The Lacquer Screen: A Chinese Detective Story (Judge Dee Mystery)

by Robert Van Gulik

  It was she who opened the door for Judge Dee. She asked anxiously : ‘Why hasn't the Student come back with you?’

  The judge shot her a shrewd look, then replied :

  ‘I sent him out on another job.’

  ‘He won't get himself into trouble, will he?’

  ‘Nothing I can't get him out of. You look tired, my wench. Better go up to sleep. We'll be here for some time.’

  She went up the narrow staircase, and Judge Dee woke Chiao Tai.

  Chiao Tai's face fell when he saw how haggard and tired the judge looked. He quickly offered him a cup of hot tea and asked anxiously : ‘What happened?’

  Judge Dee told him about the dead body, and his conversation with Magistrate Teng. He hadn't quite finished when there came a soft knock on the door. Chiao Tai went to open it and found himself face to face with Kun-shan. ‘Holy Heaven!’ he grunted. ‘There's that ugly snout again!’

  ‘You might at least say thank you!’ Kun-shan remarked coldly. ‘Good evening, Mr Shen! I trust you find your new quarters comfortable?’

  ‘Sit down!’ Judge Dee said. ‘I admit that you did us a good turn. Now explain the reason!’

  ‘To tell you the truth,’ Kun-shan replied, ‘I don't care a tinker's curse whether they catch you and your mate and chop off your heads on the execution ground. But I happen to need you, and I need you in a hurry. Listen! I am the most skilful and most experienced burglar in this province, I have been at this job more than thirty years and I have never once been caught. However, I lack bodily strength, and I've never tried to acquire it either, because I think violence is vulgar. Now I happen to have a job in mind that probably will need a dose of violence for its successful completion. I've observed you two carefully, and I think you'll do. Much to my disgust, I'll have to let you share in the profit. Since I did all the difficult preliminary work, and since the risk involved is insignificant, I take it that you'll be satisfied with a very modest amount.’

  ‘Plainly put,’ Chiao Tai interrupted. ‘We'll have to do the dangerous work and you'll walk off with the prize. Modest share, you say? It'll cost you plenty, you dirty coward!’

  At the last word Kun-shan's face grew pale, it had evidently touched a raw spot. He said venomously:

  ‘It's easy to play the hero when you are strong! And you think you are quite a man with the ladies too, don't you? Tonight I thought that solid couch would collapse under your capers! As the poet says : “The torrential rain crushes the autumn rose”.’

  Chiao Tai jumped up, gripped Kun-shan by his neck and threw him on the floor. Placing his knee on his breast and encircling his throat with his large hands, he growled:

  ‘You dirty swine, you spied on me! I'll break your neck for that!’

  Judge Dee quickly leaned over and grabbed Chiao Tai's shoulder. ‘Let him go!’ he said sharply. ‘I want to hear his proposal!’

  Chiao Tai rose and let Kun-shan's head fall on the floor with a dull thud. He lay still, his breath rattling in his bruised throat.

  Chiao Tai's face was livid with rage. He sat down heavily and said curtly :

  ‘Tonight I was with a courtesan. This rat spied on us.’

  ‘Well,’ Judge Dee said coldly, ‘I would have thought that you'd manage your amorous affairs more discreetly. Anyway, I won't have them interfere with my investigation. Douse the rascal's head!’

  Chiao Tai went over to the counter. He took the large basin of washing-up water, and threw it over Kun-shan's head. ‘It'll take some time before the son of a dog wakes up,’ he muttered.

  ‘Sit down! I'll tell you the rest about Teng,’ the judge said impatiently.

  By the time Judge Dee had finished his account of the lacquer screen, Chiao Tai's anger had passed. He said eagerly:

  ‘What an astounding story, Magistrate!’

  Judge Dee nodded.

  ‘I didn't feel like telling my colleague my strongest reason for suspecting that an outsider had killed his wife. And that is that I found she had been raped. I didn't wish to distress the poor fellow further.’

  ‘But didn't you say that her face looked peaceful?’ Chiao Tai asked. ‘I can't say I have any experience in raping a sleeping woman, but I suppose she'd wake up and make it known that she was annoyed, wouldn't she?’

  ‘That is only one of the many puzzling aspects of this strange case’ Judge Dee said. ‘Be careful! I think Kun-shan is coming to!’

  Chiao Tai dragged the ugly man up and made him sit down in the rattan chair. Kun-shan swallowed with difficulty. He groped for the teacup and drank slowly. Then he croaked at Chiao Tai: ‘I'll make you pay for that, bastard!’

  ‘Present the bill any time you like!’ Chiao Tai said.

  Kun-shan fixed him with a malicious glare from his one eye. He sneered :

  ‘You don't even know the merry widow pulled your leg, you fool!’

  ‘Widow?’ Chiao Tai shouted.

  ‘Certainly a widow, and a brand-new one too! You came to the side door of the residence of the late Ko Chih-yuan, you blockhead, the silk merchant who killed himself only yesterday! His widow had moved from the common bedroom to her small boudoir in the left wing, in order to nurse her grief in solitude. But you, experienced ladies' man, stupidly mistook her for a courtesan!’

  Chiao Tai's face went scarlet with shame and mortification. He wanted to speak, but managed only some unintelligible sounds. Judge Dee took pity on him and said quickly:

  ‘Well, perhaps his wife's morals had something to do with Ko's suicide.’

  Kun-shan tenderly felt his throat. He gulped down a cup of tea, then said nastily:

  ‘Women have no morals, and Mrs Ko is no exception. However, my business with you concerns the merchant Ko too, strangely enough. Listen to me carefully, I'll be brief. There came into my hands a notebook belonging to Leng Chien, a well-known banker of this city who was Ko Chih-yuan's associate and financial adviser. I am versed in financial matters, and I soon saw that the notebook contained Leng Chien's secret records of how he has been swindling old Ko during the past two years by faking accounts. He made a considerable amount of money that way, about one thousand gold, I would say.’

  ‘How did you get that notebook?’ Judge Dee asked. ‘It isn't the kind of record a banker would leave lying about!’

  ‘None of your business!’ Kun-shan snapped. ‘Now look here, I…’

  ‘Wait a moment!’ the judge interrupted him. ‘I too happen to be interested in financial matters—that's why I had to leave my post as headman in a bit of a hurry. You must be a real wizard to be able to derive all that information from annotations on complicated financial transactions, and secret too! You had better think up a more probable story, my friend!’

  Kun-shan gave the judge a suspicious look.

  ‘You are a cunning scoundrel, aren't you? Well, since you insist on knowing the ins and outs, let me tell you that I have visited Ko's residence a few times—without him knowing it, of course. I have examined the contents of his safe and found there an emergency fund of two hundred gold pieces—which is now my emergency fund—and also his papers, which I studied with considerable interest. Those papers gave me the background for Leng Chien's notebook, so to speak.’

  ‘I see’ Judge Dee said. ‘Proceed!’

  Kun-shan took from his sleeve a small sheet of paper, which he carefully smoothed out on the table. Tapping it with his spidery forefinger, he resumed :

  ‘This is a page I tore from the notebook. You two will visit our friend Leng Chien tomorrow morning, show him this page, and tell him that you know everything. You'll ask him to write out two drafts, one for six hundred and fifty gold pieces, and the other for fifty, leaving the name of the payee blank. That little blood-letting will leave him with three hundred in gold—which is not to be sneezed at. I would much prefer to take the whole lot, but the secret of successful blackmail is that you give your man an out, so as not to make him desperate. The draft of six hundred and fifty you give to me. You two keep the one of fifty. Fift
y good pieces of gold. Is it a deal?’

  Judge Dee fixed the ugly man with his piercing eyes, leisurely caressing his side-whiskers. Then he said slowly:

  ‘My mate here put it a bit bluntly, Kun-shan, but he hit the nail on the head. I fully believe that you are a past master in stealing and breaking in, but you lack the courage for a man-to-man encounter. You know very well you could never in your life muster the courage to face that banker and blackmail him, could you?’

  Kun-shan shifted uneasily in his chair. ‘Is it a deal or not?’ he asked surlily. The judge took the sheet of notepaper and put it in his sleeve.

  ‘It is,’ he said, ‘but share and share alike. Remember that, with the paper you so kindly gave me, I don't need you and your notebook for blackmailing Leng Chien. Why shouldn't I keep all the money for myself?’

  ‘Why indeed!’ Chiao Tai said with a pleased grin.

  ‘And why shouldn't I report to the tribunal where they can find two highway robbers?’ Kun-shan asked nastily.

  ‘Because you wouldn't dare, that's why!’ Judge Dee replied calmly. ‘Make up your mind!’

  Kun-shan gave him a vicious look. He put his hand to his cheek, trying to suppress its nervous twitching. At last he said :

  ‘All right then, share and share alike.’

  ‘That's settled!’ the judge said with a satisfied air. ‘I'll visit our friend Leng Chien first thing tomorrow morning. Where can I find him?’

  Kun-shan explained the location of Leng Chien's silver shop, where Leng also conducted his banking business. Then he rose to leave. But Judge Dee put his hand on his arm and said affably :

  ‘The night is still young! Let's have a cup of wine together and drink to our partnership!’ And, to Chiao Tai : ‘Search behind the counter for the Corporal's special jug!’

  Chiao Tai left the table, wondering why the judge, utterly tired as he was, wanted to prolong the conversation with that unspeakable cad. He found the waiter fast asleep on the second shelf of the counter, and on the third the Corporal's jar, which he brought over to their table.

  When they had emptied a cup, Judge Dee wiped off his moustache and said :

  ‘You may be a master-thief, Kun-shan, but that's child's play compared to our work. Let me tell you a few adventures we've had on the road. You remember, mate, that time in Kiangsu Province, when we…’

  ‘I am not interested in your tall tales!’ Kun-shan interrupted him sourly. ‘Your work is based on brute force, mine on brains! It takes years and years to become a real expert at burglary.’

  ‘Nonsense!’ Judge Dee shouted. ‘Even I can manage to open a door lock from the outside! Once you are in the house, you overpower the owner, ask him politely where his valuables are, take them, and off you go! There's nothing to it!’

  ‘It's you who are talking nonsense!’ Kun-shan said angrily. ‘Your method is that of the common, stupid robber. He gets away with it once or twice, but then the hue and cry is out for him and he is caught. I have my own method, which I have practised for more than thirty years. And I've never been caught once, despite the fact that I usually work in the same city for a couple of years.’

  The judge gave Chiao Tai a broad wink.

  ‘He is a glib talker, isn't he?’ he asked. ‘He has a secret method, you know, transmitted only from master to pupil, on the ninth day of the waning moon!’

  ‘Since you two are nothing but a couple of vulgar rowdies,’ Kun-shan said with scorn, ‘there's no harm in telling you. You could never in your life even start to imitate me! This is how I work. I begin by studying the house, its inmates and all their habits for a few weeks. I talk to the servants, I talk to the shopkeepers in that neighbourhood, I invest a bit of money in these inquiries. Then I break in, but I don't take anything, I have plenty of time, you see. I just have a look around the house. I can stay in a cupboard for hours on end, stand concealed in the fold of a curtain, curl myself up in a clothes-box, or squeeze into the narrow space behind a bedstead. Thus I observe the people who live there waking and sleeping, I listen to their most intimate conversations, I spy on them when they think they are alone. Then, at last, I make my final visit. There's no forcing of locks, no frantic searching. Nobody is disturbed, nothing is displaced. If there is a secret hiding-place for the money, I know it better than its owner; if there is a safe, I know exactly where to find the keys. Nobody ever sees or hears me. Often it takes them days to realize that their money is gone! And then they don't think of a burglar! No, husbands begin by suspecting wives, wives suspect concubines.…I fear I have caused numerous misunderstandings and brought discord to many a harmonious household!’ He chuckled, covering his mouth with his hand. Then he concluded in a harsh voice: ‘Well, my clever friend, now you know my method!’

  ‘Remarkable!’ Judge Dee exclaimed. ‘I hate to admit it, but I could never do that. I don't doubt that your secret observations have taught you a thing or two about men and women, including a few new tricks on the bedmat, eh?’

  Kun-shan's face contorted in a grimace that made him look even more repulsive. He hissed:

  ‘Spare me your smutty jokes! I hate and despise women and the dirty games their loathsome men play with them. I hate those hours I must spend hidden in bedrooms, hearing lewd creatures cooing to their stupid husband while selling him their bodies, or coyly feigning to refuse him till he is cringing and wheedling for what I see them offer gratis to their lovers. Those sickening, abominable…’ He suddenly checked himself. Sweat was pearling on his brow. Glaring at the judge with his one eye, he got up. He said in a hoarse voice : ‘I'll meet you here at noon tomorrow.’

  As soon as the door had closed behind him Chiao Tai exclaimed disgustedly :

  ‘What a foul creature! Why in the name of Heaven did you want to listen to his ranting?’

  ‘Because,’ Judge Dee said calmly, ‘I hoped to hear from him about methods for breaking-in that might indicate how an intruder entered Mrs Teng's quarters. Second, I wanted to learn a little more about Kun-shan's character, and I got quite an instructive lesson on how frustration can warp a man's mind.’

  ‘Why his sudden love for us?’ Chiao Tai asked sourly.

  ‘Presumably because we are exactly the combination he needs for his blackmail scheme. He knows that I, who look fairly respectable, I trust, can gain admittance to the banker's private office, and am capable of conducting the negotiation, while he trusts you to add physical pressure, if that should prove necessary. Moreover, we are strangers here. He couldn't easily find a pair of crooks so eminently suited to his purpose, and I presume that that's why he went out of his way to contact us. However, there's still the possibility of a snake in the grass somewhere. I didn't like his quick acceptance of my proposal to share the loot. I had expected long and complicated bargaining. Well, anyway, we'll have to see to it that Kun-shan is put behind bars, and for the rest of his life. He is an evil, dangerous villain.’ The judge passed his hand over his eyes, then went on: ‘I'll now write a note to the coroner. Try to find me an ink-stone and writing-brush. I suppose the Corporal needs them, if only for jotting down his dots and crosses!’

  Chiao Tai rummaged behind the counter. He brought out a dirty, broken ink-slab and a worn-down brush. Judge Dee burned off the brush's superfluous hairs in the candle and, by dint of much licking, succeeded in giving it a sharp point Then he took from his sleeve the official notepaper and envelope he had abstracted from Magistrate Teng's desk, and wrote in an impersonal, official hand:

  To the Coroner. You are instructed to proceed without delay to Four Goats Village, where your presence is urgently required for an autopsy.

  Teng, Magistrate of Wei-ping

  He gave the letter to Chiao Tai, saying:

  ‘I don't want the coroner to conduct an autopsy on Mrs Teng's corpse. There is no need to distress my unfortunate colleague further by letting him know that his wife was raped. Deliver this letter early tomorrow morning to the owner of the large pharmacy on the market place, you'll easily find it. We pas
sed Four Goats Village on our way from the Prefecture. It is a five-hour ride, so that'll keep the coroner out of the way tomorrow. ‘He scratched his head with the end of the writing-brush, then continued: ‘Since I am making such liberal use of Teng's permission to act on his behalf, I might as well write another note borrowing his name!’ He took a new sheet of official paper and wrote :

  To the Officer in charge of Personnel, Garrison Headquarters. Urgent. You are requested to have the files searched for data on a certain Liu, a deserter who in recent years served as Corporal in the Third Wing of the Western Army. Hand the pertinent extract to the bearer of the present.

  Teng, Magistrate of Wei-ping

  Handing it to Chiao Tai, he said:

  You can take this note to the Garrison Headquarters some time tomorrow. I expect we'll have to avail ourselves of the Corporal's hospitality for a few days and, as the proverb says, “Don't stay in another's house unless you know the host well.” Let's go upstairs and inspect our quarters!’