02 How to Date a Vampire - Rylie Cruz

by Rose Pressey

  Luckily, she didn’t want to hang around the vampire. She jumped to her feet and hurried to the door. “Yeah, thanks a bunch, Ms. Cruz.” She slipped out the door without another word and scampered past the vampire. The vampire hissed; she had such a lovely disposition.

  After Danielle had exited, I ran over to the door, hoping to move past the vampire and get to Jack before she did. But when I reached the door, she positioned herself right in front of me.

  She stood with her arms folded in front of her chest, impatience written all over her face. She wore leather again, this time in the form of a black mini-skirt with a red halter-top.

  “You’ve kind of got that whole vampire cliché thing going on, don’t you think?” I gestured at her outfit.

  What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I just hook up an IV right there and make it easier for her to drain me of every last drop of blood in my body?

  “You look frightened, my dear. It’s not a good look for you. I thought you were used to dealing with vampires.” She walked past me and sat in the leather chair in front of my desk in one fluent movement.

  “Why don’t you make yourself at home?” I smirked.

  I left the door open in case she made any sudden movements. Better safe than sorry.

  I moved around to my desk. “I am accustomed to dealing with all paranormal creatures, but they’re usually not hunting me down.”

  “Who’s hunting you down?” She straightened and leaned forward in the chair.

  As if she were genuinely interested. Puhlease.

  Before I could answer, a tap on the window drew our attention. I turned around, and as if the day couldn’t get worse, instantly it did. Lily Friedman stood outside my window. She motioned for me to open it. Why did she insist on bothering me while I was working? I groaned and hurried over. It would serve her right if I let the shades down and ignored her.

  “What?” I asked as I heaved the window open. I didn’t want to have my back turned to the vampire for too long. They’re just too darn sneaky.

  “Look. I’m getting married. No thanks to you.” She smirked. “I need a wedding planner and I figure you owe me. So what do you say? I’m thinking I should be a June bride.”

  No way. Not in a million years. I’d cut my wrists and tell the vampire in front of me bon appetit first. “What? Have you lost what little bit of sense you had? How do you figure I owe you?”

  “You didn’t get it right when you tried to match me up, so I had to find a mate on my own.”

  I glanced over my shoulder and gave a nervous chuckle.

  “Okay, Lily, thanks for stopping by. I’ll talk to you later about this, okay?” I slammed the window down just as Lily was about to pepper me with a few colorful words. I yanked the window shade down, blocking the view of her enraged face.

  “Where were we?” I asked, plastering a fake smile across my face. “I don’t remember your name, by the way.”

  “It’s Isabella. Isabella Blackthorne. When I heard you were a matchmaker for the paranormal crowd, I thought, no way! I totally need to be matchmakered up.”

  “Uh-huh.” I nodded. Was this some sort of setup? I smelled a vampire rat. “But what was with that note? You broke into my apartment. Aren’t you looking for Jack?”

  “Lookit. I didn’t break in. And don’t go accusing me of it, either. You left your damn door open. Don’t shoot the messenger. They told me to deliver the note to you. I have no idea what they want with ‘Jack’. They normally don’t want to see some random dude who was bitten. I’m guessing there’s something more to it than that, but I’m out of it after I do my job.”

  “And who is your boss? If you don’t mind me asking?” I needed to know who was the head honcho—the vampire in charge.

  “He’s the vampire leader of this area. You have pack leaders. We have vampire leaders.” She shrugged.

  “Right. So you’re the vampire police?”

  “No.” She snorted. “Like I said, I just delivered the message. And you’d better take him there or it will get ugly. I can guarantee that.”

  “Is that right? What do they want with him?”

  “How am I supposed to know? Do you think they invite me in for a debriefing?”

  “Okay, calm down. I had to ask.” I gestured with my hands.

  “Is he newly turned?” She studied her fingernails. “’Cause that may have something to do with it. Anyway.” She looked up at me. “Regardless, can we get back to my problem?”

  “Sure. Um. I’m sorry. It’s just that you caught me off guard. I’m a little shaken because of the fight with the vampires. A couple of them showed up early at my place. They wanted to take Jack with them. Do you think they are with the vampire leader?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. What did they look like?”

  “Two men. One with brown hair and one with blond. Not much more to say about them.”

  “Yeah, well, that really narrows it down.”

  “The blond had a tattoo on his neck. It was a skull with bat wings and bloody fangs.”

  She blanched. “Well, that’s kind of a distinguishing feature. You’d think you would have mentioned it first.”

  “Did you come here to be snarky with me or get a date?” I think I knew why she didn’t have a date. “You got a funny look on your face when I mentioned the tattoo. Do you know him?”

  “A lot of people have tattoos. I don’t know him.”

  “But you just said it was a distinguishing feature that I should have mentioned first.”

  “I said I don’t know him. Is this how you treat all of your customers?”

  Grandma Cruz always said I was a people person. Whatever that meant, but right now those skills had taken a vacation.

  “No, of course not. Wait a minute. How can you go out in the daylight and the others can’t? I’ve never know a vampire who could go out in the daytime.”

  “You’re just full of questions, aren’t you?”

  “I’m just trying to understand how all of this works.”

  “I can’t share all this information with you. You’ll have to figure it out on your own. Now do you plan on helping me?”

  I paused. Apparently she wasn’t going to answer my question. I wasn’t surprised. “Sorry… so what kind of person are you looking for? Do you want a relationship? Or something casual?”

  She straightened in her chair, not wasting any time giving her answer. “I’m looking for a soul-mate, which, as I’m sure you’re aware, is no easy feat when you live forever.”

  “Yes, that can be a pickle, huh?”

  But there was always divorce. I didn’t mention that though. The divorce word was a big no-no in my work vocabulary.

  “Well, just fill out this paperwork and I’ll see what I can do for you.” I handed the clipboard to her.

  “I heard you get it right the first time. So I’ll hold you to that,” she warned with a wag of her finger.

  Why had I let Jennifer talk me into that stupid tagline for my business? It was coming back to haunt me. People really took it to heart. Why did I feel as if this woman was related to Lily? Had she been talking to my customer from hell?

  When she’d finished, she handed me the clipboard. I scanned the paper. “Gorgeous. Loyal. Funny. Rich. Great in bed. Well, you certainly don’t have huge demands, I see.” I rolled my eyes when I thought she wasn’t looking.

  She was going to be a pain in the ass. I knew it. I might as well give her Lily’s protest sign now and save her the time of having to make one.

  Chapter Eight

  How to Date a Vampire, Rule #8:

  Remember: sometimes a kiss is not just a kiss.

  “I know what I like.” She smiled, exposing her fangs.

  “Well, thanks for coming in.” I plastered a fake smile across my face. “I’ll call you soon and let you know what matches I have for you.”

  “You don’t have some computer program that does that for you? What is this? 1976?”

  “Hey. I pride myself
on reading people. I don’t need a computer to do that for me.”

  She stood and sashayed over to the door. “Whatever. Call me. I’ll be expecting to hear from you soon.” She turned before exiting the door. “And don’t forget to bring your human as the note instructs.”

  “Yeah, sure.” Fat chance of that.

  My phone rang just as she walked out. “Get a Mate. How can I help you?”

  “Rylie. It’s Mama.”

  “Oh no. What’s wrong? Don’t tell me more vampires have shown up.”

  “Honey, now I’m not one to encourage you to drink, but you are awfully stressed. Perhaps you should partake in a little adult beverage? You know, just to relax your nerves.”

  “Mama, it’s a little too early for cocktail hour. And the only reason I am stressed is because of Uncle Ernie and vampires, and hiding my werewolf status, and my new boyfriend now being a freakin’ vampire.”

  “Breathe, Rylie, breathe.”

  I took in a deep breath.

  “Remember stress causes wrinkles. You should come over for a long massage and aura cleansing,” she said.

  As far as my mother was concerned, everything caused wrinkles. She’d tried to convince me sex caused wrinkles, too. Yeah, I didn’t fall for that one.

  “As soon as I fight off the vampires, I’ll do that. Is there something wrong, Mama?” If I didn’t push her, she’d chitchat for hours.

  “No.” She sighed. “Just calling to check on you... and Jack.”

  Ah-ha. I knew she wasn’t just calling to chitchat. She wanted to know about Jack. “I’m okay. And he’s… okay.”

  “You don’t sound so sure of that.”

  “He’ll be all right.” I knew the tone in my voice told her otherwise. “Is he your new boyfriend? I just hate to see you have your heart broken with the curse and all.”

  “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to discuss the curse. It had been hanging over my head for far too long. “Have you had sex with him?”

  “Mama, I will not talk about this right now.”

  “I just want you to be safe is all. Remember to use protection.”

  “Mother. Can we please change the subject? I’m not in high school anymore, for Pete’s sake.”

  “Fine. I’m just sayin’…” She let out an audible sigh.

  “I have to get back to work. I’ll try to hunt down Ernie. I’ll call you as soon as I hear anything.”

  “Be careful, dear.”

  “I always am.”

  No sooner had I placed the phone down when a knock sounded against the window. I spun around, but didn’t see anything. As I moved over to the window, I saw Lily’s smirking face.

  “What do you want now,” I said when I shoved the window open.

  “Hey, you pathetic excuse for a werewolf.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “Lily, who are you calling pathetic? Kettle. What do you want, Lily. I don’t have time to fight with you right now. Could we fight later? Maybe have a cage match out back?”

  She sneered. “You’re not nearly as funny as you think you are.”

  “I’m heartbroken that you think that. I’ll probably lose sleep tonight just worrying about it. So are you going to tell me what you want, or do we have to continue bickering?”

  “Fine.” She paused. “As much as I love bickering with you, I suppose looking at your face is worse, so I’ll make this snappy.”

  “Thank you. I really appreciate that. So what is this urgent news? And can’t you use a door?” I asked as I leaned closer to the window.

  “Remember the two vampires who were in your apartment and I saved you from?”

  “I don’t recall it going down exactly like that,” I said.

  “What? Are you crazy? You would have been a fur rug in their living room right now if not for me.”

  It was hard not to laugh at her insult. “You’re so delusional, it’s almost cute. Almost,” I said. “Could you get on with the story?” I motioned

  for her to continue with this long, drawn-out story.

  She gestured with her hands as she spoke. “Do you remember the vampires?”

  “Of course I do. It was only a few hours ago. Are you going to finish the story or do I have to poke my eyes out with a pen first?”

  “That is tempting, but I’ll continue just because the story is that good. Apparently, the two vampires are missing. Like gone… and they think they’re dead. Within like an hour of being at your place, they vanished off the face of the earth. How cool is that?”

  “What? Missing?”

  “Yes, I know you’re a dunce, but you do know what missing means?”

  “Of course I know what it means, you annoying little troll. Why do they think they’re missing?”

  “Because they’re missing, duh. As in, they haven’t been seen since they left your place. So that means you were they last one to see them.”

  “Well, that’s where you’re wrong. Because you were there too, so that means you were one of the last people to see them. And why am I even discussing this with you? I have no idea where they are. Not to mention, I don’t care, for that matter.”

  “Well, you had better care because the vampires will come looking for you to ask questions.”

  “They’re already looking for me, so will that make any kind of difference?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.” She smirked.

  “They’ll come looking for you too, so don’t be so smug.”

  “I’m not smug. Look, I was trying to be your friend. That’s why I told you. I thought you would like to know.”

  “Yeah, some friend. Look at all the names you called me.”

  “Oh, boo-hoo. Are you going to cry now, you little baby?”

  “Could we for once have an adult conversation?”

  “As far as you’re concerned, I doubt it,” she said.

  Lily was absolutely impossible to talk to. She was living in a totally different world from the rest of us. Lily’s world. And frankly, I didn’t want to be in Lily’s world. It was a messed up place.

  “You’d better not tell them I had anything to do with the missing vampires,” she hissed.

  “Why would I do something like that?”

  Lily fixed her venomous stare at me. “Because you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Lily. You’ve had it out for me since Martin.”

  She closed her eyes and screamed, holding her hands to her ears. After a couple seconds, she finally opened her eyes again.

  “Never, ever, mention his name again.” Her voice shot up a decibel. “He totally traumatized me for life. I hope you’re happy for fixing me up with that psycho. It’s a wonder he didn’t kill me. I’m lucky to be alive.”

  My lips jerked at the corners. “I’m sorry, Lily. I told you I was sorry about a million times. What more can I do? Plus, you have Phil now. He’s a… Well, he’s a… guy.”

  She scowled. “He’s a great guy for your information. You’re just blind for not realizing it. It’s your loss though. He told me how you liked to flirt with him.”

  My stomach turned at the thought. “What? Is he delusional?” Why was I asking her that question? Of course he was delusional. “I, in no way, shape, or form, ever flirted with creepy, er, Phil.”

  “Well, good, just see that you don’t. I would hate to have to cause you bodily harm because you put the moves on my man.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Are we finished with this conversation now?”

  “Whatever. Like I said, I had nothing to do with the

  missing vampires.”

  “Okay, I heard you the first time. Why do you sound so panicked?”

  “I’m not panicked. I just don’t trust you, that’s all.” She pointed at me.

  “Whatever you say, Lily.” My temples throbbed and massaging them didn’t help.

  She whipped around and marched away from the building. I watched as she sashayed back toward creepy Phil’s apartment. Heck, Lily probably had the two vampires stuf
fed in a freezer in his apartment. Thank goodness that conversation was over. Dealing with Lily always gave me a headache.

  But what had happened to the vampires? That was weird. Would the vampires really think I had something to do with their disappearance? That was crazy. They probably took off on their own because they grew tired of following orders from the vampire leader. Maybe they’d tried to intimidate someone else once they left my apartment. That person might not have been as nice as me.

  After that awkward conversation, I attempted to get back to work, settling at my desk. I left a message for Danielle and Dave setting up their date. I had a feeling they’d hit it off perfectly. I hoped my instinct wasn’t wrong about that one. I didn’t need another Lily and Martin disaster.

  Since Samson hadn’t answered, I decided to try any vampire I could find. Surely, there was one to be trusted. I clicked on my computer and went to the files for vampires. There was one woman who was super nice.

  I decided to give her a ring and ask a few questions. I needed to know what was in store for Jack and what these vampires chasing us around could possibly want. Maybe she’d know this vampire chick Isabella who’d apparently taken an interest in my matchmaking service. Too much of an interest for my taste. Would any vampires answer their phone at this hour? Maybe they were all sleeping. After a bunch of rings, the other end of the line picked up.

  “Hello,” she said.

  “Stephanie? This is Rylie Cruz with Get a Mate?”

  “Yeah, oh, Rylie, of course. Everything is still going great. I’m so glad you fixed me up with Dillon.”

  “No problem, Stephanie, it makes me happy to know things are working out so well. Listen, the reason I’m calling is I need to ask some vampire questions.”

  She paused. “Okay. Vampire questions. Like what, if we’re allergic to garlic?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. It seems as if I have a bit of a problem.”

  I explained everything that had happened up until this point. She listened patiently with a few uh-huhs here and there, which didn't bode well for Jack or me.

  “I gotta tell you, Rylie, his vampire symptoms don’t really sound normal. And I can tell you these vampires don’t sound good. I don’t think they want to come over for brunch and chitchat, if you know what I mean. What they want with Jack, I’m not sure. What you need to do is talk with the vampire leader.”