She looked so beautiful, her fresh face pink from exertion. “I mean it.”
“Okay,” she said, her fingers tracing the Eagle with blood talons tattoo on his rib cage. “When did you get this done?”
“You don’t want to know about that. I was drunk. Believe me, that’s the only way I’d let some dude come at me with a needle.”
She scrunched up her nose. “I can’t picture you drunk.”
“Why? Because I’m such a saint?”
“You’re no saint and I know that better than anyone.” She bent down and kissed his pecs. “I meant because you’re always in such control.”
He wanted her to keep thinking that way. Certainly didn’t want her to think that he was still lying here wondering what the hell had just happened to him in the past few hours.
“It’s the Air Force. There isn’t much wiggle room in an F-16 at Mach speed.”
“I can imagine. Important to be precise.”
“Lives depend on that precision. A tenth of a centimeter off could be fatal.”
“It had to have been difficult, the transition to such strict order and rules. You were a teenage father and that had to be tough.”
“It wasn’t all that different going from my father’s house to boot camp.”
Truthfully, he still didn’t want her to know how rough, or how badly he’d screwed up. How much of that guilt he still carried with him, despite all the years that had passed. If she understood the half of it, she’d see him differently. Any woman would. This wasn’t exactly his idea of pillow talk, either, but he supposed he owed Sarah an explanation. She was under the mistaken impression that he and Joanne had been some sort of young first love story.
“But it was rough, being a young dad.” He ran a hand down his face with his free hand. The other one he kept around her, maybe hoping that he could physically keep her in place even if his words might chase her away. “Particularly since I didn’t love Joanne.”
“Never?”
“It was one date. One stupid lousy date fueled by alcohol and teenage hormones. Failed birth control. She wasn’t even my girlfriend.”
Her green eyes filled with something that looked a lot more like compassion than judgment. “Oh, babe. I’m sorry.”
“I know it would have made a much better story had we been in love and just unable to keep our hands off each other. That it just hadn’t worked out because of how young we both were. That’s not my story. Of course, I asked her to marry me but she was the smart one. She knew she deserved better. That we both deserved better.”
She didn’t say anything, but pressed her face into his neck.
“The truth? I was never the angel everyone believed. I’d flown under the radar for years, getting supremely good at lying to everyone. School was easy for me and I excelled, so teachers and parents loved me. And I put up a good front. Hunter ruined that front. It showed everyone who I really was.”
“Human?”
Now he didn’t say anything. Far more than human, he’d been a piece of excrement during that time in his life.
Tired of spilling his guts, Matt flipped Sarah so that she was now under him. “Your turn.”
“How am I supposed to do that with you on top?” She squirmed and her hand dove between them.
When her hand reached between his thighs, he went instantly hard. “Not that turn. Tell me your secrets.”
“Oh. Don’t have any.” But her face grew pink.
“Nice try.” Cupping each of her wrists, he pinned her down. “You’re staying right here until you talk.”
“Unfortunately for you, that’s not exactly my idea of a threat. But what do you want to know?”
“First love.”
He wasn’t imagining it when her body grew tight under him. She closed her eyes as if she didn’t want to look at him. “I wish I had a better story, too.”
“Tell me.” At the same time, his own gut churned and tensed.
“It’s ugly.”
He quirked an eyebrow and considered giving her a pass because telling him her secrets was one thing and opening up a vein another one.
“You know how some girls with daddy issues get all prickly and frigid about men?”
“Yeah?”
“That wasn’t me. I went a little wild.” Her finger idly traced the length of his arm.
Now he went up on an elbow. “How wild?”
Her voice got softer. “Um, quite a few...boyfriends.”
“Look, you don’t have to tell me this. You—”
“You might think you screwed up, but I was much worse. I was the smart but seriously stupid girl that thought sex meant love. And every time a guy would drop me I’d move on to the next one because I was sure love was waiting for me right around the corner. Like all those sappy love songs. But instead all I got was a lousy reputation that was ugly and hurtful.”
“God. Sarah, you don’t—”
“Now you know why I can tell the difference between love and sex. And it’s different with you. I know you won’t hurt me. Not like that.”
“Never,” he said and meant it.
And if she told him any more, there was a good chance he’d be so pissed at these boys that he’d need names and addresses from her next. He’d look the little geniuses up next time he was in the glorious state of Colorado. Teach them a thing or two about being a gentleman.
“But I did a one hundred and eighty in college. It was my mother who told me that I could reinvent myself if I wanted to, and I did. No more sex, casual or otherwise. I had one very long dry spell.”
“How long?”
She closed her eyes. Opened them again. “Um, five years, give or take?”
Holy shit. They were far more alike than he would have ever realized.
“It’s just that sex left me feeling a little dead inside. For a long time.”
She slayed him. Again. But he reminded himself that she didn’t need him to be her white knight. No, she’d done a fine job of that herself. Risen from the ashes and started over. In a way, he’d done the same with the Air Force.
“And how do you feel now?” Still hard from when she’d touched him, he pressed into her sweet flat stomach.
She responded, grinding into him. Not a shy and retiring lover, Sarah. No, far from it. She’d pretty much rocked this airman’s world.
“I feel like I want to touch you. Everywhere. And I don’t even know where to start.” Her hands pushed against his chest. “Move.”
Allowing her to move him, he rolled and lay flat on his back. Completely exposed, because dammit, he trusted her that much. More than he’d ever thought he could trust a woman again. She proceeded to touch, and lick, and otherwise slowly kill him while he pretended this was business as usual. Just two lonely and unattached friends who were intensely physically attracted to each other, casually enjoying the way their bodies could please each other. Nothing more to it than that.
And if he told himself that enough times, he might actually start to believe it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
SARAH ROLLED OVER in bed. She turned to reach for Matt, but he was no longer lying in the bed next to her as he had been all night. The bedroom door was open, daylight spilling through it as well as through small openings in the blinds. She reached for her phone to check the time. Nine o’clock and three text messages from Mom already.
She’d overslept. And something else was different. Oh yeah, that’s right. She’d slept through the night for the first time in weeks without any difficult or confusing dreams. Relaxed. Completely satisfied. She reviewed Mom’s messages and wondered if she could handle typing her response before the first cup of coffee. Deciding she couldn’t, she set her phone back down on the nightstand and stretched under the soft cotton sheet. She wanted coff
ee, extra-strength. And a shower. And bacon. And Matt.
Mostly Matt. Wanted him holding her all night long again in his strong arms, telling her over and over again how much he wanted her. There were sounds in the kitchen, a pot rattling, something being poured, and she sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes. She grabbed her glasses from the nightstand and tried to focus. Matt appeared in the doorway, grinning, a coffee mug in his right hand. The only way this could be any better would be if he had a chocolate doughnut in his left hand. And was completely naked.
“Good morning, gorgeous.” He handed her the coffee mug and took a seat on her side of the bed.
She was still undressed and pulled up the sheet to cover her breasts. Silly, she understood, but protective. She still felt a little...reserved, hard as it was to believe. Long-formed habits were hard to break, and she was still working on no longer being prickly. The orgasms were helping.
Matt was unfortunately fully dressed in a blue cotton T-shirt and khaki board shorts. She liked this casual Matt as much as she liked the put-together, in-charge-of-everything pilot. Maybe even more, because he looked so at ease. His honey-hued rumpled hair was a complete turn-on because it proved he’d just rolled out of bed with her. She kept telling herself that sleeping together wasn’t an intimate act, and not to read too much into it since they already happened to live together purely out of circumstance.
She took the mug from him. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I did,” he said with a sly grin. “Don’t tell me you already forgot.”
“I didn’t mean that way,” she said, taking a sip of coffee.
Her face flushed as she briefly relived that moment at the crack of dawn when Matt had reached for her. It was true, he’d woken her out of a sound sleep. Then worn her out so much she’d fallen back asleep in his arms.
“You don’t like waking up like that?” He pulled her into his arms.
“It’s my new favorite way.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“See that you do.” She turned his words back on him.
His strong arms were wrapped around her and the man was so solid. Strong. A tornado couldn’t move him. His unshaven jaw grazed her neck, and damned if she didn’t feel limp with lust.
He wasn’t asking or prying, as that wouldn’t be his way, but she still wanted to tell him about the crying. She’d been mortified when the tears had rolled out of her in the shower. Not part of the plan, falling apart like that. Making him perhaps wonder if he’d just made love to an unhinged woman.
But then he’d been so loving...so sweet.
For the first time since she could remember she’d felt raw with emotion. The sensations...desire, happiness, longing, had been felt far too deeply, as if they’d been bottled up for so long they’d expanded and blown up in her face.
She sat up on the bed, clutching her mug, and leaned her back against him. “About the crying...”
“You don’t have to say any more.”
“I know,” she said on a sigh. “But I want to.”
“I’m listening, then.” His jaw nuzzled her neck and he kissed her shoulder.
Her phone buzzed on the nightstand next to her. No doubt Mom again. She had the uncanny timing of an orchestra conductor.
“Do you have to get that?”
“No.” She took a deep breath and went for it. “I think for the first time I’m letting myself feel...stuff...again. And it’s a little overwhelming.”
He didn’t speak. No, he was a damned good listener, too.
“I want you to know that I’ll never regret this time together.” Her hands were trembling for some odd reason, and she fisted the mug tighter to still them.
“Goes double for me,” he finally spoke. “And—”
Before he could say anything else, she cut him off. “I don’t need you to say anything more.”
God, she felt pathetic. A small part of her was back to being that stupid teenage girl begging an ex-boyfriend to take her back. To please love her. This was different. She wasn’t lying to Matt when she said she understood the score. She remembered it far too well. But she’d also spent too many years living half a life, too afraid to let go and get hurt again. Matt made that easier than it had ever been. She understood above all else he would protect her. He’d proved it more than once. Their relationship had started with a friendship that had grown faster and deeper than she could have ever expected.
Matt took the mug from her and set it on the nightstand. He turned her to face him and met her eyes. “You’re the strongest woman I know, babe.”
Before she could protest he kissed her. When they came up for air, she opened her mouth to speak but he kissed her again. And then again and again.
And the rest of the morning was taken up by something far richer than coffee.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“...AWAKE?” CASSIE ASKED.
“Huh?” Apparently Sarah had missed some part of that sentence.
She was taking Emily’s place at Magnum Aviation late Monday morning, since Emily was out on another chartered flight, this time bringing her father back from his Texas cattle ranch. Her sister-in-law to be, Emily—the pilot. Sarah loved that Emily was a kick-ass pilot, but she still didn’t get the fascination with flying. She preferred her feet firmly planted on the ground, thank you very much.
“I said—did you have enough coffee this morning? You don’t look like you’re awake.”
“No, I probably need another cup.” Or five hundred.
Who needed to sleep when she had Matt lying next to her? She’d been completely sleep-deprived this weekend, and pretty happy about it, too. Meanwhile, she would swear her skin was more radiant. It had to be all the endorphins.
“Everything go okay with Hunter?”
“Yeah, he’s back with his mother. Of course, he’ll be coming back this weekend. And every weekend after that.”
“So she finally agreed to that? Poor Matt has been trying to get time with his son for months, now suddenly she’s interested in dumping him off on the weekends.”
“Guess it’s the new boyfriend.” Sarah shrugged.
She’d already judged Joanne harshly enough for the abandonment. But for all intents and purposes, at least she’d come back for her son. She got points from Sarah for that.
“And so how’s the remodel progressing?” Cassie dumped more flight reports for filing in front of Sarah.
She so did not want to talk about the remodeling.
“Got the new kitchen cabinet doors up. They’re beautiful.”
No more cans showing. She thought back to Matt putting the last door up late last night. Remembered how he’d looked perched up on the ladder, using the power screwdriver he wouldn’t let her touch. His powerful arms holding the door in place as he worked with it. Didn’t need her help. Surprisingly enough, he was “good.”
Oh, yes, he was.
She’d reached for him when he’d come down the ladder. Had said his name, and he’d turned to her in expectation. But then his eyes had registered the invitation in hers, heating in response. He’d picked her up and carried her into the closest bedroom.
“Um, hello?” Cassie asked.
“I’m sorry. What?”
Cassie sighed. “Good grief, girl. You make me wish I still had hormones.”
“I’m sorry, Cass. I’ve got a lot of things on my mind.”
Like for instance the fact that she was falling for Matt Conner a little bit more every day and she had no idea what she could do about that. She was doing it again. Mixing up sex and love and being “that girl” again. This time the boy was a man. One who wouldn’t make her feel dirty and used, of course he wouldn’t. But that didn’t change the fact that separating the two actions wouldn’t be difficult. No, already she wanted so much
more.
“I bet you wonder what your father would think about you selling the house.”
One thing she’d never asked Cassie, but yes, Sarah did occasionally wonder. Not that it mattered anymore. She nodded, showing Cassie she was still with her, still listening. Not daydreaming again.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think he would care. He’d want you to do whatever you want with it. He left it to you kids, and whether you sold it or kept it, the point is he would want you to be happy.”
“Really?”
“I never met a more generous man than your daddy. And I mean that.”
“Nice to know.”
“Listen, honey.” Cassie took a seat closer, a clear indication that she had some more motherly advice to impart.
Sarah got ready to hear more about how her father had helped Cassie through the years, how he’d given her advances on her paycheck the year her son was sick and she’d missed so much work.
“When you first came to Fortune, anyone could see how much you hurt inside, even if you had to grieve in your own way. Stone thought you were bitter.”
“I was.”
“But it was obvious to me that this town didn’t feel safe to you. That you wanted to leave almost as soon as you got here.”
“That’s not true—”
“Shush now and listen. You might have felt like a fatherless girl, but you weren’t. Never. I’m sorry, but in your case it doesn’t count. Your father loved you. Even if he did it from a distance.”
Sarah knew better than to argue with Cassie. “I know.”
The loving-from-a-distance part? Yeah, that was the problem. It wasn’t okay. But she now realized that maybe it wasn’t all her father’s fault. She’d played a big part in the gradual decline of their relationship. Maybe she’d even started it all, when she’d stopped coming to visit during summers once the choice had been given. When she’d stopped calling him on his birthday, Father’s Day, Christmas.
Yes, she’d been angry and she’d had every right to be. Livid that he hadn’t even asked why she didn’t want to come back, just accepted it easily. Irritated that maybe it had just been easier not to have a difficult and hormonal teenage girl at home he could barely understand, much less try to help. Hurt that he’d picked Stone over her.
Airman to the Rescue Page 16
