I thought of a million things to say, but decided on the simplest version. “Yeah.” I didn’t want to go on.
He sat beside me and turned my way taking a spoonful. I did the same, letting the cool, chocolate ice cream melt on my tongue. “What about you? Grocery shopping can’t be all you’ve been up to.”
“No, that’s not all I’ve been doing,” he said playfully. But he didn’t answer me. Instead he took another spoonful and smiled a closed-lipped, funny little smile. I felt myself doing the same, which came as a relief after my evening.
“So really, Emily, what’s new with the suitors?” he asked. I wondered why he cared, but I figured I wouldn’t be able to carry on this ‘just taking the trash out’ act too much longer.
“No suitors.” I set my bowl down in my lap. “Not anymore.”
“Really? What happened?” He didn’t look like he was teasing me when he asked. He genuinely looked concerned. That was a first, and kind of comforting.
“It’s a long story.” I picked my bowl up again and took another spoonful. It dissolved quickly, letting me continue. “It didn’t work out.”
“But I thought I just saw you with one of them earlier tonight,” he went on. “What happened?”
I really didn’t want to go into it. So I shortened it to the bottom line. “The boyfriend that was an ex-boyfriend crossing paths with someone new doesn’t exactly work.” I thought that summed it up.
“So, tonight?” he asked.
“Yep. It all blew up.” I felt the tears start to well up again. I looked down immediately, averting my eyes.
Kyle set down his bowl and leaned toward me. “Emily?” His voice was soft and concerned. I didn’t look up. “Emily.” His soft tone coaxed my eyes up. “It will be OK. You’ll be fine.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I asked, whining a little.
“Because.” He leaned back. “I’m your friend.” His words echoed in my head. My eyes opened wider, and I knew, at that very moment that friend-land was where I needed to be. Truly.
TWENTY-SEVEN
Friend-land
Weeks passed, and although I saw Colin at the office, it was never the same. We rarely spoke. I was forced to deal with the fact that I’d blown it with him. He was cordial, nice even, but it was over. And before it ever really got started. At school I didn’t run into Graham. That too was over, but thankfully so.
Before long, moving day arrived. I’d taken over most of my boxes little by little, and only the furniture and a few smaller items remained. My brother and my friends rallied. Ethan, Joel, and Kyle carried all the big stuff while Trish, Allison, and I tucked lamps under our arms and balanced other manageable items. We passed each other, exchanging smart remarks and playful banter. It didn’t take long until my things were among Trish’s. I had one more load of small stuff and I was finished.
The guys, looking tired and hot, sat among the boxes and cozied up to their beers. Allison and Trish were unpacking like the champs they were. I decided to make the last trip on my own.
Winter had settled in, but I still rolled my windows down for the drive. It was cold only by southern California standards, anyway. I don’t think it was below sixty degrees that day. I parked in my usual space, taking in my surroundings. My car door made its usual creaking sound as it swung shut with a loud clunk. My old car. Oh, how I still loved it. My attention returned to the walkways and finally my front door. I’d miss this place. It had been less than two years, but it had been my home. Memories formed here. Some I was trying to forget, but others were too good to ever let go.
I walked into the now-empty apartment. The last plant and lamp remained, looking sad alone on the living room floor. I ran my hand along the wall as I walked past the kitchen and into the living room. I made one last sweep through, heading toward my bedroom, pausing first by the bathroom. I lingered in the doorway. Many baths. Many, many baths, I thought to myself. I remembered how I often thought of Christian while surrounded by bubbles. How I could almost hear his voice…it seemed so long ago. Another thought crossed my mind. One far more recent. Sexier times with Graham. Those were definitely better times—at least until the end. But they were over too.
I moved to my bedroom, empty now. But really, I thought, even with all the furniture, lately it had been just as empty. No letters from Christian and no more Graham. Even though sadness was still part of things, I knew Graham wasn’t for me anymore. All of the deception. It was just too much ever to forgive. Like my grandmother had said, I knew the answers before I acted on them. It had long been over with Graham. It just took the final fall of the gavel to make me realize it. And Christian. I’d always hold a special place for him, and wonder if there was something I could’ve done—or not done—to save that relationship. There were so many nights I thought of him. So many nights I wondered.
But through all of it, I finally understood something that had taken me forever to figure out. Ordinarily, I would’ve tried to fill that room again. Once Christian, Graham, and Colin weren’t there anymore, I would’ve tried to replace them. Fill the void, so to speak. But this time I knew I didn’t need to spend my time filling anything. There was no void. I was perfectly complete without looking for the next guy to complete me. All I needed was me. Well, me, and some very important people who now lived with me in friend-land.
I set down the lamp and plant while I turned the key in the lock for the last time. With a click it was closed. Not just the door, but a chapter in my life. I left the keys in the drop box for the landlord and headed to my new home.
They were ordering pizza when I got there.
“What’ll it be, Em’ly?” Joel asked when I walked through the door. A strange sort of quiet fell over the room. Eyes were on me as if more hung on the reply than my favorite topping. I answered immediately.
“Pepperoni for me.” Once I spit the words out as if they had been waiting on the tip of my tongue to escape, the group went back into deliberations for the second pizza. I felt full in that moment. Not “pizza full,” but something else. A figurative kind of fullness. I welcomed it.
I looked around while they phoned in the order. Allison and Trish had done an amazing job putting almost everything away. I could hardly believe it. Trish had impeccable taste, and our furniture went together perfectly. I was sure she had a hand in arranging it. I poured myself a glass of soda.
“Everything looks great, guys. Thanks so much.” I looked from face to face, noting the varied expressions. Although each distinct, they all said the same thing. They were all there for me, and in so many ways.
Trish wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “So what’s the plan, roomie?”
“You mean beyond eating pizza?” I knew she meant more.
“Yeah, beyond pizza.” Allison answered, jumping in.
“No plans. Pizza’s as far as I’m looking now,” I said, relieved I really meant it. “And maybe the beach.” They all laughed. Ethan stood with his arm around Allison. Trish patted my shoulder; Kyle and Joel looked on affectionately. I was surrounded by so much love. Why couldn’t I have seen this before? I was set. Content. This was how it was supposed to be.
After pizza, my tired friends said their goodbyes and made their exits. Trish hugged me and retreated to her room to give me some space. It was nice of her to let me get acquainted with the place. I flicked every light on and off, and ran my hand along every wall before my eyes started to droop and I felt the day descend on me. I walked down the hall toward the bedroom. A sinking dread hit me when I realized, in my tired state, that I had to put sheets, blankets and pillowcases on my bed. I threw my head back and sighed. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I flicked on the light and my mouth dropped open. Everything was perfect. My jewelry box was centered on my dresser. My mirror was standing in the corner, and my bed was made, down to the three small blue pillows that topped the quilt. I looked back over my shoulder.
“Trish?” I called.
“Yeah?” she answered poking he
r head from her bedroom doorway.
“Thanks.” I swallowed feeling the emotion bubble up. “For everything.”
Her eyes softened. “Welcome home, Emily.” She smiled and gently closed her bedroom door. I looked back at my room, walked over to my bed, and dropped on it.
Thank goodness. I finally had a soft place to land.
THE END
An Excerpt from Emily’s Calling
ONE
A New Day
When I woke up it seemed like an ordinary day. I heard my roommate Trish in the kitchen making coffee and I knew the aroma would find its way to my room in minutes. I rolled onto my back and pulled the covers up to my chin. The sun streamed in around the edges of the roman shade. All was as it usually was. Then I remembered. It was no ordinary day. It was graduation day.
I sat up and let the sheet fall from my chest to my waist. I wiggled my toes and lifted my knees in excitement. It was a fine day indeed. Then I got a little nauseous. Oh, no! I leaned forward. Nope. I’m OK. False alarm. Why was I so nervous? Yes, it was a big deal, but really, Emily, calm yourself.
Then again, there were quite a few people coming to witness this day. Mom, Hunter, and Grandma would arrive together, and soon. Dad said he would meet us there. He’d probably arrive late; but he’d be there. Ethan would be there too. Of course he would. He only lived minutes away. And it’s not like he’d miss Allison’s graduation. They were “in love.” I pretended to gag. When did I become so cynical? Oh yeah, I remember. After my near-death experience. Well, not really. But my heart did break into a million pieces from the turbulent relationship with Graham. But that wasn’t something I wanted to think about right now. Now was the time to celebrate. And, at that, I got up and went to the kitchen for a celebratory cup of coffee.
“Good morning, graduating class of 1994.” Trish lifted her cup in my direction. Her long, auburn hair was pulled into a ponytail, and in even the most casual shorts she still could easily have passed for a model: tall-thin-beautiful. A combination you would hate about her if she weren’t so completely likeable.
“It is a good morning, isn’t it?” I said as I approached the kitchen. She handed me a cup and rested against the countertop. I poured quickly and lifted it to my lips. It was a ritual that started my first day of college – which now seemed long ago. Trish rolled her eyes as she usually did at my morning ritual but did so with a smirk.
“So when’s the family getting in?” she asked holding onto her cup with both hands.
“Mom, Grandma and Hunter should get to Ethan’s house…” I looked at the microwave clock. “In a couple of hours. What about your family?”
“You remember. I have to pick them up at the airport.” She looked at her watch. “Now! Crap!” I heard the slam of the coffee cup as she grabbed the keys from across the counter, then the door shut before I had a chance to say anything.
“Bye,” I called after the door closed. Then I heard a knock about two seconds later. At her fierce pace, I was sure it wasn’t Trish.
I opened the door and fresh beach air rushed over and past me. “Joel. Hey.” I moved aside for him to enter. He was dressed in his running gear.
“Hey Em’ly. You forgot again, didn’t you?” Joel’s thick Louisiana accent still held true though he’d lived in southern California now for years. I could always hear it best when he said my name. He pronounced it like no one else. And yes, I had forgotten.
“I’ll be right back.” I ran to my room to change and when I turned to close the door I saw him pick up one of Trish’s Cosmopolitan magazines briefly then toss it back on the table as if simply holding it would make him a little more feminine. Guys! Whatever.
In no time I was in my running clothes and on the familiar path Joel and I found a couple of years earlier. It followed the side of a mountain that rose abruptly from the sandy beach down a bit from the house Trish and I rented. The weeds were tall on the hill for this early in the summer, but the path remained clear; a sign that we weren’t the only ones who used it regularly.
I let Joel lead and fell into his pace fairly easily considering he had a much longer stride than me. We talked, keeping our voices above the sound of the crashing waves below. As if he didn’t know I would have trouble talking through my breathing on our climb up the hill, he asked me a question. “Sue and Hunter will be gettin’ in soon, huh? And your Dad, right?”
Two things were funny about those questions. One, my mom, Susan, only let Joel call her Sue. Otherwise, she hated the nickname. Two, he knew when they were getting in. He and Ethan had been best friends for years now. And, as my friend too, he knew I knew. I responded briefly anyway. “Yeah.”
“So, you excited about tonight?”
Seriously Joel? Can’t we wait until we reach the top? I thought to myself then responded briefly again. “Yeah.”
We reached the top and I stopped, bent at the waist and rested my hands on my thighs searching for my breath.
“Is that fun for you?” I tried my angry face but behind it was a joking one, so it didn’t work.
“What?”
“You know that hill kills me.” I stood up and stretched my arm across my chest. “Yet you always force me to talk on our way up.”
He leaned toward me. “I know.”
“Brat!” He’d definitely earned that title after three years running together. He was a good friend. The best, really. But, still a pain in the you-know-what. “Did you talk to Ethan today? Is Allison excited about graduation?”
“No, I didn’t call. You know how those two are. I’m sure they were still staring into each other’s eyes over breakfast or something.”
“Probably.”
I sighed after I took a drink from my water bottle then we started along the path again. That was one thing we both agreed on. Allison, once only my college friend, started dating my brother at the end of our freshman year and they’d been inseparable ever since. As much as it made me happy that they had each other, it was still a little sickening to me, a single girl. Joel, on the other hand, was in a long-standing, long-distance relationship with his high school sweetheart. I imagined his annoyance with their cooing love glances had to do with how much he missed her.
We turned and headed back. It was heating up and promised to be a warm day. I felt the perspiration on my neck and forehead and wiped my face with the back of my hand. I looked at Joel and saw his sandy-brown hair growing darker on the sides, a true indication of sweating. Thank goodness it wasn’t just me. I knew he was the stronger runner, but I didn’t always like to admit it. We looped around and were back on the path that hugged the side of the mountain overlooking the beach. Cars were already lined up, parallel parked with their trunks popped, full of beach chairs and towels. I heard the surfers shout to each other over the crashing waves. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but their ramblings were probably full of the words “bro” and “dude.” I smiled as I relished how content I felt as I ran the last stretch of trail before it opened up to the beach. Physical exertion combined with the salty and crisp scent of the ocean air spelled perfect for me.
Joel smacked my back gently as he came to a walk beside me. “Sorry I’ll miss tonight. You better tell me all ’bout it.”
I nodded. It was a bummer he couldn’t come to my graduation. We’d had such a blast when he and Ethan graduated a couple of years earlier. But I understood. He was leaving for Louisiana in a few hours: visiting his girlfriend for the week and probably trying to talk her into moving out next year when she graduated. I wondered how that discussion would go.
“So, next Tuesday. A night run? Em’ly?”
“Sure,” I replied out of breath and pissed off in a funny kind of way that he had no trouble reinstating his jog all the way to his car. He was pulling out of his parking spot and waving to me before I even crossed the street to get to my house.
Trish wasn’t back yet with her parents so I thought it a perfect opportunity to hurry and get cleaned up. Mom, Hunter and Grandma wer
e going straight to Ethan and Allison’s apartment so they’d be there around noon. I didn’t have long, but long enough to take a decent shower. I passed through the living room on my way to the bathroom, again admiring the view through the big picture window that looked over the lush garden. It still amazed me that I lived in such a cute place. And right across from the beach. You can’t beat that.
I lathered up, ridding myself of the unruly hairstyle that sweat and the night left me. The shampoo made a colonial-looking pompadour before I rinsed it and felt it slide down my back. One of my favorite things about having long hair. My least favorite being of course, that I couldn’t get ready in ten minutes.
I dried off. My tan showed promise but was still pale in comparison to most people in southern California. I wear sunscreen. Lots of sunscreen. And even when I do tan there are little freckles on my shoulders and across my nose. I’ve been told they’re cute by a few people. I don’t think so.
I opened the door, listening to see if Trish and her parents had arrived. Nothing. Clear. I darted to my bedroom and closed the door as if they might walk in any second. I combed my hair and looked for my favorite jeans. They were hanging right next to my black graduation gown. Pressed and ready to go, it hung there like it was waiting to jump off the hanger onto my shoulders. Just wait, little one. Your time will come soon enough. I pulled on my jeans and a white tee shirt, sliding my feet into some yellow flip-flops before I twisted my hair up and secured it with a clip. Good for now, I thought. I’d get all “pretty” later for the commencement this evening. I walked into the living room just as the door opened.
“Hi, Mrs. Hudson.” She stepped toward me and I met her with a hug.
“It’s good to see you, Emily.” I’d only met Trish’s parents once before but they were warm people, and always accepted a hug or two.
“Emily!” Trish’s Dad came in.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 16
