Reuben glanced up at the sky, wondering if the God he had only recently begun to trust would answer this time, and keep him from having just lied to Mama.
35
By the time Indigo remembered to check her voice mail messages, three hours had passed.
After discovering the newspaper at her parents’ house and calling Reuben, she waited another half hour for Daddy to emerge from his bedroom. When he hadn’t, she had been forced to go on to Max’s studio to process a roll of film for a deadline assignment. Indigo was now on her way back to her parents’ home. Mama had called and asked her to come over.
She pulled the cell phone from her purse and put it on speakerphone, to listen as she drove. She hit the voice mail key and nearly swerved off the road when she heard Yasmin’s voice.
“Indie, it’s me.” She sounded so scared. And so young.
Indigo traveled through a traffic light and turned into a shopping center parking lot, where she put the car in park and listened.
“I don’t know what to say . . . I think I messed up . . . call me?”
Yasmin left the phone number that had earlier flashed across Indigo’s caller ID screen as a blocked number. Indigo wanted to kick herself. All these weeks she had been on pins and needles waiting to hear from her sister, and the one time Yasmin reached out, she let the call go to voice mail.
Indigo’s hand shook as she dialed the number Yasmin had left.
Please, God, let her answer. Please. God.
Someone picked up on the third ring, but didn’t say hello.
“Yas?”
Indigo heard her weeping.
“It’s okay, Yasmin. Where are you? Are you safe?”
“Yes.” The reply was a whimper.
She heard a voice in the background and it sounded as if Yasmin was passing the phone.
“Hello, Indigo?”
Sasha Davies voice filled the phone and Indigo gasped.
“What’s going on? Sasha? Yasmin’s back with you?”
“Yes, Indigo,” Sasha said. “I started getting calls early this morning about questionable photos of her being published in some rag in Dallas, and I called her cell phone and asked her to get in touch with me immediately. We connected a couple hours ago. I don’t know if you’ve seen the pictures—”
“We have,” Indigo interrupted, worried about what all of this meant.
“Well, fortunately they aren’t as risqué as I was led to believe,” Sasha said, sounding relieved. “At least Yasmin is still partially clothed in them. Since there weren’t any fully nude shots or X-rated poses, I think we can do some damage control and save her career.”
Indigo wanted to believe, but part of her still didn’t trust Sasha. “What does that mean? You aren’t sending her home?”
This time Sasha paused. “Indigo, Yasmin is eighteen. She’s an adult capable of making her own decisions. You can ask her, but I don’t think she wants to come home. I’m trying to help her save her career. She already has some major gigs lined up, through my efforts. Even when I couldn’t find her, I didn’t cancel them, in hopes that she’d come to her senses and come back on board. Apparently, the scumbag who took those photos you saw in the tabloid lied to her and told her that I had hired him to do the session.”
Indigo shook her head, struggling to believe that what she was hearing was real and not a soap opera update.
“Because we had argued, Yasmin was too proud to call me and verify everything he told her,” Sasha said. “Now we’ve got to do damage control. Ford Models is issuing a press release indicating that Yasmin was scammed. We’re also going to get her on the morning talk show circuit and use her experience to warn other aspiring models to avoid scam artists and criminals. So don’t worry, some good is going to come out of this.”
Indigo was perplexed. “You really do have my sister’s best interest at heart, don’t you?”
Sasha sighed. “Thank you, Lord. Finally she gets it.”
Indigo’s eyes widened.
“Indigo, I’ve had Yasmin’s best interest at heart ever since I met her and your family almost five years ago. I don’t wear my faith on my sleeve, but the God I represent wouldn’t want me to do anything less.
“I know you and your parents want Yasmin to come home, but this is the decision she has made. If she weren’t talented and excellent at what she does, I would be the first one trying to put her on a plane back to Texas. But she does have the look and the skill, and she can be really successful—if she doesn’t make any more mistakes.
“Maybe your parents should try to compromise with her, instead of trying to force her to come home. This is where her heart is.”
Indigo held the phone and nodded, although Sasha couldn’t see her. Suddenly she remembered how crushed she had been the summer she lost her photography internship and wound up working as a receptionist in Aunt Melba’s hair salon. She recalled her frustration and her fear that she’d never achieve her dreams, because her life seemed to be falling apart.
Those memories helped her decide. She was going to support Yasmin’s choice, even if she didn’t wholeheartedly understand it.
“Thank you, Sasha,” Indigo said.
“For what?”
“For being who you are, and for being there for my sister. I will share your message, and Yasmin’s wishes, with the rest of our family. Can I speak to her again?”
The logistics of Yasmin’s permanent move to New York and completion of her high school degree would have to be worked out with Mama and Daddy, but Sasha had just put Indigo’s mind at ease. The whole time the family had been fretting and praying, God had placed Yasmin in the care of another one of his children. He was keeping watch, even when she made terrible missteps.
Indigo heard her sister take the phone from Sasha. She inhaled deeply to prepare herself for the rest of this conversation. The most important thing Yasmin needed to hear right now was also the only thing Indigo wanted to tell her.
“Indie?” Yasmin said, still sounding ashamed.
“Yas? I love you, baby sis, and I’m in this with you.”
36
If this weren’t a serious moment and if he weren’t in the middle of talking to God, Reuben might have laughed out loud.
Here he was, standing with his family, holding hands for a group prayer led by Pastor Taylor. The pastor was inviting God to be present during this gathering in the living room of the Burns home. Reuben’s head was bowed and he was listening to Pastor Taylor, but his thoughts were wandering too.
If someone had told him a year ago that he would chuck a great job on the West Coast for small-town life in Jubilant, Texas, where he’d wind up in private counseling with a minister and a growing interest in a relationship with God, that Reuben Burns would have laughed out loud and demanded a breathalyzer test for his so-called prophetic friend.
But this Reuben Burns was here. In fact, this one, who couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a panic attack or a nightmare, and who didn’t miss Wednesday night Bible study unless there was an emergency, was the one who had requested tonight’s meeting with Mama, Daddy, Indigo, Max, and Peyton.
Taryn had come to his house to babysit Charles David, and he and Peyton had arrived at Mama’s with pizza and salad for dinner, so Mama wouldn’t feel compelled to cook. Normally she would have prepared her Sunday meal the day before, but she had been too distraught about Yasmin yesterday.
Pastor Taylor had promised to come over after worship service, once the congregation had left. He rang the doorbell of the Burnses’ home at three p.m. sharp, and Indigo led him into the living room, where Mama and Daddy were anxiously awaiting what was to come.
Reuben saw fear and shame in both their eyes and wanted to hug them. He and Indigo hadn’t told them specifically why they had asked Pastor Taylor to stop by—just that with all that had happened over the past few days, with Yasmin’s pictures circulating throughout the city and Mama contemplating how to handle the Woman of the Year recognition, they needed t
o have some family time with their minister.
Pastor Taylor launched into a prayer before formally greeting his hosts.
“And dear Lord,” he said, wrapping up the petition. “Let us all leave here tonight a little closer to you and kinder to each other, a little less fearful of the unknown and a little more courageous about following where you want to lead. Most of all, Father, let us love more deeply and unconditionally than we imagine is possible. We ask that this be done in our lives and that as we grow and mature into this request, we remember to give you all the glory and the praise for honoring our prayer. Amen.”
Pastor Taylor raised his head and grinned. “Now that that’s all settled, hello, family!” He opened his arms wide. “Irene. Charles.”
Mama allowed him to gather her in an embrace. Daddy extended his hand for a shake first, then grasped the pastor for a hug. He offered Pastor Taylor a seat, and Mama brought him a glass of the iced tea he always requested whenever he dined with the family. She seemed nervous when she sat next to him and placed an envelope on her lap. Everyone else took a seat and stopped chatting.
“I know you’re here about Yasmin, Pastor,” Mama said in a voice just above a whisper. “I know you’ve seen the terrible pictures, or at least heard about them. I’ve already written my resignation letter for that ‘Woman of the Year’ award. I just hope I haven’t embarrassed our church again.”
She slipped the folded ivory linen resume paper from the envelope and began to read aloud.
While I feel fortunate to have been
recognized for my service to the community,
it is with sincere respect and regret that I
rescind my nomination as The Jubilant
Women's Foundation Woman of the
Year. For personal reasons, I do not feel
qualified to accept the honor at this time. I
am hopeful—
Before she could continue, Reuben rose from his seat and gently tugged the letter from Mama’s hand.
“Stop, Mama. You don’t have to do that.”
Mama looked at her now empty hands and then at Pastor Taylor before addressing Reuben. “But I do. It’s hypocritical to be honored for outward success when obviously something is wrong with how I’ve raised you and your sisters. You and Yasmin took off the minute you could. I don’t know why Indigo hasn’t left me yet, but I’m probably pushing her out too.”
Reuben looked at Indigo, hoping she could steer this conversation back to where it should have been headed. They had agreed to have this meeting to reveal to their parents that Indigo had talked to Yasmin yesterday, and that their younger sister intended to stay in New York.
But Indigo seemed startled by Mama’s outburst. Her eyes were riveted on Mama, and she seemed as if she wanted—or needed— to hear more.
Pastor Taylor cleared his throat and looked at Reuben, as if to say, Chill, and follow where God is leading. Reuben took a deep breath and settled back in his seat. Peyton, who sat next to him, patted his thigh, her familiar gesture for comforting him.
“Is there anything else you’d like to say, Irene?” Pastor Taylor asked.
Mama lowered her eyes and shook her head. “No, unless you have some suggestions for my letter.”
Pastor Taylor stared at her for a few minutes before speaking. “My only suggestion is that you tear it up. If you can’t be Woman of the Year because your family isn’t perfect, then none of the previous recipients should have accepted the honor either. They decided to give you the award because of the challenges and mistakes you’ve overcome, not because your life is 100 percent wonderful.
“You aren’t the only mother whose child has run away and broken her heart. You aren’t the only mother who has been publicly humiliated by a child she tried to give the best. Maybe now more than ever you need to stand and take this award, for all of those mothers, to show them that at some point we have to give our children to God and trust that as long as we have acquainted them with God and poured the knowledge and power of his love into them, they are equipped to fly right—it’s their choice.”
Pastor Taylor reared back in his chair and glanced at Daddy. He looked at Reuben again and hesitated.
“May I?”
Reuben’s heart stopped. He knew what Pastor Taylor wanted to say, and doing so might take the conversation even further from where Reuben and Indigo had intended. He almost shook his head no, but he had been reading a lot lately about overcoming one’s fears, and Max had been talking with him about the importance of speaking the truth in love.
Reuben glanced at Max and saw that his friend was awaiting his response.
“Yes, Pastor,” Reuben finally said. “Go where God is leading.”
Pastor Taylor turned his body toward Daddy, who sat across the room from him. “Brother Charles, if you don’t mind, I’d like to go back to what Sister Irene said a few minutes ago, right after she read the letter. Everything she said was ‘I’ didn’t do this, or ‘I’ did do that. She didn’t acknowledge that there were two of you parenting these grandchildren. Any reason why?”
Daddy sat up straighter and wrung his hands. Reuben knew he hated being put on the spot, especially in front of his entire family. But according to Pastor Taylor, sometimes the hot seat was the only wake-up call a person got.
“She just talks like that,” Daddy said in a faltering voice. “She always wants to take the blame for everything.”
“If there’s any blame, is she the only one who deserves it?” Pastor Taylor asked.
Daddy didn’t respond.
“When she was drinking, where were you, Brother Charles? When the children needed someone to talk to, or a parent to make them feel secure, were you here? Who made the final decisions about Yasmin’s modeling? Sister Irene?”
“We both did,” Daddy choked out. His eyes were downcast, and his shoulders slumped forward.
“I’m not asking these questions to beat you up, Brother Charles,” Pastor Taylor said.
Although Daddy hadn’t lifted his head, the minister stared at him, lovingly.
“I want you to think about what I’m asking. I want you to hear the guilt your wife is feeling. I want both of you to own your role as parents, and then forgive yourselves for being human.
“Before you can get to the forgiveness, though, you’ve got to look in the mirror and be real about your human shortcomings. When you accept whatever role you played, or didn’t play, you can move forward.”
Daddy raised his eyes and looked at Pastor Taylor. “What do you mean, did or didn’t play? I was here. I was their father.”
Pastor Taylor leaned forward and nodded. Reuben had become so familiar with his body language that he knew Pastor Taylor felt like they were getting somewhere.
“You may have been here physically, but what about emotionally? You had a wife struggling with alcoholism. How did that affect you? Did you check out to keep your sanity? Did you emotionally detach so it wouldn’t hurt so much?
“If you did any of those things, were you fully here, parenting and being a husband who made wise decisions and led from the heart, or one who just went through the motions of what you thought a man should do? There is a difference, you know.”
Indigo, her eyes filled with tears, turned toward Reuben and mouthed for him to make Pastor Taylor stop. Before Reuben could respond, Max leaned into her and whispered something in her ear.
She wiped a tear from her eye and bit her lip.
Pastor Taylor sat back and looked at everyone in the room. “I’m not trying to get you folks angry tonight, or make you feel bad about yourselves. I’m actually here to discuss Yasmin. But before we can get to the baby of the family and what can be done to help her, we have to look at the foundational issues of how everyone in this room got where they are, alright?”
When no one responded, Pastor Taylor kept talking. “Sister Irene, you pray about what I said earlier and ask God what he wants you to do about that award. Brother Charles, I meant what I said: I’m not tryi
ng to beat you up, brother. I just want us all to get real tonight, so that as a family, regardless of where Yasmin winds up, you can start a new chapter in a good place, trusting each other and loving each other at a whole new level. You’ve got to own who you have been before you can decide to become who God is calling you to be.”
Reuben nodded. “Amen, Pastor.” He looked from Mama to Daddy and took a deep breath. “Remember the conversation Peyton and I had with you two about how Indigo was feeling, and about how she needed you?”
His parents nodded and he continued. “That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been working on myself. I’ve been meeting with Pastor Taylor for a while, to get over issues from my past that we’ve already talked about. As I’ve worked on that, I’ve learned how to get real with myself, so I can be real with God and with other people.
“I know how you may be feeling right now, Daddy,” Reuben said. “But going down that uncomfortable path with Pastor Taylor has been the wake-up call I needed. Peyton and Charles David needed me to grow up. I needed me to grow up, and I had to let go of the old me in order to do that.”
Pastor Taylor pulled one of his smooth moves to lighten the mood. “Ain’t nobody telling you and Sister Irene that your growth is stunted,” he said and laughed. Everyone joined him. “Brother Reuben means he has grown emotionally and spiritually. Everyone’s needs and seasons are different—which brings me to why I am here tonight.”
Pastor Taylor glanced at Indigo, who sat up straight in her seat. Max draped his arm across her shoulders in support.
“Mama, Daddy, I have something to tell you,” she said.
Daddy sat up and looked angry. “I’m not ready to be a great-grandfather again, young lady.”
Indigo and Max blushed. “Daddy!”
Pastor Taylor coughed. “Let’s try this again. Indigo wants to share some news about Yasmin.”
Mama clutched her chest. “Please tell me nothing bad has happened to her! What is it?”
Dreams That Won't Let Go Page 18
