“Hi, I’m Nicole.” She sat down meeting everyone’s gaze and lightly skipping over me. I froze then felt a little shaky. This wasn’t good. We went around and introduced ourselves. I simply lifted my hand an inch off my desk and stated my name.
“Emily.” This was now the last place I wanted to be. Even more disconcerting was that after our quick introductions, the professor informed us that these discussion groups were ours for the semester. I sunk into my seat further, trying to muster the strength to participate. Luckily, one of our group members liked to hear himself talk, so I don’t think anyone noticed I was shrinking into my seat. I knew I couldn’t do this all semester, but right then, I couldn’t do anything else.
Once she dismissed us, I bolted out of there and straight over to my last class of the day. Another design class. Thank goodness. I welcomed the History of Asian Design with open arms and absorbed every slide. Anything to get my mind off the thought of sharing a group with Nicole for weeks. Then I wondered if Graham knew we were in the same class? I guess not if they weren’t seeing each other anymore. Hmm. I still wondered.
FOURTEEN
And Back to Work
I pulled up to the office building and with a thunk put my car in park. After a summer here I was comfortable; a fixture in the office. I enjoyed the work and the feeling that I belonged. I left my books in the back seat and reached for my purse. I ran my fingers through my hair and added some lip gloss so I wouldn’t look like I felt: trampled. I dressed nicer than a regular school day, knowing I’d be here after class. No jeans or shorts.
Walking through the reception area and past the sea of cubicles, I nodded to colleagues. My desk was exactly as I left it. Two rolls of drawings and the half finished elevation I wanted to complete today. I sat down and got right to it. The office was quiet that afternoon because the rest of the interns were in class and my row of cubicles was essentially empty. I was fully engrossed, and had been working for about an hour when I heard footsteps pause.
“Hi.” He rested his hand on the partition of my cubicle then lifted it in a short wave.
“You’re back,” I said in a matter-of-fact way, but smiling widely.
“I am. It’s good to see you, Emily. How’s it been around here?”
“Good. Busy, of course, but fine.”
“Good and fine. That’s it, huh?” He leaned into the cubicle more and whispered. “I’m sure there’s more to tell. I’ve been gone for weeks. How about dinner tonight?” I started to accept, then remembered I had plans with Graham. Oh to have to explain that, I thought. Better not.
“Oh, I can’t tonight. Rain check?” I titled my head trying to be cute. It may have been overkill.
“Sure.” His smile faded a little, but he didn’t seem put off by my lack of availability. He turned his attention to the drawings on my desk. “Can I take a look?” He didn’t have to ask, I thought.
“Of course.” I moved aside.
“This is good, Emily. Nice pen weight and sharp lines.” These were hand-drawn, as opposed to computer-generated work. I had little experience working with Colin on anything except computer work, so I was happy he found it satisfactory.
“What about here?” I pointed to the way I strung my dimensions together. “Is that right?”
“Sure. You can always try it this way.” He reached across my desk for a piece of tracing paper, placed it over the drawing and began a dimension string with arrows as opposed to the hatch marks I was using. “But remember, the set should match, so stick with the same technique throughout.” As he instructed me, our shoulders touched. Although I was learning from him, something was different between us. It wasn’t at all like when I’d been his student, and it even felt different than the last time I was near him at the benefit.
“Thanks.” I set down my pencil. “So you’re back for good, or just to check in?”
“No, for good. The rest of the San Bruno team can finish up the submittals. I’m glad to be back. It’s cold up there, even in the summer.”
“I know. It’s different.” I remembered many cold summer days in the Bay Area too when I’d visit my grandparents.
“Have you spent much time there?” He leaned back against the desk next to me.
“Yeah. My grandparents live there. In the East Bay actually.”
“Oh, they do?”
“Uh Huh.” I watched him wondering what was going through his head. He was listening to me for sure, but seemed to have something else going on up there too.
He played with his fingers for a second. “Hmm.” He paused as if he was thinking of what to say next. “So, no dinner tonight, huh?” So that was it. I shrugged my shoulders, palms up, as if there was nothing I could do about it.
He looked down at his hands again, smiled and pushed away from my desk. I thought he was just heading back to his desk but he paused, resting his hand on the partition again. “What about this weekend?” Was it my imagination, or was he persistent? I didn’t remember this about him from before.
“Sure.” I sat in my chair and pulled myself up to my desk. His smile broadened, then he was away.
FIFTEEN
Dinner with Graham
Getting ready for dinner with Graham was different than it had been before. With him, there was always the anticipation of seeing him, the comfort in the familiarity of him, and of course the passion and intensity that was part of being around him last year. But as I picked out clothes and pulled up my hair, none of those feelings overpowered me like they did before. Instead, I felt the longing ache I’d been feeling for months. I felt question after question troubling me…and I was afraid to ask any of them. My final struggle landed on truth. What could I truly believe? There was so much we needed to cover. The idea of just a date with him seemed impossible. Defeated, I dropped my shoes to my closet floor. Confusion seemed to be my middle name lately.
I heard a knock at the door. I quickly slipped shoes on and was at the door in a flash. He looked confident and fine—as he always did. The movement of the door moved the scent of him to me. It was delicious and I felt all my senses ignite.
He leaned in and cupped the side of my face with his hand. “Hi.” Before I could respond he kissed me on the neck. The touch of his lips felt soft, warm…and electric. There was so much for us to work out, but with his lips against my skin, I wanted to forget about it. He walked past me into the apartment. I shut the door behind us and paused to regain my composure.
“So.” He tossed his keys in the air and caught them in the same hand. “What do you want to do, beautiful?” Oh how I used to love that. Used to. I looked down at my feet.
“Emily?” He turned around and walked back to me. “What’s up? Don’t you want to go out?” The truth was, I didn’t know. I shrugged and my eyes started to well up. He sighed and brought me into his arms, holding me to him.
I rested my head against his chest, then remembered I didn’t answer him. I looked up. “No. I mean, yes.”
He kissed the top of my head then pulled away leaving his hands on my shoulders. “So which is it?” He smiled, but seemed annoyed by my indecisiveness. Probably because I wasn’t able to roll right back into our relationship as if nothing had happened.
“Um.” I pondered my options and moved to the couch. He followed. I wedged myself into the corner and sat with my legs crossed in front of me. He sat beside me.
I paused, thinking of several ways to start this conversation. It was a subject we had gone over, but I still wasn’t satisfied with how we left things. “You know when you walked me to class today?” He nodded looking perplexed. “Nicole and I have that class together.” I watched closely for his reaction…any reaction.
He took a deep breath but said nothing for a moment. “So, did she say something? Is that what’s bothering you?” he asked.
“No, we didn’t talk or anything. I just wondered if you knew she would be in that class.”
“How would I?” he answered. And quickly. But did he really answer?
“So you’re still not seeing her?”
“Emily.” He stood up and walked to the kitchen table. He sat in one of the chairs and rested his forearms on his thighs. “How many times are we going to go over this?” He looked aggravated. That wasn’t my intention, but I had questions. Then I felt regret. I guess he’d answered them. My shoulders slumped for the second time in about twenty minutes. Not a great start to our evening.
“Sorry.” I sighed.
“Come on.” He stood up and lifted his arm for me to join him. “Let’s go enjoy the night.” I tucked myself under his arm. I guess I needed to let it go.
Dinner was nice but kind of quiet. We kept the conversation light, and although it didn’t feel like it did last year, I was content to give it a chance. I needed to stop fixating on Nicole and the past, and start living in the present. At least that’s what I told myself.
When we returned to my apartment, he followed me in. I wanted him there with me, but then I thought maybe we should try to take things slow. Of course as soon as the thought entered my mind, I felt him against me with his lips on my shoulder. The touch of him and the warmth between us was enough to make my body switch to auto pilot. I knew it would be easy to fall back into these old habits, but I truly wanted to take it slow.
My mind won the imaginary arm wrestle with my body. I squeezed his upper arms with my hands. “Graham. Stop.” I whispered it, but firmly. I felt his lips move away, but he stayed near, as if he was waiting for a new invitation.
“I think we should slow things down.” I ran my hand along the side of his head and tilted his face to meet mine. I could almost see the wind go out of him as I deflated his plans.
The evening was short after that. He stayed in support of my “slowing it down” agenda. But he didn’t stay long. When his lips brushed mine to say goodnight, I hoped he would continue to understand. I waited in the doorway and watched him drive away. I wondered again if I was making the right decision.
SIXTEEN
Dinner with Colin
The week rounded out quickly, leaving a nice fat weekend ahead. Classes went smoothly. I didn’t have Women’s Studies again that week, so there were no Nicole sightings. Come to think of it, no Graham either. He called and we talked, but with work and school we didn’t make plans. I could’ve picked that apart a bit more, but I was distracted by my upcoming date with Colin.
It was Friday afternoon at work and I was finishing up a color board when I started to notice people congregating in the break room. Whitney poked her head out of her cubicle, and motioned toward the groups of people. I unplugged my glue gun and met her at her desk.
“What’s going on?” I whispered, pointing toward the break room.
“Sharon’s birthday.” She dropped her pen and grabbed my hand leading me like a small child. This was the first intra-office celebration I had attended. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was hoping for cake.
When Sharon walked in, everyone burst into the Happy Birthday song and the crowd parted enough for me to see a big cake. My mouth watered. I love cake.
“Can I get you a piece?” He was directly behind me. I looked over my shoulder at him, smiled, nodded, and then turned back around to meet Whitney’s face full of mischief.
He brought back a piece for each of us, which leveled the heap of obvious that seemed to hang around us. I caught little glances from Sharon and Whitney from time to time, as we stood and talked side-by-side taking bites between comments. I don’t know if it was his nearness and knowing we had a date that night, or the little smiles that flashed across almost everyone’s face as they passed us. Either way, I felt the heat as it spread across my cheeks.
Luckily, the moment passed quickly and we finished the day working as usual in our cubicles. Even though our plans were set for tonight, he dropped by my desk before he left. Whitney looked over her shoulder at us as we talked. He rested his forearms on the edge of my cubicle with a smug and ever so cute look on his face. He didn’t say anything but watched me roll up a set of drawings.
“Colin?” I tried my most serious and professional voice.
“Emily.” He mimicked me. And just when I thought he couldn’t be cuter, he leaned further over the partition and whispered. “So, I’ll pick you up at eight?”
Reconfirming the already confirmed. He was organized. I had to admit that. “I’ll see you then.” I whispered just as he had, not terribly concerned if anyone heard us. He leaned in just the slightest bit more before he pushed his hands against the partition and moved away. He turned the corner, gone in an instant. I stared in his direction.
“Oh, Emily?” Whitney took his place next to my cubicle with her purse slung over her shoulder. “You heading out?”
“Yeah.” I reached over, turned off my desk light and grabbed my purse. “I’ll walk with you.” I think that was her plan anyway. We barely reached the stairs before she rattled off a string of questions.
“You’re finally going out on a real date with him?” She didn’t wait for me to answer. “And what took you so long anyway? If it were me I would’ve been on my back months ago.”
“Whitney!” I’d never heard her talk like this. But somehow I wasn’t completely surprised. I was going to pretend her questions were rhetorical, but she continued.
“So, what’s up with you? Why have you hesitated the slightest? He’s been into you since you started at the firm.”
“I haven’t hesitated.” She rolled her eyes at me.
“Still hung up on someone else huh?” How was she getting this out of me, in the time it took us to descend one fight of stairs? Might as well tell her. It didn’t seem like she was going to let it go.
“Yeah. I guess. My boyfriend.” I paused questioning the word. “Or, ex-boyfriend. I don’t know.”
“Sounds confusing.”
“It is.”
“Well, maybe it shouldn’t be, Emily.” She was direct; I’ll give her that. I shrugged.
“I mean, you’re like what? Nineteen? Shouldn’t you be having fun?” I shrugged again, but she got me thinking. I should be having fun and tonight I was going to. We hugged a brief, friendly hug, and went in opposite directions to our respective cars.
I knew I had plenty of time to get ready, but somehow felt I should hurry. As soon as I walked into my apartment, I went straight to the closet and ran my fingers across every top and skirt I owned. I held up a black silk sleeveless top in one hand, and a red print wrap skirt in the other. It seemed a likely outfit, yet making the decision about what to wear didn’t calm my nerves as it usually did. I laid out the top and skirt, staring at my choices. It would do. I fidgeted more as I looked around the apartment for something to do. I glanced at my alarm clock: It was only six in the evening and Colin wasn’t due to pick me up until eight. Two hours was plenty of time and probably just the perfect amount for me to lose my mind in a frenzy of nerves. I turned toward the closet again knowing just what I needed to do to burn some time. I pulled my shirt over my head, dropped the rest of my clothes to the floor, and reached for running shoes.
A couple of miles under my feet in the warm fall weather were exactly what I’d needed. My nerves were calm again. I pushed open my front door to hear someone leaving the last couple of words of a message on my answering machine. Only two words and I knew who it was. I walked over and pressed play.
“Hey Emily. Just wondering what you’re up to tonight.” Then a pause. “I guess you’re not home. I’ll call you later.” Then Graham hung up. I stared at the answering machine as if it would give me the answer I needed. To call or not to call? I decided talking with Graham right before my date with Colin was probably not a great idea. Things were still so up in the air with Graham. I wanted to discuss Colin with Graham probably about as much as he wanted to discuss Nicole with me. What to do about him? I pondered the question for a split second before I decided to do nothing. Tonight was going to be fun. And fun with Colin. I let it go, and headed for the shower.
I
took extra time lathering up my hair and letting bubbles follow the warm water down my back. I stepped out, wrapping myself in my favorite white fluffy towel. I blew my hair out; straight this time.
With more effort than it appeared, I put on the right amount of makeup and let my full, straight hair fall down my back. The silk top and skirt looked nice together. I was glad I hadn’t worn this particular outfit to work before. I looked in the mirror again, checking the skirt to make sure it looked good from the side as well as the front. I adjusted the wrap tie and looked for some shoes: it was a toss up between black strappy sandals and black open-toe pumps. I decided on the pumps and slid them on. One more quick look in the mirror, and I was ready, almost. A dot of Chanel No. 5 on my wrists and behind my hoop earrings. One final step: I swept light red lipstick across my lips and blotted with a tissue. As if he knew I was ready, I heard a knock at the door. He was a little early.
I opened the door.
“Graham.” I tried not to sound too surprised. “Hi.” I smiled nervously. Before I could stop myself the words slipped out. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s Friday night. I thought I’d surprise you.” He looked me up and down, obviously noticing I was not dressed for an evening in. His smile faded.
“You’re headed out.” He paused. Waiting in the doorway.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 9
