Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  Another round of that seductive heat blossomed across her features. “And why should I trust you with my darkest fantasies, Declan St. James?”

  “Because, my beautiful Holly, I can make them all come true.”

  Chapter Nine

  Holly had been busy most of the week; doing just what Dec hadn’t managed to get her to confess as of yet. He hadn’t pressed seeing as how he’d been busy with patients all week and hadn’t wanted to discuss that.

  As they’d both quickly discovered when he’d been over to care for her tattoo or to simply enjoy being in her presence, words weren’t necessary. They connected on a soul level they reached through physical contact. It had taken Herculean levels of willpower to put her off until tonight.

  Thus far, he’d picked up on Trace’s comment about hiring her every semester, and another slip about an advisor she’d made the night before on the phone with him when the late hour had robbed her of her guard. The few clues he’d managed led him to believe she was possibly a graduate student. Nothing wrong with that, but he desperately longed to know what she was studying.

  He’d asked her to spend the entire weekend with him. His fantasies of Holly Camden came by the dozens; one night simply wasn’t going to be enough. If Dec were being honest with himself, he would admit that he was damned proud that he’d managed to keep his cock out of her delectably tight little snatch until they’d met his one-week rule. His addictions weren’t running the show this time, and he’d just proven it. He deserved a reward, and an entire weekend with Holly would allow him to really get to know her, to ravish her in every imaginable way, and to indulge her in the finer points of love making. There was no better reward than that, but first, he had to put on one hell of a show at Duffy’s Tavern and see just how Holly reacted to his rock star persona.

  Holly wedged her cell phone between her shoulder and cheek while she skillfully applied eyeliner to her right eye. If grad school had taught her anything, it was to multitask.

  “Please tell me you went with your Corral boots with that short, strappy, hunter green dress that cuts down low to show off your girls, with your denim short jacket. I want to know you made whoever this guy is absolutely drool tonight,” was Cheyenne’s greeting when she answered. Holly had texted her pictures of three outfits. They’d been debating most of the afternoon.

  “Drooling is always a good thing, and I did go with that, but I can’t wear a bra with this shirt. My girls aren’t at their best.”

  “I don’t see what the problem is. Save you a little time once you get back to his place.”

  “Well, yeah but there are saggage issues, and I want to sort of play a little bit hard to get.”

  “Um, the way you’ve been talking about him for the last week, I think we’re way beyond hard to get.”

  “We are. I know. I swear, the things he does to me. Most of the time I think I’m dreaming. No guy has ever made me feel the way he does.”

  “I am aware of this and I am also tremendously jealous. Why do you always get the guys you want and I never get anything I want? I need details of this weekend. I plan to live vicariously through you.”

  “No dice, babe. You know I love you, but this weekend is all for me. I kind of hate myself for being nervous, though. He’s just a guy. What’s wrong with me?”

  “First off, he doesn’t sound like just a guy. He sounds like some kind of orgasm deity, and you’re nervous because we already know he’s freaking good in bed and because we still don’t know exactly how much older than you he is.”

  “Being older than me is probably how he got so good in bed, so they’re kind of one and the same.”

  “Maybe, but I think some guys just have really good mojo, ya know? Guys like your big brother.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “I do not want to think about Grant’s mojo, thank you very much.” Dec’s knock on her door injected her with another round of nerves. “That’s him. Wish me luck.”

  “Wait, do you know if Grant’s going to Saddleback’s tonight?”

  “I have no idea, Chey.”

  “Could you find out?”

  “I can’t. I gotta go.” Holly ended the call, rushed to the door, and then forced herself to pause and count to ten. She made it to six before she wrenched the door open.

  Dec was leaning against the door frame looking every bit the sex god. His jet black hair was slightly messier than he normally kept it. He was wearing a grungy, white v-neck t-shirt with a pair of ripped blue jeans and a well-worn black leather jacket. The leather necklace was back around his neck. It all gave him a wild edge that Holly found absolutely irresistible.

  “Jesus Christ, darling, you have any idea how bloody difficult it is to play the guitar while you’re harder than a steel pipe?” He ran his index finger softly from the hollow of her throat to the low dip of her blouse that ended just above her navel. The move effectively left her breathless.

  “You look pretty hot yourself.”

  “Oh yeah?” He stepped inside. His presence sent shockwaves of awareness throughout her. “I’m glad you think so. Right now I’m worried I should’ve packed a few extra guitars for the night?”

  “Do you play more than one kind at a gig?”

  “Sometimes, but that’s not why I need them. I never understood the smashing the axe thing that used to be popular among the more obnoxious rockers until I saw you dressed like that and remembered that there will be at least a hundred assholes there tonight near you and I’ll be on stage and unable to remind each and every one of them who you’re going home with tonight.”

  The electricity between them was palpable as he dragged his darkened gaze from her boots up her legs, to the skin exposed between her breasts, along her neck, and finally to her eyes.

  A shiver shook through her. The look that said he was going to fuck her senseless all night long was back in those cryptic grey eyes. There were secrets there, she knew. Beyond his addictions and beyond his rehab. There was so much more to Declan St. James. She just hadn’t yet managed to get him to confess anything else. That was her goal this weekend. To take them deeper. To learn. To become more with him. To see if this relationship was going to be all she knew it could be. Somehow, even though there was still so much that hadn’t been verbalized between them, she knew there was more. More than she’d ever fathomed maybe. More than she ever believed possible.

  He’d invited her to his home for the entire weekend. If that wasn’t a sign of trust from an addict she didn’t know what was, and she would prove herself trustworthy for him at any cost. She was ready for him, all of him.

  “This all you need for the weekend, love?” He already had her duffle bag and toiletry kit gathered up in his strong arms. Holly had never wanted to be luggage more in her life.

  “Yeah, unless we’re going out somewhere I need to dress up for. I don’t usually wear a lot of make-up or anything.”

  “Yet another thing I find myself falling hard for, and I don’t plan on us leaving my house all weekend. I’m hoping to get you to forgo clothing altogether.” His winks at her always elicited a physical response. Every cell in her body responded to his very breath. The simplest gestures made her feel exposed to him, and she didn’t mind at all. “You look a little needy, love.”

  “I am. It’s all I can do not to beg you to throw me on the couch.”

  “A little something for the road, so to speak.”

  Reckless desire pulsed through her blood. “Please.”

  He dropped her bags. “Lean against your kitchen counter with your gorgeous ass high in the air. Shake it for me.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “I never joke about touching you, darling, and I’ve also told you repeatedly that I’m not a man known for my patience. You aren’t the only one who’s needy. I’ve thought about nothing but burying myself inside of you all week. I have so many plans for you once I get you back to my place. Lean over, arch your back, and spread your legs.”

  “Oh my God.” Breathless and
spinning, Holly complied, not certain what he was about to do, but desperate to find out. His hands roved over her ass. The silky fabric of the dress swayed to the rhythm of his fingers, taunting her. A breathy moan shook from her lungs.

  “Such a sweet girl for me.” His low groan washed over her skin, priming her for more. With his index fingers he traced up her thighs and drew the loose fitting dress upward to expose her ass. He brushed a kiss on each of her cheeks before his fingers centered along the satin crotch of her thong, and she was certain she was going to combust. “So wet.”

  “Dec. Please.” She managed in a pant.

  “Please what?”

  “Touch me. Bring me. Please.” Wriggling back and forth against his touch, she ached for more.

  “That’s what I need, love. I need to hear you beg.”

  “Please,” she whimpered desperately.

  “Good girl. I intend to hear that all weekend. You understand me?”

  “Oh, hell yeah.”

  Expertly, he traced his fingers under the slip of satin and then up and down her slit, gathering her dew, making her raw with need. Her body jerked when he tempted her clit, circling and learning her at the same time. Before she could beg for more, he dipped two fingers deep within her channel, pressing, exploring, possessing her.

  She groaned out his name and gripped the cheap countertop, pressing back against his roaming fingers.

  “So fucking tight. So fucking perfect. God, I’m gonna fill you so full. Over and over until you ache and the only thing that makes it better is more of me.”

  “Yes!”

  Out and in, he fucked her thoroughly with his fingers, making her desperate for his cock.

  “Right here, isn’t it darling? That sweetest little spot. It’s right there. I know. I always know what you need.”

  Holly shook as he strummed her g-spot perfectly. The tell-tale rhythmic spasms came fast and furiously. Her body begged for more, tensing against his masterful fingers.

  “It’s right there, isn’t it? You come so good for me. So ready for it, aren’t you? So needy. I can’t wait until you come on my cock and then on my tongue, love. Over and over again, dripping down my legs and then down my face while I devour you. I dream about your flavors. I want to know them. I want them to be all mine.”

  “OhYesDec,” blended into a single word as her back arched and heat sizzled at the base of her spine. Pleasure rocketed upwards and then her body gave itself over completely to his touch. She shook with the orgasm that overwhelmed her in frantic waves as she clawed at the counter and collapsed.

  When she steadied her breath, she stood. The dress whispered down her legs, covering her and taunting her overly-sensitized skin. Her gaze met his. Wild craving stormed in his greedy eyes.

  “Watch me.” He brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked her nectar from them. Another aftershock from her climax shook through her. His eyes closed as he sucked harder, like he’d never tasted anything better. Something inside of her snapped. The barriers of propriety she kept erected shattered into a million unrecognizable pieces. She couldn’t build them back. She didn’t want to.

  “What. . .what does it taste like?” Her breath stammered as if it couldn’t believe she’d verbalized that particular question.

  Keeping his covetous eyes locked on hers, he pulled his fingers from his mouth, caressed her lips, and leaned in. “Taste.”

  Copying his movements, she hesitantly licked his fingers. A mix of her release and his saliva filled her mouth, spicy heat and liquid sin. She took more, until he replaced his fingers with his tongue, making another exchange of flavors.

  When he finally broke the kiss, his eyes closed in an extended blink. “I have to play tonight, but sweet baby Jesus, I’d love to pack you up, take you home, and get to so much more of that.”

  Delighted to hear that, Holly beamed. “We have all weekend to do more of that, and I’m hoping we have months after that to keep going.”

  “Months, huh? I haven’t scared you off properly then?”

  “Do I need to quote Eminem again?”

  “No, darling, and I have no intention of doing anything that might make you change your mind on those next few months, but right now, we need to head on. I want to take you to dinner before the gig, but I do have to be there to finish setting up. Garrick and Kade have been there most of the afternoon running lines.”

  “Garrick and Kade are. . . ?”

  “Drums and bass. Both back up vocalists.”

  “To your. . . ?”

  “Lead guitar and vocals, of course.” Another wink that spoke directly to her soul.

  “I assumed. I just thought I’d ask. Are there any other band members I should know about since we just agreed to a few months?” She couldn’t help but remind him. She wanted to make certain she hadn’t dreamed that up in some kind of post-orgasmic bliss state.

  “I’ll introduce you to everyone tonight. Brett Packston plays keyboard and Andy Campo plays rhythm. They’ll love you, and they’ll love harassing me about you.”

  “Sounds like we’ll get along just fine.”

  “I have no doubt. As long as no one calls you Yoko you have nothing to worry about.”

  “Not funny, St. James. I will get you back for that.”

  “So much to look forward to.” With that, he scooped up her bags once again and guided her out to his Pilot.

  Chapter Ten

  With every step he advanced on the way back to his SUV, Dec mentally lambasted himself. Downfall of every fool was pride. He’d been so pleased to have been able to resist Holly all week, proving to his addictions that he was stronger, he’d blown all restraint straight to hell as soon as he’d walked in her door. What the fuck, St. James? She was completely irresistible. He’d fought for so long. Pushed her away for a week trying to navigate the endless road between fighting his addictions and wanting desperately to make love with her.

  Shaking his head, he opened the back, added Holly’s bags to the load of guitars and equipment stowed there, and opened the passenger side door for her.

  “Did you always want to be a rock star?”

  “I’m far from a rock star, darling, but at one time I definitely wanted to be one legitimately. That’s pretty much all I thought about from the time I got a second-hand Epiphone when I was eleven. I was gonna play Wembley. Become some kind of sexy mix of Eddie Vedder, Chris Cornell, and Dave Grohl. I finally figured out being a rock star wasn’t so good for me.” Yes, this was good. He needed to let her in slowly.

  “I’m sorry.” A slight case of nerves seemed to have overtaken her. She was fussing with the hem of her dress and staring out the passenger side window like the star-strewn night was out to do her in.

  “You okay, love?”

  “Oh, yeah, just doubting I’m cool enough to pull off lead guitarist’s girl. I’ve always loved the lyrics to music. I love to think about what made the songwriter write them just that certain way. How do they know how to arrange the words so they speak to the masses? But I also have zero clue as to how to even hold a guitar the right way. I don’t even know what an Epiphone is.”

  “Hey.” Dec reached and took her hand to keep her from pulling at her dress anymore. “You told me you didn’t want me to be ashamed of being an addict; well, I never want you to be ashamed of what you don’t know. An Epiphone is a kind of guitar. Mine is particularly crappy, but it happened to be my first, meaning I can never get rid of it because that just isn’t done, but I also never play it. I’m the one playing tonight, sweetheart. You don’t have to know how to hold a guitar. I’m just happy you’re holding my hand. You’re also the only thing I want in my arms tonight. It means a lot to me you’re coming to hear me play.”

  That earned him a genuine half-smile. “This is just weird,” she sighed.

  “Me and you, or going to this gig?”

  “Me and you. Everything is different. I’ve never felt this way before.” She shifted away from him. He could see the hot glow of her cheeks
flash repeatedly in the lights of the oncoming cars, and he saw something in her eyes he’d never seen before — fear.

  Signaling to change lanes, Dec immediately pulled into the empty parking lot of an abandoned grocery store. “Look at me.” He waited until she’d lifted those beautiful eyes, every possible shade of green known to man and a few he was certain hadn’t yet been named, to his. “Afraid of me or afraid of what happens between us?”

  “I told you I’m not afraid of anything.”

  Gently, he tipped her chin upwards, drawing her closer. “But you are, love. Maybe not of me, but of this.”

  “On one hand, I feel so different when I’m with you. I feel closer to you than I ever have anyone, and then on the other hand I feel like I don’t even know you, not really. I know there’s stuff we still haven’t told each other. Maybe it’s not even really important stuff, but it’s stuff. And on the other other hand, I know we’ve only been hanging out for a week and I’m always getting ahead of myself when I should just let things take their own time. I’m no good at not going after what I want full force.”

  Dec couldn’t help but grin at her less-than-eloquent definition of the things left unspoken between them. “I had no idea you had three hands, but I cannot wait to see what that might be like in bed.”

  She slugged him in the shoulder rather hard. “Totally deserved that, but now I may not be able to play at all tonight,” he teased as he rubbed his injury.

  She tried unsuccessfully to twist her grin into a glare.

  “I feel different with you too, Holly. Honestly, you completely overwhelm me. You occupy my every thought. What we just did back at your apartment, I should never have done that with so little time. That’s not how this is supposed to work. I obviously left you feeling insecure. I took what I wanted and clearly didn’t give back. I just can’t seem to physically resist you any longer, but that does not mean that I don’t also want to connect with you emotionally if that’s what you want. I am also aware that I’ve fucked up a lot of things in my life, and I’ve fucked up a lot of other people’s lives because they had the unfortunate luck of being near me. I don’t want to do that with you. I’d love to have a healthy relationship, but you might have to teach me how. You okay taking this one day at a time? We can talk about all of the stuff as it comes. That sound good?”