Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance)

by Shannon Mayer

  “Thank you,” I mumbled, eyes drooping closed, blocking out the light streaming in through the back window of the ambulance.

  Hands wrapped around mine again and I clung to him, feeling the strength in him and knowing distantly that I shouldn’t be so needy. Victor would have told me I was being silly; I knew he was right. But since Victor wasn’t here, I could hang onto Darwin for a minute.

  “What are you thanking me for?” His voice drew my eyes up to his.

  “Shutting the door on her insufferable voice. She hurts my head.”

  A smile twitched across his lips and again that one dimple appeared in his right cheek. I untangled my one hand from his and reached up, touching it. “Did you know you have a dimple?”

  Darwin smiled wider, but still only one dimple appeared. Just one. He captured my roving hand and brought it back down. “Funny enough, I had no idea.”

  “Are you teasing me?”

  “You are a bit out of it, and I will admit that it’s always fun to tease the patients when I know they won’t remember me the next day.”

  My eyelids fluttered closed. I could just stay here, like this. This was better than good. “I won’t forget you. I promise.”

  “Stay with me, Brielle.”

  I opened my eyes, and stared up into his face, the crease between his brows a serious dip over his uniquely colored eyes. “I’m here.”

  “Don’t close your eyes. Just keep talking to me.”

  I knew what I should say, something proper; like about my job, or maybe ask him about his, but there was a looseness to me, an impulse I couldn’t control, my thoughts were scattered, all over the place. Like I’d been drinking all night, the hard stuff that made me beyond foolish. The stuff I didn’t drink anymore for just that reason.

  “I’m really not very happy. I’m marrying someone because it’s the right thing to do. But I think that I have to, because I said yes when he asked, and now I have to because that’s how this works.”

  His blue violet eyes widened. “You don’t have to talk about—”

  “No, I do. He’s a good guy, but there’s just no,” I waved my hand around in the air, looking for the right word in my muddled brain and feeling it escape me.

  “Passion.” Darwin said the word with a heaviness of heart that I recognized. I’d seen it in my own face, heard it in my own voice more than once.

  “Yes. That’s the word. My nana told me not to bother looking for anyone who was perfect for me. That he didn’t exist, that there was no such thing as a soul mate waiting for me out there. And that looking would only cause hurt and pain.” I blinked a few times. “My last couple boyfriends … well, Nana was right about them. They were assholes, and liars and cheats. Victor, he’s a good guy, but … do you think that’s true, what my nana told me? Do you just have to learn to settle?” I stared at his face, wanting him to tell me that it wasn’t true, that my nana was wrong, not really realizing how much rambling I was doing. I would believe him, this stranger I’d only just met, if he told me my nana was wrong.

  His fingers tightened around mine, and his soft eyes filled with a sadness that cut through me. I’d seen that look in my own eyes every morning as I stared into the mirror, but it pained me to see it in his eyes. To see that I wasn’t the only one hurting, because I knew the truth about love and relationships. And I hated it. I no longer wanted to hear what he was going to say, but it was too late.

  “I think what your nana said is true. No one is perfect, Brielle. Your nana gave you good advice to just do the best you can.”

  “I don’t want it to be true,” I whispered my secret to him, a secret I’d never even spoken aloud to myself. “I want to believe that there is a perfect person out there for me, like when you’re little and you read about happily ever after’s and everyone tells you that its true, but then … .”

  His thumb rubbed over my hand in a slow gentle circle, lowering his head so that he could whisper back to me. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”

  I didn’t realize I was crying until he swept his fingers under my eyes, wiping away the tears, but that only made me cry harder, the touch of his hands making me feel the weight of my heart in my chest like a lump of lead.

  “Are you in pain? I can give you some laughing gas,” he offered, shifting his weight and starting to untangle his fingers from mine. I clung to his hands.

  “No. That won’t help this … .”

  Darwin nodded and settled back into the seat, his hands wrapped around mine. “Don’t close your eyes. If you don’t want to talk anymore, that’s okay. Just stay awake.”

  I would have nodded if I could. I settled for squeezing his hands, watching that dimple appear in his right cheek.

  “Vic is a nice guy,” I said, feeling the need to defend my fiancé against my own secret wish. “We’re getting married in early June.”

  “That’s not far off, just a few months,” Darwin said, that sad look back in his eyes again.

  “I should be excited,” I whispered, still feeling strangely loose-lipped, despite everything I’d already said. “But it’s just blah. Blah. My mother is running everything, and I don’t even really care. She’s picking out the colors, flower, the church.”

  He chuckled and shook his head ever so slightly. “Aren’t brides to be supposed to be wild with plans and parties and dress fittings?”

  “I guess, but I just can’t seem to get into it, and everyone says its normal and just cold feet, so I just let her keep going and nod and smile, and then everyone else is happy.”

  He frowned down at me. Gorgeous, yeah, those eyes and the way his emotions were so clearly written on his face. I liked that. Not like Victor, who hid his emotions from me. Tried to always play the stiff upper lip, told me to do the same, that crying was unbecoming of a lady. That had lost Victor at least another 5% off his total score in my mind.

  The ambulance slowed down, and then came to a full stop. Darwin let go of my hands and the cool wind swirling in through the open door instantly chilled them. He and his partner lifted me out and set me on a gurney, then wheeled me into the E.R. They filled out my paperwork and handed me over to the nurses. Like I was just another patient. Which I was.

  “Good luck with your wedding, Brielle.” Darwin spun on his heel and lifted his hand in a wave, but it was the sadness in his eyes that stung me.

  Heart pounding, I struggled to get up, knowing that this was probably one of those mistakes Nana had warned me about. One that could very well ruin my life, but in my foggy state, all I knew was I couldn’t let Darwin go while he looked so sad.

  So lost.

  The backboard held me tight against my struggles. “I need to get out,” I yelped the words, saw Darwin turn and his eyes widen as I rocked the whole gurney to one side, the room tilting at an angle, the floor suddenly visible to me even though I was strapped to the gurney.

  There was shouting and then several sets of hands caught me and tipped me upright before I ever hit the ground. The nurses fussed and yammered around my head, calling for sedation. Was it for me? They had to be joking, I wasn’t out of control; I just needed to make sure he wasn’t sad, that wasn’t right. Not when he’d made sure I’d been safe.

  Darwin was at my head, and he looked down into my eyes. “You aren’t supposed to throw yourself off the stretcher, you know that, right?”

  “Don’t leave me.” An irrational fear lit through my nerve endings, stoked a fire of panic I’d never felt before. I wasn’t so stupid as to think that he was going to be anything to me other than my paramedic, but at that moment, in that breath, I couldn’t let him leave. I couldn’t be just another patient dropped off. I stared up at him, begged him with my eyes and a single word.

  “Please.”

  3

  DARWIN STAYED WITH me through all the tests, and the stitches, his hands never leaving mine. He probably thought I was afraid, and I was, just not of the tests or medical care. I wasn’t even sure myself what I was afraid of; I only knew he couldn�
�t leave me. I couldn’t say goodbye to him just yet.

  The hospital called Victor, but he’d been in a meeting and seeing as my injuries weren’t life threatening, he said he’d come by after work to check on me.

  Darwin’s lips twisted into a grimace. “Really, he’s not coming?”

  I swallowed hard, embarrassed for my fiancé. “Later, he’ll come by later. He’s very busy, his office really needs him and he has to work late a lot.”

  The doctor came in, gave me the results of all my tests, his words clipped and his mannerisms that of a man who was too busy to really care anymore.

  “A concussion, no fractures of the skull, stitches can come out in a five to seven days. You shouldn’t be driving for at least a week. If there is any dizziness or blacking out, come back in right away.”

  With nothing more than a nod at Darwin, the doctor turned, and was barking orders at the nurses before I could even ask if, and when, I could leave.

  Darwin’s partner came in to check on him. “You’re off shift now. You need a ride back to the station?”

  Reluctantly, I let go of him, but he didn’t let go of me, his hand resting on top of mine.

  “I’m okay now. I’m sorry to have kept you here for so long,” I said, wanting to give him the out, knowing I’d kept him there too long as it was.

  His violet blue eyes stared into mine. “You sure?”

  I gave him a thumbs up. “Yeah, Victor will be here soon.”

  Darwin stood, his hand still hanging onto mine, and his partner’s eyes darted between us, a frown on his face like he didn’t approve. Not that there was anything to approve or disapprove of. No doubt, Darwin’s partner had overheard my confessions in the back of the ambulance and thought I was some sort of hussy, playing Darwin.

  “All right” —Darwin turned to his partner— “I’ll be there in a second.”

  His partner, whose name I still didn’t know, gave a sharp nod. “I’m leaving in 5 minutes with or without you.”

  Darwin sat back down, on the edge of the bed, his hands holding mine lightly. “Goodbye, Brielle.”

  My throat tightened and tears gathered in the corners of my eyes for no reason that I could define. This was ridiculous; I’d just met this man. I sniffed back the emotions and shook his hand. “Goodbye, Darwin.”

  That sadness I’d seen in his eyes before was back, so maybe it was silly, but I couldn’t let it go. “You should smile more often. You’ve got a great smile.”

  His lips twitched, showing off his dimple, and one eyebrow arched. “Don’t you mean to say that I’m gorgeous?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You can’t hold me to that. I have a head injury. I’m not really myself at the moment.”

  “Technically, you still have a head injury. So you’re telling me I can’t hold you to anything now either?”

  I pursed my lips, thinking. “Exactly.”

  “Excellent.” His eyes dipped to my mouth and everything in me froze and then melted, as the heat between us shifted and shimmered, like a living coil tying our bodies together. His fingers were gentle on my hands, his thumb running lightly over the underside of my wrists. His dimple made an appearance and I lifted my hand, touched it, felt his smile deepen against my fingers. Perhaps Nana hadn’t been right, maybe she’d just been afraid of taking another chance … .

  “Baby, how are you? I got here as quick as I could, traffic was a disaster.” Victor strode into the room. I let go of Darwin, shocked at my forward behavior. Darwin gave me a wink and backed out of the room, his eyes never leaving mine as Victor launched into all the reasons why he hadn’t been able to come right away. His voice droned as Darwin continued to back away, finally turning his back to me when he reached the stairs.

  I closed my eyes, unable to look at Victor or the spot where Darwin had stayed for hours holding my hands, and talking to me. “I’m tired, Vic, and my head hurts.”

  “Of course, of course, Baby. You just sleep. I’m going to go find the doctor and see when you’ll get discharged. We need to talk about your life insurance policy too. I’d never realized how dangerous your job was before this. Honestly, Baby, you could have been killed—all your debt would have ended up on me if we were married. And Frank’s reputation would have been tarnished if his stepdaughter died with unpaid debts. It wouldn’t be right, you know, not after all he’s done for you and your mom.”

  His footsteps echoed out of the room and I curled on my side, pillowing my head on my bent arm. I got hurt and the first thing he thought about was my life insurance policy? And Frank, he was worried about Frank? The man who was my stepfather was a consummate actor, and no matter how many times I’d told Victor that he’d been awful to me, he didn’t believe it. In public, Frank treated me like a cherished part of his life. Like I really was his daughter. Yet, in private it was a different story, as he told me in advance what he was going to do to me, how he was going to make sure my mother left everything to him. And she’d believed him over me, no matter what I’d said. He’d never hit me; he hadn’t had to in order to control my life. My mother believed his lies when he said I’d come onto him at fourteen, and then she’d sent me to an out of state school to keep me ‘away from him’. She’d believed him when he told her he’d caught me forging her checks and she believed him when he told her he’d found condoms in my bedroom waste basket.

  Groaning, I covered my head. This was not the time to relieve my history. I knew that Victor was only being practical, but I didn’t want practical. I wanted him to hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay. I didn’t want him to worry about Frank and how my asshole stepfather would feel about taking on my ‘debt’ if I died. I almost hoped I did die, just to stick it to Frank finally. That thought made me smile.

  Victor came back in a few minutes with my discharge papers in hand. “Come on, we can go. Man, I hate hospitals, germs everywhere. People die here all the time; I don’t know how you aren’t going crazy after being in here for so long.”

  God, I wanted to snap at him, tell him if he’d bothered to show up when the hospital called him I could have gotten out earlier. But I didn’t. Mostly because I’d not thought about Vic more than a moment or two the whole time I’d been in here, with Darwin at my side.

  And that was not a good thing. Guilt nipped at me. I had to purge myself of these crazy emotions Darwin had stirred up. Silly things, girlish fantasies of believing in a happily ever after. Concussion-induced feelings, that’s what was going on, and I had to put a stop to them.

  Darwin was just like every other man; he was probably even worse for me than Victor. Probably, if I scored him, Darwin would come in well under Victor’s 65%. Maybe less than 50% even. Yes, that’s what I told myself, over and over again. All the way back to our apartment, while I showered by myself, even though Victor was supposed to keep an eye on me, all while I dressed in my loose pajamas, while I made myself tea, and when I slumped into bed. Darwin was a concussion-induced fantasy.

  Vic showered after me, asking me to listen for his phone in case his boss called to talk about the newest client the firm had signed that day. I couldn’t help but compare him to Darwin, my mind pointing out their most obvious differences. Even just the physical difference of Darwin’s ripped body, which I’d done my damndest not to notice while he sat beside me in the hospital, next to Vic’s trim but soft body. If it had just been the physical, I could have brushed it off, but it was Darwin’s compassion for a complete stranger that had gotten under my skin. I reminded myself over and over that it was his job to be nice, but I struggled with the thoughts and comparisons until I finally forced myself to stop. This was ridiculous. I would never see Darwin again and Victor was a good guy, my fiancé for god’s sake.

  Sitting in bed, I shoved all thoughts of Darwin aside as I set my alarm for two hours ahead.

  “What are you doing that for?” Victor leaned over my shoulder, his hair slicked back from his head, skin still damp. He kissed my shoulder as he slid his arms around my waist.
/>
  “I have a concussion. Were you paying attention at all to what the discharge nurse said? I have to be woken up every two hours, to be safe.” I turned my head to look at him and he caught my lips with his, his mouth hungry on mine.

  I pulled away from him. “Vic, not tonight. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head by a horse. Which, if you’ll recall, is exactly what happened to me.”

  “But you’re okay, it’s not like you were hurt badly.” He tried again, kissing the side of my neck and pulling me back into his lap. His arousal was hard against my ass and he rubbed it against me, as if that would make my headache go away. “Just a quickie? Please?”

  Jaw tight, I jerked out of his lap—which only made my head throb with the sharp movement—grabbed my pillow and the alarm clock, then stomped out of the room.

  “Hey, where are you going? Baby, come on, don’t be like that.”

  “Go to sleep, Victor.”

  He didn’t come after me; he never did when we fought. Not that this was a fight, not really. I threw my pillow onto the couch and laid down, setting the alarm on the floor beside me.

  But I didn’t sleep. Hell, I couldn’t even close my eyes. Angry at Vic and confused by the emotions Darwin stirred up, I lay there, staring at the black T.V. screen. My filtered reflection stared back at me, as if it too wanted to know why I wasn’t sleeping. My throat tightened at the accusation I saw in my own eyes. You chose him.

  The pad of feet brought my head up.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. Come to bed, I’ve set my alarm and I’ll make sure to wake you up.” Victor touched my bare ankle with his hand, squeezing it gently. “Come on.”

  I sat up, bent to grab my alarm from the floor and ended up on the floor, sprawled out.

  “Shit, Baby, are you okay?” Victor helped me to my feet, his hands holding me steady.

  “Dizzy, I’m just dizzy,” I said, the room swaying as though I was on the Tilt-A-Whirl at the fair with a dozen greasy hot dogs tumbling in my stomach.