ROCKED BY THE WAVES

by Alisa Grey

  I needed time to think about that, but he was right. I needed to take a decision. Would I be able to leave everything behind? Where shall we go? How would we live?

  «Alex would find us, anyway... we should head back to London. I would be able to meet you.»

  «I won’t be your lover. Not like that».

  He was right, once again. I couldn’t have both him and Alex. But I didn’t want to lose him, either. I was panicking. What was Alex doing right now? What would he say when he saw me? I was hungry and really tired. I needed time to think about everything.

  «Sam, we must go home. I’m not ready to take any decision. I need to think about... about everything. I need to see my brother. He will be worried about me and he will be able to give me some good advice».

  Sam kissed me.

  «As you wish. Let’s go home».

  We headed to London. We decided not to stop in Carcassonne nor in Paris. It would be a long journey and I would have time to think about Alex. Why had he made Sam spy on me?

  «I don’t know that», Sam told me when I asked him, «but he wanted you and no one else. I thought it was because of your beauty and your kindness, but he never told me anything about it».

  No, this was so unlike Alex. He lived according to his own rules. He valued secrecy and his friends. He was a liar and he had proven it to me several times. Our marriage had been brief, but quite intense. He would never tell the truth to me. But he was my husband nonetheless. He was mysterious and charming. But I liked Sam a lot... he was sincere and loving. He was a sweet guy. I didn’t know what to do.

  The journey home was long. We had chosen to stop every so often; we stopped in small towns and took time to get to know each other. I also needed to make up a story that I could tell Alex. I was always fearing that someone could find us. After all, Alex seemed to have many friends in France. I was taking my time and we were not in a hurry to get back home. We enjoyed our time together.

  The more I got to know Sam, the more I liked him. Alex was somewhere in back of my mind, but it was Sam the one that really attracted me. He was kind, nice and passionate. He was always caring.

  Twenty days later, we got to London. It was September and we had come up with a plan. We would tell everybody that I had been kidnapped. Sam was my hero and he had decided to take me back home, because I was still shocked. The shock would be the perfect excuse not to let Alex ask for... physical attention.

  I had also taken my decision: I wanted to be with Sam.

  I needed to talk to my brother and father and tell them the truth.

  As I got home, I found Renny in his studio. He was examining some papers and he didn’t notice me. I stopped on the doorway and looked at him. I loved him dearly. When he noticed me, he smiled, then turned pale, then happiness took over. He stood up and hugged me. He kissed my hair and then...

  «Where were you? We were so worried. Alex was going crazy. And there you are! Who’s this young man?»

  Sam was on the doorway. So Alex had been looking for me.

  I was tired and scared. But I needed to tell him «the story», so I begun.

  «Renny, this is Sam and he took me home. He’s a friend of Alex’s and I have been kidnapped. Sam saved me. I don’t know who kidnapped me, nor why. We need to ask Alex!»

  I was very satisfied with my acting.

  Renny looked at him. He was clearly thinking about my story. He was worried and he was scared as well. I was not proud of myself: I had lied to the person I loved the most. He took a deep breath.

  «This is awful, Claire. Dad is going to be very upset. And Alex! He will be here soon. He’s always stopping by. Up to three times a day! He asks us for news and tell us about his».

  I didn’t want to meet Alex. I went pale and started feeling sick. I fainted, but Sam held me.

  «Madame Claire...»

  Fainting made my story even more convincing. And as Alex came in, I was lying on the sofa. What a perfect coincidence! He kissed me on the forehead. Renny handed me a glass of water and Sam stood behind him.

  I looked for Sam and felt much better. We would deal with this somehow.

  Alex was talking to me.

  «Claire, how are you feeling? I’ll take you home and you won’t have to worry about anything. Reginald told me everything about your journey and Sam will tell me the rest of it».

  We got to the Wilsons’house. It was huge and white, as usual. It was perfectly well kept. Sam headed to the dependance and tears came out of of eyes.

  CHAPTER 6

  WHY AND BECAUSE

  I’d never have guessed that being without Sam would make me feel that bad. I was feeling empty and incomplete. Alex must have thought that it was the shock of having been kidnapped. I was so pale and silent that he never really dared to ask me anything and I was glad of that.

  Things were exactly as I recalled them: everything was clean and perfect in that building. The marble ladder, the carpets, the rooms... Mary, the new housekeeper was always looking after me.

  «May I help you, Madame?»

  Alex came in: «I will help her, Mary. You may go. And don’t let anyone disturb us, I need to talk to my wife».

  His voice was harsh. I could have used a little faint now.

  «Alex, I’m not feeling very well. I need you to take me to my room».

  He helped me and I sat on the bed. Then, pretending to be really tired, I laid down.

  Alex sat next to me and looked at me. He was tense and clearly wanted to ask me something. He didn’t, though. I was stuck and started feeling really nervous. It was like a cat and mouse game.

  «Alex, I want to take a bath, please. And then I want to sleep for a while», I said. I wanted to know if he had spoken to Sam, but I couldn’t ask him.

  Alex looked at me and then he helped me stand up.

  «Of course, mon coeur. You’re not in danger anymore and I want you to feel comfortable and safe».

  I smiled and followed him into the bathroom. As he went away, I shut the door and sat down. I was sure Alex had something in mind. He was keeping an eye on me, I could sense that. I was pretty sure he thought that something had been sort of «stolen» from him. I was his and my kidnappers had taken me away from him. I waited for the bath to be ready. I undressed and checked on the water’s temperature. When I felt the water surrounding me, I felt much better. I took a long bath and suddenly felt clean. I was not relaxing, though.

  Alex was lying on the bed. As he saw me, he came to me and hugged me. He seemed much calmer than me.

  «You’re so beautiful. And you smell so good. I missed you. I was going crazy». He caressed me. «You’re my treasure».

  I took a deep breath.

  «I’m here, Alex».

  I was not feeling good. It was all a lie. I was telling lies to him.

  «Are you feeling okay? Do you want to drink anything?»

  I wanted to be elsewhere, that was it.

  «I’m fine, thanks. I just need to rest».

  He went towards the bed.

  «Come here, Claire».

  I laid on the bed and he hugged me. He caressed my hair and kissed me on the forehead. He didn’t seem to be willing to do anything else. I fell asleep.

  On the morning after, I woke up and found out I was still hugging him. When he noticed I had woken up, he kissed me passionately and... well, I surrendered. He clearly wanted to make love and I just couldn’t say no.

  «I had missed you, my dear», he said. He stood up and started dressing up, because he had many meetings and things to do. I would be alone throughout the whole morning.

  It was my only chance. Now or never.

  «Alex, dear, I’d love to take a walk and meet with Lizzie. May Sam come with me? I’d feel much better if he did. I trust him and I know he will protect me».

  «I’m glad you’re asking me that. I’ll tell Sam to come with you. It’ll all be fine».

  He left the room. I was feeling sick. I had never had any kind of problem with men. But
now I was feeling so bad about being married to the wrong one. He was charming and beautiful, but I just didn’t love him. I loved Sam.

  I dressed up. I wanted to be beautiful. For Sam. When the housekeeper told me he was waiting for me, I felt happy. I saw him below the ladder and my heart started beating incredibly fast. He smiled at me. I knew the housekeeper was watching me, so I pretended not to care. I was willing to be with him and touch his skin.

  As we left, I felt the need to kiss him. We headed to Hyde Park, it seemed like the best choice.

  The park was beautiful and Londoners loved it. From May to September, Hyde Park was an especially attractive place. It was meant to be the royal hunting reserve, but it had become a place for the upper-class and people in general.

  The Serpentine was the artificial lake. It crossed the park from South to North and it divided Hyde Park from Kensinton Gardens. We were walking along the lake, when I noticed that Sam’s skin was tanned. His dark hair had a shade of blue which matched perfectly with his eyes. His hair had grown a bit; he had tied it but a few locks kept coming out. He was strikingly beautiful. His shoulders and his body...

  «I missed you, Claire», he whispered.

  «I missed you too. I missed you so bad».

  «I can’t even think of you sleeping with him. I’ve been awake the whole night. The thought of the two of you kissing... How do you think it makes me feel like?»

  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a while. I would have liked to say something to him, but what could I tell him?

  He looked ahead, far away. Then he spoke.

  «I need to talk to you, Claire. I need to know something. Do you want to be with me? Do you want to leave everything behind and be with me? I mean... your family, your husband, your life... you’d have to give up everything to be with me... I just need to know the answer»

  What did he think? That I was just having fun?

  «Of course I do. I want to be with you. I do!»

  I saw him hesitate.

  «I’m not who you think I am». He looked at me.

  I was confused. Around us, many mothers with their kids were having a walk. People were reading and young couples were enjoying the sun.

  «What are you talking about? You’re scaring me», I asked.

  He shut up. He seemed to be thinking about something.

  «You remember those men, the ones that got into the cave?»

  I did. I was scared to death.

  «We had agreed on that. I had asked them to do that».

  I was stuck but didn’t say anything.

  «I love you so much. I just didn’t know how to... get to you. So I asked them to meet us there and put up a fight. We would spend the night together, me and you, and get the chance to know each other. They stole our horses, and... well, it was supposed to give me a little more time to be with you. I was wanted my chance to get to know you».

  He took a deep breath.

  «I know it was wrong and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want to lie to you. I love you».

  I was speechless and flattered. He had done something crazy but he had done it for me. He shouldn’t have lied to me, but... was it that important, in the end?

  I loved him. I was glad I had met him.

  Sam was approaching my lips, his eyes into mine.

  «Will you forgive me, Claire?»

  I didn’t say anything. His eyes were so blue... I took a deep breath.

  «I will, Sam. But don’t you ever lie to me. Ever».

  I must have looked at him in quite a angry way.

  «I won’t, I promise».

  By lunchtime, we got home. I wanted Alex not to suspect anything.

  «How was your morning, my dear Claire?»

  «Nothing special. I had a walk in Hyde Park».

  He looked at me in a funny way. «Sam must have had fun. How boring it must have been to him!»

  «It wasn’t that boring», I replied. «We chattered. He told me about his family. He’s not much of a talkative man, actually. I’ll be visiting dad in the afternoon. I’d love to meet him. Sam will come with me».

  «Don’t you worry, dear. I’ll be joining you as soon as I’m done with my previous commitments. Oh, and tonight we’ll be having dinner at the Taylors’. I want you to meet somebody».

  I was not really thrilled at the thought of meeting his friends.

  «Of course, Alex. It’s going to be awesome». I kissed him. «I’ll see you later».

  I went up to my room and changed my outfit. I picked a very nice dress. It was white and had golden embroideries all over it; here and there, a golden flower lit up the whole. It was a tight dress, and it had a transparent corset. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and I smiled.

  I looked really good; my dark hair and my thin body matched the mise perfectly.

  Sam was downstairs waiting for me. He didn’t smile at me, though. He looked at me suspiciously. He didn’t seem to approve of my dress.

  «Are you planning on impressing anybody?» He was being irritating. Why?

  «No, but I will have to go to dinner later. I needed a proper outfit». He didn’t seem to relax.

  I was stuck and decided to change the subject.

  «Are you ready to go? I need to talk to my father, remember?», I said sharply.

  «Come on, Sam», I said smoothly.

  «I’m sorry, Claire. I didn’t mean to be rude. You’re so beautiful».

  We got home and I began feeling anxious. I was going to ask dad for money, a lot of money. I would need to buy an estate somewhere. I wanted to build a whole new life for me and Sam.

  Renny was home, dad was not. When we got there, my brother was talking to someone. It was an elegant man. They seemed to be talking business, so I sat on the veranda and waited for Renny to be finished with that. I was going to tell him the truth about everything. I was really tense.

  When the man left, Renny came to me and hugged me.

  «My dear Claire. I’m so happy to see you. How are you feeling today?»

  He addressed Sam a quick wave of the hand.

  «I’m happy to see you too. I need to talk to you, though». He looked at me. He was worried. I smiled at him and told him I was feeling really good. Then I told him everything.

  He remained silent. He looked alternatively at Sam and me. When I got to the part I wanted to be with Sam, he took a deep breath.

  «Are you sure this is what you want? You know I’ll be by your side anyway». He paused and then he started laughing. «You’re going to have to tell dad!»

  He was truly having fun. I was having the worst time of my life.

  At six o’ clock, Alex came over to pick me up. We all remained calm, even if we were not. I kissed Renny goodbye, then I shook my head at Sam.

  «Good night, Madame Claire. Alexander».

  Some thirty minutes later we were at the Taylors’, in St James. Mr Taylor had bought the house from a gentleman who had moved to the Americas.

  St James was an elegant neighbourhood. There were boutiques and amazing buildings everywhere. The Taylors’house was huge. It had been built in the Georgian style. It had red bricks, white columns and big windows. The garden was just striking: cyclamens, limes and ivy were all over the walls.

  The entrance was really beautiful. We entered the parlour and we found that the other guests were already sitting there. Agnes and Edgar Taylor welcomed us. They were nice and smart; they had been married for three years now. They seemed to get on quite well... but Alex and I

  seemed to get on quite well too.

  Agnes was young and thin. She was not especially tall. She was wearing a pink dress that had a very tight corset. She had a wide skirt that was held around her waist by a belt. A white flower made her look even more precious. Her hair was tied in a chignon.

  «Welcome, Claire. May I call you Claire?»

  «Of course you can, Agnes».

  We both smiled. She had a delicate face; her big green eyes made me trust her at onc
e. Alex was talking to his friends. He smiled and replied elegantly to the people surrounding him. He was really self-confident. He was charming and beautiful, as usual. But I didn’t know him at all, in the end. We didn’t share anything and we didn’t trust each other. I was his and that was it.

  «Your husband is very charming. He was the best choice in London for young unmarried women. He is deeply in love with you and I can see why. You’re beautiful and... lovely. A good-hearted young woman, that’s what people say about you».

  Agnes had been talking to me.

  «Oh, thank you. That’s very kind of you. Well, I... try and help people out. I run a small charity association with a few friends. We want to save as many people as we can...»

  I smiled at her and sat on an armchair, far from the other guests. Unfortunately, my dress seemed to attract many male glances, which made Alex angry. He came to me and introduced me to the other guests, then he sat next to me. I was his. No one was allowed to approach me. He seemed like a lion protecting his female.

  People kept chattering and someone started talking. It was a man. He spoke with a French accent. He was a writer and an artist. He was telling us about his latest exhibition

  He was not a charming man. He had a very big beard and he was pale. His eyes were small and dark. He was soberly dressed. The only pleasant thing about him was the way he talked.

  We talked about art, literature and philosophy. I was stuck to see that Alex could talk so easily about such things.

  The night flew quickly and I relaxed.

  At midnight we said goodbye and got home. As doing so, I noticed that Alex was angry. We went to our bedroom and he looked at me.

  «Don’t you have something to tell me?», he said sharply.

  I didn’t know what to say. He looked at me suspiciously.

  «Are you planning on breaking up with me?»

  I went pale. I stood silent and didn’t move.

  «Alex, what are you talking about?»

  He opened his arms and waited for me to come and hug him.

  I was scared.

  «Are you scared, Claire? Don’t be».

  He hugged me and undressed me. He caressed my skin and kissed me passionately. He made me undress him and then he looked at me. He played with my breasts and then he made me lay on the bed. He took my arms and blocked them over my head. I was scared. He didn’t seem quite in his senses.