by Alisa Grey
I laid on the sand and felt the water upon my legs. Sam was beautiful. He had a perfect body and he kept caressing Eddy’s head. He was relaxed and unaware of me. Eddy was sleeping and sucking his finger. He was three months old. He slept most of the day, but when he woke up, he used to look for us. We told him tales and he smiled. I was always moved, when he seemed to wave me hello. Sam was in love with him.
Sam was really perfect. He looked like a God. He then came to me and tickled me. I laughed and laughed.
«Please, stop».
He did. «You’re my prisoner».
«I like that».
I climbed on top of him.
He caressed my skin.
«Do you ever think of coming back home?», he asked.
«That’s home now».
«I’m not sure I deserve you».
«Of course you do».
«But you’re so nice and so kind. You are perfect and I...»
«You are being silly. Just stop it», and I kissed him.
«So you won’t quit me?»
«Are you crazy?»
«You’re right. Now you’re pregnant. You can’t quit me».
We made love passionately.
The sand was all over our bodies. I could hear the waves breaking on the shore. I smelt the air and heard the birds playing. We made love furiously.
When Eddy woke up, it was the sunset. The colours were shifting to red and pink. The sky was slowly becoming dark. We were wet and happy.
As I was feeding Eddy, Sam came to me.
«So, what was that thing about my being pregnant?», I asked.
«It’s just that I don’t want to lose you».
«You won’t Sam!»
Everyone thought he was self-confident, but he wasn’t. He always showed his most sensitive side to me. He loved our family.
I didn’t like to know that he was scared. I wanted him to be happy.
«Just don’t worry. I love you», I said.
He cried.
It made him some good, though. I was in need of a good cry, because of his past. He had suffered from his parents’ split-up and know he feared Eddy would live the same thing. He wouldn’t, though. Because I loved our family too.
«Let’s eat!»
«Yes. So... you’ll never leave me?»
«Never».
«Right! What’s for dinner?»
We both laughed.
He took a flower and gave it to me.
«Will you do me the honor of dining with me, Madame?»
I laughed again and so he did.
We lit a fire and we hugged the whole night. Eddy was sleeping peacefully.
When I woke up, I found that he was still caressing my hair. He noticed I had woken up, so he caressed my body. I liked it.
«Did you sleep well?»
«Yes, and you?»
«I couldn’t sleep».
«Why? Don’t you like it here?»
«I like it much, but I like you more. It was lovely... you said things, you know?»
«What...?»
«You sleeptalk once in a while. You call for Eddy and for me».
I turned pink.
«You said you loved me».
«I always tell you so».
And I caressed his chest.
«I like being in your dreams».
«Am I in yours?»
«You are. I want you to be happy and to feel loved».
I kissed him.
We were about to make love, but Eddy woke up.
I breastfed him and Sam went swimming. It was the perfect beginning of a new day. When he was back, Eddy was willing to play. I liked being with my men. I also liked my new breasts, actually... they seemed to meet Sam’s approval.
We were parents, even if we were not really aware of that. I fed him, we cuddled him and Sam took care of everything else. I couldn’t sleep for more than five hours, because Eddy was always waking up. Having a second son was a brave decision. Sam was always willing to help me, though. Watching the two of them on the beach filled my heart with love and happiness.
«You can’t spoil him too much. He’ll grow up as a sauvage».
«Of course I can. And you like sauvages, right?»
«Well, I like one. Three is way too much!»
I was referring to our upcoming baby.
«They’ll be as good as you», he said.
«You’re being silly!», and I kissed him.
«I’d like to go swimming. Please, take Eddy».
I kissed him once again and headed to the water. I let the waves rock me for a while. It was cold and I was shaking, but it was also relaxing. I dried up and dressed up. Then we left.
«We’ll come back, but now we have to go. It’s going to be dark before we get home».
He was twentytwo and he was always taking care of me. I was stuck. He was sweet and kind. We headed back, knowing that our friends would be waiting for us.
CHAPTER 17
SOUTH OF RIVER KURRAM
It was early November. It was getting colder and colder. It was beautiful, though. The trees were amazingly green, while the leaves on the ground were red and yellow. It was the Indian Summer, they called it so. I enjoyed the late warmth of the sun playing with the kids. Moon was with me.
Bruce McVey came to us. He was holding a letter. Strange enough, I thought.
Rhona came to us as well. She was overexcited.
«Madame, that’s for you. From India!»
I looked at the envelope.
«Must be important», she said.
I looked at it again.
«But... who could be writing to me?»
«Just open it».
The stamp was from the British Indian Army. Who was in the army? I didn’t know anybody that had joined it.
October the 10th, 1894
Waziristan, South of River Kurram.
Dear Claire,
I told you I would write to you. Well, I joined the army. I knew I couldn’t have you to myself, so I left. I could have gone to North America, which meant fighting the Indians, so I decided to leave for India. It’s far enough from you, I believe. I should have written to you before, but I couldn’t. I’m at the border and I constantly need to face attacks. There’s going to be a big fight, I believe. I may not survive, but if I will, I will let you as soon as I can.
Oh, God. He should have found another girl to fall in love with, not join the army. Moon came to me.
«He no forget».
«But if he dies...»
I was angry.
I always think of you and talk about you. People here believe we are engaged. The food is awful and everything is dirty. Maybe one day you will notice me, if I am brave enough.
I’d love to hug you. I love you and would like to marry you. But I can only write to you and hope to be able to do it again.
Yours faithfully,
Keir Murphy
I cried. He was a beautiful young man risking his life because of me. Maybe he truly loved me? No, he was too young for such a thing. He will be back, I told to myself. The letter fell from my hands. Sam came to me and picked it.
«What’s wrong, my dear?»
He read the letter.
«This is not your fault».
«But if he dies...»
«My dear, you did what you could. Love can’t be erased».
«Do you think he will fall out of love? I should have discouraged him more...»
«I don’t know, but you did your best...»
I cried and hugged him. I trust him, so I knew he would comfort me. He could understand how I was feeling. I was feeling guilty and didn’t want Keir to die. I had my family and needed to take care of it. But if Keir died...
«I’m so sorry», I said as Sam caressed my hair.
«Everything’s okay. I’m here. I’m with you. We will face this together...»
We sat and I drank a glass of water. He had read the letter of someone who claimed to be in love with me, but he was
still keeping his cool and trying to calm me down. I hugged him.
«I’m so sorry... I don’t want you to feel bad about this. I didn’t think he would write! I know I’m a married woman and should take care of you... you know I love you and would never betray you. He went to India! I could kill him. I could! See? He’s spoiled and silly».
«Claire, please... our sons won’t be like him. Just relax... everything’s fine».
We kissed.
«I love you, Sam».
I was feeling better.
I fell asleep and didn’t dream. We hugged during the whole night.
~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~
London, November the 5th, 1894 – Gentlemen’s club
Jack «Yesterday night I didn’t see you at the theatre.»
Alexander «I had some other commitment.»
Jack «Female company? Beautiful, dark-haired, with blue eyes?»
Alexander «Not really».
Jack «You know, our friend Auguste is working at Dashur. William is in Naqada. You might join them... you’ve always liked archeology»
Alexander «You know I can’t. I have something to do.»
Jack «I’ve known you for twenty years. She won’t come back... it’s been a year now.»
Alexander «It’s been thirteen months and she will. I know that.»
Jack «She might have changed. Let go of her...»
Alexander «Never! I want her back.»
Jack «Are you being proud? You don’t love her, right?»
Alexander «She’s my wife!»
Jack «Please, Alexander...»
Alexander «When will you be leaving for your trip?»
~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~
It was April, 1895. Our son was born. Marcus, a dark-haired boy who seemed to have a passion for screaming. We were always trying to calm him down. Moon had a daughter and we were both busy trying to be good mothers.
I had given birth with the usual pain. It had been long, but thanks to Sam things had gone smoothly.
I was happy and couldn’t care less about the pain. Eddy was able to say a few words by then and he was lovely. He ate on his own and got on very well with Sam.
«Come on, Eddy, let’s eat something more... will you?»
«No!»
«What about an apple? See, daddy is eating it too».
Sam was covered in food.
Having lunch next to Eddy: probably not the best idea.
But they loved each other and played together. They built things. Eddy was always laughing and smiling.
Sam was still building the stable.
I was looking at that awkward couple. They were inside the building and kept talking. It was a hard project to carry on, building a stable, but Sam was willing to complete it.
«You see, Eddy, when daddy is finished with that, you will have your own pony waiting for you in here! I will teach you how to ride».
Eddy was sitting on the floors, looking at him and clapping his hands. He was dirty and he was trying to taste what looked like a... spider!
«Eddy, no! You can’t eat the spider!»
«Of course he can’t!», I said.
Sam blushed.
«You know he tastes everything... you’re just like a child, Sam». I took the spider and Eddy started crying.
«Explain to him why he can’t eat the spider! You should».
I looked at him.
«You taste it and see what it is like to eat it. So that you will be able to explain Eddy why he can’t do this».
Sam blushed again.
Eddy was already looking for other things to taste.
«So... what will you do now?», I asked Sam.
He took Eddy in his arms.
They were great fun. They got on, they really did.
«What’s Marcus doing?»
«Sleeping. Rhona is looking after him».
We hugged.
«I’ll hold Marcus for a while, later. Maybe he will calm down...»
Sam was good at being a father. He loved them and they loved him back. He was patient and really calmed the kids down.
Having two children was hard, but Sam made it all look simple and smooth.
We were a great family, even if we were an awkward one.
We had a nice house, far away from the past. We were free.
CHAPTER 18
A FANTASTIC WORLD
It had been a long and cold winter. It had snowed very often, so we had been forced to stay home throughout many months. Rhona had been unable to get to our house on many occasions and I had discovered I actually enjoyed cooking. I made few romantic dinners. We had cuddled for several hours afterwards.
The snow was finally melting, the sun was coming out more and more often. The days were becoming longer and spring blossomed in.
I could hear the wind through the leaves and see the rays of light behind them. I enjoyed the sight of that and I was happy to see that the trees had begun to dance in the warm wind. Moon had taught me how to distinguish different kinds of leaves. I was becoming more and more good at that. Every leaf had its own story. It was unique and you could feel that, as touching it.
The weeks flew by. Sam was very busy, while I was always looking after the children.
I was good with them, because they were nice kids. They were sincere and they always asked wise questions. They were smart and I felt that it was our duty to make them understand how deep their thoughts were. I wanted them to feel proud of themselves and want to know some more about everything.
I loved literature, history and geography. My mother had made me learn Latin and Greek and I was very fond of Italian art. I knew that the best way to teach something to kids was talk to them.
It was a mid-May Sunday afternoon. I wanted to go for a walk but I knew Sam would stay home, because he was busy building the stable with Edward. Moon, Kjiku and their daughter had gone to a meeting.
I took Marcus with me, since he was sleeping. Then I went to kiss Sam goodbye. He was working.
I could see him sweating. Edward was sleeping nor far from his dad.
«Sam, I’m going for a walk».
«On your own?»
«I’m with Marcus. And Keir’s in India, right?»
«Yes, but Moon is not home either. Should you be in need of help, you wouldn’t be able to ask for it to anybody».
«I’ll be fine».
«Okay... but if you’re not back in two hours, I’ll come look for you».
I knew he would come look for me in an hour tops.
I kissed him and savoured his lips. Then I went into the woods.
The grass was soft and I was happy to walk alone. The wind made a pleasant sound and the smell was incredibly good. I liked the colors and the flowers. Sam used to tell me that I needed to listen to the sounds of the woods: when it was too silent, it meant that the animals had felt some danger approaching.
I took some berries. They were tipycal from Nova Scotia.
When I got to the river, I took my shoes off and entered the water. It was then that I noticed a very tall woman. She had blond hair and was wearing a very nice dress. She was walking a few metres from me, but she hadn’t noticed me. She seemed to be wary and stubborn. I didn’t like her at once.
I looked around and hoped to see Sam. He wasn’t there. How long had I been away? I couldn’t tell. The woman seemed to notice me and I thought she would come and greet me. But she went into the woods instead. I stood still. She was on our estate. And I had never seen her before. I put my shoes back on and saw Sam and Eddy approaching. I suddenly felt much better.
«I’m glad you are here», I said.
He looked around. «Why? Are you hurt? Is Marcus all right?»
«Have you met a woman on your way here?»
«A woman?», he asked.
«A tall and blond one. Nicely dressed. She must be in the woods. I’m not sure why, but I don’t like her being here».
I paused. «And Moon is
not here».
«I’ll ask around. Tomorrow morning. Now let’s go».
On our way home, Marcus woke up and started crying. Eddy hugged Sam and we got home. But when we did, we found the woman sitting under our porch.
«We found the woman, I believe».
«She found us, I fear».
Sam greeted her.
She looked down on him, then she focused on me. «I was told a Scottish man had arrived with his wife. I was told she was very charming». She looked at my shoes. They were covered in mud. «My name is Elizabeth Gray».
«Is there any particular reason why you’re here?»
«We’re neighbours. We never met, though».
She lived in the house on top of the hill, I guessed. She was not exactly a close neighbour, but I figured she must have been very curious to meet us.
«So... Are you married?», Sam asked. He was clearly impatient.
«No. I inherited the place from my father». She was very stubborn.
«I see».
«Won’t you have me over for tea?», she asked.
«I’m sorry, but today we really can’t. We have two kids to look after and many things to do. Maybe we’ll come and visit you, some day».
She looked at him. She was not used to such unpoliteness.
«I thought Scottish were supposed to be nice».
Then she reached a horse nearby and rode away.
«I swear, it looked as if this was her house, instead of ours».
He was right.
«I don’t like her... why was she in the woods?»
«Maybe she was looking for us», Sam said.
«Maybe she was looking for me...» I thought of the letters I had got months ago.
«You mean... she might have written those letters? She surely looks self-confident...»
We sat under the porch. Eddy was playing.
«But what has she to do with me?»
«Edward, no! You can’t eat those flowers».
Better than a spider, right?
«She might be envious. You heard her...», added Sam.
«But why would she write such letters? She must be hiding something... We must find out».
