Reuben looked toward Peyton for help. She couldn’t read his eyes, but he knew she’d understand his lack of response as an invitation to chime in.
She, too, moved closer to the sofa, opting to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of her mother- and father-in-law.
“There’s been a lot going on in this family in the past few months, and a lot of it stems from our move here from Seattle,” Peyton said.
“That’s been wonderful! What are you talking about?” Mama said.
Peyton nodded. “We agree. I have so enjoyed getting to know you better, and Charles David is just crazy about both of you. If he could split his time equally between our home and your place, he’d be in little-boy heaven.”
Reuben picked up the conversation. “The reality is that my absence and reappearance in the family over the past four years shook things up.”
Mama and Daddy opened their mouths to protest. Reuben saw the alarm in Daddy’s eyes. He raised his palm to quiet it.
“Don’t worry—this conversation isn’t setting you up for an announcement. We aren’t leaving town or taking Charles David away. But there are some things I should have shared with you a long time ago that I’ve been struggling with since the car accident. And, on a different note altogether, there are some things Peyton and I have experienced and observed that we think haven’t been fair to Indigo, or Yasmin.”
“Not fair? What does that mean?” Daddy leaned forward to peer around Mama at Reuben, and frowned.
Reuben took a deep breath. “I know you guys love me and have been thrilled to have me home, but it’s been somewhat overwhelming— your attention, that is. It’s been nice for me, but I know that Indigo and Yasmin have suffered in silence for a long time.”
“Suffered?” Now Mama was frowning.
Peyton patted Mama’s knee. “They’ve felt neglected, and sometimes overlooked, and sometimes simply shoved aside so you could give our family your full attention. Believe me, we’ve appreciated it—we’ve basked in it. But they need you too.”
“Are they jealous of my relationship with Reuben?” Mama asked.
Reuben and Peyton both shrugged.
“Could be, Mama,” Peyton answered. “But you’ve given fuel to the fire. When was the last time you took Indigo to lunch or asked about her job? The fact that you didn’t know the wedding plans were up in the air says a lot. She’s been hurting for a long time and hasn’t known how to address it with you. Reuben and I have been meeting with Pastor Taylor recently to help Reuben work through some things, and in that process, we’ve begun to shed a lot of façades. We’ve learned a lot about ourselves, and about the importance of speaking the truth in love on behalf of others too.”
“For example?” Daddy asked. There was a thread of an attitude lurking beneath the question.
“For example, I never told you that Mom Meredith and I talked after the crash, that she told me goodbye before she closed her eyes and died after the car crash,” Reuben said.
“What?!” Mama gasped. Her mouth fell open while Reuben filled her and Daddy in on that day’s experiences. He told them about his guilt over the promise he made and never kept, and why he had fled to college and never returned.
“I find it interesting that we’ve visited so many times and even moved back, and not once did you ask why,” Peyton said. “Not once did you ask Reuben what had kept him away for so long. Your dancing around the shadows allowed him to keep hiding behind them and made you work harder to keep the relationship comfortable.” Peyton hesitated, and Reuben knew she was trying to choose her words carefully.
“That meant something else had to suffer, and it seems to us it was your connection to Indigo. We decided to have this conversation because even though she’s putting on a mature front and trying not to complain, it has been hard for her to plan a life with Max when so many things with you all are unresolved. She needs you guys, just as much as we do.”
“And don’t worry,” Reuben said. “We aren’t going anywhere. You don’t have to cling to us because you’re afraid of that.”
Peyton nodded. “That’s the thing about fear—it makes us hold tighter to the things and people we love, and in doing so, we can sometimes squeeze the life right out of them. We want our family to be stronger than that and to be better than that, Mama.”
Mama and Daddy exchanged glances and gripped each other’s hands. Reuben saw in their expressions that Peyton had accurately diagnosed the problem.
“I guess I could live without being the consistent focus of your time and attention,” Reuben joked, trying to put them at ease. “I can get used to sharing your time. Charles David might be another matter, but he’ll be fine.”
Reuben smiled and hugged Mama. She reciprocated.
“I am so sorry, son. You and Peyton got it all right. Daddy and I have had lots of questions, but we were afraid to run you off with them. Seems like while you stayed, though, everyone else took off. We couldn’t see that choosing to dote on you was a choice to leave your sisters out in the cold.
“Between your return and Yasmin’s disappearance, poor Indigo hasn’t gotten much of me. How could she plan a wedding when I haven’t been available to help her?”
“We love all three of you, you know?” Daddy said, and gazed at his hands.
Reuben extended his cell phone in his parents’ direction. “I know, Dad,” he said. “Tell Indigo that yourselves.”
Mama held out a hand to take the cell phone. With the other, she stroked Reuben’s face. “You’ve been through a lot, son,” she said softly. “I’m sorry I haven’t been a better listener and caregiver. If nothing else, I want you to know that I loved your mother, Meredith, as if she were my biological daughter, and I know how deeply she loved you and your sisters. If she made you promise to take care of Indigo and Yasmin, she meant to love them, nothing more. Meredith wouldn’t have placed adult responsibilities on her little boy’s shoulders, and even at age twelve, that’s what you were to her—her little boy. Her promise was meant to keep the three of you close, not to burden you. Had I known you were wrestling with this all of these years, I would have told you that a long time ago.”
Reuben turned and hugged Mama tightly. He closed his eyes and accepted her embrace. “Thank you for that, Mama,” he said. “I needed to know that.”
Mama wiped her eyes and held up his phone. “How do I operate this fancy thing? Will you call Indigo for me?”
Reuben took the phone from her and punched Indigo’s speed dial code. He peered at the clock on the wall.
At half past seven, Indigo was still on assignment, photographing an event at the Jubilant arts complex. But Mama and Daddy could leave her a message. It would make her day.
33
Indigo was as excited tonight as if she were the belle of the ball.
The fundraising gala was hosted by the mayor’s wife, and so far the evening had been memorable and productive. For the first time since Reuben’s move home, Indigo had been proud to share that he was her brother. Vivienne Henning and her husband lit up when she told them about the connection.
“He is doing wonderful work down at City Hall,” Mayor Henning said, “and his wife and son are amazing.”
Indigo nodded her agreement. “They are a great family.”
She had been standing in the rear of the room, posing guests for society page photos for Jubilant’s monthly magazine, when her cell phone rang. Reuben’s number flashed on the screen.
Because she was working, she almost didn’t answer. She realized, though, that he knew where she was. If he were calling, maybe there was an emergency.
She excused herself and stepped into the hallway to take the call.
Her eyes widened when she heard Mama’s voice.
“Hey, baby, Daddy and I know you are working, but we wanted to give you a quick call and tell you that we love you,” Mama said.
“Okaaay . . .” Indigo frowned. What had prompted this, and why a call now, in the middle of an assignment
?
Daddy was in her ear next. “Indie, it’s me. Look . . . Your mama and I have realized some things today . . . I just want to tell you that I love you and I’m sorry if you’ve felt neglected or cast aside. That was never our intention. Can you come over tomorrow afternoon so we can talk? We want to spend some time with you—you and Max, if you want.”
“Sure . . . Daddy.”
Indigo was at a loss for words. Had Reuben said something? Or Max? If she hadn’t been working, she would have asked more questions. This would have to do for now, though. She needed to get back to shooting photos.
“Um, is everything okay, Daddy?”
She heard a wistfulness in his voice as he reassured her. “Yeah, baby. Your mother and I . . . we’re finally learning to listen.”
Indigo returned to work and tried to focus, but the call had thrown her off kilter. Daddy rarely expressed his emotions, yet he had seemed near tears. What had prompted this?
Later that evening, on the short drive home, Indigo made two phone calls. The first was to Reuben, to find out what he had said to their parents.
“I just told them the truth, Indie—we all need their love and attention,” he’d said in a thick, sleepy voice. “Peyton, Charles David, and I aren’t going anywhere, so they can stop hovering.”
She was speechless for a few minutes. “Wow. Thank you, Reuben. I can’t believe they listened.”
“We’re all changing, Indigo, for the better, I think,” he said.
She heard him take a breath that sounded like a yawn.
Indigo was grateful. She had more questions, but the clock on her dashboard told her it was a few minutes before midnight. “Go back to sleep, brother. Sorry I woke you.”
This time Reuben paused. “That sounds so good, Indigo.”
“What?”
“To hear you call me brother.”
She ended that call with tears in her eyes and looked up another number in her phone. Brian Harper’s.
Today was her former fiancé’s birthday, and before the clock reached midnight in Colorado, she wanted to wish him well.
Brian picked up on the second ring. “Hey, Ms. Burns,” he said in his silky tenor voice. “I was beginning to think you had decided to break tradition.”
Indigo smiled and turned into the entranceway of her townhouse community. “Just because I’m engaged now doesn’t mean I can’t call and wish you a happy birthday, like always.”
“Will Max let you keep that up once you become Mrs. Shepherd?” Indigo smirked. “Would you have let me keep it up if I had become Mrs. Harper?”
They both laughed.
“You’ve still got those comebacks ready, I see,” Brian said. “I’m not going to touch that one. How are you, beautiful?”
“I’m doing great, Brian—wonderful, in fact,” she said, thinking about the call from her parents earlier that evening. “How are you?”
“Life is good. I’m happy to be celebrating another birthday and happy to be living my dreams.”
She was tempted to ask if that included a relationship with someone special, but shied away from the question, as usual. If Brian wanted to venture down that path with her at some point, she knew he would without her prying. The last time they had discussed his concerns about his sexuality, about three years ago, he had declared his intention to live a life of celibacy while pursuing the career he loved, so he could honor God without distraction.
Indigo was just thankful that he hadn’t felt the need to go into seclusion or enter a monastery because they hadn’t worked out as a couple.
“Still on course to become my favorite astronaut?” she asked.
Brian chuckled. “I am, my dear, I am. I submitted an application last month for the astronaut program. As you know, most applicants don’t get accepted the first time around, but at least it will put me on NASA’s radar.”
Indigo smiled. She was proud of him. “Call me when you get the good news.”
“Even if it’s not my birthday?”
“Even if it’s not your birthday,” Indigo said. “Some things don’t require a particular day on the calendar to celebrate.”
They chatted for a few more minutes and promised to talk again soon, when Indigo’s birthday rolled around, unless good news came from NASA before then.
“Tell Max I said hello, will you?” Brian asked.
Indigo stepped out of the car and grabbed her camera bag while juggling the cell phone with her other hand. “I will, Brian. He knows we trade birthday wishes. He’ll be glad to hear that you’re doing well.”
“Tell him I said to keep taking good care of you, and I’ll be doing even better. Good night, friend.”
“Good night, Brian. Take care.”
Indigo strode to her front door and set the camera bag down to find her key. She inserted it in the lock and stepped inside. Before she closed the door, she noticed the full moon filling the clear sky.
This was a night she would remember for a long, long time.
34
The last time a negative article had been published about the Burns family, Mama had been driving drunk and had caused an accident that left a young child injured. That was eleven years ago. This, Indigo decided, was much worse.
She had stopped by her parents’ home this morning on her way to Max’s studio and had found the two-page spread in a Dallas tabloid weekly newspaper splayed across the kitchen table. The section featured a smiling photo of Mama with the title “Jubilant’s Woman of the Year?” on the left and an edited image of Yasmin, scantily dressed, striking a provocative pose with the subhead “Daughter Not So Squeaky Clean” on the right.
Indigo felt sick to her stomach as she perused the brief article that described how Yasmin had gone from a budding, reputable modeling career to getting lured into the seedy side of modeling, with one of the questionable agencies the family had seen on the list they printed from the computer a few weeks back. The featured picture was reportedly taken for a magazine that specialized in nude and semi-nude images.
The gaudy makeup she wore made Yasmin appear older than eighteen, and her eyes looked dark and empty, much like Indigo felt right now.
Indigo wondered which one of her parents had seen the article. Mama’s car was gone, so she was probably out running her early morning errands.
Indigo laid the paper aside and slowly walked the hall to her parents’ bedroom, where she tapped on the closed door. “Daddy, are you okay?”
He didn’t respond, and she knew he was either praying or giving himself a hard time for his daughter/granddaughter’s decisions. Indigo slid onto the floor and gathered her knees to her chest.
Oh Yasmin. Why?
She closed her eyes and opened her heart to God.
I don’t know what to say, Lord. You know already what I’m feeling. You know already what all of us need. She’s my sister and she’s just eighteen. She’s so young to have made such a mess of things. Help her, Lord, and help us.
Her cell phone rang, but she didn’t have the heart to see who was calling, certain that they too had picked up a copy of the Dallas Extra at a local grocery store or other distributor. Before the call was routed to voice mail, though, she took a peek.
A blocked phone number registered on the caller ID. Indigo let the call go to voice mail; she had enough on her mind right now without trying to put on her professional demeanor and chit-chat with a potential client.
When the line was clear, she called Reuben.
He picked up after the first ring. “I know,” he said. “One of my co-workers called about it and I ran out to find a copy this morning. Mama’s coming in the door now. I don’t think she knows yet. Let me call you back.”
Mama breezed into Reuben’s kitchen with a sunny smile and a bagful of yogurt she had picked up at the grocery store for Charles David.
“They were on sale, so I bought quite a few packages, since he goes through them so quickly,” she told Peyton and made her way to the fridge. “I’m stopping by Indi
go’s next, to deliver some avocados and plums.”
Peyton let her chatter incessantly before asking her to have a seat. When Reuben’s friend had called an hour earlier, Reuben jumped in the car and returned with all of the copies of the Dallas Extra he found in a grocery store stand about five miles from home. By the time Mama stopped by, Reuben had already read the article and photo captions to Peyton.
How were they going to share this with Mama?
Peyton served Mama a cup of coffee and offered her a bagel.
“I’ll take the coffee, but I’m watching my carbs,” Mama said. “My doctor told me last week that I’m prediabetic.”
Peyton poured herself a cup of brew, then sat across from her, in silence. Reuben was puttering around the sink, trying to quell his anxiety. Mama’s heart was going to break.
Peyton reached for her hand, and he joined them at the table.
“Mama, there’s something we need to show you, and it isn’t pretty,” Peyton said. “Reuben?”
Reuben picked up the newspaper and slid it before his mother’s eyes. Mama seemed pleasantly surprised to see her picture, but as she looked and read further, her face fell.
Her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. “That’s not my baby. That can’t be my Yasmin. Oh my God.”
She rose from the seat and headed for the door.
“Mama, where are you going?” Peyton called after her. She turned her head toward Reuben. “I think she’s too upset to drive. Can you stop her?”
Reuben ran out to the car, where Mama was fumbling to insert her key into the lock. The sight was strange, since her key ring included a button that automatically unlocked the door.
“I’ve made a mess of everything, haven’t I? Some ‘Woman of the Year.’” She spat out the words without looking at Reuben and focused on her mission.
Reuben gently took the keys from her and enveloped her in a hug.
They stayed that way a few moments before he spoke.
“Stop blaming yourself, Mama.” He stepped back and looked into her sorrowful eyes. He put an arm around her thin shoulders and led her back inside the house. “We’ll get through this. Somehow this is all going to work out for the best.”
Dreams That Won't Let Go Page 17
