Everyday Apocalypse: Season Two

by Pieter Lars

  The anti-venom injections had just about run their course, and the doctors expected him to make a full recovery. But on the morning he was set to be released, all the emergency shutters on the hospital windows slammed shut.

  Samantha looked up from the book she was reading. “Oh, man. I forgot it was Monday.”

  “Did you happen to check the NEA forecast?” Tom asked.

  She shook her head. “No. I didn’t even think about it. I’ll go see if I can ask one of the nurses.”

  She stood and left the room. Tom sat up and fiddled with the television remote. The only channel that wasn’t playing a soap opera was C-SPAN. It was currently running coverage of some congressional hearing. All the senators (or maybe they were representatives, he wasn’t sure) were lining up near a podium, accepting gas masks from someone in an NEA uniform. Those that were already wearing theirs were heading back to their seats.

  Samantha came back in. “It’s some sort of weird mist. I guess it was on the forecast, but the NEA wasn’t sure what the effects would be. They’ve shut down the hospital until they know more.

  “So we can’t go home?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet. But it’s almost lunch time. Maybe they’ll bring some of that yummy pudding!”

  Tom sighed. He was looking forward to getting back to his DVR. He’d recorded part of a Seinfeld marathon.

  “What do you want to do?” he asked.

  Samantha shrugged. “Want to play some cards?”

  “OK. Sounds good.”

  Samantha pushed a wheeled tray over to his bedside, pulled a deck out of her purse, and started shuffling.

  She was beating him in rummy, three games to one, when the hospital alarm sounded. Footsteps ran down the hall outside his door, followed by shouting. It sounded like someone issuing orders.

  “Should we go out there and see what’s going on?” Tom pushed his blankets down and realized he was wearing one of those hospital gowns that had the open back.

  “Stay there,” Samantha said. “I’ll go check.”

  “No. Just let me get my clothes on.”

  “Tom, just stay in bed. You’re still pretty weak.”

  He bristled at this, but didn’t argue. It had been a week since the spider had bit him, but his legs still felt numb and his neck throbbed where the fangs had sunk in. Samantha had found him that evening, wrapped in webbing and hanging from the awning over his front door. She’d cut him down using his own machete, and the rest of the week had been spent in and out of consciousness.

  Talk about a humbling experience...

  But she’d been there, at his side, every day.

  He felt stupid. What had he been thinking going out there by himself. He wasn’t a hero. He wasn’t even that brave. His own girlfriend had to save him.

  Samantha came back in. “The shutters aren’t working. The mist is coming in, and it’s already spread across the first floor. They’re moving patients up from the bottom, so I guess we might have to share a room at some point.”

  “What kind of mist is it? Do we need gas masks?”

  “They still don’t know. All they said was that it’s thick and makes it hard to breathe, but it doesn’t seem poisonous or anything.”

  The room door opened and a nurse popped her head in. “Hi, folks. Sorry to disturb you, but we’re going to have to double up in here. Meet your new roommate, Tobias.”

  Something about the same sparked Tom’s memory. He had met a Tobias once, last season. He’d sold the guy an insurance policy just before aliens abducted him, right from Tom’s office.

  The nurse wheeled the bed in. Tom couldn’t see much under the hospital blankets, but the new patient’s feet were sticking out the end, and the toenails were painted with silver glitter.

  It was his customer. As the bed was wheeled in and situated, Tobias sat up. His hair was long and blonde and there was week-old stubble on his cheeks and jaw.

  “Hey, man! I know you!” Tobias said. “You’re that insurance dude, dude! Good to see you!”

  The nurse looked over at Tom and gave an apologetic smile, then scurried out the door.

  “Uh...hi, Tobias. Good to see you, too,” Tom said.

  “Whoa,” Tobias said. “I just remembered. Last time I saw you was at your office. I just poofed on out of there, huh? What a trip!”

  “Yeah,” Samantha interrupted. “We mailed out your vest and your flip-flops. Did you get them?”

  “Oh, that was you? I did get them. I remember that. I was like, whoa, who’s sending me clothes? Then I remembered and was like, whoa, that poor guy. Let me know how much the shipping was and I can pay you back, man.”

  “No, that’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Pretty sure the company paid for it.”

  “Alright, cool, cool. That’s cool of you. So, what are you guys up to? This mist is a trip, am I right?”

  Tom nodded. “Yeah. You’re totally right.” Samantha looked at him and rolled her eyes. Her expression read are we really going to have to put up with this stoner dude for the next few days?

  Tom reached over and squeezed her hand. “He’s a nice guy,” he whispered to her. “Just a little odd.”

  “I’m telling you, man,” Tobias continued. “This mist is weird. And I’ve seem some weird stuff, believe you me. Did I ever tell you about that time I was abducted by aliens?”

  “Um...no. You were abducted from my office, remember? I don’t think I’ve seen you since. But we would love to hear the story.”

  “Oh, yeah. That’s right. Ha-ha. My memory’s a little fuddled sometimes. Probably too much of the green, ya know? Anyway, yeah, I was abducted by aliens, from your office. At first I thought it was the government. You know, the black helicopters and all that. But it wasn’t. It was real life aliens!”

  Tobias started to stare off at the ceiling. He lay back down and put his hands behind his head.

  Tom and Samantha waited for a minute, then looked at each other. Samantha craned her head to get a better look at Tobias.

  “He fell asleep,” she said.

  Tom chuckled. “That guy’s a trip!”

  “Don’t you start talking like that. It’s contagious. Tobias has watched way too many Matthew McConaughey movies.”

  “I know! Do you think he really surfs, or does he just talk like that for fun?.”

  “I can’t imagine where he would surf in Arizona.”

  “True. Anyway, let’s play some more rummy. I feel like my luck’s about to change.”

  Samantha laughed. “Doubt it, babe. Unless Tobias’ glitter polish is some sort of charm.”

  By Wednesday the mist had filled the bottom three floors of the hospital. The second floor was mostly administration, so they didn’t have to move many patients. Tom was up on the sixth floor and, from what he’d heard, the three below him had filled up fast, but so far it was just him, Tobias, and Samantha in their room.

  So far he and Samantha had been regaled with stories about Tobias’ childhood in Canada, his time living in a commune in Hawaii, his numerous road trips, detailed descriptions of the twelve Phish concerts he’d attended, and all his many thoughts on government conspiracies.

  On Wednesday evening Tom had fallen asleep during one of Tobias’ anecdotes. When he woke it was dark. The clock read 9:30PM. Samantha was laying next to him, her head resting on his chest. Her breathing was slow and steady and he figured she was asleep, so he reached slowly for the water glass beside his bed.

  “Tom,” she whispered. “Are we going to be OK?”

  “What, babe?” he whispered back. “Of course. It’s just a mist. We only have a few more days before it clears up.”

  “No,” she said. “I mean us. You and me. Are we going to be OK?”

  Tom took a deep breath. He was half-asleep and wasn’t sure he was ready for this kind of conversation.

  “What do you mean?” Tom asked.

  “I don’t know. I feel like things have been weird between us. Ever since Hell Spawn week.”


  “Ever since that hot fireman rescued us, you mean?” He knew as soon as the words left his mouth that it was the wrong thing to say. That it was his insecurity talking.

  Samantha shifted so that she could see his face. “What are you talking about?”

  “I didn’t do anything, and that NEA guy saved the day. I saw the way you were looking at him. I get it. I’m not big and I’m not burly, and I sure as heck don’t have a uniform.”

  Samantha sat up. She opened her mouth, shut it, then opened it again: “You’re being ridiculous right now. Why do you sound so insecure? What do you think that NEA guy has that you don’t?”

  “I don’t know. A real job. Not some stupid office job, but one where he saves people, and is brave and handsome.”

  Samantha pressed her palm against her forehead. “Listen to me carefully, Tom. I fell in love with you because you rescued that kitten for me. You jumped in front of those vampires when we thought they were coming to suck our blood. You covered me with your body when that dragon tried to barbecue us. You are the one who has been steady in my life, and kind, and funny, and spontaneous, and you are the one who suffered through a week of eating locusts even though you hated every bite.”

  She stood and started pacing, her voice raised. “You think I’m asking about our future together because I saw some stupid fireman in a uniform?”

  Tom sat up and felt his cheeks flush. He was ashamed. “Yeah, I thought that’s why you’ve been acting distant. I thought maybe you were…”

  He shrugged, unable to finish his thought.

  “You’re an idiot. I’ve been acting distant because you’re looking for a government job, and you haven’t even really talked to me about it! What if you get an offer and have to move out of state? What if they just whisk you away and you have to start over, and I’m stuck here in stupid Phoenix all alone?”

  Tom struggled to his feet and walked over to put his arms around her. She looked up at him and he saw that her eyes were wet and glossy.

  “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about it all. I haven’t even really considered that I might get the job, so I never thought about what it would mean if I did.”

  “Yeah,” Samantha sniffled. “Well, you should have.”

  He held her for a few minutes, feeling her shoulder and her chest hitch as she cried quietly in his arms.

  “I’m an idiot,” he said.

  “Not always. Sometimes you’re really nice.”

  “And brave?”

  She nodded. “And brave.”

  “And you’re really in love with me?” he asked.

  She punched his chest. “Of course, you idiot.”

  He grinned. He took a deep breath, held it in, and let it out. “I’m in love with you too.”

  They hugged and smiled and then she tilted her head up to kiss him and he pressed his lips against hers.

  “Hey,” Tobias said, from the other side of the room. “Sorry to interrupt, but I think you guys should know something. The government will totally come and take you away. They won’t even ask. They’ll just kidnap you and force you to work for them. Especially if you’ve already given them your personal information. They’re always watching.”

  “Thanks, Tobias. We’ll keep that in mind,” Tom replied.

  “And, dude, your butt’s hangin’ out...”

  8

  Kaiju

  They reached Sedona just in time to watch the sun rise over Cathedral Rock. They sat on the hood of Tom’s Subaru and ate sunflower seeds while the light washed the landscape in yellow and orange and red. Tom put his arm around Samantha and she snuggled in close, resting her head on his shoulder.

  Maybe it was the way Sedona seemed to glow, or maybe it had something to do with vortexes or shamanic energy, but Tom knew it was one of those moments that he would remember for the rest of his life.

  He turned and kissed the top of Samantha’s head. She sighed in contentment and said, “You ready to go? We still have an hour or so before we get to the Grand Canyon.”

  “Hell yes,” he said, hopping to his feet. “There’s no way I’m going to miss the Kaiju sighting.”

  They got back in the car and sped away.

  There was a dust cloud hanging over the canyon. At first Tom was worried that it would obscure the sighting. He’d grown up watching Godzilla movies and, more recently, the Atlantic Rim series. He was pretty sure that if he was a braver man he would have gotten his own kaiju tattoo like that scientist in the films.

  His favorite kaiju was Rodan.

  He really hoped this one was a Rodan. That would be amazing. He’d even take a Baragon or a Gezora. Heck, even a Mothra if he had no other choice.

  Dozens of black NEA helicopters were hovering in the sky around the rim of the canyon. They had missile racks and big guns hanging from their sides, but so far none of them had fired a shot. Tom wondered what they were waiting for. Was the kaiju tame? Was it not attacking anyone?

  That would be pretty boring. He hadn’t woken Samantha up at three in the morning and driven three and a half hours just to see some stupid lazy monster that had no interest in wreaking havoc.

  What if it ended up being one of those stupid humanoid Gaira types?

  That would be the worst.

  The crowd around them took a collective gasp. Someone pointed and shouted, “Look! There it is!”

  Tom and Samantha shouldered their way to the front of the crowd until they were standing at the railing.

  The dust cloud parted and the beast rose. It was a Gamera!

  Not the coolest kaiju, but definitely not the worst.

  The Gamera resembled a giant snapping turtle. It had a pronounced sagittal crest running lengthwise along the top its skull, and huge tusks protruded from its lower jaw. Covering its back was an armored shell that was already blackened and scored. Maybe the NEA had tried attacking it.

  While the Gamera of the movies was nothing but a man in a campy suit, the real creature was so much more terrifying and hideous.

  Tom tried to remember what its powers were, other than the protective shell.

  The Gamera lifted its head and roared and a thirty foot gout of flame shot from its mouth and engulfed one of the hovering NEA helicopters.

  Oh, that’s right, it breathes fire.

  The NEA helicopter banked and started flying in retreat, it’s tail rotor billowing black smoke.

  “Ooh!” Samantha said. “This reminds me of our hike!”

  “Yeah, hopefully those NEA helicopters can keep it away from all the onlookers.” Tom looked around. Nobody was wearing protective clothing. In fact, the NEA hadn’t provided anything in the boxes that week. Not so much as a flyer or a booklet, or even burn cream.

  Maybe they had been too busy mounting their counter-attacks. He’d heard on the news that there was at least one kaiju attacking somewhere in every state, as well as Canada and Mexico. They hadn’t said anything about the other hemispheres. It was rumored that one of the kaiju had some sort of electro-magnetic power that was disrupting satellite communications.

  “That thing would be kind of cute if it wasn’t so humongous,” Samantha said.

  The remaining NEA helicopters fired their chain guns, filling the air with gunsmoke and tracer rounds, but the Gamera had turned and shrunk back into its shell.

  One of the helicopters fired a rocket. It struck the shell and exploded, but when the smoke cleared there didn’t seem to be any real damage.

  The Gamera rose and, faster than Tom would have imagined, it struck one of the helicopters with a giant clawed hand. The helicopter broke apart like it was made of legos. Pieces flew in every direction. The Gamera followed the strike with another gout of its flame breath and the rest of the helicopters backed away and started firing their missile banks.

  The crowd all covered their ears as the canyon rim filled with the sounds of explosions and gunfire. The air became so smokey that the helicopters had to lift higher.

  After a few minutes they stopped. Th
e helicopters continued to circle, but they weren’t shooting. Maybe waiting for the smoke to clear.

  A hush fell over the crowd.

  A breeze kicked up, blowing through the canyon. Huge chunks of rubble and rock littered the canyon floor.

  The rubble shifted and Gamera broke through. Its shell was broken and chipped in places but as its face and arms emerged it was clear that the NEA attack had virtually no effect.

  The creature rose and turned its head to let out another blast of flame. This time though, the helicopters were out of range. In unison, they pulled even further back until they were no more than specks in the sky.

  A loudspeaker sounded from somewhere in the visitor’s center: PLEASE COVER YOUR EARS. DELIVERY PRIME WILL ARRIVE IN T-MINUS FIVE…FOUR…THREE…

  Tom didn’t know what the heck that meant, but he made sure Samantha was following the loudspeaker’s directions. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head and pulled her arms inside to plug her ears. Tom did the same.

  ……TWO…ONE. DELIVERY COMMENCING.

  There was a clap of thunder and a flash of light so bright that it seemed to sear Tom’s retinas even through his sweatshirt.

  The loudspeaker sounded again: BEGIN COUNTER-ATTACK.

  Tom pulled his sweatshirt down and risked a peek.

  There was a huge black pod sitting in a newly formed crater on the canyon floor. It was egg-shaped and smoking. The pod hissed and three seams appeared on its side. They split the egg into three pieces which fell away to reveal the pod’s contents.

  It was a giant mecha robot, curled up like Ronald Schwarzenburger in The Eradicator.

  Tom watched as the mecha slowly stood to its full height.

  The mecha was at least forty feet tall, bipedal, with a broad chest, visored faceplate, and huge arms and legs, all of it covered in black armor plating. A giant sword hung from a rack on its back, right above what looked to be an exhaust port. There was a string of lettering down the side of its left leg. Tom wasn’t sure, but it looked like it read: DELIVERY PRIME.