Love and Payne

by Charlie Cochet

  “I’m not having any therapy sessions with you, Zach. I’m not going to talk about my past or everything that’s fucked me up. And whatever happened earlier isn’t happening again.”

  “You want me as bad as I want you,” Zach said, lying back down. “We’ve been dancing around each other for years. Why can’t we explore whatever this is between us?”

  “Because nothing can come of it, and despite what you or anyone may think, I don’t want to hurt you, and that’s what will happen if I get too close.”

  “Who says?”

  “Me. You deserve better.”

  “Isn’t that for me to decide?”

  “No. You’re a good man, and you deserve to be with someone who will make you happy. I’m not that guy. All I’ll bring you is heartache and pain. Trust me.”

  “I think you’re full of shit.”

  The pause was followed by an indignant “Excuse me?”

  “I said, I think you’re full of shit. I think you’re scared that things might be different this time. That you might actually not be as fucked-up as you think you are, and there’s a very real chance you might have found something good. But you’re afraid to take the chance, afraid you’ll screw it up and end up with your heart broken. You’re afraid of being right.”

  “Fuck you, Zach.”

  The line went dead, and he looked at his screen, confirming Austen had indeed hung up. Zach had pushed his buttons, and Austen did what he always did. He lashed out before putting up his walls and slinking away, hissing and spitting like a feral Felid.

  Zach’s phone buzzed, and he picked it up. It was a text from Austen.

  Maybe you’re right. Either way, I can’t take that chance. When this is over, you won’t see me again. It’s better for both of us that way. Please, let’s just get through this.

  Zach let out a heavy sigh. He returned his phone to the nightstand and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. Every time he thought he was getting close, the walls went up. Then he remembered Austen’s reply, telling him Austen wanted him as much as he wanted Austen. Austen hadn’t denied it. Maybe his dad was right. He couldn’t give up on Austen. They needed each other, and Zach was going to find a way to get through to him.

  That was easier said than done.

  To Zach’s relief, Austen was in the media room along with everyone else that evening. Unfortunately he was also clearly in a mood, if his permanent scowl was anything to go by. Everyone was settled on the huge U-shaped couch, and Zach took a seat beside Austen, who was all but pressed up against the armrest, his narrowed eyes on Brayden, who sat on the other end pressed up against Edan, laughing as Edan teased him.

  “You okay?” Zach asked. He was confused by Austen’s reaction. Unless…. “If you want, I can tell Edan to leave Brayden alone. He will if he knows you’re interested.”

  “One, if Edan’s willing to give up that easily, he’s not worth Brayden’s time. Two, I’m not interested; I’m annoyed. Brayden’s here to provide backup, not hook up with your brother, but whatever.”

  “Oh, I thought—”

  “Yeah, well, don’t hurt yourself with those thoughts.”

  Zach sighed.

  “Sorry,” Austen muttered. “I’m on edge.”

  “No kidding.”

  “This is hard for me.”

  “What is?”

  “This.” Austen motioned around them. “Hanging out. Socializing. Being… normal.”

  Zach pursed his lips in thought. “Normal, huh? What’s that like?” Austen arched an eyebrow at him, and Zach tilted his head. “You seem to forget that some of us don’t work for Unit Alpha. We don’t get called out for major crimes. Two weeks ago, I provided protection for a Therian who does political interpretive dance wearing nothing but a bald eagle thong. The week before that, I escorted a Therian pop singer to her dressing room and had to listen to her shriek at her assistant because the room was draped in pink and not salmon like she requested. I’m not gonna lie; when she whipped around to ask me what color the drapes were, I kinda feared for my life.”

  Austen stared at him before bursting into laughter. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

  “I wish I was,” Zach replied, loving the sound of Austen’s laugh. It was amazing how his entire face transformed when he laughed, or smiled, making him look so vibrant. Zach was mesmerized by the way those big eyes lit up, turning the dark amber to molten fire. Austen’s eyebrows were thick, and Zach itched to run a thumb over one, before caressing that stubbly jawline. And those pouty full lips…. Shit, he hadn’t even realized he’d started leaning into Austen. Subtly he moved away, not wanting to make Austen feel uncomfortable. Lucky for him, Austen’s attention was on the bar at the other end of the room.

  “Want a drink?”

  “Sure.”

  They stood and headed to the bar. Austen hopped up on one of the stools, and Zach walked behind the bar.

  “So, what’ll it be?” he asked.

  “Hm, let’s see.”

  As Austen thought about it, Zach decided he needed something a little stronger than soda if he was going to make it through the evening, especially if Austen kept smiling at him like that. He poured himself a whiskey and Coke, enjoying the smooth way the mix went down his throat.

  “I think I’m going to go for a Bear Fucker.”

  Zach almost choked.

  “You okay there, buddy?”

  “Yeah,” Zach wheezed, motioning to his throat. “Went down the wrong way.”

  “Actually,” Austen said thoughtfully, “I think it’s called a Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker.”

  “I, um, I don’t…. How do I, uh, make that?”

  Austen hopped down and came around to stand next to him. “I like to keep it simple.” Austen grabbed a shot glass and placed it on the counter before turning to the glass shelves behind them to grab three different bottles.

  Zach watched in awe as Austen juggled the bottles with ease, snagging two out of the air with one hand and grabbing the third bottle with the other.

  “A third ounce of each. Start with tequila.” He juggled the bottles again before repeating the trick and pouring in the Jack Daniels, then finally Southern Comfort. When he was done, he flipped each bottle in the air before swiftly and easily placing each one on the counter.

  Austen then took the shot glass, threw it back, and smacked his lips when he was done. “That’s one sexy Bear Fucker.”

  “That was awesome!”

  They turned to find everyone standing and staring in awe at Austen. Una squealed before dashing over. “Oh my God, Austen, tell me you can make me a mai tai.”

  Austen snagged a towel from one of the shelves, threw it over his shoulder, then leaned one elbow on the bar to wink at Una. “Baby, I can make anything.”

  Una clapped her hands gleefully, and Austen got busy making her mai tai as the girls rushed the bar excitedly.

  Zach leaned against the bar, his arms folded over his chest as he watched in complete fascination as Austen whipped up a mai tai for Una, a rum swizzle for Sheena, a Cuba libre for Kenna, a cosmo for Davonna, and a whiskey sour for Boyd’s wife, Nessa.

  “We’ve lost them,” Boyd said, amused.

  “Anyone else?” Austen asked, one eyebrow arched and his grin cocky.

  Coby looked from Austen to Alastair and back. “Can you make me a Clift manhattan?”

  Austen waggled his eyebrows at him. “Just as good as the ones they make at the Redwood Room.”

  Coby gasped. He turned and kissed his husband’s cheek. “I love you, baby, but this needs to happen.”

  Everyone laughed as Coby wedged himself between Sheena and Isobel so he could be in front of Austen.

  “Were you a bartender?” Una asked.

  “No, but I played one on TV,” Austen said with a cheeky grin.

  They giggled, even Coby, and Zach was just amazed. They were eating out of Austen’s palm. Zach had never seen this side of Austen before. Probably because the only side the guy tende
d to show was the grumpy, guarded one. Now he was smiling, putting on the charm, joking, and flirting with everyone. Zach couldn’t help but wonder what had brought on the sudden change. Once Austen made Coby’s manhattan, he looked over at the rest of the guys huddled awkwardly and practically drooling.

  “Come on, you know you want to get in on this action.” Austen pointed a bottle of cognac at Alastair. “Al, a sidecar?”

  Alastair patted Colin’s shoulder. “See ya, bro.”

  With that, Bram, Edan, and the rest of Zach’s brothers crowded the bar to put in their orders. Zach stepped back so Austen had enough room to maneuver. It was absolutely astounding. As Austen whipped up a Tom Collins, he cast Zach a glance.

  “You gonna just stand there, handsome, or you gonna help a guy out?”

  Zach quickly pulled away from the bar. “What do you need me to do?”

  Austen handed him the shaker. “Put those manly muscles to work. Shake that up real good.”

  Zach did as instructed, helping Austen with the various cocktails he put together, making one for himself every second or third one, which he drank half of and then urged Zach to drink the remaining half. After cocktails, Una insisted they play Never Have I Ever.

  Zach expected Austen to balk at the idea of playing games, but he knocked Zach for a loop by lining the bar with shot glasses and filling them up. He picked one up and announced loudly, “Never have I ever woken up buck naked in a strange place.” He slammed back the shot, followed by Bram and, to Zach’s surprise, Coby.

  Alastair gasped at his husband. “Oh, you hussy!”

  Coby laughed before throwing his arms around Alastair’s neck and kissing him. “Don’t worry, baby, you’ve tamed my wild ways.”

  “Not all of them I hope,” Alastair teased.

  “Me next!” Una bounced excitedly.

  “Uh-oh,” Monroe teased, earning him a playful slap from his wife.

  “Never have I ever… gotten off to watching someone else getting off.”

  Holy fuck. Zach’s face went up in flames as he tossed back his shot glass at the exact same time Austen did. They exchanged glances, and Austen’s face was as red as Zach’s. The room erupted into howls and catcalls. Austen promptly flipped them off.

  “Yeah, whatever. You all drank too, you bunch of pervs.”

  The game continued, and Zach sneaked a glance over at Austen, who seemed lost in his own thoughts, a small smile on his face. Zach’s heart skipped a beat, and for a moment the noise in the room subsided, and Zach wasn’t aware of anything or anyone except Austen. He was so damned beautiful. His guard was down, and his smile was so innocent and sweet. Zach swallowed hard and decided to take a chance. He turned to face out and gingerly brushed the fingers of his right hand against Austen’s left hand. Austen stiffened beside him, and then to Zach’s astonishment, and absolute joy, Austen tentatively moved his hand into Zach’s. They laced their fingers together, and Zach’s heart was ready to burst, but instead of making a big deal of it, he simply smiled and continued to join in the fun with his family, thrilled when Austen did the same, his hand never leaving Zach’s.

  SHIT. HAD he fallen asleep? Smooth.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Zach smiled at Austen, who sat at the opposite end of the couch directly in front of him, his legs up on the cushions and his socked feet crossed at the ankles. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.”

  Austen’s lips quirked in a mischievous smile. “If you’d fallen asleep on me, I’d have known. Trust me.”

  Zach felt his face flush, and he cleared his throat as he sat up. He pulled the overstuffed cushion up against the couch’s armrest and sat back against it. “You should have woken me up.”

  Austen dropped his eyes to his fingers. “I considered it, but you were sound asleep. You looked relaxed.”

  “So… you just waited for me to wake up?” How long had he been asleep? Clearly long enough for his family to turn in for the night. He checked his watch. Shit, it was after midnight. He glanced up in time to see Austen shrug, his gaze still everywhere but on Zach.

  “You’re so peaceful when you sleep. It’s… comforting.”

  “Have you watched me sleep before?”

  Austen moved his gaze to Zach’s, their eyes meeting. He didn’t falter. “Yes.”

  “You’ve been watching over me.”

  “Yes.”

  “Surveillance?”

  Austen scrunched up his nose. “Sort of. My own. Nothing connected to the THIRDS or TIN.”

  “For how long?”

  “Almost as long as we’ve known each other.”

  “Why?”

  Austen didn’t reply, but Zach wasn’t about to let him off the hook that easy. Not this time. He drew his knees up and slid his hands up his legs to his knees, heat flaring through him when Austen’s eyes followed the movement.

  “Is it for the same reason you show up at Brayden’s hotel room?”

  Austen’s eyes snapped to Zach’s, his pupils dilating, leaving slivers of amber around them. “Didn’t realize you and Brayden were so chatty.”

  Zach shrugged. He slid his hands slowly back down his legs. “Why Brayden? Why not me?” They could kid themselves all they wanted, but they both knew there was a fierce attraction between them, one they both kept stamping down, too afraid of what would happen if they gave in to it.

  “Easy. Brayden I can walk away from.”

  Zach sucked in a sharp breath. “And me?”

  “Not so easy.”

  Zach wasn’t sure which surprised him more—that Austen replied or what he said. “Why walk away at all?”

  Austen chuckled. “Feeling bold tonight, are we?”

  “Maybe it’s the booze.”

  Austen’s expression turned sober. “You didn’t drink enough for that.”

  “Maybe it’s you.”

  The room fell silent again, and Zach waited. Austen looked like he wanted to say something, so Zach would be patient. He’d been waiting years for Austen, hoping….

  “I can’t give you what you want, Zach.”

  “And you know what I want?” Zach asked, frowning.

  “You want forever.”

  “I do,” Zach admitted, taking in every sultry inch of Austen. There was so much he wanted to say about why, about how he’d been falling for Austen for so long. His head chastised him, told him to guard his heart, that it would only end up broken. And yet, as he studied Austen, a guy shrouded in mystery, in possession of a sharp tongue as dangerous as any weapon he wielded, Zach’s heart refused to give up. “But maybe for now, forever can wait.”

  Austen cursed under his breath. He sat up suddenly, and Zach expected Austen to jump off the couch and bolt from the room. Instead, Austen drew his knees up. Zach held his breath for several heartbeats, stunned when Austen pushed himself forward and onto his knees. Then he crawled toward Zach, moving like the sleek Felid he was, his pupils blown and his feral cheetah half looking back at Zach from behind heated amber eyes as Austen stalked toward him. Zach almost swallowed his tongue. He dug his fingers into the couch cushion beneath him as Austen settled between Zach’s raised knees, one arm coming up and over, his hand coming to rest on Zach’s shoulder, the other doing the same on his other side before moving in. Austen’s face was so close, Zach could feel his warm breath on his skin.

  “Okay.” Austen grabbed a fistful of Zach’s shirt and brought their lips together, setting off a spark that ignited Zach’s insides. He gasped, and Austen slipped his tongue inside, sending a shiver through him. Their kiss turned frenzied, like they couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t taste enough, and Zach sure as hell wanted more of everything. Austen’s lips were soft but demanding, his mouth hot, his tongue tasting of whatever sweet cocktail he’d last had, and he kissed Zach like his life depended on it.

  Zach dug his fingers into Austen’s hips, a deep rumble of a moan escaping him at the feel of Austen rutting against him, his hard cock moving against Zach’s own rigid l
ength. He’d never wanted anything or anyone so badly as he wanted Austen right now. They were both panting, swallowing the other’s air, arching into each other so they could feel more. Austen moved his hands to Zach’s chest, then Zach felt a tug, and he gasped for breath as Austen tore his mouth away. His full lips were pink and swollen from Zach’s kisses, his cheeks flushed, and he licked at his bottom lip as he pulled away just enough to tear open the rest of Zach’s shirt.

  Zach opened his mouth to say something, but only a moan escaped him when Austen put his lips to Zach’s chest. His fingernails left a delicious sting behind, sending a thrilling shiver through Zach, and he bucked his hips up.

  “You like that, huh?”

  “Yes,” Zach hissed, his fingers slipping into Austen’s dark hair as Austen left a trail of kisses across his chest before licking his nipple.

  “Oh fuck.”

  Austen worked his magic tongue over Zach while he massaged Zach’s cock through his jeans.

  “Austen,” Zach groaned. If Austen kept that up, he wasn’t going to last long. How many nights had he dreamed of this, never allowing himself to hope for so much as a kiss, and now Austen was driving him crazy with his mouth, his luscious lips kissing and sucking. Austen nipped at Zach’s skin, then pulled back. Zach couldn’t help his whimper, making Austen chuckle.

  “Don’t worry, handsome. We’re just getting started.” He leaned in to whisper in Zach’s ear, “Your ass is mine.”

  Zach almost came right then, and he pushed down on his aching cock.

  “Ooh, listen to that,” Austen said with a groan as he swiftly and deftly unbuckled Zach’s belt, then unzipped his pants. “That was one sexy-as-fuck noise you made. Does that make you wet, Z? Does the thought of my dick filling your sweet ass make you all wet for me?”

  “Yes.” Oh God. Austen was trying to kill him.

  Zach didn’t get the chance to say much more as Austen tugged Zach’s pants and underwear down, freeing his rock-hard cock. He lifted his ass so Austen could easily remove his clothes and drop them on the floor along with his shirt and socks, which quickly followed, leaving him completely naked while Austen remained fully dressed. Austen sat back on his heels, raking his gaze over Zach.