ROCKED BY THE WAVES

by Alisa Grey

  She looked at me. She was my mother-in-law now.

  Peigi and Bruce came to dine with us that night. She helped me in the kitchen, and so did Rhona. I put the kids to bed and then went to greet Keir, who had just got home.

  Peigi and Bruce didn’t seem to be eager to meet their son, I noticed. They were embarrassed. He had been a real challenge, as a boy. He had changed quite a lot, which was a surprise to them. It was unlike the Scottish, to change so much. And I had been the most striking surprise to them. I knew they were wondering what would happen when I would get tired of their son. It would be a hard night, but we must get through it.

  Everything was ship-shape. We had cock-a-leekie, chicken broth, black pudding and haggis. They were all Scottish specialties.

  I gave Peigi the gift. She seemed happy about it.

  She wore it at once. It was just a simple brooch. She thanked me and she seemed to be moved.

  «It was Keir who chose it», I said.

  «We would like to tell you about our journey», he said. He held my hand. «Do you want to know about it?»

  They both looked more embarrassed than ever.

  «Son, we came here because Madame Claire asked us to. But we don’t belong in this house, nor do you. Do you know that? You are not English, you are not a Lord. You’re no better than the rest of us».

  Keir turned red. He stood up at once.

  «Claire has been nice to you! And you should behave properly! I know I’m not a Lord. But do you know I am your son?»

  I was petrified. Peigi seemed to be shocked.

  «You are not my son! And she, she will get tired of you. You have spent your life thinking about her, now you married her... she was already married to a good man! How can you take care of her kids?»

  «Bruce, please... I don’t want to intrude, but this is none of your business», I said.

  «Where’s your husband? Why are you with my son?»

  «This is none of your business either».

  «A bheil thu ga mo thuigsinn?», said Keir. They all stood in silence.

  «We should eat, I believe», he said.

  He served the pudding.

  «I must compliment Rhona. It is delicious», he said.

  «I made the bread!», I twittered.

  He smiled at me.

  Bruce sat. Then he took a bowl of pudding himself.

  Keir told them about Paris, London and New York. They listened to him. When we got to bed, we all knew there were still many things to say. But we should wait for them.

  «I’m sorry», he said as he hugged me.

  «Don’t be. It was not your fault».

  «It was. I know how they are like».

  We kissed.

  «You could do better than me, my dear Claire, but I love you».

  «I don’t want a better man. I’m sure things will settle. What did you tell them?»

  He looked at me. Then he remembered.

  «I just asked him to make an effort and understand».

  He paused.

  «I know you don’t want a child... but... why?»

  «Being pregnant makes you feel bad. It’s not you, it’s just that I’m not sure I can face a pregnancy...»

  He looked at me.

  «Shouldn’t couple be willing to have children?»

  He paused.

  «Oh, we already have. And we have each other».

  It was a lovely night. He climbed on top of me. His eyes were so green. He kissed me and I caressed his hair. I loved him because he was strong and brave. He was delicate and he loved me. Sam was so unlike Keir, but they were also similar.

  It was a hot summer day. I was standing in the tower and looking at the fields. I liked the flowers and the smell of the sea. I could hear the waves breaking on the shore.

  A ship appeared.

  The sky was clear and blue. I was looking at the kites flying in the air. It was amazing. They were light and free. I could feel the wind through my hair and I would have liked to fly.

  A bee stinged my cleavage.

  I opened my eyes. I was in my bed, with Keir. Anish was on top of me.

  «Anish...», said Keir.

  «He might have had a nightmare».

  We looked at him and smiled.

  CHAPTER 37

  THE DARK CAVE

  Fifteen days later, Moon was back. It was the end of October. It was chilly, but the weather was still good.

  It was so colorful. Yellow, red, orange, pink... it was perfect. The leaves of the trees were a marvellous carpet.

  I got to the wigwam, a common house built in wood. Moon lived there. I knocked on the door. Kjiku opened it. He was ready to go hunting, as were the other men.

  Moon hugged me.

  «Rhona said a relative of yours was ill».

  «We met someone important. He cured Kjiku’s father and helped us. He wise...»

  «So Kjiku’s father is better now?»

  She shook her head and gave me a teacup.

  We talked about London, Sam and Keir. I told her everything. I felt better then, she wasn’t shocked by the fact that I was in love with two men.

  I felt relieved.

  We sat in the woods and looked at the children playing. We suddenly heard someone screaming. We headed to the lake and found Anish in the water. Moon’s kids tried to catch him. Moon bended over the water and got him. We slowly took him to the ground. We was wet and scared.

  «What happened?», I asked furiously.

  «Mom, hug me... mom», he cried.

  Since we had got back, he had been calling me mom and following me around. He was always in our bed, with Keir and me. I missed his real mom, I believed. I hoped that it would be just a phase.

  «You scared me, Anish».

  He looked at me and I hugged me.

  Moon smiled at him. She helped him get clean, then we got home. Keir met us in front of the house.

  «What happened?»

  «He fell into the river».

  I told him not to be harsh on him and he shook his head.

  We found Mr De Luca and the kids talking in the garden.

  In a few days I would meet Sam. I was worried about Anish, though. What if he followed me?

  Dad, Renny and Robert came later than expected. They had been busy with their businesses.

  On the day of my secret meeting with Sam came. Anish was with the women who were doing the laundry, Keir was with Mr De Luca and dad was having breakfast with the kids. I had had breakfast very early and I had run away telling Keir I needed to meet Moon. I was planning to do so, actually, because I wanted Moon to look after Anish while I was with Sam.

  I did as agreed, but Sam didn’t show up. I waited for him for an hour, but then I had to go back home. I was sad and disappointed.

  When I got back, I found Moon looking at Anish. He was sitting on the ground and he seemed very unhappy. He had become like his father, I guessed. Strong-headed and brave.

  I hugged him.

  Moon looked at me and she knew at once that nothing had happened. She told me she would keep her eyes open.

  I was worried, though.

  Keir noticed it but chose not to ask.

  The winter flew by and spring blossomed in.

  «My dear», dad told me, «I need to go back to London because there are papers that need my signature. Renny will be the boss from now on. I am old enough to retire and spend the rest of my life here».

  I smiled at him. We hugged and he caressed my hair.

  «Dad, I need you to do something for me. Will you tell Alex that I will be waiting for him with Edward in New York on September? Let him choose the day. Don’t tell him my address».

  He shook his head. He was a smart man.

  He left.

  After a few days a beautiful European car made its appearance in our house. It was a gift from dad. Keir and I were breathless.

  «Can you drive it?»

  «I think I can. In India I used to drive. Maybe we can go to New York by car and
take the kids with us».

  I agreed.

  He was hiding something behind his back. He gave me a beautiful bouquet. We kissed and I smiled at him. He was always so considerate. He loved me very much and he used to do his best for me. He was very sweet and he was always able to make me smile. He was still at war with his parents, but he got on with my dad.

  Few days after my birthday, Moon came to meet me. It was April. I was in the garden with Anish and we were both busy dealing with our small plantations. Rhona was cooking, Keir was somewhere around the farm, Edward and Marcus were reading a book. I could hear Jodie and Jasmine playing with Dubh.

  «Claire. Get dressed. Quickly».

  My heart began beating fast. I did as I was told, then took Anish by the hand and followed Moon into the woods.

  We got to her house and she took Anish with her.

  «Go», she said.

  I walked fast to the cave. I coudln’t even notice the trees and the flowers. I was daydreaming. Sam was waiting for me, I knew that.

  When I got to the cave, two men were there. They were blond-haired and they wore black jackets. Their hats were awkward.

  Sam was there. I run to me. He had cut his hair and he smiled at me.

  I hugged him.

  «I thought I would never see you again», I whispered.

  «I can’t stay for long... you’re so beautiful. Even more than I recalled. What about the kids?»

  «They are fine. Who are those men?»

  «They... er... I need to go to Russia. I need to take care of the training of other spies».

  I looked at him.

  «I have no choice. I made a deal and I need to do this. But you are free. You and the kids... nothing will happen to you. Should anything happen to any of you, I will break the deal and they will kill me».

  I was shaking and I fainted.

  When I woke up, I was next to Sam. He was kissing my eyes, my forehead and my mouth.

  «Sam... how can you do such a thing?»

  He caressed my cheek. His eyes were so blue. I always dreamt of them.

  «Claire... I will figure out something. I will come back, somehow. But now I just can’t...», he whispered to me.

  I hugged him and we kissed. I didn’t want to part from him. A man came to us and said something.

  «I must go, Claire... I am an officer now. I can’t stay here... Hard times are ahead of us. But we will sort this out... I love you. I will come back... to you».

  We kissed. I was unable to talk. I knew he was deadly serious about whatever it was that he was doing. Those men were keeping an eye on him, I figured. And now they knew where we lived. Was that wise?

  «But... why?»

  «I must go. I love you and we’ll meet again, I promise. I’ll never love anyone else, but you must get on with your life».

  I hugged him.

  «I can’t...»

  He kissed me, then he left.

  I was petrified and sad. What was happening? Why wasn’t it all a bad dream? I was upset, so upset that I was not even able to cry.

  I went back to Moon’s.

  «I want mom!», I heard Anish screaming.

  «She’ll be back».

  I opened the door.

  «Anish, you should behave...»

  He run to me and we both fell on the floor. He hugged me.

  «Anish, seriously... you can’t do this everytime I go for a walk».

  I hugged him back.

  Then I held him and looked at Moon.

  «I found that flower... but I fear it won’t grow here», I said to Moon.

  «Go home, we’ll talk later», she shook her head.

  I was still very upset. I didn’t want to believe what had just happened. I wanted Sam back.

  CHAPTER 38

  ENDLESS NIGHTS

  When we got home, everything was still the same. It was just me, the one who knew that things had changed. I stopped in the garden. My mind was still trying to cope with the news.

  When Keir came to me, I hugged him. He gave me a new pair of scissors for my garden.

  «Yours broke, if I’m not mistaken», he smiled.

  «You are the perfect husband».

  He looked at me.

  «How was your day?»

  «Fine. Anish is still running after me, though».

  Anish tried to catch our attention by biting his father’s leg.

  «Anish!»

  Edward and Marcus joined us.

  «When’s uncle Robert coming?», Marcus asked.

  «On July, as usual. Why?»

  «We want to learn how to drive the car».

  «What’s this to do with Robert?»

  «He should help us build a garage. Keir will teach us how to drive».

  «It’s too soon», Keir said.

  They turned red and they both left.

  «So... you still want another son?»

  «I still want you».

  We hugged and he kissed me. Then we got into the house.

  «Anish, go play with Jodie. Mom and I need to talk».

  We got to the bedroom.

  «Are you sure your day was fine?»

  «I am».

  «I saw him, Claire».

  «So why are you asking?»

  «Why do you keep hiding things from me?»

  «I would have told you... at some stage».

  He looked at me.

  «You are my wife, Claire. And I’m sick of you looking for Sam. He left you, Claire... he did. I helped you and I love you».

  «I love you too. We’ll talk about this... I promise. Just hug me».

  «I love you...»

  He hugged me and he took me to the bed. He laid on top of me.

  «Keir, we can’t...»

  «Why?», he said as he lifted my skirt.

  «There might be Anish nearby...»

  «So what?»

  We did it. Then we hugged.

  «Let’s go get the kids. Rhona will have made dinner by now».

  «Alright. But tonight...»

  His cinnamon-and-copper hair was beautiful. He was handsome.

  «I love you, Claire...»

  I wondered how he had met Sam. By chance?

  We had dinner, then we announced the kids that we would all go to New York.

  «When?», Marcus asked.

  «On Semptember. We will meet your uncle there... uncle Alex».

  «Who’s Alex?»

  «A connection… sort of», Keir said.

  «We met him London and we promised him we would meet in New York».

  «Can I wear my new dress?»

  «Of course, Jasmine».

  «What will we eat?», Jodie asked.

  Edward smiled at us.

  «We’ll have fun».

  «Mommy...», cried Anish.

  He was really sticking to me.

  We finally put the kids to bed. Dubh was now used to sleeping next to Jodie. She told Dubh many tales and he was always by her side.

  Keir was happy. We talked about New York as we changed to go to bed.

  «Penny for your thoughts», I told him.

  «I was thinking of you... I love you, I’m lucky, we have a lovely family...»

  We hugged and he caressed my back. It had been a tiring day. I was feeling much better now that he was with me.

  It was a cold wintry day. I was in a desolate land. I was walking and the place was filled with rocks. It was windy. I couldn’t stand still and I often fell. I got in a cave and stayed there for a while. The light was fading, it was getting colder. I heard voices. I tried to ask for help, but I met five men. They were arguing about something. One of them was defending himself. He was on the edge of a deep hole. I couldn’t see him. But he said: «Claire, I love you and I’ll be back to you». Then he fell.

  I opened my eyes. I was breathless and my heart was beating terribly fast. I was crying. Keir was caressing my face. He was worried about me.

  «You were screaming Sam’s name».


  I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I was shaking. I told Keir everything about New York, the train and the cave.

  He was sitting on the bed and he listened to all of that. He was relieved and sad. I couldn’t quite figure out what he was thinking of. He caressed my back and sang me to sleep.

  At sunrise, we were still hugging.

  He was up.

  «I’m sorry you are so worried about me».

  He smiled.

  «Next time, just tell me everything».

  «Do you think there’ll be a next time?»

  «Yes».

  I caressed his cheek.

  «I love you, Keir, even if it took me a while to realise it».

  «I know that, Claire. I’m just jealous, you know... I should be used to hiding my feelings, but I... I just love you. I am your husband and I want to be your friend as well. I want you to trust me. I want to talk to you...»

  He was sweet and sincere.

  «You are my best friend. I’m sorry if I’m not always good at... this. The thing is I can’t let you be unhappy. If I told you about Sam, you would be unhappy. I know you would. I made a mistake when I married Alex. Then, with Sam, I thought my life was... going to be good. Looks like surprises are just around the corner, though».

  «Just talk to me, Claire. I don’t want to take Sam’s place, because I know I can’t. But I want you to be happy. You are everything to me...»

  I hugged him. He was always like this. He knew what to say and how to say it.

  «I’ll do my best», I promised him.

  I was sincere. I was free from all the lies I had had to tell lately. Sam was far from me and I was not sure if I would meet him again. He was my everything, but I was not supposed to think about him now. I needed to feel better, for the sake of everyone.

  Jasmine’s screaming woke us up. We got dressed and headed to the children’s bedroom.

  Jasmine was in her bed and she had built a fort with her pillows. Jodie and Anish were on the floor, laughing and laughing. Dubh was barking furiously.

  «What’s up, guys?»

  «It’s a mouse!», Jasmine cried.

  Keir was looking under the bed. He came out with a small kitty. He was gray.

  «What...?»

  «We found him, mom. He slept with Anish, then he came to my bed. Now he just wants to explore Jasmine’s bed. He’s friends with Dubh and Anish loves him... we must keep him».