head on his lap. He smiled down at me.

  “Jon asked me to go as his date to this party he has to attend Memorial Day weekend.” Gus played with his spoon. “I’m not ready to be open about us just yet.”

  “Do you want me to go as your plus one? That way you can still be close to him?” I offered, knowing that we both had been each other’s plus one on numerous occasions.

  “No, it won’t help. I offered that and Jon just threw a bigger fit. He said he was tired of always seeming like the third wheel. He said he wants to be with someone who can openly commit to him.” He placed a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. “But I’m not ready yet, you know? Aside from you and Kennedy, only a few people know. I haven’t even come out to my mother yet.”

  “Sorry, Gussy.” I rubbed my hand on his thigh. Gus’s father had left him and his mother when he was ten, and Gus felt that telling his mother he was gay would destroy her. Maybe I was biased because I couldn’t remember what it was like to be loved by my parents, but I knew the love I had from Loren and
Jennifer. They would only want me to be happy, regardless what the circumstances were.

  Just happy.

  Placing his ice cream on the glass coffee table, he rubbed his hand down my hair. “Don’t be sorry, baby girl. Looks like it’s just me and you.”

  “Always.”

  I walked into work the next morning thinking it was the last time I would ever walk to my small gray cubicle. When my key card worked at the security gate, I was shocked. Maybe Professor Goldstein was going to fire me in person. That would be great, very humiliating. Hell, maybe Peyton will be there to watch the whole thing.

  When I reached my desk, I expected a pink slip or a sticky note to be waiting for me, but there was nothing. I looked around to see if there was anyone in the office yet. Maybe he was stuck in traffic, or Victoria was running late.

  There was no way Peyton hadn’t said anything, especially after all that he had said yesterday. It was only a matter of time—my hours—minutes—here, were numbered. I logged on, cleared out any personal email I had, and organized my desk so that when I was canned it would be a painless process.

  When I looked down at my clock on the screen and it was past ten in the morning, I swiveled in my chair, looking around for signs of anything different. Was I not supposed to be here? Not wanting to be a coward and needing to know if I had my job for another day, I rose from my seat and walked toward Victoria’s office. Might as well face it head-on.

  I stopped at her doorway and tapped softly, not wanting to startle her from her work. “Good morning, Victoria.” I smiled weakly.

  “Morning, Braelynn.” She turned from her computer and beamed at me. “Can I help you with something, sweetie?”

  Shocked by what she said, I stuttered my first few words before I caught myself. “I … I came … I came to see if you need any assistance. I’m caught up on all the work you’ve given me, and I thought I could give you a hand with whatever you’re working on.” I walked farther into her office, taking a seat in front of her oversized dark-wood desk.

  She swiveled in her chair, turning to her massive bookcase that overflowed with files. She reached for a few folders before spinning back to me. “Can you brief these for me the same way you did the Venturini v. Seymour case?”

  I nodded, taking the files from her. At the moment, I would do anything to clear my mind. “Of course.”

  “I swear, Braelynn, after you pass the bar, I hope Howard offers you a permanent position. You’re the best intern we’ve ever had.” She turned back to her desk, scanning the email that had just entered her inbox.

  “I feel like I’ve been doing such a bad job. I couldn’t find anything that would help with the Venturini case.” I slumped in the chair, bringing the files to my chest.

  “Oh, no. You’ve done such a great job these past few weeks. You’re here more than any other intern we’ve had, and all the cases I’ve asked you to help me with … well, you organized them so well that it’s made all of our jobs so much easier.” She placed both hands on the desk and looked at me. “Trust me, everyone appreciates all that you’ve done.”

  I pushed myself off the chair and thanked her for the pep talk, though it didn’t stop the pain in the pit of my stomach. I walked farther down the hallway until I reached Howard’s office. I stepped into his doorway and noticed that he was on the phone. When I began to turn back around, he waved for me to come in.

  “Natasha, I assure you we’re doing everything we can. Don’t stress. We have a good case against him, but it’s up to the judge to decide if we should go to trial.” I couldn’t hide the disappointment I felt. Drew should have been judged by his peers a long time ago. As I waited patiently for Howard to finish his conversation, I took the opportunity to admire the certificates and degrees on his wall.

  “How’s it going, Braelynn?” He smiled brightly at me. I couldn’t help but hope that maybe Peyton hadn’t said anything after all, or at least not yet.

  “Good, Professor. I just came by to see if you needed anything.”

  “Not unless you have something on Drew that can make him settle before pre-trial.” Though he attempted to joke, I felt the seriousness in his voice.

  “Sorry. Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything we would be able to use.”

  “It’s okay. Part of the job, I guess. Let’s just hope Haas has lost his courtroom charm. Judges and juries love him.” He leaned back in his chair.

  “Let’s hope so.” But if I knew anything with certainty, it was that there was absolutely no chance of Howard’s hopes becoming reality. “If you need anything, sir, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  After I was done with the briefs, I returned them to Victoria’s desk before taking my late lunch. Needing to walk off the two pints of ice cream I’d consumed the day before, I decided a nice stroll would be better for me. I grabbed a smoothie and found myself wandering the warm streets of Manhattan.

  The screen on my phone showed I still had no calls from Kennedy since our big blowout. It was only a matter of time before I apologized to her, but I wasn’t ready quite yet.

  Sliding my phone back into my purse, my eyes caught sight of a black limo parked at the curb. My heart stuttered, and I found myself looking frantically for Peyton. I knew it was his limo. When I glanced at the buildings around me, I realized I had wandered right in front of the courthouse. Without thinking twice, I jogged up the steps, pulled open the heavy door, and found the courtroom Peyton was in.

  Entering as quietly as possible, I sat in the back, hidden from his sight. His voice was loud and clear, echoing in the room as he spoke to a jury about his client. I closed my eyes and listened to every word he said; I imagined him pacing the room back in forth in his tailored suit, winning over each juror with his bulletproof logic, charisma, and smile. Within fifteen minutes, and knowing nothing about the case, I believed his client was innocent. His delivery was impeccable.

  When he finished, the judge broke for recess. I didn’t want to see him, so I snuck out before the courtroom emptied. If Professor Goldstein expected Haas to have lost his tactics, he was about to be seriously disappointed. From what I’d just heard, Haas was just warming up.

  Thursday I found myself staying at work later than usual. Kennedy wasn’t working, so I couldn’t go home on the off chance that she might be there, and I wasn’t ready to go to Gus’s place just yet. Needing to make up time at work, I had just pulled another brief from my file when my office phone rang.

  “Braelynn Wolf speaking. How may I assist?”

  “Are you still at work?” Gus’s voice came into the receiver.

  “Yes. You did call my office phone, no?” I shook my head.

  “Don’t sass me, Brae. When are you coming home?” He chuckled. “I was thinking maybe we could do dinner. It’s Thirsty Thursday and there’s no point moping around my apartment. What do you say?” During college, Thursday nights were officially the start of our weekends.

  “What did you have in mind?” I cracked my neck and closed the manila folder in front of me.

  “Posh,” Gus said. It was a new restaurant that had opened up, one he hadn’t been to yet.

  “Really, Gus? Posh? Are we even going to be able to get a reservation at this time of night?” I logged off the computer and retrieved my purse from the drawer.

  “On a regular day, no. But ...”

  “But?”

  “But when you spent the past eight hours at a photo shoot with the hostess, you definitely can.”

  “Okay, I’m leaving now. What time is the reservation?”

  “You have time, baby girl. Not until nine thirty.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll be there soon.”

  Closing my drawer and shutting off the light behind me, I walked down the empty hallway, thinking of the many glasses of wine I was going to have before, during, and after dinner. The weekend was so close, and what I needed more than anything was a warm bubble bath and maybe one or two bottles of wine. Since neither Gus nor I had a soaking tub, I would h
ave to settle for the wine.

  Braelynn

  As I waited for our table to clear at Posh, I leaned my head on Gus’s shoulder, exhaustion creeping into my body. Gus had insisted we leave early so his hostess friend wouldn’t have to hold our table, which left me with no time for a catnap.

  I began to close my eyes just as a warm breeze from outside hit my legs. I didn’t notice him until Gus shrugged his shoulder, lifting my head. I looked at Gus, who nodded toward Peyton and a breathtaking woman coming in beside him. Straightening, I adjusted my hair before he had the opportunity to see me. My sleep-deprived, sluggish body awakened with his presence as my cheeks warmed and my heart rate sped up.

  He walked over to the hostess, gave her his name, then turned and headed in our direction with the tall brunette attached to his hip. He stood tall next to her, his face young and carefree as they joked. She was a perfect-ten model, with ombre hair, the roots dark brown with the tips lightening to blonde, and barely an ounce of makeup on her face. Flawless. As they approached, she locked her arm possessively around Peyton. I couldn’t help it; I was jealous.

  “Braelynn,” Peyton said, momentarily surprised at seeing me. He stood a few feet away from us, and a flash of anger quickly replaced his surprise as he took in my close proximity to Gus. “Gustavo, nice to see you again.” His jaw tightened as he shook Gus’s hand.

  I wanted to yell and scream and rage at him and at the woman hanging off his arm, but I didn’t. Even though he had stormed in and out of my life, called me stupid and naïve, I still missed him. I still wanted him.

  “Yeah, man. Same here,” Gus replied.

  My foot tapped on the floor and I directed my nervous energy elsewhere. Pulling my cell phone from my purse, I scrolled through Facebook, looking for something to distract me. He was only a few feet away from me, so my efforts were no doubt in vain, but I had to try something, anything, to keep my emotions in check. I was failing miserably. The awkward silence broke when Gus cleared his throat and the door opened. I snapped my eyes up when a lady with the same hazel eyes as Peyton’s walked over to us.