Dreams That Won't Let Go

by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  JUBILANT SOUL

  BOOK THREE

  DREAMS

  THAT WON’T

  LET GO

  A Novel

  Stacy

  Hawkins

  Adams

  © 2010 by Stacy Hawkins Adams

  Published by Revell

  a division of Baker Publishing Group

  P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

  www.revellbooks.com

  E-book edition created 2010

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

  ISBN 978-1-4412-0731-9

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

  Scripture used in this book, whether quoted or paraphrased by the characters, is taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  Published in association with the literary agency of The Steve Laube Agency, 5025 N. Central Ave. #635, Phoenix, AZ 85012-1502.

  To Sharon Shahid, Muriel Miller Branch, and Carol Jackson for your ever-present encouragement, friendship, and love

  There is no fear in love. But perfect love

  drives out fear, because fear has to do

  with punishment. The one who fears is

  not made perfect in love.

  1 John 4:18

  CONTENTS

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

  34

  35

  36

  37

  38

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  1

  Indigo Burns loved her brother—just not today.

  Today, she wished Reuben would go home to Seattle. Today, she couldn’t deal with his upstaging her. She needed just two hours of Mama’s time, to treat Mama to lunch and ask her advice.

  Never mind that she was a self-sufficient adult with a job, her own place, and two degrees; she still trusted Mama’s wisdom— craved it—when she needed to make decisions this big.

  But instead of enjoying the atmosphere in Jubilant’s new casual chic dining spot with Indigo, Mama was calling her from home, sounding like a breathless schoolgirl.

  “Looks like I’m going to be late, baby,” Mama said. “Reuben left to run an errand this morning, and he’s on his way back to the house. He called and asked me to stay until he gets here. He has something to tell me. You don’t mind, do you?”

  Indigo clamped her lips together. She couldn’t tell Mama that she did mind, or that she didn’t understand why Reuben’s wishes always trumped everyone else’s.

  Mama kept chattering, as if she didn’t expect a response. “I don’t know what that boy is up to, but I told him to hurry. Can you give me fifteen minutes? Go ahead and order my iced tea.”

  “Alright, Mama,” Indigo said after a long pause. “See you when you get here.”

  She clicked off the cell phone and took a deep breath so the tears she felt forming would dissipate. Being a crybaby wouldn’t help. Why was she so emotional anyway? It was just lunch, and Mama hadn’t canceled.

  As much as she wanted to dismiss the resentment, though, it persisted. That “boy” wasn’t a boy. He was a man. A husband. A father. And every time he came to visit, the world didn’t have to stop.

  But it always did.

  Indigo’s stomach rumbled. Hunger and frustration were not a great combination. The menu images and descriptions of super-sized salads, sandwiches, pasta, and gourmet burgers, coupled with the aromas wafting from the plates of nearby diners, didn’t help.

  Her phone rang and she was thankful for the distraction. She picked up on the second ring when Shelby’s number and smiling cocoa brown face flashed across the screen.

  “What’s up, Mrs. Pappas?”

  “That’s Lieutenant Pappas to you, girlfriend. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  “You can fly naval helicopters all you want, but when you come home every night, you’re still Hunt Pappas’s wife, Ms. Thang,” Indigo said.

  “And glad about it.” Shelby laughed. “Where are you? What’s that noise I hear in the background?”

  Indigo sighed and glanced at the door, where a hostess was greeting new diners. “Sitting here at The Bend, waiting on Mama, and hating on Reuben.”

  “Indie—”

  “He flew into town last weekend for Daddy’s birthday and decided to stay for the week, since his bosses at Amazon.com allow him to telecommute. Wonder how Peyton and his little man feel about being stuck in Seattle while he’s here, hanging out with his parents.”

  “What happened this time?”

  “Mama is supposed to be joining me for lunch. I have some exciting news that I need to get some feedback on—that’s why I left you a message too. But apparently Reuben left the house this morning for a while, and the minute he called and said he needed to talk to her, Mama dropped her keys and purse and set up a vigil near the front door.”

  Shelby laughed. “You think she found a spot on the floor and sat Indian style?”

  Instead of joining in, Indigo tightened her grip on the phone and clenched her teeth.

  “Come on, Indie,” Shelby said into the silence. “Lighten up. You helped Reuben reconnect with the family four years ago. Now you get upset every time he comes home to spend time with your parents and the rest of the family, and you treat him like an ex-con. Why are you so resentful . . . so jealous?”

  Only Shelby could find the courage to ask her a question like that. Indigo handled it her usual way, by asking one of her own.

  “Are you going Dr. Phil on me? Has that talk show guru been on the Corpus Christi naval base or something?”

  “Good comeback, Indie, but stop dodging the question.”

  Indigo perched an elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm. She gazed out of the draperied windows at the restaurant’s landscaped lawn and expansive parking lot. Shelby was right: she was swimming in envy and anger, and the two bedfellows didn’t suit her.

  Indigo was thankful Reuben had stopped distancing himself from the family and that he now visited Jubilant several times a year. But she hated how whenever he came to town, Mama and Daddy decided everything and everyone else could wait.

  The fact that both her best friend and her fiancé kept giving her the same lecture rattled her. Max continuously urged Indigo to deal with how she felt about Reuben’s return, and to understand that Mama had enough love for her, Reuben, and their sister, Yasmin, even when Mama got caught up in “Reubenmania.”

  Max and Shelby might be right; but she was human. It hurt.

&n
bsp; Indigo scanned the café, noting the smiling couples and small groups of diners, some dressed casually with others suited up for business, and decided she wasn’t going to feel self-conscious if she wound up eating alone. She was hungry, and in all of the excitement over Reuben, Mama might not show.

  “You’re right, Shel.” She sat upright and tucked a strand of loosely curled, shoulder-length hair behind an ear. “I need to pray about how I’ve been feeling—”

  “And acting.”

  “Maybe I’m being immature, but when the truth is right in front of you, and it makes you feel like an outsider in your own family, it’s hard.” Indigo sat back in the chair and sighed. “Let me go so I can stop whining, okay? I’ll call you later to share my news. I’ve got to order something to eat so I can get out of this restaurant.”

  “Alright, Indie. Love ya.”

  Indigo laid the cell on the table and motioned for her waitress. She was about to request the chicken club pita with cucumber yogurt sauce when she looked up, out of the window, and saw Mama’s blue Toyota Avalon pull into a parking space right in front.

  “Here’s my mom, now,” she told the waitress. “Give us five minutes?”

  Indigo pushed her chair back and stood to greet Mama. Her face fell when she saw that Mama wasn’t alone. Reuben held open the door and followed her inside.

  Mama greeted her with a hug.“I made it! Reuben hadn’t eaten either, so I insisted that he join us.”

  Reuben draped his arm around Mama’s shoulders and smiled. “Can we fit another chair at the table, sis?”

  Before she could respond, the waitress materialized and pulled one over.

  “Here you go, sir. What would you like to drink?”

  “Thanks,” Reuben said. “I’ll have a Dr Pepper.”

  He waited until Mama and Indigo were seated before sliding into a chair himself.

  Mama sipped her now iceless tea, then reached over to pat Indigo’s hand. “You look pretty, today. I love that purple top.”

  Indigo smiled and squeezed Mama’s hand.

  “Thanks, Mama. You’re looking nice too.”

  She had been itching to tell Mama what was on her mind, but now that Mama was here, Indigo wasn’t sure she wanted to, with Reuben joining them.

  “Want to order?” Indigo asked when she noticed the waitress hovering nearby. “Mama, are you getting your usual—a Cobb salad and a bowl of clam chowder soup?”

  Mama laughed. “Why not? At my age, it’s about enjoying what you love.”

  Indigo shook her head. Mama was always calling herself old, but had no problem catching the eye of men her age and younger. Her cinnamon skin was smooth, her figure was slim, and she lit up a room with her energy, her lively eyes, and her warm smile.

  “I keep telling you, seventy-something is the new sixty-something.”

  Before Indigo could wave over their waitress, Mama continued. “Well, today I’m going to surprise you and order something different. I’m feeling adventurous. Reuben just made me the happiest mother and grandmother in the world.” Mama beamed at him. “Do you want to tell her, or can I?”

  Reuben chuckled and shrugged. “Go for it.”

  Mama’s eyes danced. “Reuben’s been offered a job here in Jubilant. He, Peyton, and Charles David are moving home!”

  Indigo’s breath got caught in her throat. Tears erupted before she could stop them, but Mama misunderstood her weeping. She grinned and grabbed one of Indigo’s hands.

  “I know, sweetie! I was so happy, I cried too.”

  Indigo swiped her wet cheeks with a thumb and glanced at her brother. The tears had blurred her vision, but she could see past them enough to recognize the emotion swimming in Reuben’s eyes. She was startled. Instead of the pride or joy she had expected, she saw fear. This was a defining moment for the ever-perfect Reuben. Why on earth was he scared?

  2

  Reuben poked his head out of the door and swiveled it to the left, then to the right. He paused and listened for a minute, to ensure that he was alone.

  Mama and Daddy’s master suite was at the opposite end of the house, but he wouldn’t be surprised to find one or both of them lurking near his childhood bedroom. Whenever he visited, they hovered like moths attracted to a flame, or parents afraid to let their active toddler out of sight. This afternoon, he felt like a teenager about to sneak a call to a girl for whom they didn’t care.

  In reality, he just needed to talk privately with his wife. He had made a big decision today, and he wanted Peyton’s assurance that she was still on board.

  One minute he was jazzed about returning to Jubilant, and the next, he wondered whether he had lost his mind. He had a great job at Amazon.com; he and his wife owned a nice home; and Peyton’s parents lived half an hour away and helped with Charles David whenever they needed. Was he really going to uproot his family from all they knew and loved in Seattle, and move them to the Texas town he hadn’t considered home since he left for college?

  Reuben sat on the edge of the twin bed positioned against the wall and marveled at how small and confining this space now felt, given that he had once considered this room his haven. Then again, by the time he left for college, he had become almost claustrophobic— anxious to free himself from this house, the family’s façade of normalcy, and memories that had begun to suffocate him.

  Peyton had always been supportive, but he wasn’t sure how she would take the news that the big changes they’d been mulling over for months were really going to happen. He had accepted the job offer, and in four weeks, Jubilant would be their home. He could hardly believe it; how could he expect her to?

  Reuben pulled his BlackBerry from its hip holster and hit the speed dial code for their home phone number.

  He smiled when she picked up on the third ring and greeted him in typical singsong fashion. “Hello, baby!”

  “Hey, Peyt,” he said. He imagined her sitting on the floor of their family room, playing a card game with Charles David or cheering him on as he enjoyed his favorite race car video game on the Wii, and his voice grew husky. “Well, it’s official.”

  “Really? He accepted your counteroffer?”

  “Yep.”

  The long seconds of silence before she spoke again told him she was stunned. “You’re really moving me away from my family, all the way to the other side of the country?”

  Now he paused. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was asking a lot. A whole lot. But he had to give this a try. “Not the entire other side. We’re not moving to the East Coast,” he said and chuckled. “But the South is very different from what you’re used to. You still okay with this?”

  “Yeah, babe,” Peyton said. “It will be an adjustment, but once I learn my way around, I’ll be okay. And Charles David will be fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “As long as we’re with you, and you’re happy, I’m sure, Reuben. You need to do this. We’ll be fine. Just get me a cell phone with a good roaming plan. You know I need to talk to Mom every day.”

  “It’s a deal . . .”

  “Why do you sound hesitant instead of excited?”

  She knew him so well. He wanted to talk to her about it, but working through what was fueling his jitters might take all night. Mama and Daddy’s over-exuberance about his decision to come home, coupled with his own ambivalence about whether that’s what he really should be doing, had unnerved him.

  He had run from his demons long enough, though, and this move would allow Charles David to get to know the rest of his family. Reuben needed more quality time to get to know them again too. His number one reason for making this move was to reconnect with his sisters, although at the moment, he didn’t think his presence would make much difference to Indigo or Yasmin. Reuben hadn’t been fooled this afternoon at lunch; he had recognized the anger and frustration behind Indigo’s tears.

  “I’m okay, Peyt,” Reuben finally said. He ran his muscular hand over his low-cut hair and settled back on the bed. At six feet t
hree, his feet dangled over the edge.

  “I guess I’m adjusting to the idea of this big move myself, that’s all. But it’s the right decision. Has to be. Otherwise, there’s no chance of me ever moving forward.”

  Peyton sighed, and Reuben imagined that she was cradling the phone, wishing she could hug him. She always held him close when he talked about his biological parents and how they died.

  “Remember what my father told you when you discussed this move with him, Reuben? I agree with him—you may never get over the deaths of Mom Meredith or Dad David, but you do need to get on with life. If this is the next step toward healing, let’s take it.”

  Reuben smiled. He loved his little brown-skinned doll. Nothing seemed to rattle her.

  Mama and Daddy, Indigo and Yasmin, and their extended family had gotten to know Peyton when she visited Jubilant with him three or four times in recent years, and they marveled at her sweet spirit and determination. But they didn’t know that she also was a lot of fun and unafraid of risks—some of the very qualities he needed more of.

  They were going to fall in love with her in no time, just like he had. What worried Reuben most now was whether anyone other than Mama and Daddy could love him again.

  3

  Reuben stood in the center of the dining room, squirming like an awkward teenager put on display for his parents’ friends.

  Mama’s effusive praise made him want to hitchhike to Washington State. She had been chattering nonstop about his new job in the Jubilant mayor’s office since Aunt Melba arrived an hour ago. When Rachelle and Gabe walked in, she shared the details again.

  Mama had insisted on the last-minute gathering after deciding that Reuben’s news was worth celebrating.

  “Mayor Henning met Reuben at Melba’s Christmas party last December and was really impressed,” Mama said. This time she was telling the story to Indigo’s fiancé, Max. He had arrived separately from Indigo a few minutes earlier, after wrapping up a photo shoot at a downtown business function.

  Reuben fixed his smile. Didn’t Mama remember that Max had attended that party too and had witnessed the connection between the two men?

  “Reuben told the mayor that he might want to move back to Jubilant, and they began talking privately about Reuben joining his team,” she said. “Mayor Henning created this new position based on Reuben’s skill set. Basically, Reuben will be getting all of the city’s computer systems updated, right, son?”