Consensual

by Livia Jamerlan

  Moving toward me, his hands wrapped around my shoulders and held me in place. “I’m yours!” he shouted back. Rendered silent, I could only stare at him. “You own me. You control what I feel and what I do.” His hands released my shoulders and balled into fists. “This isn’t me, Braelynn. I don’t do relationships. I don’t know how. You think this is what I expected from you? You were supposed to be some chick I took home from the club. A notch on my belt, as you called it.”

  He stepped away, his hands running through his hair again, and his words breaking my heart. “You changed all of that. For the first time, I wanted to see where this led. I see you everywhere … your smile, your eyes, your hair. Everywhere. But you’ve kept me at a distance from the start. You could have talked to me about Drew. You could have told me what you were doing. But you didn’t.”

  “We’ve already been over this. We agreed—”

  “You use the case as a reason not to see me,” he shouted. “You’re researching those women for charges that have been dropped, putting yourself in danger and making it impossible for me to protect you. I don’t know what to do anymore!”

  “Protect me? I never asked you to protect me. I never asked for anything from you.” He recoiled as if I’d punched him. When he regained his composure a moment later, his eyes were as cold as his voice.

  “You know what, I brought you in here to apologize for the way I spoke to you the other day, but it seems pointless now since you don’t need anything from me. You don’t want to let me in? Fine. You want to keep pushing me away? Fine. I’m gone.”

  Turning around, he yanked open the heavy metal door and reentered the busy courthouse, leaving me alone.

  Braelynn

  I arrived fifteen minutes early to Johnny Boy’s and asked to be seated outside so I could see Mackenzie when she approached. My foot began to tap nervously when I thought she wasn’t going to show. Picking at my manicure, I thought back to how much I liked Mackenzie and how badly I could use her friendship right now. The chair in front of me moved back, making me jump in my seat.

  “Hi,” her raspy voice said as she sat down.

  “Hi,” I replied, sliding my hands to the side of the table.

  An awkward silence hung between us.

  “Look …” She exhaled. “I only asked you here because Nikki insisted that I tell you what happened.” She reached into her purse, pulled out an envelope, and slid it over to me. “This is for the retainer. I want to hire you as my lawyer, and this way anything I say will be under attorney- client privilege.”

  I placed my hand on top of hers. “Mackenzie, I haven’t taken the bar yet, and I don’t have my license yet, but you have my word that I won’t say anything about what you tell me.”

  She pushed the envelope back to me. “I guess when you get your license, I’ll be your first client.”

  I nodded, taking the envelope from her. After the waiter brought our drinks and bread, she looked at me. I could tell by the cloudy look in her eyes that she was contemplating if this was the smart thing to do.

  “Mackenzie … When I was a kid, I watched my uncle come into my bedroom and rape my sister almost every night. It started when I was five, I think, but I’ve seen what it’s done to her, walking around with a weight on her shoulders because she never pressed charges.” I wanted her to know that I understood her pain.

  She bit her lower lip before she spoke. “I met Drew my senior year of college. My roommate, one that I’d shared a dorm with for two years, thought it would be cool to get our own place. Raquel had this boyfriend. I’d heard of him, but had never met him. It was Thanksgiving weekend and we had an awful blizzard that canceled my flight back home to Mississippi.”

  She laughed as she reflected. “I agreed to go with her to this house party her boyfriend, Chuck, was hosting. She was a great roommate, but a terrible friend. The second we arrived at his apartment, she left me to go fuck Chuck in the closest bedroom she could find. I stood in the corner watching each girl get approached by some guy, and then a few moments later, he’d follow her upstairs. Drew came and stood next to me. He said he was Chuck’s friend. He seemed friendly enough, so I stood there and talked to him the rest of the night.

  “The next time Chuck had a party, Raquel insisted I go again. She said Drew really wanted to see me, so I went and stood in the corner and talked to him about school, work, and what my plans were for after college. We did that at a couple of different parties before he grew tired or possibly bored, I guess.”

  She closed her eyes, shaking her head back and forth slowly. Her voice was so low I had to lean in to hear her. “It was just after the New Year. I had come back early from visiting my parents because I’d had this big fight with my father. Wanting to rebel, I followed Raquel to another party, but this time I didn’t watch my liquor. I didn’t care. I felt comfortable around Drew and thought he wouldn’t disrespect me. I remember I asked him to follow me to the bathroom. He guided me up the steps, holding on to my waist as I took each step. It wasn’t until I’d reached the top step that I realized I’d had a little more to drink than I should have.”

  She exhaled slowly. Taking a break, she sipped on her drink. “Sorry, I haven’t told this story in a long time.”

  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Though I wanted her to continue, I couldn’t push her. Not when her hands were shaking and her dark brown eyes were glassy with tears.

  “No, it’s okay.” She removed the straw from her drink and took a big gulp. “After I used the restroom, Drew stood in the hallway, waiting for me. He asked if I wanted to lie down for a bit because I didn’t look well, so I followed him into one of the bedrooms. When he locked the door behind him, he changed from the nice guy I’d known for weeks to a monster I didn’t recognize.”

  My stomach began to turn with Mackenzie’s story; the back of my neck dampened from cold sweat.

  “He pushed me onto the bed, and I sobered up quickly. The music in the house was too loud for anyone to hear my screams, but he pinned me to the bed, placing his forearm on my throat and threatening to crush my windpipe if I fought him. He slid his jeans down before he ripped my leggings off. My joints locked with fear, and I trembled as tears dripped from my eyes. I kept begging him to stop, telling him I didn’t want this, but he held me by my hair and told me that whores aren’t allowed to say no.”

  “Stop!” I shouted, shaking my head, needing to get that image out of my mind. “I’m sorry, it’s just—”

  “I know.”

  “Why did you drop the charges?”

  “When he was done, he wrote out a check and left it on the nightstand, thanking me for my services. When the feeling in my limbs returned, I grabbed the check and left the party, heading straight for the cops. When I went to the police a rape kit was made, but I wasn’t physically hurt, I didn’t have any of his skin under my nails, and there was no semen to collect since he’d used a condom. There was little to go on other than my word. The next day he showed up at my door with a tape in hand. What I hadn’t realized was that Chuck was running his own mini brothel out of his apartment and Raquel had been moonlighting as a call girl.”

  Holy shit.

  She paused in her story when the waiter brought us both a new round. “What was on the tape?”

  “Chuck made sure that every common room in his home had a camera recording the entire party. Drew handed me an edited copy that showed us cozied up in the corner at every party I’d attended. I had no idea Raquel was working as a call girl or I never would have gone. The last scene on the tape was of me following him into the bedroom, stumbling and smiling at him. Asshole said not to worry, that I could keep that video and he would mail his copy to the prosecutor.”

  “Fuck. Mackenzie …” I grabbed her hands. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

  “I didn’t have a case. It was my word against his.” She shrugged her shoulders as she brought the cloth napkin up to wipe her tears.

  The fucking assha
t made sure all his bases were covered.

  My hands massaged my scalp as I replayed what Mackenzie had just told me. I wanted more than anything to get that rat bastard behind bars, but he was smarter than most. “Wait! You said he gave you a check?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  “Did you keep it? Wouldn’t the check be leverage in your favor? He paid you for sex.” My mind began replaying her story again.

  “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t even his check.” She reached for the bread on the table.

  Not his check?

  “What do you mean? He gave you a check that wasn’t his? You said you watched him sign it.” I couldn’t hide the hope in my voice. Please, God, tell me this asshole was dumb enough to sign someone else’s check.

  “He pulled out a checkbook from his blazer, then I watched him fill it out and leave it there.” She tore her bread in half and spread butter on it.

  This was music to my ears. “Do you still have a copy of the check? Or do you know the name of the person it belonged to?” Underneath the table, I crossed my fingers, hoping and praying that she’d kept the check.

  “Mmhmm,” she nodded, chewing the food in her mouth. I sat at the edge of my seat, waiting for her to swallow. “Boris Zolin. I have three copies stored in three different safety deposit boxes, plus the original.”

  I know that name …

  “Holy shit!” I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket and opened my emails. Mackenzie’s eyes looked frantic as I looked for the email I’d sent to myself with Drew Seymour’s client list. The Excel spreadsheet opened on my tiny screen, and I scrolled all the way to the end.

  Boris Zolin.

  “Oh my God.” My hands began to shake.

  “Braelynn? What is it?”

  “You hold the proof that could win Natasha’s case. We could settle out of court or bring him to trial and drag his name through the mud.” I smiled wide at her, but her expression didn’t mirror mine. Instead, I noticed fear in her eyes. “Mackenzie?”

  “I can’t … I can’t give it to you. I’m sorry.”

  “What? Why not? Not only can Natasha win her lawsuit and get her job back, but we can also use this to build a criminal case against him, put him behind bars where he belongs.” I couldn’t believe what she was saying.

  “The only reason I never signed an NDA is because I have that check. My father is a state senator in Mississippi, and if Drew finds out that anyone else knows about that check, there is nothing stopping him from uploading the tape of me at Chuck’s house and destroying my father’s career.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, praying I could catch a break for once. I couldn’t force her to hand over the check, but I planned to convince her whatever way I could.

  “Fuck.”

  “I’m sorry.” Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears again.

  “Don’t be. I can’t force you to testify against him or give me that check.” Propping my elbows on the table, I let my palms hold my chin. “You know the story I told you about my uncle and my sister? Well, when my sister turned eighteen, she walked into the police station and requested a restraining order against my uncle. When she got home, she showed it to my aunt and explained everything my uncle had done to her. She also told my aunt she wanted to press charges, but my aunt offered her something my sister wanted more: my guardianship. If my sister dropped everything, my aunt would sign my guardianship over to my sister.”

  I sat back on the chair, needing my story to reach Mackenzie. “My sister wishes every day she would have fought to put him in jail, not only because of what he did to her, but because of the possibility of what he could do to another little girl. You have a chance to make sure Drew never does what he did to you to anyone else.”

  “But it will destroy my father’s career. He will disown me.”

  “I don’t know your father, but do you think any person would disown their child for putting a rapist behind bars? Do you think your father would hate you so much that he’d disregard the fact that you’re giving Natasha—an innocent woman—her job back, her chance at a normal life again?”

  “Can I think about it?” She glanced down at her watch. “Oh, shit. I’m going to be late for work.” She pulled her wallet out of her purse, but I stopped her.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got it. Just tell me you’ll think about it?” She nodded and smiled at me before she left.

  I left Johnny Boy’s hours later, buzzed and with my phone attached to my hand. I kept willing it to ring. Walking through Central Park, I found myself praying out loud to my phone. “Please ring. Please, oh pretty please, ring.”

  Mackenzie had said she would think about it, and I needed to believe that she would do the right thing.

  I sat on open green grass at Central Park, gazing up at a blue sky filled with white fluffy clouds and skyscrapers. I laid my phone on my chest so I could feel it vibrate as I leaned back on the grass, my hands behind my head.

  My phone buzzed and I jumped to answer it. I shook it twice, making sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

  Mackenzie Adams: Hey. I’ll do it

  She was going to help. We would prove that Natasha’s accusations were true. My hands shook so much that my thumbs missed letters when I tried to reply.

  Me: Come by my office Mon. I’ll explain the process to you. I’ll text you the address later.

  I couldn’t contain my joy.

  I had done it.

  I had proven that I was somebody who could make a change in the world.

  Looking up to the sky, I closed my eyes and thanked God. The dirty Manhattan air filled my lungs before I opened my eyes. I really wanted to tell Peyton. Case or not, I needed to see him.

  My flats pushed against the concrete as I made my way across a busy Fifth Avenue. I pushed through the glass revolving door and the cool air conditioned air hit my skin, causing goose bumps.

  I smiled at the doorman as I held the phone to my ear. “Come on … Pick up, please.”

  “Braelynn?” His voice did things to my heart.

  “Hi. Will you send me the elevator?” I paced back and forth. I hadn’t thought this out properly. What if he says no?

  “It’s coming down now,” he said.

  A million emotions ran through me as I waited for the cart. The butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings, and containing my excitement was difficult. Standing tall in my buzzed state, I felt proud of myself. I was about to prove someone’s guilt, and I was going to fight hard to make sure that the rat bastard would pay for what he did. When I felt the anger, I couldn’t stop the tears from forming.

  I wasn’t dumb.

  I wasn’t naïve.

  I was a kick-ass lawyer who was going to put an evil son of a bitch behind bars.

  Braelynn

  I paced Peyton’s kitchen as he tended the bar. Unknown rage and excitement ran through me. I didn’t know how to tell him. When the elevator door had opened, my hands were shaking, my breathing irregular. Shocked by my appearance, he offered me water, but I needed something stronger. It probably wasn’t a smart choice, being that I’d had a few extra cocktails after Mackenzie left, but I needed the liquid courage.

  He placed both the glass of wine and the bottle on the island before stepping in front of me, forcing me to stop pacing. “What happened? You’re all over the place right now. Here.” He reached for the glass. “Drink some and breathe.”

  “He’s going to jail. He’ll never be able to hurt anyone ever again,” I blurted.

  “Braelynn, look at me. What the fuck happened?” He grabbed my cheeks. “Please, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s going on.” He placed his lips lightly on mine.

  Since I had received Mackenzie’s text every possible emotion had entered and left my body. I was pretty certain I was having an anxiety attack. My heart raced, my palms were sweaty, and my feelings swam inside of me, but when his lips touched mine it all vanished. My fear, rage, happiness, and sorrow were replaced with something much more powerful. Lus
t? Love?

  I looked up at him with fresh tears in my eyes, and he kissed my forehead. It wasn’t just an emotional attachment I had for him anymore, but under the circumstances I couldn’t see clearly.

  “Hi,” I whispered as the first tear dripped from my eyes.

  Catching my tear, he wiped it away with his thumb. “Tell me what happened.”

  “Can you be Peyton? Can I talk to you and not the defense attorney?” I sniffled.

  He placed his hands under my arms, lifting me so I sat on the island countertop. “Talk to me, doll.” He moved between my legs, taking his cup in his hand. I watched as the wine hit his lips.

  “Mackenzie Adams has what I need to win Natasha’s case and potentially put Drew behind bars.” I beamed at him.

  “Lynn … I thought we didn’t discuss work.”

  I took a swig of my wine and replenished my cup. “I need to tell someone, and I really want to tell you. Please, come Monday morning you’ll receive an email about her. I’m not asking you to give me anything on Drew, and I won’t even go into detail. Just please let me have this moment. I did it. After all my neurotic stalking, I found the truth.”

  Peyton smiled, and I knew by the look on his face he was proud of me. He slid me off the countertop and stood me in front of him, his face serious. “Can I ask you something? What is your obsession with rape? Your client is suing Drew, not claiming he raped her, so why have you insisted on following up with every past relationship he’s had?”

  Breathing deeply, I massaged my temple. His strong hand took mine and led me to the living room. He set both our wine glasses on the coffee table, then sat across from me and took my hands in his, waiting for my response.

  Though my mind was screaming to keep my mouth shut and walk away, my heart was telling me something entirely different. Biting the chapped skin off my lips, I weighed my options. I wanted to share things with him that only a handful of people knew.