Cowgirl Education: a Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

“So, that’s your plan. You’re going to become some kind of twelve-step counselor?” Dr. Singleton sneered.

  His wife looked bereaved. “Trevor, that’s a lovely thing to do on Thanksgiving.”

  “I’m sorry, would there be some issue with that Singleton? Not prestigious enough for Singleton blood?” Dec apparently wasn’t putting up with much of anything, and Holly had never heard Ms. Singleton disagree with her husband.

  “I’m sorry, we’re dragging this out,” she explained to Holly. “Trevor’s on his way.”

  “Why is Trevor coming?”

  “Felt he needed to be here.” Of course he did. Wants to see me go down. Assweasel.

  A few minutes later, Trevor Jr. appeared. He was carrying a folder and looked ridiculously excited. Holly rolled her eyes.

  “Let’s begin. As both of you stormed out of our initial session I do still have a few questions,” Newsome explained.

  “I will not ever elaborate on anything shared between Holly and myself,” Dec laid down the law.

  “And I am sorry we asked you to that day. I suppose I was hoping if you provided enough information I could find a way to help you, Dr. St. James. What I would like an answer to is why did you not come to me when you realized Ms. Camden was your student?”

  “Sir, I didn’t know you. We’d never met. Lifespan informed me I was to teach that very day. I was never under the impression I had any other choice. Any time a human being falls in love, it begins with a lie. We lie to ourselves long enough to believe that we could somehow be good enough for the person we so desperately want.

  “Unfortunately, our lies had to spill over to other people for circumstances we had no control over. And that is always the problem with a lie. At what exact moment would the truth have set us free? When should I have come clean about my relationship with Holly? When was the exact moment in time that it wouldn’t have brought on disaster for both of us, and how would I have ever known that moment even existed? My choices were to give up the woman I am madly in love with or to lose my job, meaning I’d move four thousand miles away from her. Surely, you understand how neither of those were viable options in my book.”

  “Sir,” Holly leaned in. “It does seem to me that the ethics code that we broke was put into place to avoid either party manipulating the other. We do understand why it is there, but we fell in love before Dec was ever hired here. Nothing that we did was for ill-gotten gain. Neither one of us was in a position of power over the other. We’re in love. I suppose I’m asking if you’re going to stick to the letter of the law or the spirit of it. One seems far more logical in this case.”

  “I have to agree with that, Ms. Camden, but there must be consequences for your actions,” Newsome vowed.

  “Really, because there weren’t any for my dad.” Every head in the room turned to stare at Trevor in shock. “Don’t sit there and pretend every single person at this table doesn’t know what you did. You do it every semester. You’ve just only gotten caught once.”

  Holly couldn’t seem to remember how to join her lower jaw to her upper.

  Trevor continued. “Look, I followed them all freaking semester. My plan was to take them down, and the thing is I have no idea why I wanted that. Mad at the universe. Mad that I have to be here at this University. All of those reasons, but none of them have to do with Holly and Dr. St. James. I followed them and tried to record what I could, because if I was doing that I didn’t have to think about how shitty my life was going to be. I can tell you this — they were in love before he ever started working here. I saw them before school was even back in session together.

  “Holly drove me nuts because she got things I’ll never get. She gets to come here because that’s what she wants for her life. If she decided she didn’t want this anymore, she could leave, and I hated her for the freedom she has. But I’ll tell you this, she’s a kickass student and she’ll make a great psychologist. Dr. St. James is the best teacher this department has. He didn’t let me get away with all of my usual shit. He actually taught me things and I don’t even want a psych degree.

  “I thought my mom and dad desperately wanted me to be your chosen student, Dr. Newsome, so that’s what I tried to do. Anything to make them happy. It used to be to keep them from fighting constantly. After that it was because Mom is sick and I wanted to do everything right. It was like I thought I could fight Leukemia by doing what she wanted for me. I could negotiate with God, or the stars, or whoever and buy her more time by doing what Dad wanted me to do, but I can’t, and I am so fucking sick of towing this line. I’m out.”

  “I told you it was a fun word to say,” Ms. Singleton patted Trevor’s arm as tears rolled down her face.

  “My father has been buying or bullying my grades for the last seven years. He’s also had dozens of affairs with students. I have proof of all of them right here.” He lifted the folder. “By the way dad, your passwords on your laptops are lame. If you people want to fire someone, fire him. If you want to kick someone out of school, I’m your man. I’d say those are infractions worthy of being suspended. But falling in love? I don’t think so.”

  Trevor’s mother threw her arms around him and Holly was certain she had to be dreaming. Dec looked equally as shocked.

  Fury rolled off of Dr. Singleton in waves. No one spoke.

  Each minute felt like an hour. Finally, Dr. Newsome, cleared his throat. “Well, that was all certainly something to consider, Trevor. Thank you. I would like to look at that folder you have there.”

  “I actually have a recording of Dr. Singleton threatening me if I didn’t give Trevor a good grade.” Dec laid his phone on the table.

  Newsome shook his head. “I’ll deal with Dr. Singleton later, but Dr. St. James, I have to echo what Trevor said about your teaching. We have your student reviews in. They all lauded your methods and up-to-date information. They felt your work in the field helped them more than any of their other classes.”

  “I’m glad they were pleased.” Dec shrugged.

  “And Miss Camden, your work here at the University has always been exemplary, but these things do not erase what the two of you did.”

  “We know that, sir,” Holly assured him. She’d wanted him to make this easy. She’d wanted him to kick her out so she could go home, but she also wanted him to employ Dec and take over his visa for another year so they could be together. And in her wishes she found her truth. When the flipped quarter spun in the air, she knew what side she wanted it to land on.

  “I haven’t heard anything today that I feel would change my recommendation to the board on this ruling, which passed ten to one. Ms. Camden, you will be allowed to return to UN-L, however, you will have to re-take you foundations research class as the grade you received when Dr. St. James was your professor will be stricken from your transcript. The class will not be offered again until fall semester next year. Your research will be halted for a year. The lack of judgment you showed by continuing your relationship with your professor has also cost you your candidacy to work with me as your dissertation supervisor.”

  Holly nodded her understanding. Terror crawled over her skin. What if he’d saved her and Dec was the one who was going down? No. Please.

  “Dr. St. James, up until this indiscretion was revealed we had been extremely pleased with your work here at the University. However, word has already gotten out and parents do not want you having access to their students.”

  Holly couldn’t breathe. London held all of the things Dec was afraid to return to. Even if she went with him, he would be miserable there all over again.

  Dec said nothing as if he’d expected this, as if he’d never had no hope.

  “However, I believe we have a workaround for this if you’d be interested.”

  The pent up air in Holly’s lungs escaped audibly. Dec looked confused. “A workaround?”

  “Yes, UN-L has an outstanding online graduate degree program in other fields of study, but Psychology is severely lacking. We’d like you to t
ake a full load of classes online for spring semester. You would be in charge of developing the curriculum for the program as you see fit. We’d like to expand and add additional classes each semester. You would need to be on campus for the hiring of the online staff. If you agree to this, the University agrees to take on you H-1B visa for the next year.”

  “But I could work from anywhere?”

  “You would need to be on campus occasionally, but the rest of the time, yes.”

  “And if I wanted to found my own non-profit psychological treatment center outside of Lincoln, would that be allowed under my new contract?”

  “I see no reason why not as long as your work here never suffers.”

  “I’ll do it.”

  “Is there anything you should tell me now? You do have choices and options, Dr. St. James, and I apologize that you were not given those luxuries when you were originally hired.”

  “Thank you, sir. I assure you there will be no more elicit forbidden affairs. I’m hoping to be a married man very, very soon.”

  Holly beamed at him. He was going to get to stay, and even with the new options before her, her truth never faltered.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  “Does your chest hurt?” Holly asked as they eased out of the gravel lot onto the road.

  “In a good way,” Dec assured her.

  “I can’t believe you did that.”

  “You watched them do it, love. It was your artist.”

  “I know, but. . .can I see it again?”

  He slowed the Pilot at a traffic light and gently edged his shirt away from the bandage covering his newest tattoo. Her cattle brand was the only marking on the right side of his body. Nothing could ever have meant more to her. They were fighting together now forever.

  “I love it,” she vowed knowing she could never verbalize what it meant to her.

  “I love you.”

  “Promise?”

  “Oh, baby, I promise.”

  “Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you want to open a counseling center in Pleasant Glen?”

  Dec laced their fingers together as he continued to drive them further outside of Lincoln loaded down with the most essential items for their new home, mainly his guitars. They’d be back Sunday with a moving truck and her brothers and cousin to pack up his house and her apartment.

  “Well, we have to find a place to put it. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, sweetheart, but the Glen is barely a town. It’s more a hamlet with a few horses and half a traffic light.”

  “And several dozen tractors. Don’t forget the tractors.”

  “The tractors have been noted. There are people there and in the surrounding communities that need help, probably not enough people to be open full-time, but they need somewhere to go. I want to expand to AA meetings along with weekly NA meetings. And you’re going to need somewhere to work to get your SPE hours after you finish your degree.”

  “You’re going to have to help me if I’m going to attend online school from Northcentral.”

  “I think I’ve proven myself to be an excellent instructor for you, love.” He winked at her. “You’re certain you don’t want to continue at UN-L?”

  “It never even occurred to me that I could finish online. I’ve spent the last few years trying to live two lives in two totally different places. Then I met you and you gave me a way to make me whole again. You merged my two worlds because you’re my home. Since my future husband is going to be teaching all of the online classes at UN, I think it would be better for me to attend a different university.”

  “I have no idea how I got lucky enough to be your home, baby, but there is nothing else, not teaching online classes, not opening our own therapy center, not even being a rock star that means more to me than being the place you fall when the world doesn’t go our way. I’ve fucked up so much of my life, Holl, and I know I let you down, but I swear I will never let you down again. Every day I’m going to be a man worthy of you.”

  “You already are, Dec. You’re worth everything. Our mistakes don’t define us. We saved each other.” She held up their clasped hands. “I’m going to be right there no matter what happens. We deal with everything together.”

  “You know, I’m going to need you to help me study for the licensing exam. Have to pass that before I can establish a new center.”

  “I could be your tutor. You should know I’m very strict.”

  “Mmm, I’m hoping you’ll dress up like a naughty school marm for me.”

  “I thought you wanted a librarian.”

  “Can’t I have both?”

  “You can have whatever you want, Dr. St. James.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  “Could I speak with you, sir?” Dec should have worn one of the cowboy hats Grant had loaned him so he could actually have gone to Holly’s father hat in hand.

  “I ‘spose,” Ev sighed.

  “Thanks,” Dec climbed up the front porch steps. They’d gotten a reprieve on snow just in time for the Cattle Baron festival that day. “I wanted to thank you very much for letting me live here in your home and welcoming me in.” Not that Holly’s father had been overly hospitable, but Dec had expected nothing less. Former addicts with records who got your daughter kicked out of school didn’t deserve hospitality. All he wanted was the chance to earn Holly’s father’s trust no matter how long it took.

  “Sir, I’d like to propose to Holly at the dance tonight. I’ve had the ring for a while. I know I’m not going to get your blessing now, I just hoped you might give me a chance to be the man you’d be proud for your daughter to marry.”

  “Don’t sound to me like you’re asking for my permission. Sounds more like you’re asking for my forgiveness. Less you and my baby girl got hitched at the Lincoln courthouse while you were there yesterday, try again.”

  “I didn’t expect to get permission.”

  “And even if you don’t, you’re going on with what you want, right?”

  Dec’s jaw tensed in frustration. He tried to let the cool air ease him, but the thin ribbons of icy air only served to agitate his lungs. “Look, I know I’m not the kind of man you would’ve pick out for Holly, sir. Okay, I get that. But I swear to you I love her. I didn’t even know what love was until I met her, but I did know what it wasn’t. That was all I’d ever known, until I sat down at a table across from her and she smiled at me.

  “I will do everything in my power to make her happy, give her anything she might ever need, take care of her constantly, and be there for her. She needs to be on this ranch, sir. What she wants to do, the degree she’s getting, it isn’t easy. There are days you just can’t leave the patients at work. You carry them with you. Their stories haunt your dreams. You never know if you’ve done enough to help them. I want to be there to pick her up at the end of a long day and reassure her that she did everything she could. I want to practice beside her. I want to help people. I want to help her help people.”

  “That was a little better,” Ev allowed. “I’ve known all along my baby girl needed to be on this ranch. What I want to know is why you think you need to be here.”

  “I want to be with her, no matter where that might be.”

  “Declan, son, stop telling me about her. Tell me what this ranch can do for you and what you can do for it.”

  He called me son. Maybe we’re getting somewhere. “I grew up working a sheep farm, but that was nothing more than an exercise in futility for my brothers and I and the sheep. My father couldn’t be bothered to stop drinking long enough to teach us how to do what we were trying to do to survive. I’ve learned more here in the last two weeks than I learned in several years of college. Not only about how to run a cattle ranch, sir, but about how to live a life I could actually be proud of.

  “To be perfectly honest, the work here, the hours, it makes my addictive cravings all but disappear. That’s ultimately how you successfully treat addiction. You create a new life where it’s e
asier not to use. I’ve tried to do that twice now, and neither really worked. My addictions will always be with me. I know that. I’m an addict. Being here is a constant reminder that I don’t have to let them be my master. This life is one that makes it so much easier not to use. Helping people is how I fought the addiction for the last several years. Being here, I could help people in this community and beyond, and you and your family and the animals, they depend on me, and you see, sir, that has always been the saving grace for me. If someone or something needs me, I try not to let them down. I swear, sir, I just want a chance to earn your respect. I know I don’t deserve it, but I will never stop trying to earn that.”

  Ev took another long sip of his coffee. Dec’s quick breaths burned his lungs. “My little girl loves the Cattle Baron Festival. She loves the cattle show almost as much as she loves the fancy dance afterwards. Holly was always like that. Wanted to be a cowgirl and a fancy psychologist. Wanted to out-ride her big brothers and wanted to keep her nails painted pink. She used to wear lipgloss and hairbows when she cleaned out horse stalls and the barns. Wants the best of both worlds, but she was always willing to work for everything she wanted. I think you can give her both, and the festival is the perfect time to give her a ring. Just don’t you ever hurt her, boy, or I’ll have plenty to say about it.”

  “I won’t sir. I promise. Thank you.”

  Holly had never been more thankful of her big brother’s overprotective nature than she was standing under the twinkle lights in the rec center flanked by Grant and Austin.

  Cheyenne was on the other side of the room. She kept a cold glare leveled on Holly since they’d all arrived.

  Dec was on stage. The Original Sinners were in the middle of their first set, and the crowd was loving the mix of Country and Classic Rock. Holly and Dec had thanked them profusely for driving all the way out into the Glen. They’d promised to do it regularly so Dec could continue to perform with them. He’d promised to come to Lincoln often to practice.

  Camden Ranch had once again won the livestock show that morning, taking first and second place. Third had gone to a smaller ranch nearby. Other than the chill of betrayal housed on the other side of the room, it had been a perfect day.