DISASTER: Too Late to Prep

by Terry McDonald

  “Here’s the plan. The first thing is getting our new wheelbarrows and rakes and shovels out of the truck. The stalls need cleaning before we offload anything into them.

  “Dorrie, I’m not looking forward to another meal of spam and you’re correct about how we stink. By the time this day is over, we’ll be rank. There’s a Walmart in Clarksville. How about you go purchase whatever you think we’ll need for today and tomorrow. Make sure any clothing you pick is suitable for heavy duty use.”

  “Thank you, Max. I was about to suggest the same thing. I’ll grab some gloves too.”

  “Yeah, gloves will be good,” Max, agreed. We need a new thermocouple for the furnace. I’m pretty sure Walmart has them in the hardware department. It looked about twenty-inches long.”

  “Got it. Thermocouple twenty inches.”

  The three left behind began cleaning with a vengeance. Raking the old, dry muck in the stalls raised so much dust, their eyes stung, and they began to sneeze. Max called a break and took them outside until the dust settled. Using the rakes in a manner not to stir up the mess, it took three hours to move the muck into piles and wheelbarrow it out the rear doors. Max didn’t know much about farming, but he’d read somewhere that material of that type was beneficial for gardens. He made sure the pile they made was as compact as possible.

  After raking the dirt floors inside the stalls flat and smooth, he and the kids covered the floors with blue tarps from the load in the truck. They also covered the pile straw and litter they’d wheel barrowed outside. Even though there was still a chill in the air, they’d sweated. Dust plastered their exposed skin. Max called for a break.

  They’d barely settled into the old wooden chairs on the front porch when they saw Dorrie’s car turn off the paved rural road onto the long graveled-drive to the house. She stopped and climbed the four steps to join them, accepting the chair Max moved to be beside him. She remained standing for a moment, staring at them.

  “I leave you guys alone, and all you do is roll in the dirt. I think you should shower while I fix a midday meal.”

  Max took her hand and gently pulled her to sit. “Is there anything that needs to go in the fridge right away?”

  “Nothing that can’t wait. It’s a long run to Clarksville. I may try Toccoa next time. Walmart had the thermocouple, but they didn’t have a twenty-inch, so I bought a twenty-four inch instead. I figured too long was better than getting one too short.”

  “You figured right. While I was in the basement, I saw your grandmother had a lot of glass jars. I mean a lot.”

  “Canning jars. Granny loved to put up food. I used to spend summers with her when I was a kid. I helped with the canning, but it’s been so long, I don’t remember much except sanitation is crucial. Lots of boiling water to sterilize everything. Talking about preserves. Right here on the property we have several fig bushes, trees almost. There is apple, pear, pecan, and walnut, along with other fruit and nut trees on the property. She even had a small vineyard we can resurrect. Granny supplemented her social security check by selling canned foods and preserves at a co-op.”

  “That’s a lot of different sources of food,” Max said. “I’m still getting used to the fact we’re actually moving to a farm. We have so much to learn. Kelly, what are your thoughts about moving here?”

  “I think it’s super. The sky’s so clear. This far from city lights I’ll be able to use my telescope any night it’s not too cold or rainy. We can have pets too. I want cats and a puppy. Not a breed dog, just a mutt.”

  “How about you, Bobby?” Max asked.

  “It’s okay, but all I see is a lot of work. Dirty work. I like it better at our house where all I have to do is take out the trash and keep my room clean.”

  Max chuckled. “We were living rather easy, Son, but things change. I think you’ll find as time goes by, this place, this life will grow on you.” He turned to speak to his wife. “Darling, I’d like to work while we have light. How about we help you carry everything in and you can take time to get the place organized.”

  “On one condition. When I ring the dinner bell, the workday is over, and supper will be on the table. I’m going to check online about ordering the silver Wallace said we should buy. I believe we can purchase directly off eBay.”

  “You got it doll. Kids, let’s unload your mom’s car and get back to work. Spread the tarps in the last two stalls. I’ll be there as soon as your mother has the heat I promised.

  Installing the thermocouple was a breeze. He put away his tools and then drove the truck into the barn, stopping when the rear was in line with the first set of stalls. The hydraulic lift attached to the rear was a back saver. They managed to get a third of the load sorted and put into the stalls. When Dorrie rang the dinner bell, Bobby took his mother at her word and took off running to the house.

  As Max and Kelly entered the dining room from the back door, Dorrie gave them a playful look of disgust. “I sent Bobby upstairs to shower. Kelly, you can use the one in our room. I’ll keep dinner warming. Nobody who stinks as much as you three will sit at this table.”

  “Oh god, I’m so glad you said that.” Kelly took the stairs two at a time.

  “Clean clothes in your room,” Dorrie yelled.

  “How are you holding out?” Max asked.

  “After loading the truck and the driving we did last night, the trip to the store stiffened me up. I didn’t realize how out of shape I am. How about you?”

  “I’m okay for now, but tomorrow will tell the tale. You’re in better shape than me. At least you don’t have a jelly-belly.”

  “There is that. I’ll bet this place wears the fat off. Muscle us up too. I’ll tell you though, Max. While I was driving, I was thinking thoughts that were terrifying. If things go like Kelly and I believe they will, and after the warning, Wallace gave us last night, I’m even surer we’re right. The economy is about to crash, and I have a feeling it’s going to be soon. I just hope we have time to do all we need to do before the shit hits the fan.”

  Max nodded agreement. “While working in the barn, I was thinking we should make a plan and to-do lists of everything we need. Make it a full time occupation to get it done. The things you and Kelly said shook me up, but like you, Wallace scared the crap out of me too.”

  Dorrie opened the oven door and checked the food, then adjusted the temperature to a lower setting. “I know you’re as tired as me, but after the kids are fed, let’s send them straight up to bed and you and I at least get a near-future plan done.”

  “I’m with you on that.” Max leaned closer to the oven and sniffed. “Smells good.”

  “Meatloaf, baked potatoes in the oven and brussels sprouts simmering in the pot.”

  Max saw Bobby coming down the stairs. “Any hot water left?”

  “If Kelly doesn’t use it all.”

  Dorrie gave Max a slight push. “You’d better hurry. We’ll wait for you. Your new clothes are on the bed.”

  ***

  Feeling clean and belly full, Max emitted a burp as he settled onto the couch beside Dorrie.

  “That was attractive,” She said. “You could at least turn your head away.”

  Max laughed. “Unavoidable, spontaneous belch, compliments of your culinary success.”

  Dorrie smiled at his dry humor. “Thanks, I guess.”

  “You’re welcome. Dorrie, tell me what you were thinking on your drive to the store and back.”

  “My thoughts were disjointed, but as I showered and prepared supper, I’ve managed to somewhat organize them.

  “Let’s reflect on what Wallace told you. He predicted banks would start failing. Just a few at first, and then a couple months from now, a major collapse will occur. You said his advice was to convert to cash and then spend most of it on things we need and things to trade.”

  “He also said to buy about five thousand in silver. He was basing that amount on the bonus he gave. I think we should get more,” Max said.

  “I agree. From wha
t I’ve read, Gold is too unwieldy to parcel out and is more an investment hedge than a physical barter metal. So point one. We follow his suggestions. Spend Monday and Tuesday closing our accounts and collect the cash. You also have a rather two large checks to cash.”

  Max nodded his head in agreement. “Okay.”

  “Point two. Monday, I call the agent we purchased the house through, and ask her to find the best price she can on a quick sale.”

  Max nodded again.

  “Point three. I download all the information on preserving and storing food onto my Kindle. If possible, I’ll order hard copies of the most essential books. You’ll need to do the same about farming. Gather all the information you can, especially books and info concerning preindustrial techniques and methods. We have to go on the assumption fuel isn’t available at some point down the line.”

  “I agree with you one hundred percent. I would like to amend one thing. Instead of Wallace’s assumption that we have a couple months before the economic crisis, let’s assume it will happen in thirty days and use that as a timeframe to get things accomplished. According to him, others have been preparing for years. We’re behind the learning and preparedness curve.”

  “Yes. Let’s hurry and catch up. I’m beginning to believe our lives are on the line. Honey, we need to keep the kids in the loop. I’ll have Kelly work with me, and you use Bobby. As a matter of fact, we’ll be moving entirely to the farm in a couple weeks. What do you think about withdrawing them from school early?”

  Max was silent as he thought about her suggestion. “Not only do I think that’s a terrific idea, let’s give thought about home schooling after the move. You can handle the liberal arts end, and I can teach them the math and sciences.”

  “That may be our best route. At least we’ll know they’re safe with us in case something terrible happens.” Dorrie yawned. “I think we’ve covered all we can tonight. Tomorrow I’ll go shopping again and lay in enough supplies to last us for a while. If you finish early enough with the unloading, we can stop on our way home and purchase a few sets of farm appropriate clothing, especially boots.”

  Max stood and reached for her hand. “I’ve reached my limit too. I’m crashing. I hope you’re in the mood for spooning. I need to feel you close tonight.”

  “As long as it’s spooning and nothing else. I plan on passing out as soon as my head touches the pillow.”

  CHAPTER THREE

  Max awoke with a gasp, the fuzzy remnants of troubled dreams lingering. Something to do with Larry committing suicide and being at the funeral, but when he looked in the coffin, he saw Dorrie. Startled, he reached for her, but she wasn’t in bed with him. He lay still for a moment, catching his breath and heard the faint sound of voices chattering downstairs.

  He attempted to swing his legs from the bed and sit, but fell back with a groan. He couldn’t remember ever being so stiff and sore. He pulled his knees to his chest, compressing his slightly protruding belly. He groaned again with pleasure as he felt the pain recede from his back and hips. Once on his feet, he did a series of stretches to rid the kinks from his arms and shoulders.

  Dorrie and Kelly were at the dining table drinking tea. Bobby was in the living room pushing buttons on his handheld game. Dorrie saw Max enter the kitchen and rose to greet him.

  “Morning sleepy head. I was about to send the cavalry upstairs to roust you. Grab a chair and I’ll get your coffee. You’ll have to settle for instant until stock some brew.”

  Max sat at the table across from Kelly. “Instant coffee beats the heck out of tea. Thanks for letting me sleep in. Good morning, Kelly. Good morning, Bobby,” he said, turning his head towards the living room. Kelly returned his greeting, but Bobby merely grunted.

  Dorrie set a steaming cup in front of Max. “I’ll get your plate from the oven. We’ve already eaten.”

  “You should have awakened me.” Max glanced at his watch. “Wow, I did sleep in. It’s nine already.”

  Dorrie placed a potholder on the table and put his plate on it. “Careful, plate’s hot. No harm done, it was chilly this morning and all we have is lightweight jackets. Besides, you did all the heavy lifting yesterday.”

  Max grimaced and spoke around a mouthful of food. “Yeah. I felt it this morning. Wow, this omelet is delicious.”

  “Thank you, sir. While you and the kids finish unloading, I thought I might visit a few of our nearest neighbors and let them know we’ll be moving here.”

  “We have neighbors,” Kelly said with mock sarcasm. “Not that I can tell. No kidding though, I can’t see any homes when I’m outside, not even lights at night.”

  “The nearest are the O’Donnell’s, a half mile before the turnoff to our drive. They used to visit my Granny sometimes. Heck, the last time I stayed with her was twenty years ago, and they were already old. They may have died. Oh well, I’ll find out.”

  Max took a hot shower to ease his stiff muscles. The heaviest items on the truck, the diesel generators, had proved the hardest to move into a stall. The small wheels, more suited for concrete than dirt, kept breaking through the surface crust. Kelly came up with the idea of using plank runners and that took care of the problem.

  When Dorrie returned, she had an elderly black gentleman with her. She let him out at the front porch and then drove to the barn to get Max, letting him know they had a visitor, Mister O’Donnell, their closest neighbor. There were only a few items left to unload. Kelly said she and Bobby could handle the rest.

  Max told Dorrie he was too dusty and sweaty to ride, and he’d walk to the house. When he arrived, she and Mister O’Donnell were in the dining room at the table. After washing his hands in the kitchen sink, he dropped wearily into a chair and greeted their guest.

  “Mister O’Donnell, I’m Max Henderson.” He reached across the table to shake hands with the elderly gentleman. The firm grip of the man belied his seeming frailty.

  “Magnus O’Donnell. Named for one’a my Irish ancestors off’a the white side of the family, traces back to the King of Tyrconnell. Folks around here call me King Magnus, mostly just King. Got me some royal blood flowing inside’a me. Henderson’s a name I can handle, but iffen ya was an O’Neil, we’d be a butt’n heads.”

  “Thank God I’m not then,” Max, said. “As tired as I am, you’d knock me out with one butt.”

  “That be a true’un. I’ve butted up against plenty for nigh on a hundred years. Your Missus says you’re plannin’ ta move inta Maggie’s place here. Say’s she’s met me before, but danged iffen I can recall it. Says you ain’t done no farming before.”

  “No, we haven’t, but we’re going to learn. We have to.” Max replied, honestly.

  “She says ya’ll movin’ up from ‘lanta. Heard tell, things is getting rough down in the city. Look’it, she’s tellin me its goin’ta be a few days afore you move in. Iffen you done brought anythin’ up here worth stealing, it ain’t carrying gossip when I tell ya there’s a few hellions around what’ll rob you blind iffen you ain’t here ta guard your belongings.”

  “Damn, I didn’t think of that,” Max said.

  “Mind your tongue boy. Words like that is your ticket ta hell. You got any money?”

  Max regarded the old man for a moment. “Sir, I apologize for using an offensive word. Why do you ask about money?”

  “You’re right polite, ain’t ya? Reason I asked about money is I got two boys what ain’t got none. Good, strapping boys they are, an honest hard workers too, the same’s me. Times is rough right now, and there ain’t work ta be had. I reckon if you need somebody ta guard ya stuff they’d be the ones for it. This is a fallow time’a year an’ they ain’t much ta do at the farm.”

  Max thought about his offer and glanced at Dorrie. She nodded her head slightly. “Magnus, Sir, we can work something out. Dorrie and I believe it will take a couple of weeks to complete the move. What kind of money were you thinking?”

  “Well, seeing as how we’re neighbors and all, how about fifty dollars a
day for each’a them. That’ll give you twenty-four hour a day guarding. I got a small house trailer they can park in ya front yard and be no trouble at all. A hundred dollars a day for twenty-four hours seem cheap a’nuff ta you?”

  Max considered the value of the new supplies in the barn. A positive nod from Dorrie firmed his decision. “King Magnus, we’ve got a deal.”

  “Good. Listen, if ya gonna have a farm you’re gonna need you some chickens for eggs an’ meat. A milk goat’d be good ta have, an’ some little pigs to eat. Comes time, you talk ta me. I got the healthiest livestock around. I’ll sell ya some Island Reds. Best layers ya ever seen. Fry up good for supper too. My little Nigerian goats give ya some fat-rich milk. Good for drinking and cheese makin’. Got pot belly pigs what don’t take a lot of space and they free forage for the most part. You’ll be wantin’ ta give’um some tasty treats every evenin’ so’s they don’t forage away too far. They eat anything in their path so you’ll be needin’ ta keep’um outta your garden. ‘Lectric fence’ll take care a that.”

  “Lord, Kelly will be in pet heaven,” Dorrie said.

  “Don’t go namin’ or pettin’ anything you’re plannin’ on eating. Makes it hard when killin’ time comes. Now as far as farming goes, your place is so hilly, there’s only ten acres of it fit for plowing, about half-en-half on each side’a your drive.

  “Maggie already fenced the fields with barbed wire, and she had the ‘lectric fence put in too. I’ll have the boys check the ‘lectric while they’s here.”

  King slid his chair from the table and stood. “I reckon it be time for ya ta drive me back ta my place, Miss Dorrie. I left my chaw behind, and it’s nigh on lunch. When ya want the boys ta start?”

  “How about tomorrow morning?” Max stood to shake King’s hand to seal the deal.

  As they were going out the door, Kelly and Bobby arrived. Dorrie introduced Magnus and asked Kelly to drive him back to his farm. Bobby decided to ride with them.

  After they left, Max and Dorrie returned to the table.