Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance)

by Shannon Mayer

  We stood there like that, where anyone could walk in. One of us had to end this, one of us had to be the strong one and do the right thing.

  No matter that it would be like ripping my own heart out of my chest and leaving it on the barn floor.

  I stepped back and looked up at him. My next words would end any chance I had at ever being his friend, so I said them, ending what was between us. Doing the right thing.

  “Then why are you married to Fiona? If good isn’t enough, why haven’t you left to find something better? Why do you tell me I shouldn’t settle, when you so obviously have, with a woman who you can barely stand?”

  His eyes widened with shock and his mouth dropped open.

  I pushed past him, all but shoving him out of my way. “You’re a hypocrite, Darwin. You tell me to want something better, but you and I both know that isn’t even possible. Not for either of us. So go live your good life and I’ll go live mine. I can’t be your friend; I can’t replace the sister you lost. I’m sorry, I can’t see you again.”

  Ten feet from the doorway, I stopped and looked back for one last glimpse of him, to see him staring after me. I’d expected anger, fury, something vicious and dark to be stamped into his eyes.

  What I saw was far, far worse. A glimpse of an empty hopelessness I knew all too well was reflected back to me before he lowered his chin to his chest. “And then we’ll both be miserable, at least we’ll have that in common.”

  God, I wanted to run to him, to throw my arms around him and smooth away the hurt in his eyes, the hurt I’d caused. But that wasn’t my job; I wasn’t his wife. I wasn’t even his friend anymore.

  A hitched sob escaped my lips and I ran the rest of the way to my car and was driving away before the last of my senses left me.

  The sooner I married Victor and moved away, the better.

  There could never be anything between Darwin and me.

  Over and over I repeated to myself the truth.

  This was the right thing to do. You did the best thing for both of you.

  Then why did I feel like I’d just thrown what was left of my heart away?

  Two weeks before the wedding, and a whole month without seeing or talking to Darwin, I’d again convinced myself that I’d never felt anything for him. When I woke up in the morning, I banished the dreams I had of him, told myself that I hadn’t dreamed them at all. When I thought of him, and the dimple in his cheeks or the way his smile lit his face up, I told myself I was being stupid. Just like Frank had always said, I was being a stupid girl.

  I forced myself to be happy by pretending until the gloss I’d painted on my life was a hardened shell that I refused to let anyone see past.

  Celia was in full swing with her wedding plans, in her glory, as I fought not to think about anything, did my best to just move forward with my life. Frank was away a lot on business, so at least I didn’t have to deal with him.

  When we went to my last fitting and Celia shoved me into a dress of her choosing, I wasn’t surprised, not for one second.

  “It’s so much more elegant than the one you picked. Just try it on. For me. I’ll pay for it; you don’t have to. I know you only picked that other dress because you couldn’t afford anything else. Your father and I discussed this last night and this is our wedding gift to you. A proper dress.”

  “Frank isn’t my father.” I said, keeping my face carefully blank.

  Celia shook her head. “He thinks of you as a daughter, even if you don’t see him as a father. He loves you very much. I just wish you could see how lucky you are to have him in our life.”

  I almost bit my tongue in half keeping the words to myself. Safer to let her have her way and get this over with. To ignore the blatant lies she believed.

  Celia pushed me into the changing room with the puffy, overstuffed crinoline disaster of a dress. I pulled it on over my head with Martha helping me. I stared at my reflection, and the girl staring back at me was not the one I’d seen in the mirror the last time I’d been here. Of course, Darwin had been with me the last time I’d been here. I could almost see him in the mirror, staring at me. Telling me I looked like a ridiculous clown, laughing and shaking his head. I would have agreed with him, had he been there. But he wasn’t, I was on my own this time.

  “You don’t have to wear this dress. It isn’t her wedding,” Martha said, her voice pitched low enough so that only I could hear her.

  “She won’t leave me alone until I do,” I said, knowing it was true. Not that it really mattered, not really. Victor and I would be married in two weeks, and we’d leave for Indianapolis a week after that. Victor had already rented an apartment close to his job. What did I care if the dress was of my mom’s choosing? Nothing else was my choice, so why not throw it all in?

  I just had to get through this last two weeks and then I would be moving on.

  Away from all of this.

  I stepped out of the dress and got back into my clothes. “She already had you hem it for my height, didn’t she?”

  Martha gave me a nod, not that I didn’t already know. Celia was prepared like that.

  And I just didn’t care anymore.

  “It’s beautiful, Celia. Thank you.” I gave my mom a half-hearted hug. She squealed and fluttered about the shop, picking out the accessories. Glittering, over-stated pieces that made me ill just looking at them. They reminded me sharply of Fiona’s fashion sense, so I just left her to it.

  My phone buzzed, saving me from answering Celia’s querying gaze as she held up a particularly gaudy tiara that had to be at least five pounds of rhinestones and pearls. I turned my back and checked my phone. A text from … Fiona?

  Meet me at the coffee shop on corner of 5th in 30 min?

  What in the world could she want? Damn, my phone hadn’t put a time stamp on it, so I had no idea when she’d sent the text. Stupid glitchy phone—like so many things, I couldn’t afford anything better. I shook it and gave it a squeeze but no time stamp. Then, I had to admit, curiosity got the better of me. I texted her back.

  Ok. I can be there in 30 min. What’s up?

  She didn’t answer me, so I just used it to escape my mother. Fiona probably wouldn’t even still be at the coffee shop, for all I knew the text had come in yesterday and my phone had only just decided to pass the message along.

  As I stepped out of the shop I called to Celia over my shoulder, “Anything you pick will be fine, as long as I can afford it.”

  It took me almost the full 30 minutes to get to the coffee shop, the same one Darwin and I had met at so many times. Did Fiona know that this was where we had coffee? Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But what the hell could Fiona want?

  I pulled in and almost backed right back out. His blue Chevy was parked at the back of the parking lot.

  My phone rang and I answered it without looking.

  “Hello?”

  “Brielle, it’s Fiona.”

  Oh, crap.

  “Shouldn’t you be at the coffee shop?”

  “No. You have to fix whatever happened between you and Darwin. He’s miserable and I can’t fix this. Please, I’ve never seen him happier than when you two were friends. So you fix this. I want to see him smile again. Be the sister he needs, for me, at least for the last few weeks that you’re still here.”

  And she hung up. Did she have any idea what she was asking of me? To make her husband happy? Was she blind to how I looked at him? Was she blind to that fact that making him happy was her job?

  “Fuck.” I smacked my hands on the steering wheel and someone behind me blew their horn. Reluctantly, I pulled into an empty parking spot.

  The coffee shop was busy and Darwin sat at the back table, his head over a coffee, but no donuts. He didn’t lift his head, just stared into his drink.

  I got in line, purchased my coffee and three donuts. One for me and two jelly filled for him.

  As I approached him, my hands started to shake. I could do this. I could make him smile for the little
while we had left. Two weeks wasn’t that much to suffer through, right?

  “You come here often?” I asked as I slid into the chair across from him.

  His head snapped up and his eyes went wide. “Brielle? I … what are you doing here?”

  I pushed the plate across the table. “Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we both need a friend.”

  His lips twitched and he grabbed a donut. “You? Wrong? Is the world coming to an end?”

  “Keep that up and I’ll take the donuts back, you ingrate.”

  He curled his arm around the plate and smiled up at me, his dimple making an appearance. I leaned back in my chair, couldn’t stop the grin that stretched across my own face. “I’ve missed eating donuts with you.”

  “Me too.”

  “So maybe we can do donuts again?” I asked, feeling better than I had in the last month, knowing that while nothing more would ever be between us, maybe I could build enough memories in the next two weeks to last me the rest of my life.

  At least, I was going to try. Besides, Dr. Winston had said to keep his clients happy, and this was what Fiona wanted.

  And it didn’t hurt that it was what I wanted too.

  9

  THE NEXT DAY, Darwin and I met at the farm; Fiona squealed as I drove up, I heard her easily, even though my windows were up. She ran and grabbed me in a big hug before I’d even fully stepped out of my car.

  “Thank you, thank you! He came home smiling last night.” She squeezed me tight and I wondered at Dr. Winston’s words. Was she faking it again?

  I could have given into the guilt that poked at me, but chose not to. Fiona wanted me to spend time with her husband, then I’d oblige. Everyone got what they wanted, in a round about way.

  Darwin followed her more slowly toward me, his jeans ripped at the knees, paired with a blue t-shirt that brought out the color in his eyes, even at a distance.

  Fiona kissed him soundly before she waved us off. “You two have fun.”

  Really, could she really be that dense?

  Darwin waved at her, and then tipped his head toward the fence line and we headed out on foot.

  He set an easy pace. “You sure you’re up for a hike?”

  I lifted my eyebrows at him. “You know that the biggest hike we’re going to have around here is a gentle rolling hill?”

  Laughing, he started off down the property line. I jogged to catch up with him. Sure I was breaking all of Nana’s rules—I was not doing the right thing. But the only person who’d really know that was me. Darwin needed me as his friend, a sister he’d lost, and I needed someone to dispel the empty spot in my heart. Just for a little while, that’s all we had.

  For two weeks, I was going to live as if this was all there was.

  “Did you get the job in Indianapolis?” He glanced over at me as we strode up one of the ‘hills’ we’d be facing.

  “No, I don’t have enough experience. It’s going to be harder for me to find a job there, I think.” I changed the subject, not wanting to talk about Victor, or Indianapolis or anything that came after the wedding. “Did you hear anything back from your application?”

  “Yeah, I’m in. Starting September, you’re looking at an official med student.” He grinned up at the sky. “Going to ask me where?”

  “You and your secrets. No, I’m not going to ask you. You can tell me if you want, but I’m not going to ask.”

  He turned to walk backwards so he could face me, holding his fingers a hairsbreadth apart. “Aren’t you the teeniest bit curious?”

  “Not in the least. I’m sure it’s quite a dull and boring school.” I pursed my lips to curb my smile.

  “All right. I’m not going to tell you. Ever.”

  Laughing, I bolted up past him, the crest of the hill twenty feet away. “Loser buys donuts!”

  “Oh, you did not!” He crowed, but he was too late and I made it to the top first, bouncing on my toes like a prizefighter.

  “And the crowd goes wild!” I shouted, lifting my hands in the air.

  “Fine, I’ll buy donuts” —he gave me a light shove down the other side of the hill— “but we both know that you, my friend, are a cheap date when it comes to donuts.”

  Talking back and forth, the conversation flowed between us, as it had before. Like there had been no break in our friendship, like we’d been friends for years, not the few months it had really been since we’d met.

  “Hey, where’d you go?” He reached out and touched my cheek.

  I stopped walking, looked around us. “Thinking about how it feels like I’ve known you for years. I wish … .” I bit down on the traitorous words that had been a breath away from escaping me.

  “Yeah,” he said softly, his hand trailing along my cheek, heat flaring wherever he touched my skin. “Me too.”

  I swallowed hard, unable to tear my gaze from his, the need to feel his lips on mine an overwhelming rush of desire I’d never experienced before, not with Victor. Never with anyone but Darwin.

  “We’re almost there,” he said, breaking the spell between us, and I wasn’t sure what the hell he was referring to until he pointed to the large sycamore tree in the distance, about three hills away.

  I gave myself a mental shake. “Right, you said you had something to show me.”

  It took us another fifteen minutes to make it to the sycamore tree, the branches sprawling out over our heads, gnarled and reaching to the sky. Alone on the top of the hill, it seemed to survey the land around us, just watching, a silent sentinel. Lonely.

  “I found this tree on the first day Fiona and I moved back here. She doesn’t like to hike, so it’s a perfect getaway.”

  He reached up into a ‘v’ where the lowest branch met the trunk and brought out a paper bag, which he then handed to me. “I stashed these up here this morning.”

  Inside was a variety of donuts, at least a dozen, far too many even for the two of us. A wicked idea formed and I acted on it without thinking about the potential consequences.

  With a laugh, I ran with the bag back down the hill. “They’re all mine!”

  Darwin was on me in a flash, tackling me to the ground, pinning my arms above my head where I clung to the bag. His eyebrows quirked up. “Vic won’t want a fat bride. You can have half a donut, that’s it.”

  “Oh, God!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Let me eat them all, then!”

  Darwin sobered up, and he shook his head, his eyes tracing over my face, as if memorizing me, or maybe trying to convince me. “Don’t marry him, Brielle.”

  I stared up at him, our bodies flush against one another, the long grass hiding us from the world. For the first time since he’d taken me home from the hospital, we were completely alone.

  “Darwin, I’d like to eat my donuts now.” I managed to get the words out. I needed something to stave off the growing heat curling up and igniting between us. Even if he didn’t feel it, I did; I couldn’t help but have my mind wander to places it shouldn’t go. To naked limbs, hot kisses and a love that burned so brightly it would light the sky up like a beacon. There would be no going back, no salvaging anything if we let this happen.

  He tangled his fingers with mine, pushing the donut bag away. With a tantalizing slowness, he lowered his head, until our lips were so close I could feel his breath on my skin. “You don’t love him, not really, not the way you should love someone you’re going to marry. I know you don’t.”

  I couldn’t look away, his eyes dilated with desire, the feel of his body pressed into mine. I knew I should look away, knew I shouldn’t want to press my hips into his, to feel his arousal against me, to soothe not only the ache in my body, but the ache in my heart. “This doesn’t feel brotherly, Darwin,” I whispered.

  He closed his eyes, but didn’t pull away. “No, not brotherly at all.” Slowly, he opened his eyes, did a push up over my body and then stood up, brushing off the front of his jeans like nothing had happened. I lay there, my pulse pounding out of control, unable to process what ha
d just happened. Hoping, fearing, and hoping again.

  Darwin leaned over and snatched the bag of donuts. “If you want one, you’re going to have to follow me.”

  I got to my feet, my mind and heart reeling. Darwin was well ahead of me, heading back to the sycamore, climbing into the lower branches as if he were ten years old, and not closer to thirty.

  I scrambled up after him and he handed me a chocolate donut. Again, acting like nothing had happened. Maybe I’d imagined it? No, my body still hummed with electricity from his nearness, I most certainly hadn’t imagined his body pressed into mine, the hot desire that had branded my heart and mind.

  “You asked me, when we first met, why Fiona and I had married so young.”

  I did my best not to choke on the bite of donut I had in my mouth. “Yeah, but you don’t have to—”

  “Nah, that’s what friends do, isn’t it? They spill their guts over donuts.”

  “Girlfriends, yes.” I smiled around the donut, the heat from our close encounter fading. At least, that was what I told myself.

  He grabbed another donut and offered me the bag. I took one, so I had a pastry in each hand. Maybe a fat Brielle wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe that god-awful dress my mother picked out would pop at the seams. One could hope. I took another bite of each donut.

  “We dated in high school, but I broke it off with her right after graduation. Two weeks later she showed up with a positive pregnancy test.”

  This time I did choke on my donut. “But—”

  “Just listen,” he said, his voice soft and full of a long past hurt. “Our parents were extremely traditional, especially hers. So we got married, a week later actually. Shotgun wedding and all that shit.”

  Leaning back in the tree, he stared into the branches, as if searching for an answer there. I wanted to ask him what had happened since they didn’t have any kids, but I was afraid of the answer. No wonder he looked so sad, to have a lost a baby … what could be more devastating to a young couple? Especially ones where the baby was the whole reason they were together; to have that reason stolen from them—