Embracing You, Embracing Me - A Coming of Age Romance (Fingerpress Life Stories)

by Michelle Bellon

  Gabriel was smiling as he watched my familiar nervous fidgeting.

  “Before I tell you, I want to ask you a quick question.” He paused until I nodded in agreement. “What day did you get into town?”

  I was a little perplexed as to why he wanted to know. “Let’s see, it was five… no, six days ago, why?”

  Gabriel acknowledged my answer with a nod. “Just curious. I was fighting fires with my unit, just east of Prineville, when I stepped in a fox’s den and broke my ankle. I know it sounds pretty lame, but there is so much smoke up there that visibility is non-existent. There have been quite a few injuries over the past week, but mine was the first one serious enough that they decided to fly me out via helicopter.

  “What a way to get out of the rest of the assignment, huh?”

  I was wide eyed, listening, imagining the scenario. “Darren had mentioned that you were fighting fires and didn’t exactly know when to expect you back, but had thought that it would be a few weeks. He insisted we call you that night, but after we left the message he remembered and filled me in.”

  Gabriel leaned with his elbows on his knees. “Don’t you think that it’s quite a coincidence that I break my ankle just a couple of days after you get into town. I am flown out of the forest to the military hospital where they patch me up before releasing me to recuperate? I get in early this morning which happens to be the morning after you leave a message on my machine?”

  I thought about it for a moment, scanning his face. “I guess it is a little bit of a coincidence”

  “Okay, how did you and Darren end up hooking up?” he questioned further.

  “Amber and I ran into him at the store yesterday and he just kind of invited himself over,” I said simply, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Okay, so you just happen to ‘accidently’ run into my best friend, then he ‘forgets’ that I am out of town so the two of you leave a message on my machine, meanwhile, I get lucky enough to break my ankle within days of your arrival. Next thing I know I am standing on one leg in my kitchen listening to your voice fill the room.”

  Goosebumps rose up on my arms as I processed what he was saying, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. It is kind of weird,” I agreed, rubbing my arms to fend off the sudden chill.

  “So where is your baby right now? Tell me all about him or her.”

  We were shifting gears. Okay. “Amber took her for a walk in her stroller, you just missed them, but they’ll be back shortly.” I hesitated. “Her name is Marissa and she just turned a year old. She has curly hair and is probably the cutest baby on the planet. Of course I might be slightly biased.”

  GABRIEL: Man it’s good to see her. The mere mention of her child caused Roshell’s entire demeanor to blossom and she glowed as she spoke. Motherhood obviously suits her. Her hair was shorter and her face slightly thinner as she had matured but she still emanated a vibrant energy that I was responding to.

  “I can’t wait to meet her.” Gabriel said. “When you told me that you were in the process of getting divorced I was a little stunned but figured that I could live with it. Hell, it’s been three years. A lot can happen in that amount of time. I’ve had my fair share of relationship disasters, but I have to admit that I was more than shocked when you said that you had a child. I don’t know why, lots of our friends have children already. I was pretty sure that I could handle one of those obstacles, but for some reason being married and having a child was like a double whammy, and I hesitated on the phone even though I still wanted to see you. I thought about it for most of the night, but what I realized, was that it didn’t matter.”

  I searched his blue eyes. “It doesn’t matter?” I asked, a little astounded.

  He held my gaze. “Nope, none of that matters to me. I’m just glad that I broke my ankle and now we can hang out.”

  I bent forward and covered my mouth, stifling a giggle. “I’ve never heard anyone say they were glad that they broke any part of their body.”

  “Yeah, well, I am. Now there is only one problem,” he said. “You’re too far away. I need you closer.”

  This caught me off guard. His blunt, unhindered statement was unfamiliar. It didn’t fit our pattern. In the past, we had always avoided the direct approach to anything, and kept most conversations comfortable and safe. Other than the few times he had questioned where our relationship was heading, we typically portrayed an ambiguous attitude towards each other. No proclamations or admissions of feelings. It had always kept us guessing about our true feelings. This forthright position he was suddenly taking was throwing me off balance.

  “Umm, okayyyy?” I raised out of the recliner, stepped around the coffee table and sat down at the other end of the couch, moving cautiously, treading softly on new territory.

  Gabriel simply shook his head. “Nope, closer”

  I scooted further down until I was approximately a foot away, then flashed a sideways glance and a shy grin. “Is this good?”

  “Almost,” and with that he grabbed me by the waist and hauled me into his lap. “There that’s just about perfect.”

  I giggled with delight. “Well then. This is awkward.” My face was flushed with embarrassment.

  “Why awkward? I like it!” He was enjoying my discomfort.

  I held out my hands, palms up, perplexed. “Well for one thing, the last time that we saw each other was three years ago. For another, that particular time you were totally pissed at me! Now you want me to sit in your lap. Do you really not understand why I’m confused?”

  I squirmed in his lap and waited for his response.

  “I was mad, but like you said, that was three years ago. I’m over it and now I’m just glad to see you.” He cocked his head to the side. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, bewildered. “Of course I’m glad to see you, it’s just… I don’t know, I wasn’t sure you would even want to talk to me, much less see me, and now you’re here and you’re just so…” Ugh, I couldn’t think of exactly the right words, “… different.”

  Gabriel’s face relaxed and became thoughtful. He looked me straight in the face, “You’re right. I am different. On the drive out here, I made a decision. I decided that life is too short to be playing games with the people that you care about, so I’m going to just put all the cards on the table and be as direct and honest with you as I can. There is no other way for me now. I hope you can deal with that.”

  I took a deep breath and put my hand to his cheek, feeling his freshly shaven skin under my fingertips. I had been right. Everything was different. It was time to grow up and face my fears. “I think I can handle that.”

  A familiar little bubble of laughter broke into our dynamic. I hopped out of Gabriel’s lap, knowing that Marissa and Amber were approaching. I opened the front door just in time to have my little munchkin rush across the doorway and wrap around my legs. I lifted her plump little body and gave her a big smooch on her rosy cheek.

  Gabriel remained seated because of his foot, but I could feel his eyes burning into me as he watched my interaction with Marissa. Would it be too weird for him to see me with a child? If it was, then that would be that. Marissa was my whole world.

  Amber spoke up. “You’ll stay for dinner, right?”

  “Absolutely,” he said.

  AMBER: Gabriel and Roshell kept stealing secret little glances at each other, and it was nice to see the two of them interacting again. Their relationship has always baffled me. Any fool only had to spend a few minutes in the same room with them to see the electricity and know that they care deeply for each other, but for a reason that I have yet to identify, they have never been able to take the relationship to the next level.

  I have no doubt that Gabriel is Roshell’s one true love, although I have never heard her speak those words out loud to anyone. Roshell is the one that continues to hold back with him due to her own tangled up feelings towards love and men in general. I understand it, but don’t at the same time.


  Gabe is accepting of Marissa and is already smitten with her. This could be it. This may finally be the right time for my friends to explore their feelings, to finally have a future together.

  As the evening wound down, Marissa began to yawn more frequently and kept rubbing her eyes with her little fists. I excused myself and put her down for the night. When her body went slack with sleep, I tucked her in and joined the other two in the living room. It looked like Gabriel was ready to head home. I tried to curb my disappointment. Then I noticed the conspiratorial looks he and Amber were giving. They were shifty-eyed and up to no good. Glancing back and forth between the two of them, I asked, “What’s going on? What are you two up to?”

  Amber attempted to wipe the wicked grin off her face without success. “Nothing, we were just working out a few details.” She was folding a load of laundry that she had pulled out of the dryer earlier. “Anyway, you need to grab an overnight bag, so you two can be on your way.” She avoided direct eye contact.

  “Umm, I didn’t know that I was leaving. What about Marissa?” I wasn’t really sure I liked where this was leading.

  She folded her jeans, her expression obscure. “I will watch her for you. She is already asleep, how hard can it be?” She finally looked up and caught my worried expression. “Don’t worry, she and I will be just fine. Gabriel and you are going to go have a good time over at Darren’s tonight. You could use some grown up time. Go on. Get out of here and we’ll see you in the morning.”

  I was dumbstruck. The rest of my evening had been planned without my knowledge and I was stuck between feeling flattered and annoyed. After a moment’s hesitation I admitted that I wasn’t quite ready to part from Gabriel yet. Giving in, I simply nodded, spun on my heel and snuck back into the bedroom to gather a few of my things.

  When I settled into the front seat of his four- wheel drive, I was practically giddy with the thought of having a whole evening to myself. I turned to face him, staring at his handsome profile while he concentrated on backing up in the dark driveway. I flashed him a flirty pout. “Did you miss me?”

  Gabriel simply grinned, reached out, and pushed a CD into the player. The vehicle was filled with the tune of a country song that I was familiar with. The singer’s voice resonated strong as he belted out lyrics indicating that he only missed his girl on days that end in ‘y’.

  I laughed. My heart melted. “You had that one planned out, didn’t you?”

  He gave a sly wink, turned up the volume and sang along.

  Chapter 18

  I was having such a great time, watching Gabriel and Darren banter back and forth, harassing each other the way they had always done. They had such a captivating way of jibing each other that everyone else in the room ended up being a willing and entertained audience.

  Darren’s girlfriend had recently moved in with him and so the four of us visited on the back porch swing enjoying the clear, starry night before hopping into the hot tub for a soak. Gabriel had to improvise and propped his foot with the cast out on the ledge. Afterward, we found ourselves in the kitchen, wrapped in towels, famished and foraging for a midnight snack.

  Darren spoke up, “So, uh… I was hoping that you two would stay the night and I took it upon myself to make up the guest room bed.” He looked over his pastrami sandwich, all innocence, as if he didn’t realize what he was insinuating.

  I blushed and stammered, not sure if I was comfortable with the assumption, but Gabriel rushed in for the save. “That’s cool, Darren. I’ll let Roshell have the bed. I’ll just grab a sleeping bag out of the hall closet and sleep on the couch.” He didn’t bother to look up as he dug into the fridge and pulled out a beer.

  Darren shrugged his shoulders, shoving the last huge bite into his mouth. He stood up, placed his plate in the sink, then swallowed, and said to his girlfriend, “Time to tuck me in honey, I’m wiped!” He held out his hand pulling her to his side. “G’night you two.”

  I stood by the counter and pulled my towel tighter to my body, suddenly self-conscious, as I watched Gabriel set his beer on the counter and hobble down the hall. He pulled a sleeping bag out of the closet on the right. Leaning on his crutch, he pointed to a door further down. “That’s your room. You can put your stuff in there.”

  I nodded and grabbed my things to change. With simple pajamas of a thin pink tank top and pink striped flannel bottoms, my teeth brushed, I padded barefoot to the living room where Gabriel was flipping through the channels.

  “Mind if I join you for a while? I’m not sleepy yet,” I asked with my hands clasped together.

  Gabriel simply clicked off the television. “I was hoping you would say that.” He leaned back into the plush, deep brown sofa, and hooked his finger, silently beckoning me closer. I snuggled into the crook of his arm as he wrapped it around me.

  GABRIEL: I hadn’t planned on kissing her right away but when I saw her full bottom lip just begging me to, I couldn’t help myself.

  I kept the kiss slow at first, taking her lip into my teeth satisfying the urge that had been nagging me all day. Then her tongue swept into my mouth and her taste was sweeter than I had remembered. I found myself enjoying the familiarity of her, as well as relishing the new sensations that were there after so many years. When she sighed and relaxed further into the kiss, it damn near broke my reserve., So I pulled back and offered to call it a night.

  He was once again offering me full control of the situation and it still meant so much that he would put my needs, my concerns, first. There was no other way that I would rather have spent the night than in his arms.

  “Don’t sleep out here on the couch. I don’t want to be alone tonight.” My voice was a husky whisper.

  Gabriel searched my green eyes, looking for hesitation before reaching for his crutches, and following me toward the bedroom.

  I didn’t turn to face him until I heard the door click shut. When I sat on the edge of the bed, my heart was full to overflowing as I watched the man that I’d always loved. He propped his crutches in the corner then hobbled toward me.

  The room was quiet. We didn’t speak but words were unnecessary. We sat face to face, still, peaceful in the moment. Reaching up, he gently tugged my hair free from the pony tail and it tumbled down to my shoulders.

  My body was shivering with anticipation. The moonlight filtered in through the half opened blinds offering the serenity and solitude of the night. I couldn’t resist reaching up to his face to feel the newly growing stubble. It had always driven him crazy how fast his facial hair grew: he could shave every single morning but by nightfall his face would already be rough with new growth. But I loved the raspy feel of it and had missed the casual intimacy that came from simply reaching out and touching his face.

  I had missed him terribly. Did he have any idea how much I felt for him, how much I yearned for him? Did his body hum with an incomprehensible knowing every time I entered the room, just as mine did?

  We kissed and the rest of the world ceased to exist. It was everything.

  When Gabriel pulled back his eyes were intense, hungry. “Tell me you want me. Tell me you need me,” he demanded.

  Didn’t he already know, I wondered. “I do. I want you,” I shivered, “I need you. I always have.”

  He buried his face in my neck, pulling me tight. “God, I missed you so much!”

  We were lost to one another.

  Chapter 19

  We lay quiet, sated, as our senses slowly came back and allowed the outside world in.

  “When do you have to go back home, back to Washington?” Gabriel asked.

  I sensed that he was curbing himself from asking a more direct question; like what this night meant for the two of us. I decided that since he had been so upfront with me, he deserved the same.

  “I have to go back in four days. I have to make a few arrangements with my future roommate, so that we can secure a rental. Meanwhile, I have to get my butt in gear and find a job. My divorce will be final in less than two months,
but I have to remain in the area so my ex can have his designated visitation.”

  Gabriel processed this. “That sucks, how can they require you to live in a specific area? That doesn’t make sense.”

  “Well, you have to file some sort of petition to move your child out of state, outlining how you intend to maintain visitation with the other parent. He won’t have custody, but he still has rights as her father. Besides I wouldn’t want to keep them apart. I want them to maintain their relationship as best as possible.”

  Gabriel was lightly running his fingertips along my shoulder as he followed the dialog. “I can understand that. And since it’s only a four hour drive, it wouldn’t be a huge stretch to assume that you could move back down here without too much of a hang up, as long as you filed your petition properly. If you were inclined, that is. I know that Amber would love it if you moved back.”

  “Amber, huh?” I tilted my head to look up at him with a sideways smirk. He wasn’t fooling me.

  “Well, maybe not just Amber,” he teased.

  I laid my head back down, content with the almost admission. “I think that I would like to eventually head back down here,” I paused, choosing my words carefully, “but I need to get myself straight first. I need to get right with my own recent history so that I can be sure how to move forward. Not just for me, but for my daughter and for any future relationships.”

  “Eventually.” It was a statement not a question, and I could hear the old bitterness seep into his voice.

  I sat up and leaned on my palm, looking down at him. “Don’t do this Gabriel, I don’t want to fight.” I knew he was expecting me to repeat old patterns and push him away but I wasn’t. Was I?

  Gabriel rolled over, slipped his boxers on and positioned himself at the foot of the bed, leaning against the footboard with his cast foot propped up on the pillows, giving us much needed space. “I don’t want to fight either, I just don’t get you. You come here and give yourself to me and just as easily you turn your back on me and walk away. What gives, Roshell? I’m not interested in playing games with you anymore.” He sounded tired.