“Alexis, how are you?” he says with that slick accent.
“Good, thanks. How about you?” I think I may be blushing a little, and I don’t do blushing.
“Good. Just grabbing a cup of coffee. I have some work to take care of today.”
Shit, that accent is getting under my skin. “Yeah, me too. I’m working on a paper in the library. I was just there with Anna.” I smile, feeling the heat build between us.
“Oh, really? My cousin also had a paper to write today for one of his law classes.” A light goes off in my head as a little smirk crosses my lips.
“What’s so funny?” he asks. He’s dressed in a pair of light gray dress pants and a black button down shirt. He has a few days of stubble on his chin. He looks like a GQ model. How am I ever going to be able to resist this guy? Every bone in my body tells me to walk away. Something about him is too intense; I can’t put my finger on what, though.
“Nothing. I just realized that Anna and Callen are probably going at it in the carrel.” I chuckle at the thought.
“I’m sorry, what?” He blinks and moves in closer to me, so I can explain again. I get a distant whiff of his delicious, musky cologne.
I put my hand up so I’m covering my mouth and lean in a little closer to him. We’re standing in the middle of a Starbucks, and I don’t want anyone hearing what I’m about to say. “It’s a little study room in the library. You rent it for the day and it has a lock on the door. A lot of times students have sex in them, but if you get caught, they throw you out.”
He nods his head, understanding. “Interesting. I guess I missed out on a lot of things by not going to university.” His green eyes gleam, and it’s very sexy. “So would you like to sit and have your coffee with me? It sounds like you may have some time to kill before heading back to the library anyway.”
I shrug. “Sure. Why not?”
We find a table in the corner and sit across from each other. There’s silence for a moment when he asks, “So, are you anti-relationship because you’re in university and you feel too young to settle down or is it something else?”
I’m stunned. Talk about getting right down to business. I thought this was going to be some light conversation over coffee. I cross my arms over my chest and say, “Um, not really. A lot of students choose to be in relationships. I’m just not one of them.” I don’t mean to give him attitude, but I can’t help it.
He smiles. “I’m wondering why a beautiful, smart woman like yourself can’t stick to one guy.” His elbows are on the table in front of him and his fingers are interwoven. I can’t help but feel that with each word he is spurring me on.
“There really isn’t much to tell, Luc. I am who I am. I go out with guys, we hook up, have fun, and when someone gets attached, I break it off.”
His head nods up and down like he’s trying to understand what I’m saying. “So, you’re telling me that you never get attached to anyone?”
I play with a packet of sugar. “Yup, that’s right. I like to have fun. I don’t bring guys home to my bed.” Maybe I shouldn’t have divulged that last detail; the conversation will probably get weird now.
“So where do you take your dates? You just spiked my curiosity.” He looks a little too intrigued. Shit.
“Don’t be too interested. I only mean that everything I do is spontaneous,” I answer, hoping to tone down his curiosity.
“I can do spontaneity. I may not have gone to university, but I did my share of partying back in France. The clubs back home can get pretty wild.” He knows how to get under my skin, and I think I know what he’s after right now. He wants me to show him what I mean. The truth is I feel all hot and bothered by the way his blazing eyes are practically undressing me.
I decide to take him up on his challenge. I lean forward and whisper, “I’m getting up to go to the bathroom right now. Wait about two minutes and follow me in. I’ll be on the door to your left.”
His cheeks flush, and I can tell that he’s a little shocked by my forwardness. But I know he’s turned on, too. I get up and head for the bathroom, locking the door behind me. On schedule, two minutes later, I hear a knock on the door and open it up. Luc strides toward me, taking me in his strong arms and kissing me hungrily. He’s a good kisser, and my body responds instantly. He pushes my back to the wall. Cold tiles dig into my spine, but I’m so hot. He’s pinned against my chest and his hard length pressed against my stomach is making me sweat. He kisses my neck and caresses my ass. His hand slowly slides under my shirt, massaging and kneading my breasts. I move my hand under his shirt, feeling his taut, muscular abs. He opens my jeans, lowering them, and slips one finger inside me, then two.
“You feel so damn good,” he whispers in my ear with that sexy, exotic accent that just fuels my need for him. I unbuckle his pants and lower them. His penis is long and thick and beautiful. I start pumping him with my hand, and his head falls back as he lets out a moan. It’s clear we both plan on having sex right now. I can’t imagine stopping.
He holds my hand to pause me for a second. “Wait, let me see if I have a condom on me.” He searches his pockets and comes up empty. Then he asks me if I have one, but it’s not something I usually carry. I assume all guys carry them.
He mumbles to himself in French. I don’t understand him, so I ask, “What is it?”
In a resigned voice, he says, “I don’t have a condom, Alexis. So much for spontaneity.” He shrugs, clearly disappointed.
“No worries. Maybe next time.”
The moment’s passed so we don’t continue, but I have to admit that he left me wanting more. We head out of the bathroom separately and walk over to a different set of seats. Ours from before have been taken. It works out, though, because now we’ve snagged ourselves the soft, comfy couch.
“So this is what you do? Randomly hook up with guys and screw them in a washroom stall?” He sounds a little surprised and maybe even disgusted. I can’t blame him if he is.
“It sounds bad when you say it. I tend to look at it as something fun and exciting.” It’s my distraction; it’s what I do to make myself feel good.
“I guess I haven’t had much excitement in my life. My father is very strict, and he keeps a tight leash on my brothers and me. Back home we don’t have much time to mess around. Dad always made sure we grew up with an aura of respect around us, so we would be able to command the family business.”
“Sounds tough.” I nod, not really understanding because I was raised so differently.
“You have no idea,” he answers, his voice monotone as if he’s trying to fight any emotion he’s feeling. “I think I’m going to let you show me how to loosen up a bit,” he says, a smile returning to his sexy face.
I want to give him some hope, so I say, “Sure. Are you still planning on coming to Mickey’s tonight?”
“Yeah, I have some work to do now, but I’ll be free later.”
“‘Kay, I’ll see you later. Hopefully Anna is going to let me into the carrel to work on my paper.”
“Good luck.” He gets up from his seat.
“Thanks,” I say, also standing. He leans in and places a soft kiss on my cheek then walks off.
I watch him leave. I don’t know what to make of him. He’s so different from the guys around here. He seems mature and responsible. I guess because he’s running a serious business. But it also seems like he’s carrying a weight on his shoulders, like he wants to be free and escape, only he can’t. I think it’s his intense gaze, his sombering words, and the heaviness in his walk. His father sounds like a tough guy. I guess it’s something I can relate to in a way, having had a childhood that was cut short. Something about Luc tells me he also has to worry. I just don’t know about what.
Chapter 5
Grateful
January 2004
Sweet sixteens were the main talk at school. Being a January child meant I was one of the first in the grade to turn sixteen and my birthday was approaching faster than I had hoped. I had to
find ways of escaping questions like, “Where are you having it? What dress are you wearing? Where can you find shoes to match the dress?” I could personally care less; I cared about making it through another day. A sweet sixteen was definitely not an option for me since I could never bring anyone home to Mom. I’d never had a birthday party before either. Using my creative abilities, I began to fabricate stories as to why I never had any parties, since the people in my hometown were big on celebrating.
I slowly developed extraordinary storytelling capabilities. Never allowing anyone to see the truth, no matter what. I had a lot riding on my lies. Ash and I could end up separated in foster care and then we would be totally screwed.
It was a gloomy January day as a mix of cold rain and wet snow fell to the ground. The frigid air seeped through my body even though I was indoors. A bunch of us sat along the steps of the main foyer at break. I was quietly watching all the students pass by when Emily, one of my good friends, asked in a cheery voice, “Alexis, why don’t you have a sweet sixteen at home? Your house is huge. It would be a great place for a party!”
“Yeah, it’s a big house, but my mom’s going away on vacation for a month or two, so it isn’t good timing.”
Emily’s smile became even more cheerful, if that was possible. “Actually, it would be perfect timing. No parents at home means an even better party.”
Geez! She wasn’t letting up, and I hated when that happened. I made a sad face. “You’re right, Em. It would have been perfect if no one was staying with us, but my grandma Pearl is coming to take care of us. Grandmas and parties don’t exactly mix.”
Emily’s shoulders sagged and she frowned. “I hear you. That’s too bad, though. Every girl deserves a sweet sixteen, and we’re all planning something.”
Her intentions were good. But I wasn’t like everyone else.
“Thanks, Emily that’s sweet. No worries, parties aren’t really my thing anyway.”
“Did I hear party? Who’s having a party?” Matt, one of the most popular boys in school and my boyfriend, walked up to our group sitting in the main foyer. He placed his arm on my shoulder and moved in close to me.
“No one is. We were just saying that Alexis is turning sixteen in a few weeks, and it would be cool if she had a party,” Emily said.
Matt was Dylan’s best friend, and they were the two most popular junior boys at Westmount High. All the girls wanted them and totally drooled over them when they were around. Matt and I had been flirting for a couple of weeks when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. He was a good guy. We spent a lot of time making out after school at his house. It was only kissing because I never wanted him asking me about my scars.
With his arm still hanging on my shoulder, Matt said, “Maybe we can set something up for you at my house. You know my mom looks for any excuse to hold a party. There’s a party going on every other weekend. I’m sure she’ll be cool with it.”
“Yay!” Emily squealed. “We’re making you a party! I’ll take care of all the decorations, and I have the perfect dress for you to wear. It’s going to look gorgeous on you. Mom brought back five dresses from Florida the last time she was there, and the one I’m thinking of is made for you.”
It was a Canadian thing that we all thought shopping was better in the United States. Better prices, better selection, and better names. So when Emily mentioned the dress came from Florida, it meant it was something really awesome.
But I was in big trouble. Yes, it was nice that my friends wanted to set this up for me, but it made things very difficult on my end. I’d need to bring Ashley to the party, but she was still kind of young and some of my friends drank alcohol. I didn’t want to expose her any more than she already was. And who knew if that amazing dress would cover my back or any of my scars.
Later that night I had a hard time falling asleep. I tossed and turned in my bed, making a plan to extract myself from this sweet sixteen debacle, when the phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Lex.” Dylan started calling me Lex about a year before. He was the only person who did and it made me feel close to him, which I was. He knew everything. “I heard Matt’s throwing you a party for your sweet sixteen?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m totally screwed, though. What do I do with Ashley?” I tugged at my hair, completely resigned and distraught.
Dylan replied, “No worries. I’ll ask Mom if Ashley can sleep over, in Noa’s room. They’re friends anyway.”
“Thanks so much. That would be great.” I tried to sound relieved, but I wasn’t. The same gloom hung over me. A lot of negative thoughts plagued my brain. Something was sure to go wrong. Someone would see my scars and know about Mom.
“Okay, so why are you still so quiet?”
Even when I didn’t speak, he could figure me out.
“Emily wants to lend me one of her dresses,” I said, letting out a breath. My chest was tight, and I felt so stressed out. I knew this wasn’t a normal feeling. I longed to be normal.
“That sounds good, doesn’t it?” Dylan was always optimistic. I tried to be like him, but it was hard.
“No, it’s actually horrible. What if the dress is too revealing and it shows the scars I have on my back?”
He was silent, contemplating his answer, I assumed, when he said, “Those scars are not your fault, Lex.
It’s time that someone stood up and did something about your mom anyway. Believe me, I’ve stopped myself from coming across that yard many times. I hold back because I made you a promise, but it doesn’t mean I feel good about myself. Every time I have to patch you up, it rips me apart.” Dylan’s voice cracked a little.
I knew it was frustrating to see me in the situation I was in, but the alternative was worse. And his concern touched me. The thought of being without him constricted my throat until I couldn’t breathe. My voice was a whisper when I answered him. “I know. I don’t know what I would have done without you this whole time.”
“I always plan on being around for you. You’re my oldest friend.” His voice was sweet and quiet, and my heart melted.
“I know. You’re mine, too,” I said. I was sure Matt got jealous sometimes because of my friendship with Dylan. Even though Matt was my boyfriend, we weren’t really close at all. The reality was, he didn’t know much about my life.
“Anyway, don’t worry about Emily. It will all work out,” Dylan replied.
“Let’s hope,” I said, closing the phone and getting into bed. I lay there, feeling grateful for once. Grateful that my friends wanted to do this for me and grateful for Dylan. If it weren’t for him, I didn’t know where I’d be right now. I would probably have gone crazy a long time ago.
Chapter 6
Speechless
Second Week of September 2012
When I get back to the library, Anna is typing away on her laptop as if she’s been working for hours. She has an innocent look on her face and says nothing. Giving her my full attention, I say, “So.”
“So what?” She continues to look at the computer screen.
“So who’s the guy? It’s Callen, isn’t it?” I ask, leaning forward on my chair.
Her mouth falls open, and her eyes go wide. “Yeah, how did you know?” She tilts her head sideways.
“Do you really want the answer to that?” I ask, not really wanting to divulge.
“Yeah, now I kind of do.”
“When I couldn’t get back in here, I needed to kill some time, so I walked to the Starbucks down the street and bumped into Luc. He mentioned that Callen said he’d be working in the library all afternoon on a paper. So, how did you guys end up hooking up?” She clearly doesn’t like the probing questions and neither do I, so I give her some space and lean back a little.
“It was no big deal, Lex. I was on the computer doing my research, an hour passed, and my neck was getting really tense. I was rolling it around when he came up behind me, put his hands on my shoulders, and scared the living shit out of me. He ga
ve me a mini massage, and you know, one thing led to another.”
She gazes at me intensely, assessing me for something, but I don’t know what.
“I’m more interested in finding out how your meeting with Luc went.”
Shit. My pulse increases and I rack my brain for an answer other than the truth. But I remind myself this is Anna, and we are always honest with each other.
“What’s with the silence, Lex? You’re piquing my curiosity now.” She has the upper hand, and she knows it.
I mumble, “I don’t know. There’s something about him. He doesn’t party like we do. He’s very uptight, but there’s a part of him that wants to let loose and let’s not ignore how smoking hot he is.” I’m rambling, and I don’t understand why Luc has me so riled up. I usually have no qualms discussing my little trysts. “I don’t know, Anna. He’s just so intense.”
“And let me guess, having sex with you will loosen him up a bit?” Anna winks at me then turns around to work on her laptop.
“Maybe.” I squint at her. “What are you? A mind reader? I actually just tried to introduce him to bathroom sex,” I say nonchalantly. Like I just said I taught him a new English word.
“Tried?” she asks, her eyebrows lifting.
“Yeah, he didn’t have a condom on him.” I shrug.
“Wow, was that a first for you?” She giggles, and I throw my pencil at her head.
“I think. Anyway he’s stopping by the bar tonight.”
“Shit. That means Callen will come with him, and I’ve already slept with him twice.” Anna massages her temples, visibly stressed out at the thought of having to deal with Callen again.
“Does Callen know about your two time rule?” I ask.
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