Hannah's Dream

by Lenore Butler

  "I'm not that old, Miles. I just turned forty."

  "Well, you never know."

  "Can it be done? I mean, can it be done fast? From what I gather from her letter she has to sell her house and come out here. But the letter is dated four months ago. She may be on a dang train right now."

  "Would she do that without hearing from you?"

  "I don't think so, but if she has to leave her house, she might."

  "Well, then, we'll have to get on it right away. I'll begin working on a plan tomorrow. Can you come back to town next week?"

  "I'll come. Just tell me what day."

  James shook Miles' hand and left him at the front door. Miles waved as James pulled the wagon away from his curb. He felt sorry for James. There was nothing worse than having your family move in with you, especially when you hadn't seen them for twenty years and you were used to living alone. Miles closed the door and went to his study. He pulled out two rolls of paper and spread one on his desk. Then he took a pencil and began drawing plans for a lady's house.

  Chapter 16

  Marian was growing anxious. She hadn't heard from James. She had sent the letter four months ago.

  Hannah had been very upset to learn they would have to move. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to graduate with her class and was also afraid John Liberty wouldn't be able to find her when he came home from college. Marian assured her that John would move heaven and Earth to find Hannah.

  Becky was anxious, too. She hadn't been invited to join the family in Colorado and had contacted one of her brothers in New York to see if he could take her in until she could find work. She didn't want to live with him, but she was a woman on her own and too old to find a husband. She had to find a position similar to the one she had, and at her age, it might be difficult. Her brother hadn't responded to her letter. It had been two months since she wrote to him.

  Hannah had become good friends with Louise. The lonely girl had been taken under Margaret Mason's wing. Margaret had tutored her in hygiene, manners, and deportment. She was encouraging Louise's talent by taking her to museums in Philadelphia and New York. Louise's parents didn't seem to care what Louise did. They lived near the beach and her father had a small fishing boat. He would usually get drunk on Friday nights after delivering fish to the markets in Red Bank. He would bring a small bottle home for her mother and the two of them would spend the weekend in a stupor.

  When Margaret discovered the nature of Louise's home life, she offered Louise a room in her home. At first her parents balked at the intrusion, but then they relented. They would have more private time without their lump of a daughter underfoot.

  Louise blossomed under Margaret's care. She was coming out of herself and other students had befriended her, too. But she and Hannah shared a special bond. They both loved art, and Hannah would often accompany Louise and Margaret to the museums. They would stay in opulent hotels and dine on fine food. Hannah asked Marian to join them, but she declined. She would say she didn't feel well, but Marian didn't have the money for such outings and she wouldn't allow Margaret to pay.

  As the spring approached, Hannah's concern grew. John would be in college for two more years. He hadn't been home once since he left New Beach. Hannah was now seventeen and old enough to marry. She had been thinking of writing to John to tell him what was happening. If he asked her to marry him, she could stay with his parents until John graduated. She could look for work in the dry goods store or as a governess.

  She was also concerned because she hadn't heard from John in six months and his last letter had been more platonic than romantic. She was afraid that time and the distance between them had diminished his feelings toward her, and she feared she might be losing him.

  Hannah kept her thoughts to herself. She didn't want Marian to know what she was thinking. Marian would argue that Hannah was too young, but Hannah wanted to be John's wife. She knew if they were married, she might even be able to join him in East Brunswick. She went back and forth between living with John in East Brunswick or living with his parents here. The thought of living in Colorado didn't enter into her plans.

  Jimmy, on the other hand, was thrilled about the move. He wanted to ride horses and shoot guns. He didn't like school and thought he could become a rancher like James. He could rope them doggies and brand 'em. He fell asleep every night thinking about Home on the Range.

  Becky was taking loaves of bread out of the oven when Marian walked into the kitchen. She had a letter in her hand. It had been special delivered to the house.

  "It's from James," she said. "He says we can move to Colorado. He's having a house built for us."

  Marian was grinning. She was so relieved. Becky put her hands on her hips and began to cry.

  "Becky, what's wrong?" Marian said. "Aren't you excited?"

  "Why should I be excited? You go off and leave. You and those kids are like family to me."

  "But you must know we'd never leave you behind."

  Marian put her arm around Becky's shoulders.

  "You're taking me with you?" Becky asked.

  "Of course, we're taking you. I just assumed you'd know. Oh, Becky, I'm so sorry. We should have talked about this."

  "It's okay. I'm sorry for crying in front of you. I just thought since you didn't say..."

  "Well, it's over now. You're going with us. And we'll have a brand new house of our own!"

  Becky smiled. Seeing Marian so happy after all the months of gloom lifted her spirits.

  "I have enough money to pay our bills," Marian said. "I've spoken to one of the partners at Mr. Ross's law office and asked him to help me find a buyer for the house. He said he would do whatever he could to help us. He apologized for Mr. Ross's behavior. I think he felt embarrassed to speak with me."

  "Well, he should. Don't them partners keep an eye on each other? They must have known what that man was doing with your money."

  "My late husband's money, Becky. Let's not forget that. Mr. Ross certainly didn't let me forget."

  Becky put her hand on Marian's arm.

  "Don't let them make you feel bad. You earned every penny living with that man. And now you're taking care of his boy. It was your money. It was you Ross wronged and they know it. And whatever you get from the sale of this house is yours, plain and simple."

  Marian smiled. "Yes, it is. And I'll have to give something to James for all he's done. I'm just glad there's something to give."

  Chapter 17

  Sophie Liberty sat in Marian's parlor with a letter in her hand. Becky had left her there while she notified Marian of her neighbor's unexpected visit.

  "She's in a tizzy, that one is," Becky said. "She's very upset."

  "I wonder what it's about. I know John hasn't written Hannah in quite a while. I hope everything is all right."

  Marian went to the parlor and greeted Sophie. Sophie's eyes were red and her pallor gray. She seemed very agitated.

  "Sophie, what's wrong?" Marian asked.

  Sophie was twisting the paper with both hands. "It's from Johnny." She sniffed. "Oh, Marian, he's gone and gotten married!"

  "Oh, dear!" Marian said as she sat.

  "She's some woman he met at the hospital, some volunteer. He's been working there assisting a doctor as part of his studies. He said her name is Amanda Sue. Now if that doesn't sound like a brazen hussy..."

  "Judge not lest ye be judged, Sophie. She must be a very nice girl if John loves her."

  "He calls her Mandy. It just makes me so mad. He's deprived me of a wedding! And I love Hannah like a daughter. How could he do this?"

  "He must have fallen in love. Things like that happen."

  "I'll not allow her in my house."

  "If I may offer you some advice -- it's best to be nice to her. You don't want John to have to choose between you and his wife."

  Sophie looked up from the letter. Her face was grim.

  "I hadn't thought of that," she said. "John can be headstrong."

  "And she'll be
the mother of your grandchildren."

  "Oh, dear."

  "Is he bringing her to meet you?"

  "His father has forbidden it. Malcolm is beside himself. I'm afraid it will be some time before John is welcome in our house."

  "He's a good person, Sophie. I'm sure his wife is a good person, too. Try to persuade Malcolm to forgive him."

  Marian heard the front door open.

  "Hello," Hannah said as she walked into the house.

  "How will I tell Hannah?" Sophie said. "Oh, Marian, she'll be heartbroken."

  Hannah heard her name, stopped and leaned against the wall near the parlor door.

  "I'll talk to her. Hannah is a strong girl. It will take some time, but she'll rally."

  "I just feel so terrible. But you're right, Marian. She's John's wife and I don't want him to have to choose between us."

  Hannah's heart skipped a beat. John's wife. How could this be?

  She turned toward the door and walked into the parlor.

  "What do you mean John's wife?" she said.

  The ladies looked at her. Hannah saw pity in their eyes.

  "Mrs. Liberty has had some news from John," Marian said. "He's...taken a wife."

  Marian rose from the settee and went to Hannah. She put her hands on Hannah's shoulders.

  "She's a volunteer at the hospital where John is assisting a doctor. Hannah, I am so sorry..."

  "How could he do this? " Hannah cried. "Why didn't he tell me?"

  Hannah turned and ran up the stairs to her room. Marian turned to Sophie, who had risen from her chair.

  "I'll be going now," Sophie said. "Please tell Hannah how sorry I am."

  "I'll make sure she knows," Marian said. "Thank you for coming in person to tell us."

  Marian walked with Sophie to the door. She kissed Sophie on the cheek and gave her a small hug. Sophie's eyes filled with tears.

  "I wanted Hannah for my daughter!" she said.

  "I know, dear. I know."

  Marian patted Sophie's back. Then the women parted and Sophie went home.

  Marian stood in the foyer trying to decide what to do. She wondered if she should give Hannah some time alone or if she should go to her. She decided to go to her daughter and slowly climbed the stairs.

  Marian thought she would find Hannah sprawled on her bed in tears, but Hannah was sitting on the bed looking out her window. Marian sat next to her and put her arm around Hannah's shoulders.

  "I haven't heard from him in six months," Hannah said.

  "Has it truly been that long?" Marian said.

  Hannah nodded. "I thought something was wrong, but I didn't want to think about it."

  "You were both so young when he left," Marian said.

  "I wanted to marry him, Mama."

  "I know, dear."

  "I...wanted to marry him now, before we leave. I thought if I did I could stay here."

  Marian sighed. No one was looking forward to leaving.

  "That's not a good reason to marry," Marian said. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure."

  Hannah looked at Marian.

  "I don't want to go to Colorado," she said. Then the tears began to stream down her face.

  "I hear it's a beautiful place. The mountains and the sky might inspire you to paint."

  Hannah had abandoned sculpture when she lost the contest. Now she and Louise were painting together.

  "But it's so far away. I'll never see Louise."

  "Perhaps Louise can visit. She'll be graduating, too. Has she made any plans?"

  "Mrs. Mason is sponsoring her. Did I tell you she's living with her now?"

  "I think you mentioned it."

  They sat together for a while and looked at the darkening clouds. A storm was coming.

  "Are you all right?" Marian said.

  "I'm disappointed," Hannah said. "I thought he loved me."

  "But did you love him?"

  Hannah thought. When she was younger, she had adored Johnny Liberty, but had she loved him? Everyone at school knew they were "promised," and no boy had ever approached her because they all knew that she and Johnny Liberty had an understanding. Hannah thought that was love.

  She had been caught up in the idea of belonging to someone, being someone's sweetheart, and then his wife. The other girls had envied her. Her relationship with Johnny had given her a place in the world, a power she wielded over the other girls. She'd never thought of herself as haughty, but she had enjoyed being betrothed. Maybe a little too much.

  "I don't know, Mama."

  "Then perhaps it's just as well. This gives you time to sort out your life."

  "But I still don't want to go to Colorado."

  "None of us do, dear. But it's what we have to do."

  "Is that always the way it is, Mama? Do we always have to do things we don't want to do because we have to?"

  Marian stood and looked down at Hannah. The girl looked dejected.

  "Sometimes we get to do what we want to do. Just not as often."

  Marian kissed the top of Hannah's head and left her alone. Supper would be ready soon and she had to find Jimmy. He had gone outside to play stickball with some friends and with the rain coming, she wanted to call him in.

  A few days later, Hannah received a letter from John Liberty. She took the letter to her room and sat on the bed. She didn't want to open it at first, but she remembered their friendship and read it.

  Dear Hannah,

  I know my ma has told you the news of my marriage. I hope you will forgive me for not telling you sooner, but things moved quickly. My new wife, Mandy, is a volunteer at the hospital where I'm working while I go to school. She is a wonderful girl. I didn't mean to fall in love with her, but I did, and I wanted to marry her. Hannah, when I met Mandy, I never dreamed I'd care for anyone but you. We talked about you all the time. She never meant for this to happen, either. She knew I had a girl back home and when I asked her to be my wife she refused at first, out of respect for you, but I couldn't let her go.

  Hannah, I hope you find someone like Mandy, someone you can love with your whole heart. I will always think of you as my friend. I hope you can think of me that way, too.

  Your friend,

  John Liberty

  Hannah lay the letter aside. She thought it would hurt more, knowing he had found someone he liked better than her, but surprisingly, it didn't. She was glad for him. They had been apart so long that sometimes she forgot what his voice sounded like. She put the letter in her jewelry box and decided she wouldn't write back to him. She would tell his mother to let him know she had received it and to wish him well. Then she went downstairs for supper.

  Chapter 18

  Hannah was quiet during supper. Becky tried to think of things to say, but she couldn't stop thinking about John's betrayal. Marian felt it was better to let Hannah be and focused on her meal. Jimmy kept kicking his feet back and forth causing Becky to give him stern looks.

  "I can't wait to go to Colorado," he said.

  Hannah glared at him.

  "I want to ride horses and shoot Indians."

  "Jimmy, we don't shoot Indians in this family," Marian said.

  "But I want to! Like Kit Carson."

  "I'm sure Mr. Carson's mother didn't approve of his behavior. Eat your supper," Marian said.

  "Can I ride a horse?"

  "Of course, you can ride a horse. I'm sure Uncle James has many horses."

  "You can ride a horse here," Becky said.

  "These horses are boring," Jimmy said. "I want to rope steers, too."

  "These horses are civilized," Becky added.

  "You can paint out there, too, Jimmy," Marian said.

  "I don't want to paint anymore," Jimmy said.

  "Why not?" Marian asked.

  "Only sissies paint."

  "Who told you that?"

  Jimmy was quiet. Marian felt it best not to push him. She would ask him about it when she tucked him into bed.

  "I heard from Mr. Leighton at the l
aw firm," Marian said. "He's found a buyer for the house."

  Hannah and Becky looked at Marian.

  "He said we can stay until the children finish school. The buyer has allowed us three months to vacate the house."

  "Then I can graduate," Hannah said.

  "Yes, dear, you can graduate. We'll go to New York just as I promised you. That hasn't changed."

  "We don't have to go to New York, Mama," Hannah said.

  "I want to take you, Hannah."

  "I don't think I want to go anymore."

  "Well, if you change your mind, we will go as we planned."

  Marian wanted to make all the hurt Hannah felt go away, but she knew there was nothing she could do to ease Hannah's pain. The next few months would be a whirlwind of activity as they prepared to leave their home of twenty years and Marian hoped that if Hannah was busy, she would forget John Liberty and begin to look forward to a new life in Colorado.

  Evan Morgan came into her mind. She still kept his picture in a box under her bed. Would Hannah keep a picture of John Liberty under her bed?

  She has to find a good man, Marian thought, a kind man who will love her as she loves him.

  Becky stood and began clearing the plates from the table. Hannah stood and helped her. Jimmy ran upstairs. Life carried on.

  The last few weeks of school seemed endless to the graduating class of 1897. The breeze from the ocean helped alleviate the oppressive heat in the classrooms and one of the girls, Laura, swooned during art class when the paint fumes overwhelmed her. Hannah heard another girl remark that Laura wore her corsets too tight. She was trying to look like Lilly Langtry.

  Pierre stood behind Hannah and looked at her painting. It was a vast improvement over her sculpture. She was expressing herself on the canvas and Pierre was impressed by the vivid colors she used. Her anger over the move to Colorado had given her the impetus to create new colors and paint in bold strokes.

  "It's coming along nicely," he said.

  He had to restrain himself, but since hearing that John Liberty was no longer an impediment to his pursuit of Hannah, it had been hard for him to be around her without expressing his feelings. He wanted to touch her shoulder, her cheek, and if he found himself standing too near to her, he would force himself to back away. It would be unseemly for a teacher to show such advances to a student. Especially when that teacher was living under the roof of his benefactor.