I took the diversion as an opportunity to spin on my heel and hightail it out of there. I wasn’t even aware of where I was going. I was blind with rage: I slammed through the exit and cut around the corner of the gym. The air was brisk and my breath came out in quick puffs of fog, as I marched into the nearby patch of forest behind the school.
Sabrina and Amber were hot on my heels.
Amber caught up first. “What in the hell was all that about?” she demanded briskly, from confusion rather than anger.
But I didn’t acknowledge her question. Rushing forward, I punched the nearest tree as hard as I could. My knuckles made a sick cracking sound but I was numb to the first wave of pain. Then a deep throb began in my fist and filtered up to the wrist. The fire in my hand was nothing compared to the fire burning in my gut, and rather than shirk away from the pain, I grasped my fist to my heaving chest and thrived on it, cherishing the distraction.
Rejuvenated, I lunged forward and pounded on the tree again and again. Silent tears trickled down my face.
Both Sabrina and Amber snatched me away from the tree, shocked by my violent display. I stumbled back, brushing them off, and sank onto the soft ground covered in pine needles and moss, oblivious to Amber’s flabbergasted stares. Sabrina looked heartsick. They were both helpless as they watched me deal with my agony.
Both girls sat and wrapped their arms around me as I rocked and cried, my heart breaking with bitterness and shame.
Then my emotions jack-knifed and I sat upright, wiping my face and runny nose. “No, damn it—I am not going to do this crying bullshit. I am just so mad! It’s bad enough that it happened but he has to go around bragging about it, acting like he’s some kind of stud or something and I am just supposed to do what? Go along with it? He knows that I’m not going to make anything of it. So yeah, I have to just go along with it.”
I glanced at Amber, and picked up on the concern on her face. Taking a deep breath I prepared to tell someone out loud about that night with Erin.
AMBER: How could I have known? How could I have not known? So many thoughts ran through my head all at once and it was seriously hard not to ask a barrage of questions.
I so badly wanted to enquire as to why she hadn’t told me before but I quickly shoved that aside. She had obviously been trying to forget the whole thing. I imagine that if I were in her shoes I might have tried to do the same. None of it was simple. It wasn’t something you would want hashed out.
But none of that really even matters. We know now and we will help her get through it.
Calmer, I opened my eyes. The important thing to remember was that it was over and I had my two best friends by my side. Despite the sick hollow feeling in my core, I knew that I could get through it with them backing me up.
As we walked out of the trees, Amber asked, “What are you going to do?’
I hooked an arm through each of their arms. “Forget about him and live my life.”
I was surprised by the steady, calm confidence that reverberated in my voice. They tightened their grip around me and accepted my simple answer as we continued to walk forward, one unit.
Chapter 9
GABRIEL: I love this time of year when autumn is in its full throes, except that it gets dark so early. The light was fading fast as dusk gave way to night while we waited for the girls.
Darren had volunteered to take all three of them home after the meet so he and I waited patiently in his cherry red Mustang while listening to the Wayne’s World soundtrack. We were both engaged in full head-bang madness as the peak of Bohemian Rhapsody engulfed the confines of the car, and didn’t notice that the girls had finally approached, until they were right next to us.
They were cracking up but Darren and I played it cool as I jumped out of the car to let them in. I think I managed to pass it off as normal behavior.
The Mustang is a two door, so I did what any gentleman would do and pulled the seat forward to let Sabrina and Roshell climb in. I ducked in and followed but couldn’t help noticing that even though she had just been laughing, Roshell’s eyes were red and puffy as if she had been crying.
I scanned her face searching for answers but she quickly averted her eyes. She was trying to hide grief, but I could see it clear as day.
Once I had managed to squeeze into the cramped back seat, Amber slid into the front next to Darren, and as the Mustang purred down the highway, I noticed that Sabrina was unusually quiet, staring out the window while listening to the music. “Sabrina... quiet” was an oxymoron.
I didn’t want to be obvious or intrusive, so I watched Roshell out of my periphery. She sat statue-like, with her hands in her lap, one cradling the other. Something had definitely taken place between these girls and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess that it was unpleasant.
My left leg was pressed to her right leg and I could feel her warmth.
I looked at how she held her hands. Jeez, her right knuckles were hella bruised and swollen. Something inside me flared with hot anger.
I know that I come across to most as even-tempered and fun loving, and only a select few in my life, like my mom and sisters, have ever witnessed the rare times that I succumb to anger or even grief. Aware that these emotions can make a person do and say things that they would later regret, my dry sarcasm comes in handy at times.
For a split second all those years learning the art of managing those feelings were almost lost. I felt intense rage when I saw Roshell’s black and blue fist cradled in her lap, and my reaction confused me. I didn’t know what to make of it. All I knew, was that only bitter grief and anger could trigger someone to senselessly hurt themselves in such a manner, and it wasn’t hard to guess that the earlier conversation about Erin Jamison had brought on such a reaction.
I don’t know exactly how Erin had hurt her, but it is clear that the damage is great, and I had to curb my initial response which was to bloody my own knuckles on Erin’s smug little face.
So I sat next to her forcing myself to think, not react. I wanted to say the right thing to avoid hurting her any more than she already had been.
I felt my heart-rate slow and gently reached out to touch her bruised hand. “You will need to put ice on this right when you get home.”
She jerked and tried to pull away. I reached out again. She seemed embarrassed that I had noticed her self-inflicted injury, and when she looked up into my face as if she were about to say something she paused and kept silent. What was she thinking?
Finally she responded with a deep blush spreading across her cheeks, “Umm, it’s not too bad. I’ll be okay.”
She gave a weak attempt to pull away again but I held firm, keeping her hand in mine.
Sensing her discomfort I changed the subject. “So next weekend a bunch of us are going to have one last bonfire up at the upper lake on Fall Creek, before the rainy season begins. You should come with us. It’ll be fun and I can make sure that you get home in time for your curfew.”
I kept caressing her arm enjoying the velvety smoothness of her skin, watching her eyes to see how she would respond. This day had been a roller coaster of emotions for her so I waited patiently for her to answer my invitation.
“I will have to talk with my mom about it. But it sounds fun.”
My insides warmed at the way she seemed to cheer up. “Great! I will pick you up Saturday night around seven.”
Darren swung the Mustang into Roshell’s trailer park, and as she and Sabrina got out I reminded her, “Remember to ice that.”
Instinctively she pulled her injured hand to herself, “Right. Ice. I’m on it!”
Watching her run into the house with Sabrina following, I was filled with a sense that something perfectly right had just occurred; the feeling that comes when you take a step in a new direction and you somehow just know that it was a momentous one.
I’m excited to see where it will lead.
Chapter 10
By Saturday, I had adequately squelched any fanciful romant
ic notions about Gabriel. I continually reminded myself that his invitation meant nothing. He was just being nice to Darren’s girlfriend’s friend.
Even with that mantra circling through my brain, I was in a near frenzy while deciding what to wear. It would have been smart to dress warm, but I wanted to avoid frumpy and too casual. And more importantly, hair up or hair down? These decisions were being taken to monumental proportions. By the time I settled on my favorite pair of blue jeans, a Guess sweatshirt that was a Salvation Army rescue, and a blue v-neck T-shirt underneath, my room was a hellish disaster.
“You know you’re annoying when you are driving your own self nuts,” I exclaimed aloud and threw my brush on the bed as if it were to blame for my bad hair day.
Still fussing over my hair, I left it down when time ran out and I heard the thump, thump of Gabriel’s bass system as he pulled up in his forest green Mustang.
He’d had his car when he first moved to Mount Pleasant. After he and Darren had become friends, Darren lucked out and found a nearly identical Mustang, just a year older and cherry red. They couldn’t have planned it any better. The two inseparable friends each had their own thundering V8 legend. What a pair they were.
One goal sprang to mind as he approached: keep him outside the trailer house. I rushed about, grabbed my jacket and slipped into my shoes. Too late: by the time I reached the living room my mom was already inviting him in.
Gabriel graciously introduced himself to her and turned with a smile to greet me, his smile causing me to falter.
My cheeks flushed and I hurried down the hallway of the house. It always felt cramped but now felt even smaller and claustrophobic. I hoped it wasn’t obvious how uncomfortable I was. He had purposefully interjected himself into my home, and I could only conclude that he wanted me to know that he wasn’t judgmental about such things. Fine. Noted. Let’s move on, I thought.
Deliberately delaying our departure, he took a seat in the worn-out green recliner, and even though I was desperate to escape I had to admit that his efforts to put me at ease were doing just that, and my heart soared with his genuine kindness towards my mother.
Mom was pleasantly surprised. The few boys that had been by the house to visit had not passed her inspection, as they barely passed for polite.
Gabriel was respectful and looked you directly in the eye when he spoke. He was nearly two years older than me and mom had been uneasy about agreeing to let her daughter go to the bonfire, but as they chatted, I could see that she was genuinely warming up to him.
My grandma had not liked the idea either, but she was working the night shift at the nursing home and left the final decision to mom.
I kissed mom’s cheek and practically shoved Gabriel out the door, eager to get out of the house and begin the adventures of the evening.
The drive to the upper lake wasn’t nearly as awkward as I’d feared it would have been. We managed to maintain an innocuous conversation all the way. It helped ease my tension and I was glad we weren’t struggling to deal with a long car ride filled with uncomfortable silence. Melting into the leather seats, I allowed myself to enjoy the liberation that comes with a girl’s first car-date with a boy. Even though it didn’t really mean anything, I quickly reminded myself.
Darren and Amber were already at the designated meeting spot, along with two other couples, all huddled in a circle chatting animatedly.
Gabe and I rounded the hood of the Mustang to join them, when Darren turned, with a look of disgust. “You’re not going to freakin’ believe this crap. Not one of us brought anything to light the fire with! Do you happen to have a lighter or some matches on you?”
Gabe started laughing, “Hold on, let me check.”
When he came back he was shaking his head with a huge grin spread across his face. “This is classic. You can’t exactly have a bonfire without fire.”
Darren snorted. “No shit, Sherlock. Now, what are we gonna do about it?”
Gabe didn’t blink at Darren’s smart alec retort. He thought about it for a minute, “Hey, my car has a cigarette lighter in it, we could light something. You know, like a torch and carry it to the fire pit.”
The group settled into a pondering silence for a moment. Louie piped up, “I don’t think that’s gonna work too well. Look how far the fire pit is. Anything you light is going to burn faster than you can get it there.”
He was right. There was a crude log fence barricade to keep cars in the parking area, and the fire pit was approximately a hundred yards down a bark path, through some trees and into a small clearing.
Nevertheless, that didn’t stop them from making many failed attempts at lighting a number of different items that they found, only to end up about halfway down the path before they threw the remaining burning items to the ground, fingers scorched. They stomped out the flame and returned to the cars to reform the plan. Us girls, were less than helpful as we offered no solution and laughed until tears filled our eyes.
While Darren tromped around the fire pit looking for something useful, he came across a rusted out, Folgers coffee can. He scooped it up and ran back to the cars. “Hang on a minute you useless half-wits, I’ve got a great idea!”
Darren sent Gabe and I down the path to prepare the fire pit with plenty of paper and kindling while he proceeded to stuff the coffee can with as many pine needles, paper scraps, and other burning materials as possible. I stood close by, anxious to see how their plan turned out. Then Gabriel stood up, cupped his hands to his mouth and called out, “Ready?”
By that time, there were thin clouds rolling in, covering the sliver of a moon, so darkness was thick as Gabriel and I listened for Darren’s response.
“Ready!” Darren’s voice shot through the dark.
I was enthralled. This was the most excitement I’d seen in a long time. We waited quietly at the pit, when suddenly we heard footsteps crashing down the path and then spotted what looked like a floating flame.
As the flame approached, we could see that Darren was practically flying down the path holding the flaming coffee can straight out in front of him with only a jacket wrapped around the bottom of it to keep the hot metal from burning his hands.
A small crowd was running behind, laughing and cheering him on. Darren’s face was comical as he ran furiously down the path crying, “HOT, HOT, HOT!”
He dumped the flaming contents out of the can and onto the pyramid of crumpled papers and dry twigs in the pit, which immediately caught flame. Before we could believe it we had the beginnings of a nice bonfire.
Everyone was exhilarated, cracking up while they took turns describing to Darren in detail how ridiculous he had looked. This would definitely be a story that would live on and be retold for years to come.
Eventually, the group settled around the warm fire with their cooler of snacks and drinks, cocooning themselves into sleeping bags as the night air became chillier.
Gabriel asked me to walk back to his car with him while he grabbed his jacket and sleeping bag.
I swallowed and tried to wet my dry mouth, berating myself for my rattled nerves and racing heart. I nodded and followed him out of the clearing.
The sky had cleared. Faint moonlight seeped down, allowing us light to see our way up the bark path. As we neared the parking lot, Gabriel risked fate to ask the question that had obviously been nagging at him. “So, were you and Erin Jamison an item?”
I tensed at the mention of Erin’s name and knew that he sensed my sudden discomfort. I had automatically straightened my spine, pushing my shoulders back in the same way that my grandma tended to do when trying to maintain both her composure and her pride.
GABRIEL: It felt horrible, rude even, to ask the question. I hated to be the one to cause her mood to shift so drastically but I am also determined to get this wedge that is between us out in the open so that it won’t prevent our relationship from progressing. She looked so tiny and fragile, but looking up at me her face was set in a strong manner. Her jaw was clenched a
nd she looked like she could take on anything that came her way.
But she doesn’t fool me. I’m perfectly aware that underneath that stoic and determined façade is softness and a sweet vulnerability.
“No. We were not an item.”
I hoped that my curt answer would deter him from probing further. We approached his Mustang and instead of getting what he had come for out of the car, he deliberately turned around to face me. He grabbed both of my hands into his and stood there in the moonlight, looking down into my face.
I could hear my heart pounding, fearing that he would somehow hear it also and would know how scared I truly was.
“Good,” he said, ignoring my brash response. “I have heard some rumors about that guy and he has quite a reputation.”
I stiffened and tried to keep my face expressionless. I wondered what kind of reputation he meant and if he was wondering about my own reputation. If he knew what had happened what did he think of me? I took a shaky breath but didn’t respond, flexing my hands, still held in his.
Gabriel continued look at me, into me. “Guys like that are jerks and tend to get what they want no matter what the cost is. They don’t care who they hurt or what they have to do, just so long as they get their way.” He paused, carefully watching my face. He had hit the hammer right on the nail.
I realized at that moment that Gabriel did know. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know if he had just guessed or what he had heard, but he somehow knew. And he was telling me in his own way that it didn’t matter. We stared at each other for what were only seconds but felt like an eternity as we came to a silent understanding. There was an unspoken agreement that my secret was in the open and we were moving beyond it. So much was translated without a single word as we searched each other’s face looking for resolution.
Embracing You, Embracing Me - A Coming of Age Romance (Fingerpress Life Stories) Page 7
