Ninety-Eight (Contemporary Romance)

by Shannon Mayer

  I traced his arms with my hands, then moved to his shoulder, abs and hips, his lean muscles tensing under my fingertips. There was a frantic need, a fear that this wouldn’t last. As much as I wanted him, as good as we were, I was afraid this moment would slip away from me too. Just like everything else good and beautiful in my life.

  His hands cupped my breasts, and he dipped his head, stubble rubbing across my nipples, igniting an explosion of desire through my body.

  “Micah.” I gasped his name, needing him closer still, needing him with me.

  “I’m here. I’ll always be here,” he whispered, his mouth hovering over mine, eyes staring into mine. We paused there, our bodies on hold as our souls met under the sycamore tree, twined about one another, whispered of a love that rarely happened. That was the moment, the one that I knew would always be more intimate than any love making. For the rest of my life, I knew that—no matter what happened the remainder of the night—that moment would forever be burned into my soul. With the whisper of the breeze through the grass around us, the feeling passed. And with it, so went any hesitation between us.

  Micah’s mouth was on mine; the frantic need that had coursed through me seemed to have passed to him, the desire we had beyond controlling. The rest of my clothes were all but ripped off my body, and I didn’t hold back, either. I jerked him to me, his body hard and hot, muscles trembling under my fingers as he slid into me, a hard thrust that sent my hips upward, meeting him, our bodies sliding together in a perfect match.

  I gripped his shoulders, our mouths tasting, biting at one another fiercely, and I knew one night would never be enough. A lifetime would never be enough of him for me.

  Pressure, heady and foreign, built between my legs, each thrust of his body stroking across my center, drawing the electric heat into a pulse that came harder with each move. “Micah, don’t stop,” I whispered into his mouth.

  He let out a low, animal growl, his rhythm never faltering as I gasped, the crushing wave of an orgasm breaking through me in wave after wave. He caught my gasps and moans with his mouth, his body shaking as he found his release in time with mine. Slowly, the trembling that held my body in its thrall eased, and Micah smiled down at me, a big grin stretched across his face.

  “Don’t suppose you might want to do that again?”

  I lifted my hand, touched the side of his face and smiled back. “I’ll bet I can give you the ride of your life.”

  Laughing softly, he shook his head. “I’ll take that bet, just so I can see you try. What are we betting?”

  Heart thundering with more than love, more than lust, but memories and the rightness of Micah with me, by my side, I whispered, “How about donuts?”

  His mouth found mine, and he rolled so that he was on his back, and as he pulled me onto his hips, I straddled him. Already, he was growing hard, and my body ached to feel him deep inside me, driving us both over the edge. To find that peak again that had never before carried me to the heights of pleasure.

  “Donuts and sex? Damn, how could I go wrong?” He whispered, but he smiled as he said it.

  I swatted him, shifted my weight and took him into me. His eyes widened, and the smile softened, as his hands cupped my ass, urging me on. This time was slower; I kept the pace to an excruciating, languorous speed that had him gasping, begging, moaning my name.

  Under the sycamore tree, I finally found peace in one man’s arms, found the love I’d been searching for since Darwin had died. In those moments, I knew what it was to be free. To be happy. To have it all.

  The night air was so warm that being curled against Micah, the blanket thrown lazily over our naked bodies, was enough.

  His body fit around mine, his breathing gentle against my ear as he drifted off. But I didn’t fall asleep, not right away. I lay there, trying to figure out if there was any guilt in me. I knew that Darwin wouldn’t want me to be alone the rest of my life, I knew that Micah was an amazing man, but to take him from little Darwin … I didn’t have an answer to that anymore than I had when I’d headed out to the sycamore tree.

  I had to believe that this time would be different. I smiled to myself, and closed my eyes, curled in tighter to Micah, his arm curving around me and holding me close to him.

  Dreaming, I knew it was a dream, but even so … .

  Darwin stood there with me, under the sycamore tree. His violet blue eyes were sad, but not angry. “You love him, like you loved me.”

  Tears burned my eyes like acid, and my throat tightened until I could barely breathe past the hurt. “I will never love anyone the way I love you. But he’s more than good enough, you know that.”

  Darwin’s eyes were sad. “Yes, he’s more than good enough for you. He loves you. But what about Darwin?”

  Confused, I reached out to him. “What do you mean?”

  “What about my boy? You would leave him with Fiona? Alone without a father who loves him? Brielle, you’re strong enough to wait, strong enough to survive on your own, for a little while. Darwin isn’t. He has no one but Micah to protect him.”

  I choked on my tears. “What are you asking me to do?”

  Darwin pulled me into his arms, held my head against his shoulder, his voice and touch fading with each word.

  “One more time, do the right thing, just one more time. I promise you, it will be okay. We will be together, in the end, and that’s all that matters. Trust me, Brielle. Please, trust me.”

  I woke, staring into the grass, my eyes hot with unshed tears. Slipping out from under Micah’s arm draped across my hip, I sat up, my heart pounding out of control. Could I do what Darwin asked of me? Was that what he’d wanted all along, for me to make sure his son was happy?

  I covered my face with my hands. Even for Darwin, I wasn’t sure that I could walk away from Micah. Leave my heart behind again, so that someone else could reap the benefits of his love.

  A vision of little Darwin, his eyes and soft skin, the dimple resting in one cheek, whispered through my mind. The sight of the bruises on his tiny arms, the way he stretched toward me when he’d been afraid. Could I take away the man he’d call father, and leave him to James? What would I have given to have had a man, a good man, to look out for me instead of Frank? How different would my life have turned out with someone to be my safe place to fall?

  Trust me. It will be okay.

  Damn Darwin for forcing this on me. Teeth grit against the tears, I slipped my clothes on in the starlit darkness. Micah slept deeply, never moving as I scribbled a note to him, tears splashing onto the page as I wrote.

  Micah, I love you as I’ve only ever loved one other person. And because of him, I have to let you go. His boy needs you, more than I do. I believe with all my heart that at some point we’ll be together. But not now; Fiona will marry you, I know she will.

  Please trust me, marry Fiona, be the father that Darwin’s son needs.

  I tucked the note into his boot, kissed him on the forehead, and pressed my hand over his heart.

  “I love you, both of you. Don’t forget me,” I whispered the words, heavy with tears as I choked on anything more I might have said. I was crazy; that was the only answer I had to this. To be following the words of a dream, of a dead man. Yet I couldn’t deny him this last request, not when it was the answer to my turmoil. Though it wasn’t an answer I wanted.

  I stepped back, slipped through the long grass, and headed to the road. The fences I climbed clawed at me, yanked at my clothes and skin. Clouds skittered across the sky, covering the meager amount of light I had. Once I hit the road, I ran, ran toward a future with no Darwin, no Micah, with no love to call my own.

  20

  I MADE IT BACK to Penny’s brother’s place with an hour to spare. Even though I’d essentially told Micah what to do, I still had to see it for myself, to make sure he did what I asked. What Darwin asked. Bolting into the apartment, I startled Penny awake.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Wedding. I have to see him marry her
.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Micah needs to marry Fiona, or little Darwin will have a horrible life. Worse than I had with Frank.”

  Her jaw dropped and she sputtered. “Are you a fucking masochist now? You TOLD Micah to marry Fiona?”

  I paused in the middle of changing clothes and Penny gasped. “What the hell is that?”

  I looked down at the love bites along my collarbone, trailing down between my breasts to my belly. “What do they look like?”

  “You slept with him? Oh my god, he can’t marry her!” She was grinning wildly, her hair in complete disarray.

  “No, he has to.” I slipped a clean shirt over my head, hiding the bite marks.

  “What, why? You aren’t making any sense.”

  “Long story, come on.” I grabbed her hand as she hopped into a pair of shorts; we were out of the apartment, headed to the church within minutes. The bus would get us there, just in time. Or at least I hoped it would. I hoped that the wedding was still on. No, that wasn’t true. I hoped that Micah wouldn’t do it, that he wouldn’t see the truth in my note and he would just not do it. But in my heart, I knew what would happen. I’d seen him with little Darwin, had seen the intense love of a father for his son, and I knew he wouldn’t leave the boy to the wolves. He would do what was best for little Darwin, no matter what it cost him.

  I clutched my head in my hands, knowing that I was letting a dream control the course of my life for the foreseeable future. What was wrong with me? Had I lost my mind completely? Maybe I would get to the church, yell at them, tell the world that I loved Micah and he couldn’t marry that bitch of a stupid woman. That we would find some way to take little Darwin from her, raise him as our son.

  But I knew that was a dream; that was stupid and selfish and more than that, foolish. Fiona loved her son, of that I was sure, and Micah loved little Darwin. What more could the boy need but two parents who loved him fiercely? Micah would do the right thing, because of his love for the boy. He would give up his own happiness for a child who so desperately needed him to stay.

  The bus pulled in across the street from the church and I was out the doors and sprinting across the lawn, feeling the memories jerk at my heart. The last time I’d been here, I’d lost Darwin. The last time I’d been here had been my own wedding day.

  And now I was willingly letting Micah go, losing him too, in the same place.

  Penny couldn’t keep up with me, as I sprinted around the corner of the building and jerked the glass doors open into the foyer, the doors to the chapel proper closed on the ceremony. To the left of the doors was Micah’s truck, parked crooked in the handicap spot as if he’d hurried to get here.

  Hurried to marry Fiona.

  I ran through the building to the chapel proper where the doors were shut. The pastor was speaking, his words being piped through the building as he thanked everyone for coming out to the wedding. I stumbled to a stop. The wedding was happening. Micah was here; I didn’t need any more evidence.

  Micah had read the note, he believed me that it would be okay. And I trusted Darwin that he was telling me the truth, that it wasn’t just some figment of my imagination come to life to soothe the pain in my heart.

  Penny stumbled through the doors. “Shit, girl, I never knew you could run like that.”

  “Motivation,” I whispered. Torn in two directions, I just stood there, listened to the pastor talk about the importance of love, of marrying only for love. Blah, blah, blah. At the same time, I wanted to run away, far, far away.

  I had never wished for anyone’s death before, but I did that day. With all my heart, I wished Fiona would just drop dead.

  There was a slam and we both turned to see James kicking over a garbage can, then slammed his fist into the wall.

  “Ah, look at the jilted bride,” Penny stage whispered.

  James lifted his head, a wicked glare on his face to match a budding black eye. He said nothing, though; just turned his back on us as he stripped out of his suit jacket and threw it on the floor.

  Penny tugged at my arm. “We should go, before they all come out here and see us panting and out of breath, hickies all over your neck.”

  I put a hand to my neck, feeling Micah’s mouth there. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  Penny and I headed out of the church before anyone else saw us. Across the lawn, we walked, making our way to the bus stop across the street. Before the bus showed up, the bridal party poured out of the building, photographers snapping pictures like crazy, people milling about, pointing at Fiona.

  “Is she wearing that god awful dress your mother picked out?” Penny half shrieked, and I burst out laughing, though my heart was breaking.

  “Yes, yes it is the same damn dress.” Poufy and overdone. It fit Fiona to a tee.

  Penny wrapped her arms around me, and I realized I wasn’t laughing. I was crying, sobbing my heart out. This world had been cruel to me, giving me the best two men I could have ever found, only to take them both away in the moment I thought they were mine forever.

  “It’ll get better, you’ll find someone else,” she whispered into my hair.

  “No, I won’t. But I think that’s okay.” I drew a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. For the first time, the pain, the grief that had consumed me was a distant hurt. Always, Darwin’s death would always haunt me for my part in it. That would never change.

  And Micah … .

  He stood there, letting them take pictures of him and his new bride, his back stiff. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned and looked straight at me. I didn’t lower my eyes, just smiled at him, lifted my hand in a wave. He smiled, and even at that distance, I knew it would be sad. Full of what could, and should, have been.

  Fiona turned, saw me and glared. I waved at her too. Darwin was right; his boy would need all the help he could get with Fiona as his mother. And now he would have the best father he could have in Micah.

  “The bus is going to take forever,” Penny grumbled. “Which means we’ll be staring at the twat waffle in that dress for another hour if we just sit here.”

  “You want to walk?” I asked her, standing up.

  She stood, hooked her arm through mine. “Yup, walking it is. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

  We took a few steps and I stopped, needing one more look at what could have been.

  Micah stood apart from the crowd, Darwin in his arms. He lifted the boy to the sky, tossed him up and caught him again. The last thought that I could go back, have Micah for myself, was dispelled with the sight of them together.

  Turning my back, I gave Penny’s arm a squeeze. “How do you feel about stopping for a donut? I’m hungry.”

  21

  LEXINGTON WAS NO longer my home, but I had a few loose ends to tie up. Yet my heart was so battered and bruised, I didn’t think I could face another emotional scene.

  So that night after the wedding, I sat down, paper and envelopes strewn about me. I wrote the letter to my parent’s first, after much back and forth as to how I would pen it.

  Dear Celia and Frank,

  Yes, I know you disowned me, but someone has to be the adult in this relationship. I’m leaving Lexington, and I’m not planning on coming back. But I will drop you a line when I get where I’m going.

  Thank you for letting Nana raise me. She showed me how to be a good person. That was the best decision you ever made for me, I think. And for that alone, I will always be grateful. I hope your business grows, Celia, and Frank, I hope your stocks continue to do well. I couldn’t wish him well, so I didn’t bother to fake it.

  Take care of each other. I paused in the letter, my pen wanting to blast them, tell them what shitty parents they’d been. But what would be the point? I was over them, over the part they had in my life.

  Next was a letter to Dr. Winston.

  Dr. Winston,

  I’m leaving Lexington. I’m sorry if this, yet again, leaves you in a lurch looking for an assistant. But
if you just need a hand, you can call my friend Penny. She’s a hard worker and she won’t put up with your grumpiness. She might even call you bad names you’ve never heard before.

  I don’t know what happened between you and my nana. I know that she believed love was a lost cause, and I wish I could have told her differently. I don’t think you’ll listen to me, but I have to ask.

  Whatever happened between you and Micah, please let it go. Now more than ever, he’s going to need you.

  Also, please, would you put flowers on my nana’s grave for me, when you have the time? My mom never does, and with me gone, no one will.

  I slipped a picture of my nana when she was in her thirties into the envelope. I would probably never know what happened between them, but I could guess. I knew now why Nana was so adamant that chasing after love was heartache in the making. The last two years had showed me just how deep I could sink into grief, all for a love lost.

  Leaning back in my chair, I tapped my pen against the final sheet of paper.

  Micah,

  I love you.

  What else was there to say? I let out a slow breath, pen scratching across the page.

  I’m leaving Lexington. I think it’s better that way.

  I love you, with all the pieces of my broken heart, I love you.

  I folded the sheet and slid it inside an envelope stamped with Dr. Winston’s office. Better that I send it there, with c/o Micah Kingsley, then to the farm where I had no doubt Fiona would open it first.

  Penny went with me to the post office to drop all the letters off, and then we were off to the bus station. I wasn’t about to hang around here and chance Fiona with Micah. She hugged me tight against her as my bus pulled in. “Bri, are you sure?”

  I smiled. “Yes, I’ve got to go. There is too much history here for me. Too many memories, good and bad. I don’t think I can be this close to him and not be with him.”

  “You’ll call me, right?”