Gabriel slowly stepped closer and leaned down as if he was going to kiss me, but paused just inches away.
I knew the kiss was coming and braced for it. I wanted that kiss more than anything but also feared it and what would develop from it. I took in a sharp breath. He hesitated and I wondered if I had been mistaken.
Then he tilted his head and leaned in further, with his lips close to my ear. He spoke in a whisper and I could feel his warm breath on my neck. “May I kiss you?”
It was a simple question but the fact that he had asked permission spoke volumes. I answered in a breathy whisper, “Yes.”
Expecting something intense I was taken by surprise when I closed my eyes and felt only a light brushing of his lips against mine. His lips were soft and hesitant, as if he were giving me the chance to change my mind.
Touched by his gentleness, I slowly leaned in and parted my lips to allow the kiss to deepen.
His warm, strong hands cupped the sides of my face and the tenderness was almost unbearable as we shared a slow, deep kiss.
Gabriel stepped back and reached into the car to gather his things, and avoiding my still bruised and sore right hand he grabbed my left as we strolled down the path and joined our friends by the fire.
Chapter 11
Over the next week, Gabriel’s schedule was incredibly busy, between training for his new job at the small grocery store in Mount Pleasant, and helping out with the family floral business.
I started to feel pretty put out about it, but kept reminding myself that I was only one of many girls that Gabriel had to choose from and just because we’d had such a great time at the bonfire, didn’t mean that he would want to continue anything further. Still, that evening had been special to me and I had a hard time believing that it had meant nothing to him.
The rest of the time we had snuggled into his sleeping bag, lying on our backs, staring up at the starry sky as we joked and shared stories with the others. At eleven-thirty he packed up our things and drove me home down the mountain, holding my hand while we listened to music. Like a gentleman, he walked me to the front door and gave me another light kiss goodnight.
I was dreamy-eyed as I gave mom a peck on her cheek and headed to bed.
At school we had very different classes and only saw each other during lunch but it felt awkward to interact in that setting. I was quiet and introverted when he was around as I wondered if he was possibly regretting the time spent together that last Saturday. Maybe he had thought about it and decided that he did have a problem with the Erin thing or the fact that I lived in a rustic old trailer. Maybe he had found someone richer, prettier, more popular. They were all questions that felt ridiculous and sophomoric but I couldn’t keep from worrying over them.
He kept his distance and I had no idea why or what to do about it. And not knowing what to do about something was quite possibly one of the worst feelings for me to deal with. I hated feeling unsure or without answers. It left me feeling like a loose end that needed to be cut before it became too frayed and ugly. It was a feeling that I detested because it subconsciously reminded me of how completely out of control things in life could sometimes be, especially if one wasn’t diligent about protecting themselves from being hurt or disappointed. Have no expectations; that was my motto, that way no one could break your heart. At least that was something I was trying to aspire to. Although at that current moment, I hated to admit that I was failing miserably.
As the second week of our odd behavior progressed, I started to get angry with my despondent reaction. So it was easy for him to ignore me and act like nothing had passed between us. What should I care? He had made no promises or declarations, but I was filled with despair nonetheless.
Then one Wednesday evening after I returned home from ballet lessons, and had taken a shower to erase the salty sweat from a grueling session, I was grumbling under my breath while I washed the dinner dishes. My aunt, uncle and their children often joined us for dinner, and every-other evening it was left to me to clean up the piles of dishes left from the day.
It was my least favorite of chores and I resented the fact that my cousins rarely had to help around the house at all. I figured school all day, followed by the hour and a half dance lessons, and homework were plenty of responsibilities, but I dug into the dreaded deed and kept my complaints to a low mumble so that I was my only audience.
Everyone else was in the living room watching the consistently too loud television, so I didn’t hear the light knock on the door. My aunt peeked her bright, round face into the small kitchen, “Roshell you have a guest.”
I didn’t bother to look up from my soapy task, figuring that Sabrina was probably the guest, although it was pretty weird that my aunt called her that since Sabrina was pretty much a family member at that point.
Then I felt something in the air shift and knew without looking that Gabriel was there.
I gave him a sideways glance and tried to be as nonchalant about it as possible, when in all reality I was freaking out. Why now? I wondered. Why did he have to show up when I was looking so horrible, like a freak show? I remembered that my hair was still wet from the shower. I didn’t have any makeup on, and I was standing there in the messy kitchen with pruned up hands in dirty dishwater! And him? Oh man, did he look good!
He leaned against the doorway and had a little smirk on his face as he took in the dreadful sight that I must have made.
GABRIEL: She looked as if she had just stepped out of the shower and had on short flannel boxer shorts and a small t-shirt. Her face was scrubbed clean and had a healthy pink glow that made me want to reach out and touch the softness of it.
Everything she was thinking was playing over her face as she tried to process why I had dropped in out of the blue.
Truth be told, I had been deliberating for days about stopping by. I was going back and forth about it because I was frankly confused with how her behavior toward me at school had been since the night at the bonfire. I only made a final decision when Darren mentioned to me earlier in the day that Amber kept asking questions about whether I was interested in Roshell. A friend would only be as curious as the one she was asking for, so I took the chance.
“Hey,” he said.
Gabriel’s flippant, one word greeting immediately flared my temper and I quickly dropped the charade. “What are you doing here?” I snapped.
Ignoring my rudeness he went straight to an explanation, “My shift at the store ended early tonight and I thought that I would drop by to say hi.”
I shrugged and resumed my dish washing, suddenly scrubbing with a violent vigor. “Well you’ve said it. You can go now! Bye.”
Gabriel sighed as he straightened to his full height in the doorway. “Look, you’re obviously pissed at me and I’m not sure exactly why, but I don’t think that you really want me to leave. Do you, Roshell?” he asked pointedly.
I turned to face him full-on, a dripping hand placed on my right hip, “You arrogant ass! You have barely talked to me this past week and a half. Then you just show up here in my kitchen with a smarmy smirk on your face, claiming that you have no idea why I would be pissed. Then you dare me to tell you that I don’t want you to leave? Well, I do. I’m busy. Now go!”
Gabriel’s smiled spread into a full-fledged grin.
GABRIEL: It’s about damn time. I have been waiting for Roshell’s feisty side to show. I don’t like the fact that she isn’t her usual self any time I’m around. I have no doubt that this little outburst is a step in the right direction.
“Well I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said, “but I can’t really leave quite yet, since your aunt already invited me to stay for dessert.”
“Oh, she did, did she? Well… that’s just great! That’s fine! Wipe that smile off your face.” And I turned back to the sink, fuming that I was being subjected to such humiliation.
Gabriel stepped aside as my aunt bustled into the room, checking on the blackberry cobbler that was in the oven.
> “Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, sure smells good Auntie,” he said.
“Auntie?” I raised my eyebrows in question.
He continued to smile as he put his arm around my Aunt Kelli’s shoulders. “That’s right, your aunt and I hit it off great. She said that I could call her auntie anytime.”
Aunt Kelli reached over, patting Gabriel’s cheek. “You are such a sweet boy. Isn’t he just a sweet boy Roshell?” but didn’t wait for a response and kept right on talking in her typically loud, vibrant voice, “Now you go on out to the living room and I will bring your dessert right out.”
Oh, he was just loving this, wasn’t he? I thought with a snort as I watched him saunter out of the kitchen. Aunt Kelli started complaining about something to do with the way the oven cooked things unevenly as she pulled out the cobbler. I tuned her out and focused on finishing my chore.
By the time I wrapped up and joined everyone else, my aunt was in the process of setting up a small card table in the middle of the cramped living room. Sabrina was there too, with a small bag hanging over her shoulder and grinning her face off. “Mom said that I could spend the night.”
I knew that the “mom” she was referring to was my mom. Lately, she and Amber had become quite chummy with mom because she was such a good listener. She always had a welcoming smile on her face and a way about her that made people open up and talk about their personal lives. My friends really cared about her and came to rely on her as an adult that they could talk to and trust not to judge them or tell them what to do.
Mom piped in cheerily, “We have plenty of people to play a good game of Continental Rummy, so I invited your friends to stay for awhile.” Then she turned to Gabriel. “Do you know how to play Gabe?”
“No, but I’m a fast learner!”
“Ughh, have fun you guys, I’m going to bed.” But as I started to stomp off Gabriel caught me by the arm, “Come on, you have to play too. It’ll be fun.” He paused and gave the most pathetic puppy dog eyes ever. “Pleassse.”
Resolve broken, I realized I was being ridiculously rude and stubborn and decided to stop carrying on. Besides, he was so adorable and I couldn’t rely deny that I was happy to see him. I really didn’t want him to go.
“Okay fine, but I suck at cards!” I relented but made sure to keep my pout in place.
“Great! Then I can kick your sorry butt!” Gabriel taunted, with a devilish grin.
We played for two hours before mom finally called it quits. Aunt Kelli asked her husband to gather their sleeping kids to haul them across the street and put them to bed. Then she said goodnight and snuck out the door.
Sabrina headed towards my room to change into pajamas. Gabriel stood up from the uncomfortable folding chair he had been sitting in and stretched his limbs.
My mom gave me a knowing look. “Why don’t you walk your friend out to his car Roshell.” It was a statement not a question. Way too obvious. Thanks mom.
Earlier in the evening, I had pulled on a pair of baggy gray sweats. I snagged an over-sized sweatshirt out of my room and headed out into the cool, damp evening.
It had been raining throughout the day, so the air smelled deliciously clean and crisp when we stepped outside. I was careful as I trudged down the rickety wood steps because as Grandma would say, they were “slicker than snot” after it rained.
Instead of opening his car door, Gabriel turned around and leaned against it, “Just so you know, Roshell, I have purposely given you space because you haven’t been exactly friendly at school this past week. You just kind of clammed up on me.”
I felt slightly abashed, knowing that he was right and I had put all the blame on him earlier. “I know, I just… I thought that maybe you wouldn’t want me to talk to you at school.”
Gabriel grinned, when I got flustered and shy. “Of course I want you to talk to me at school, or anywhere for that matter.”
I was nervously fidgeting with the zipper on my hooded sweatshirt and once I realized it, I stopped and looked him in the eye. “Okay, friends?”
Gabriel’s smile faded and he straightened his lazy posture. “Friends? No. I don’t think so.” With that he pulled me in quickly and laid one on me before I could respond.
This kiss was not like the others. It was fast and intense so that when he stepped back, I was practically dizzy from it. He had taken me under to the point where I could barely think and then just as quickly resurfaced, leaving me floundering, off guard.
I didn’t know if the kiss had affected him as strongly but I was acutely aware of the fact that he was constantly gauging my reaction and tempering his own actions to fit my needs. It felt as though we were always engaged in a delicate dance, bending, pulling back and then leaning into the other as we learned about the needs and desires flowing between. His consistently respectful attempt to give me security and safety in our interactions gave me a rare sense of being treasured.
Still, I felt vulnerable and a little nervous because of my past experiences. I appreciated his recognition of my need to proceed cautiously. In the same token, I was also aware that he was making it quite clear that as far as he was concerned, we had moved past the “just friends” stage.
I stood very still, not sure how to proceed, willing my mind to catch up with my body. But before I could fully recover, Gabriel flashed a white smile, opened the driver side door and slid into the leather seat, “I had a good time tonight. You’re family is nice. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”
“Yeah, see ya tomorrow.” The words were practically inaudible as he pulled away. Suddenly I became aware that I was shivering and wasn’t sure whether to attribute it to the weather or the kiss. I hugged myself tightly with a ridiculous grin pasted to my face and ran inside to tell Sabrina all about it.
As the next few weeks passed, Gabriel made a habit of stopping by my house after work at least once or twice a week. Every time he pulled into my dirt lane, I was surprised. I just couldn’t believe that he was interested in me.
We would laugh and talk in my tiny bedroom, with the door open of course, following Grandma’s rules. We developed a friendship as we shared personal stories of our childhoods, sharing dreams, disappointments, and hopes for the future.
Each night would end with me walking Gabriel out to his car where we would hold each other tightly and share many sweet, lingering kisses.
At school things were still another matter. I made a point to act more relaxed and open with him around our peers, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t allow my guard down enough to treat him in the same way as I did when he visited my home. I wasn’t sure why this was. I only knew that I would unfailingly put on a reserved front toward him whenever we were in a social setting.
Gabriel recognized my inconsistent behavior, but never pressured me to act otherwise or force the issue. He was clearly allowing me to be in the driver’s seat as I slowly got used to our new friendship. Relationship? Whatever it was.
On the last day of school before Christmas break started, Amber barreled over to my locker, practically pouncing on me with enthusiasm. “Guess what? My mom is going out of town for the weekend to go skiing with one of her coworkers.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Yeah, and?”
Amber rolled her eyes, “Dude that means that I have the whole house to myself for the weekend. You have to come over tonight. We can invite the guys and a couple of friends. IT WILL BE AWESOME!”
Ooh, the possibilities, I thought and gave a devilish grin. “Okay, I will ask my mom if I can stay at your house for the weekend, but I can’t tell her that your mom will be gone. You know how she is. She would never go for it.”
“I don’t know,” Amber answered, “your mom is getting a lot better about that stuff. I mean you are a junior now.”
“I know, she has loosened up a bit, but I still think it’s better to keep it on the down low this time.”
“Sure. Whatever. Anyway, let’s let the guys know. They can bring over some of their buddies if they want. Sabrin
a can’t go because she is starting her new job at Taco Bell. She is pretty excited about it, and thinks that if she can make enough money she could maybe get a roommate and move out of her parents’ house and into town.” Amber was rambling on fast but I had no problem keeping up. The two of us often talked at furious speeds when excited about something and only a few would dare attempt to follow along, much less join in.
We carried on, making plans until the bell for the next period rang. Then we scurried off with our minds scattered, thinking about anything but academics.
I was pumped when my mom agreed to let me spend the weekend at Amber’s. My uncle dropped me off on the way home from ballet lessons. I threw my things inside the house before scurrying out to the small barn and stables where I knew Amber would be doing her nightly routine. Sure enough, Amber was mucking out the stalls where she kept her old mare.
I picked up one of the brushes stored by the tackle and started to brush Annie down, while we talked excitedly about the upcoming evening.
The guys were supposed to come by after they got off work. Gabriel had helped Darren get a position at the grocery store and both of them were scheduled to close. The plan was that they would grab snacks and drinks before picking up some of their friends, then head over around ten.
Back at the house, Amber cooked up Macaroni and Cheese while I took a quick shower. We gobbled our dinner then flittered around the house deciding what to wear, fixing each others’ hair and makeup.
The guys showed up with Shawn, Lewis, and their girlfriends, and Darren dragged a cooler up to the front porch, “Help yourselves, ladies!”
Amber gave him a smacking kiss and then opened up the cooler, while I peaked over her shoulder. I scrunched up my face when I saw its contents. “Beer. Yuck!”
Darren snickered as he prepared the steaks he’d brought. “Quit being a bunch of girls,” he teased.
I couldn’t help but flash back to the last time that I’d had a few beers and my stomach tightened in response.
Embracing You, Embracing Me - A Coming of Age Romance (Fingerpress Life Stories) Page 8
