TWENTY-FIVE
The Ball
As planned, I took my time getting ready. It was always important to look my best, but tonight I needed to be jaw-dropping gorgeous. And since I was, you know, me, that would take a while. Thank goodness the dilemma of ‘what to wear’ was out of the way. I decided to sweep up my hair and fasten it with a clip with rows of sparkly little stones. I pulled pieces of hair down from my temples and curled them. I know some women that can do their hair in about two seconds while carrying on a phone conversation. I, on the other hand, took about twenty minutes concentrating so hard I bit my tongue in the process. With my hair fixed, I took a long look at my face. I was never that great with makeup. Every time I made an attempt to vary my look, I ended up looking the same. I evened out my skin tone with a light foundation then looked again. I spent extra time on my eyes trying to accomplish something dramatic. I stepped back when I was finished. It wasn’t half bad for a makeup rookie. I’d always heard that you shouldn’t wear a bright lipstick when you emphasize your eyes. I swept a sheer coral lipstick across my lips and topped it with a clear gloss.
Still wrapped in my robe, I had a hard time seeing if my hair and makeup look good together. I decided I needed different light and walked into my bedroom. I approached my full length mirror in the corner and dropped my robe. I giggled. No one would see me like this, that’s for sure. But true, without the robe I did get a better idea. I held up the dress, still on the hanger, and that, plus the natural light from my window instead of the harsh bathroom lighting, helped. I glanced at the clock. Wow, I did take my time getting ready. Colin was due to arrive in a few minutes. I exhaled, suddenly nervous. I took a black strapless bra and matching panties out of my dresser drawer and slipped them on. Well, the panties slipped. The bra was a little more difficult to situate. Finally successful with the undergarments, I lifted the dress off the hanger and stepped into it, zipping up the side. I dotted my wrists and collarbone with Chanel No. 5 almost as an afterthought, but not quite. The strappy black shoes slid right on, and I was ready for the ball. I felt a little less like Cinderella and a little more like the wicked stepmother, but I was ready.
Colin knocked right on time. I opened the door, and felt the whoosh of air pass my face, picking up pieces of hair around my temples. He was posed with a smile, but it faded when I looked up at him.
“What?” I asked, and not eloquently.
“Emily, you…you look like. You’re just.” He took a breath in slowly. “Beautiful.”
“Thank you. Come in.” Colin stepped forward but paused in front of me. He moved in a little closer. I could feel his warm breath as it tickled the skin across my collar bone and my neck. I froze, loving the way it felt to be close to him, but wondering what he would do next. I watched his hand as it rose from his side pausing in front of me for the slightest moment, before he touched my face. Just his thumb at first, then he cupped my face with his hand.
“Thank you. For inviting me.” He let his hand linger along my shoulder before he walked into the living room. I didn’t move for the briefest time thinking about how hot those few seconds were. Then I had a fleeting thought. This was a date, wasn’t it? With all my plotting, I hadn’t really thought of it that way. But I knew Colin understood me. I knew he’d see my action against Graham as assertive. Then we could be together. I turned toward him.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, realizing I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t think I had much to offer him.
“No, I’m fine,” he said as he turned back towards me. He lifted his chin to adjust his tie.
“Here,” I said approaching him. “It’s still a little…” I concentrated and straightened it. “There, perfect.” My hands stayed on his tie and slid down to the bottom point. I wanted to stay there a while. We were close and it was nice. His hazel eyes looked green tonight with the black suit and crisp white shirt. And although his hair was obviously combed; it looked a little different than it usually did at the office. Maybe just a little messed with. I don’t know. But it worked.
“I guess we’re ready,” he said. I felt his hands on the small of my back. Barely, but I still felt them there. All this touching was new. And the way his eyes studied my face. My head felt a little foggy.
“Ready? Oh, yes. We can go.” I said, distracted. He stepped away, and took a couple of steps in the direction of the door before turning back to offer me his hand. I picked up my wrap and clutch with one hand and took his hand with the other. We were on our way.
I lifted the skirt of my dress a little as I stepped into the passenger’s seat. Colin waited and watched before closing the door. He got in and started the car, but before he backed out, I felt his hand around mine. Then he switched his grasp to my fingers and pulled my hand to his lips. It felt different than Graham. I don’t mean his touch, but instead the way he kissed my hand. Without a sense of entitlement, but with tenderness. I felt my mouth drop open. Then I snapped it shut, embarrassed. He let my hand go, placing it back on my dress as he turned around to back out. His face was relaxed, his smile was charming.
We arrived in a flash. It couldn’t have been a more beautiful setting for a ball. The hills stacked up on one side, while the ocean sprawled out for miles on the other. The sun was just setting, casting a blanket of pink light across the water. Had I been there for any other reason than to destroy Graham, I might have noticed how romantic it was.
Colin helped me out of the car, waiting again as I lifted the long dress. With his hand at my waist, he led me into the main room. Distracted immediately, I moved ahead letting his hand drop. My eyes searched the room nervously for Nicole and Graham. I didn’t see them. I let out a sigh and turned to Colin. He was paces behind me looking confused. Oh man, I’d done it, and barely seconds into the room. I knew my mission, but being rude to Colin wasn’t on the list. I smiled. A sincere smile, and reached for his. He stepped ahead, leaning toward my ear.
“Are you in a hurry?” he asked. I felt myself cringe a little at my behavior.
“No, not at all.” I leaned toward him touching my shoulder to his playfully. He returned his hand to my back, leading me into the room. When a server entered our general vicinity Colin glanced at me before leaving to get us drinks. I picked at my fingernails and shifted my weight between my feet while I scanned the room for them. This time, I tried to be less obvious. Within seconds Colin was back with two Champagne glasses.
While we tasted our drinks we both observed the building, as all good designers do. It was a nice location, but the structure itself was a little nondescript. The only other similar event I’d been to was the benefit our firm had thrown. And having it at the Pacific Center was quite the venue. This was a co-venture between the Theta house and the Executive Women’s Association. Both able party throwers, I’m sure, but this one wasn’t on the same level as TWP.
It was still lovely. The band changed tunes to a Frank Sinatra song. I recognized it right away, thinking how much my grandfather loved it. I must have been smiling to myself because Colin noticed.
“What?” he asked, looking at me for a clue.
“Oh, nothing. Just the music.” I pointed up insinuating the music surrounding us.
“Well? Shall we?” He took my glass.
“Absolutely.”
He spun me around with ease and know-how, bringing me into him with one swift movement. One hand rested on my lower back and the other clasped my hand. We had danced together before, but this time he held me closer and looked at me differently. For just a few moments, it was as if we were completely alone. His eyes as they watched me, the touch of his cheek against mine, and the feel of his breath on my neck…then I snapped out of it. I began to search again looking for Graham and Nicole. Over his shoulder I scanned the room, happy he couldn’t see what I was doing. Then I saw them.
I wasn’t sure how long they’d been there. My guess was not long, but I couldn’t be sure. She stood tall next to him with her arm intertwined with his. As usual
he looked unbelievable. But add the dark suit and white collared shirt with a summer tan that refused to fade, and the combination made my heart skip a beat. I felt my lips part as I stared at him. Then my view changed as Colin turned me in another direction. I stayed with his dance stride knowing I’d soon turn back. It was only seconds before they were in my sights again. My attention turned to Nicole. She stood opposite him now. Not smiling but still present in his company with one hand on his arm. I found myself admiring how good they looked together. Her hair swept up perfectly. Her dress was red, long, and off the shoulder. She was a vision next to him. I shook myself out of it. Focus, Emily! Then it happened. Graham looked up. I felt a lump in my throat the size of a tennis ball. I moved my hand along Colin’s back and looked straight at Graham, my face as still and hard as stone. He stared harder, mouth dropping open a little, and although he was quite a distance from me, I saw that tan start to fade. We turned again and I felt myself breathe.
The music slowed and Colin spun me under his arm, bringing me back into him for the final beat. I gave him a smile that wouldn’t have been forced under any other circumstances. We applauded the band and returned to our drinks.
You OK, Emily?” he asked while he searched my face.
“Yes. Of course.” I pulled a breath through my nose knowing what I needed to do next. My hope was Colin would stay put. “Would you excuse me for a minute?” I rested my hand on his upper arm.
He nodded and took a sip of his drink. I moved swiftly across the floor and right past Graham as if I was headed to the ladies’ room. I was stopped in my tracks. I felt him grasp my arm and pull me back toward him. Nicole was nowhere in sight.
“What’s going on, Emily?” Graham asked in a deep, uneven voice.
“What’s going on? I’m at my class event. What are you doing here?” I tried to act aloof, but I’m not sure it came off that way. He looked confused at first, then he looked in a dozen places around the room like a nervous cat.
“I’m, um, I just,” he stammered. Then I saw Nicole approach presumably from the ladies’ room.
“So I see your date has returned,” I said with the tiniest bit of snarkiness.
“I can explain,” he said leaning in. I pulled back, not wanting to be close to him at all.
“I’m sure you can, just as you have for months. It’s over Graham. I’m done.” I spat the words out as if they’d been causing me pain living inside me. I looked directly at Nicole as if to tell her that she was dismissed. She looked down, never meeting Graham’s gaze.
“Emily.” Graham reached for my upper arm lifting his other hand in the direction of Nicole. Wow. After all this time, he was still conflicted…and greedy. I paused, letting my dead stare make the response. Nicole turned and walked away. One side of my mouth turned upward noting her small victory.
“Goodbye, Graham.” I backed a step away from him. “I think this little game of yours is finally over.” I looked him up and down disapprovingly. Then I turned on my heel, ready for my exit with my head held high. I took one step and my head dropped down. Colin.
My eyes must have been huge because they certainly felt like it. He must have seen the whole thing and the expression on his face was less than welcoming. My stomach actually felt the disappointment on his face first. Sickness hit me. The idea that he’d think I was being assertive. That he’d think it was OK. Man, how wrong could I be? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. He’d been so wonderful. The one thing I hadn’t considered: Colin’s feelings.
He walked backward through the crowd. I followed him, winding through people until I reached him. He backed up further.
“You knew he’d be here, didn’t you?” he asked. I nodded. Words escaped me. “Did you set this whole thing up?” His hazel-green eyes tuned dark and his eyebrows furrowed.
“Colin, I’m so sorry.” I shook my head in embarrassment.
He paused and I could see his face harden. “And the only reason you invited me here was to…” he stopped and lowered his head.
“I…” I couldn’t even finish my sentence.
“I’m taking you home,” he said, turning to pick up my clutch and wrap.
“Colin? We don’t have to…” I started to talk, but his face said it all. We were leaving.
I followed him. This time he didn’t offer me his hand. Our exit was far less lovely than our entrance.
TWENTY-SIX
Of All the Stupid Things
The ride home was quiet. Silent in fact. While he drove, I tried to make eye contact a couple of times but with no success. My emotions moved through me in layers. First I felt bad. Then I felt guilty. Then I felt stupid. What had I done? I’d caused a public scene to humiliate someone. That wasn’t me. No matter who deserved it. And, on top of everything, I hurt Colin.
When we pulled into my apartment complex, I assumed I should just get out of his car. But he surprised me. He turned off the engine, got out, and circled the car. I started to open the door, but he caught the handle and opened it for me. It was the first time I’d seen more than the side of his face since we left. He didn’t look so angry anymore. Just blank, sort of nondescript.
I got out of the car lifting the skirt of my dress one last time. He reached for my hand and silently walked me to my door. I opened it and stepped a foot into the entry.
“Colin, I’m so sorry. Really I am. Please come in and let’s talk,” I said, trying to ease the words out as gently as I could.
He looked directly at me. His eyes full and lighter, a little of the natural cherry color of his lips returning as he wet them. I thought he might consider it. He didn’t move.
“Emily. What makes me the saddest is that I really like you,” he said, leaning his hand on the outside pillar. “But I can’t be part of this. That thing you did tonight. It’s not me.”
He knew it. He caught on that things hadn’t been over with Graham, and the drama was just too much for him. I felt my stomach sink further.
“I understand. I’m sorry.” He was right. It wasn’t me either. Not something I would normally do at all, but I didn’t feel I had the right to say so. What a stupid display. I looked down at my feet, ashamed. I felt the tears of humiliation start to well.
“I’m sorry too,” he said. I thought he would leave then, but what happened next surprised me more than I could’ve imagined. With one smooth motion Colin brought his hand to the side of my neck. He traced his fingers along my neck and throat watching where they landed as if he was plotting their next move. I watched his face, waiting for him to make eye contact. He wet his lips again, and finally looked into my eyes. I saw something else then. Something I didn’t recognize. I wanted to find out what it was. I looked deeper, and felt his fingers move up to my chin, then my cheek. His thumb brushed across my lower lip, and I could taste the salt from his skin. He took a step closer to me and his lips hovered above where my neck and shoulder met. I closed my eyes feeling his breath on my skin. He waited there for what seemed like forever. Waited. And it drove me crazy. Finally, he leaned into me, leaving one hand along my face and pulled me to him with the other. The warmth of his body pressed against me, and his mouth was on mine.
As if my body responded to him on its own, my back arched and my arms moved around him, one around his back and the other along the back of his neck. His kiss deepened, and with the rising heat, my fingers laced into his hair. I felt him pull away, but I wasn’t ready to let go. I held on tighter. He released me, and took both of my wrists in his hands. His touch on my wrists was light but direct. He returned my hands to my sides, and then touched my cheek with his palm. The look of disappointment returned.
“Goodbye, Emily.” Was all he said before he turned, and took the most unbelievable kiss I’ve ever had right along with him.
I watched him drive away and went inside. I unzipped and dropped the dress to the floor kicking my shoes toward the closet. Remembering the dress wasn’t mine, I hung it up. Still in my bra and panties, I washed my face and pulled
the pins out of my hair. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Who was I? What was I doing? I’d just ruined the possibility of a relationship with Colin. Of all the stupid things I’d ever done, this one topped the list. You’re alone, Emily. Again! I hung my head and braced myself on the sink.
Discouraged, embarrassed, and completely down, I slipped a sweatshirt over my head and threw on my favorite frayed jean shorts. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed the trash and walked barefoot down the path to the dumpsters. I heaved the bag over my shoulder and into the bin, and then brushed my hands together to knock off any crumbs. I heard someone start to approach then stop.
Just down the path stood Kyle. He was holding a grocery bag. I walked toward him then paused when I felt a sticker under my big toe. I bent down and brushed it away. Kyle, still a few yards in front of me, pulled a half-gallon of ice cream from the grocery bag and nodded toward his apartment. Oh, yes. Absolutely. Ice cream was the cure-all as far as I was concerned. I walked over.
“Hey girl, what’s up?” he asked.
“Just taking out the trash,” I said. But what I meant was ‘trying to put my evening behind me.’
“Come on. Let’s have some ice cream.” He leaned in the direction of his place, but didn’t start to walk until I nodded.
His apartment looked the same. I don’t know why, but I thought there would be evidence of his girlfriend. Or maybe that’s just what I expected when I spent the night with someone. I sat down on his couch folding one of my legs under me. It was the first time I sat all night, and I felt the exhaustion all the way through. Kyle came back from the kitchen with two bowls and two spoons.
“So Emily, what’s up? You just get in?” He must have noticed my still present, overdone makeup.
Emily Calls It (The Emily Series) Page 15
