by Natalie Ward
I laugh now, my heart practically exploding at the words he chooses to use. Us. He wants it; he wants us back. A single word escapes my mouth before I lower my lips back to his and we both stop talking.
“Good.”
His kisses are exactly what I need right now and I savour each and every one of them as I push my body against his. I can feel his hands holding me to him, his fingers tightening against me.
“Mia,” he breathes out. “I’ve missed you so much baby, so much.”
My eyes open and I watch as he kisses me. His words stab right into my healing heart, and even though I am exactly where I want to be, I’m scared. Scared about whether this is real, whether it’s truly happening, whether he really does forgive me. Yes we’ve talked and he held me as I bawled my eyes out. But then we fell asleep and right now, we’ve woken up and it’s like the past year hasn’t happened, as though it’s all been erased by sleep. And even though everything about him and being here in his arms is so very familiar, it all feels incredibly brand new at the same time. And I’m terrified of losing it; I’m scared about where we go from here.
Jared’s eyes open and I know I have to ask him.
“Does this really mean I can have you back?”
His fingers slide under my t-shirt, tracing lines against my skin. “You never lost me in the first place, baby,” he says, pulling me all the way on top of him now.
I never lost him, but can I have him back. Can I really have him back after everything I did to him? Can he ever really forgive me?
“But I let you go Jared. I pushed you away,” I whisper, tears threatening to fall once again. “I want you back, but how can you ever possibly forgive me for what I did?”
Jared’s hands leave my back and move so they are cradling my face now. He looks up at me with so much love; it’s almost painful. “I’m all yours baby,” he says, pressing kisses all over my face now. “There’s nothing to forgive, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
And this time, the sob and the tears do escape. He’s mine; I’ve got him back. I’ve got him back and the relief, the happiness, that floods through me, it’s so much more than I ever expected.
I have him back.
Jared is mine again.
Today, 7:05pm – Jared
Mia’s body feels amazing pressed against mine. It’s unbelievable how much I’ve missed this, missed her. For nearly a year, I’ve been aching to have Mia again. And right now, I am bursting with want, with wanting to have her again. But I don’t want to fuck this up and I don’t want this moment to go too fast.
“Mia,” I breathe out between kisses. “I’ve missed you so much baby, so much.”
I open my eyes and find her watching me again. She looks so scared as she asks, “Does this really mean I can have you back?”
I slide my hands up under her t-shirt, tracing her spine all the way to her bra strap. My fingers run over the clasp and I want to undo it, but I don’t. “You never lost me in the first place, baby,” I tell her, pulling her on top of me.
Mia’s body moves against mine so she’s lying completely on top of me. I feel all of her weight pressing against me, from my chest to my feet. I want to feel all of her body, its warmth and her skin, against mine. I want to be inside her and feel every single part of her. Her hands are on my face, her elbows on either side of my head as she stares down at me.
“But I let you go Jared,” she whispers, her eyes glistening again. “I pushed you away. I want you back, but how can you ever possibly forgive me for what I did?”
I pull her face to mine, kiss her lips, her cheeks, her nose, knowing now, that there’s nothing to forgive, not with her. And although I’m still fucking pissed at all of the misunderstandings, at her not telling me any of this sooner, I know deep down, it’s not her I’m angry at. There’s only one person I blame for this, but I refuse to let him ruin this moment. Not now, not ever again.
“I’m all yours baby,” I say truthfully, kissing her face. “There’s nothing to forgive, you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
Mia lets out a sob at my words and I silence it with a kiss on her mouth now, rolling us over so she lies beneath me and my body is covering hers.
“I’m sorry Jared. I’m so sorry,” she whispers.
I open my eyes and see she is crying again. I lean down and kiss away her tears, each one, slowly putting my broken heart back together again. I’m getting her back and this time I’m keeping her. This time, I am never letting her go.
“Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” I tell her, kissing her tears as they fall.
“It’s not,” she says, crying harder now. “Nothing about what I did is okay Jared. And I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”
I kiss her lips, silencing the words before I whisper, “Mia, please don’t cry. It’s okay, I’m here and I love you and I’m not going anywhere and I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”
“I can’t lose you Jared, I don’t want to lose you anymore.”
I kiss her again. “You won’t baby, I promise. I’m never letting you go, okay? We’ll work this all out, you never have to worry about us, ever again, okay?”
I feel her head nod at my words. I mean it; I mean every single one of them. I am not going to give her up and I am not going to let her go. And more than that, I’m not going to let anything; the distance, her guilt or her fuckhead father, ruin anything. She deserves to be happy and I want to make her happy. I want to make us work, regardless of how hard it is. Mia asks me again and I answer her, “Yes” and then I am kissing her, not letting her speak anymore.
With every kiss I give her, I’m letting her know it’s okay now.
With every kiss we share, we are finding our way back to where we once were.
With every kiss she gives me, all of the hurt and anger and grief I was feeling, slowly starts to disappear.
I don’t ever want to stop kissing her. Kissing her again feels amazing; better than I ever remembered it. I don’t even want to think about how all of this is going to work out this time. None of the problems of Luke, the band, or Mia living in Chicago, have been fixed. And her fuckhead father is obviously still an issue and I have absolutely no idea what I can do about him. All I know is we have finally talked. Finally, Mia has told me the truth, told me all of the things she’s been hiding.
It feels like a new beginning, each new kiss is a new beginning and a new start for us. I’m hanging on to it, hanging on really fucking tight this time. Because no matter how this works out, how we face the issues I know are all still there, I am never fucking letting her go. Ever. Again.
“Mia,” I whisper, in between kisses. “I love you baby, I love you so much.”
I feel her smile against my lips, hear her words whispered back to me. “I love you too Jared, I love you, I love you, I love you.”
And that’s all I need to hear, because no matter what, no matter what else happens, if Mia loves me and I love her, we will find a way to make it work.
Today, 7:30pm – Mia
We kiss for what feels like forever. The feel of Jared’s lips on mine again is the most amazing feeling in the world and I never want to stop kissing him. I am no longer crying because with every kiss he gives me, he replaces a tiny piece of my broken heart.
With every new kiss, my heart is being put back together again.
With every new kiss, I am being forgiven.
With every new kiss, I am getting back the man that I love.
I never want him to stop kissing me.
“What time do you need to leave tonight?” I suddenly ask, remembering a conversation from yesterday.
Jared smiles down at me. “I don’t care, Mia.”
I laugh and kiss him again, pulling his body, which is lying on mine, even closer. The beautiful weight of him, pushing me into the bed. I can feel how turned on he is and I subtly push my hips into his, pulling a low groan from deep inside him.
“But it’s a big show tonight,” I get out between ki
sses. “You need to do this show, you can’t be late.”
“I need to do you, Mia,” Jared whispers against my lips, stopping my heart and killing all other thoughts except for that, from my mind.
He kisses me again, harder this time.
“Jared…” I moan into his mouth.
“Mmmm,” is all he says as his lips leave mine and start a slow trail down my neck. When he reaches my shoulder, he gently pulls my t-shirt to the side, kissing and biting the bare skin he reveals. I push my hips into his again, wanting him to go faster, needing him to touch me all over.
“Do you need something baby?” he asks, looking down at me. There’s a tiny, sexy smile on his mouth right now because he knows exactly what I need.
“You know I do,” I breathe out. “I need you, Jared, a million times over. And I need you now…please now.”
Jared laughs a little as his tongue ever so slowly licks from the hollow at the base of my neck, all the way down my chest; just like it did the very first time he kissed me. “A million times over huh, is that a challenge baby?” he asks, his mouth still moving against my skin.
I laugh, my hands tired of waiting and going down to the bottom of his t-shirt and pulling it up. His mouth leaves my body as I lift his shirt over his head, and I smile at him. “Think you’re up for it?” I ask, remembering our game.
Jared’s hand slides under my body and around my waist. “You know it Mia, anytime, anywhere,” he answers.
I’m laughing again, happier than I’ve been in a long time. “So,” I say, pushing his boxers down his legs in one quick move. “That’s a yes?”
Jared half rolls off me laughing, his hands on the waistband of my sweats. “That baby, is a fuck yes,” he says. And then without any preamble, he pushes them down and off my legs. My t-shirt is next, followed quickly by the bra I’m still wearing underneath it, both of which get thrown across his room somewhere.
As his mouth finds its ways back to my skin, his lips pressing everywhere, I cry out at the sensations that flood my body. God, how I’ve missed this, missed him. The feel of his warm mouth on me, the touch of his skin against mine, I’ve been craving it for so long now.
“Jared,” I moan, taking my hands from his back only long enough to push my panties down and off. We are now both completely naked and as much as I desperately need him, I have a sudden overwhelming urge to slow this down. To really savour him and all that I’ve missed this past year. So I slide my hands up his back and to his shoulders, pushing him all the way off me so he falls onto his back next to me. As I roll onto my side, he looks up at me, a confused expression on his face.
“I love this,” I say quietly, my fingers trailing from his hipbone to his chest, where they gently tug at the ring that is now threaded through his left nipple. “And, I’ve been wanting to do this all day,” I add on, smiling as I lower my head and gently take the ring into my mouth, sucking and tugging on it until Jared is moaning beneath me.
“Mia,” he groans, taking my hand from his chest. “That’s not the only one baby,” he says, guiding me lower.
My heart nearly stops in my chest when I discover, literally first hand, what else he got pierced. I immediately lift my head in shock, looking down to confirm exactly what it is; I think I’m holding in my hands now.
Oh God, he has.
I can’t believe I didn’t notice it earlier when he pulled the towel off in front of me. Holy shit, I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like, what it will feel like. My stomach flips and somewhere deep inside of me, an ache starts to build.
“Didn’t that hurt?” I ask him, turning back to look him in the eye.
He says nothing, just nods at me.
“Why?” I ask, wondering if he knows what I’m asking about.
I watch as he swallows, before answering. “I needed something, anything, some other kind of pain and distraction to help take away the pain of losing you,” he says quietly.
My heart literally stops in my chest at what he’s saying to me, at the lengths he was forced to go to, just to deal with the shit I made him go through. I feel like I’m going to start crying again, and it must be obvious I am, because Jared’s hand comes up and cups my cheek, his thumb gently stroking away any tears that might already be falling.
“It’s okay Mia,” he whispers to me. “There are advantages to it apparently.” He’s smiling at me now and it’s so goddamn sexy I can almost forget all of the pain I’ve caused him.
“It feels good?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t know,” he answers. “It’s never been tried out.”
“What?” He can’t possibly be saying what I think he is.
His hand, which was on my cheek, slides into my hair, brushing it back from my face. As he cups the back of my neck and gently pulls me towards him, I hear his whispered words. “There’s been no one else since you, Mia. No one at all.”
A sob escapes my chest and I silence it by crushing my lips to his. Jared’s hand is firm on the back of my neck, holding me to him as though he has no intention of ever letting me go.
If only he knew.
I roll onto his chest, so our bodies are touching from our mouths to our feet. My legs fall between his and I am so desperate for him. I hear Jared growl at my movements and the next thing I know, I am lying on my back and he is hovering over me. As he reaches for his bedside drawer, probably to grab a condom, I put my hand on his chest and stop him.
“Jared.”
He looks at me, his outstretched arm frozen in place.
“I haven’t either,” I tell him. “I haven’t and I’m still on the pill and I want you and I really want this,” I continue, sliding my hand between us so I can show him exactly what I’m talking about. Jared’s eyes close as I lift my head and put my lips to his ear. “I want you.”
“Mia,” he growls at me before his mouth crushes mine in a kiss that is so much more than just a kiss. It’s a kiss that is months of pent up anger and loneliness and regret and sadness and want. It is a kiss that is full of love, and lust, and need. It is a kiss of forever.
I pull him on top of me; pull him exactly where I need him to be. As he pushes inside me, both of us let out low groans. God, he feels so good, amazing.
“Mia,” he moans again. “You feel amazing, so fucking amazing.”
I smile, because it’s the exact same thing he said to me the first time we ever slept together.
“Uh huh,” is all I’m able to get out though.
I wrap my arms around his back as Jared slowly starts to move. One of his arms slides under my neck, holding me as his other hand cups my cheek. He kisses me continuously, as though he never wants to stop, and right now, I know exactly how he feels.
We start off slow, a silent agreement that this is how we both want it, but somewhere along the way, our bodies start to move faster, urgently, as though slow is no longer enough. All of the wasted time apart, the misunderstandings and my own stupidity and cowardice, drive us together, drive us into each other. My back arches towards him, pressing my body into his, as a million different sensations course through me. Every single touch of his fingers on my skin sends tiny electric shocks down my spine, igniting me. I want him; I want him so badly right now.
And God, that piercing. Holy shit.
“Jared,” I moan. “Please.” I want more of it, more of him. He groans into my mouth as he starts to drive into me, harder and harder. I can feel my body tensing; it is wound so tight it feels like it’s going to snap, as though I’m ready to explode. I’m holding on, desperate to get there with him, wanting us to get there together.
“Mia,” he moans once more and as I feel his whole body tense, I finally let go. We both cry out at the same time as we both finally get exactly what we’ve needed, what we’ve wanted, for so long now.
And it feels unbelievable.
Today 8:25pm – Jared
Fuck. Me.
Fuck me. That was incredible.
Really fucking incredible.
I’d always thought those piercings were more for the girl than the guy. That you only ever got them to pick up girls, or make things better for her. But that turned out to be very fucking wrong. Or maybe it just depends on the woman, I think, lifting my head so I can see the very one I’m talking about.
Mia is smiling up at me. Her face is flushed in the most amazingly sexy way. Her body, which is pressed tightly against mine, is covered with sweat and right now, I cannot imagine anywhere else I’d rather be.
“Hey you,” she says, her fingers tightening, digging into my back.
“Hey yourself,” I whisper back, leaning in to kiss her again, slower this time. I feel the low groan she lets out and it’s so damn sexy that I am so ready to go, all over again. I have missed her way too much, and right now, I’m never getting too exhausted to do this.
My phone ringing breaks the moment, slinging us back into the present. I ignore it as I keep kissing Mia, our bodies still joined in all the best ways.
“Jared,” she mumbles between my kisses. “Your phone.”
“Fuck it,” I say, kissing her harder.
The ringing stops and is quickly replaced by the dual noises of more ringing and now incoming text messages. I try to ignore it, not really caring about who’s trying to get a hold of me when I have the woman I love naked and lying beneath me. But the ringing continues and it’s kinda killing the moment, so eventually I force myself to stop.
“Fucking hell,” I say, rolling off Mia as I stand up and stalk over to the drawer. Picking it up, I miss the latest call and notice five new text messages. Glancing at the time on the screen, I look up and realise how dark it is outside now.
“Shit, fuck, shit,” I say, running my hand through my hair. I quickly open the newest text, from Ben.
Where the fuck are you?
Knowing I am running really fucking late right now, I rapidly type in a quick response, which I don’t even bother to check. Something came up, leaving now, be there in 10.
Something came up all right, and right now, I’ve got to calm it down and haul fucking ass if I want to have any chance of getting to the club in time. Shit, I am so fucking late.
