Daring the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  “So, let me get this straight. You want me to go on the Pill now—go against your beliefs—so that you can blow your load into me whenever you want and not have to worry about knocking me up.”

  He sends both hands into his hair and snarls, “Don’t turn it into that! I’m not asking you to take it to hurt you! I’m just not ready for a kid yet!”

  “When will you be, Finn?” I snap my fingers and indignantly roll my eyes. “Never. That’s right!”

  A knock at the door makes both of us jump.

  “Are you two okay in there?” Julie asks from the other side of it. I wipe my cheeks and watch Finn retrieve his pants.

  He mutters, “We’re fine. We’ll be down in a few.”

  I turn and throw the door open, not caring that Finn is only in his underwear. I brush past Julie and bound down the stairs.

  I go out the back door, not knowing where I’m going or particularly care to think that far ahead.

  CHAPTER 3

  I hear my name faintly yelled from inside the house. Julie. Figures Finn wants nothing to do with me now.

  I venture to the end of the yard and duck into the small white gazebo at the corner of the lot, sitting down on the white bench running continuously along the inside. I look around the property. There’s not really anywhere else to go, unless I run into the woods. Probably not a good idea since I have no idea where they lead. I could get lost in the Delaware wilderness, if there is any really. It’s better than the current wilderness I’ve been stuck in. How apt of his sister to call him that.

  I know I can’t hide out here for very long. Someone, most likely Julie, will find me. I don’t even want to talk to her right now. She’ll probably be neutral, or even more predictably, actually take my side. I just don’t want to have to explain to her what our fight was about. Though, she does have four kids of her own. She must’ve wanted that many, so she might possibly understand where I’m coming from.

  I don’t want to have a baby, just to have a baby. I want Finn’s baby. Our baby. We’d be a family. Finn would be such a good father. I guess some of it is pressure I’m putting on myself, being almost 34 years-old. I don’t want to wait too much longer to have my first child. All of my friends have children, except for Rod. I suppose I should take comfort in that fact. Then again, maybe not.

  I lean my head against the lattice of the gazebo and flick my gaze around. It’s so peaceful out here. The birds are chirping and a stream gurgles somewhere nearby. When Finn used to live here, did he come to this same spot when he needed time to think?

  I can’t believe he told me he wants me to go on the Pill. Not asked like he did before we started having sex three years ago. No, this time he demanded I go on it. As usual, no discussion needed when it comes to a crucial topic affecting our relationship.

  The sound of rustling grass startles me. Hesitantly, I peer out of the gazebo, through the diamond shapes of the lattice, to see Simone. I blow out a sigh, relieved that it’s not Finn since I don’t want to argue anymore about how stupid I’m being.

  Simone slowly walks in, regarding me as if I’m a caged animal about to strike. I glance down to the cement floor and she stands quietly for a few seconds before saying, “Hey.”

  Without looking up, I respond in kind, “Hey.”

  “What happened, Hadley? Ricky and I heard you and Finn arguing. We weren’t sure at first, but I paused the movie and I heard you yelling. We both ran upstairs and that’s when we saw Mom. What did he do to you?”

  Curiously peering at her, I ask, “What do you mean? How do you know he did something? It could’ve been me.”

  She frowns doubtfully. “Because I know my brother. He’s so stubborn. Not that I can say much about his stubbornness because we’re both like our mother.”

  I bite my lip to stop my smile and tears. It seems like all I do lately is fight an internal battle between laughter and sobbing.

  Looking away from her to stare at my shoes, I sniff and mumble, “Where’s he at now?”

  Taking a seat next to me on the bench she replies, “Mom was trying to get him to talk to her, but he wouldn’t. So, Ricky talked to him. They then left for a bit. I think Ricky took him to pick up some more beer. They’ll be back by dinner.”

  “Great. He’s probably spilling his guts to Ricky and telling him I’m the one who’s being so unreasonable.”

  Leaning against the gazebo and crossing her legs, she regards me uncertainly before she asks, “What the hell happened?”

  I look back to the ground. “I can’t talk about it. We talked about something and we’re not in agreement.”

  “About getting married?” Is my desperation written all over my face? Fantastic.

  I shake my head. “No. Not this time.”

  “You want a baby.” I look at her and my eyes widen. She says, “I know.”

  I tightly cross my arms and legs, wishing I wasn’t such a damn harpy. “How?”

  “Because I think that’s something that you’d want with my brother. I also know that he doesn’t want kids. That’s what your fight was about.”

  I don’t respond. Instead, I stare at my crossed legs. She goes on, “I wish he’d rethink things. He’s going to lose you, isn’t he?”

  Impulsively, I look up and shake my head. “I love him, Simone. I’m with him no matter what.”

  “What exactly made you two fight about that topic then? You were so happy earlier.” She mockingly scoffs with a smirk, “You were making out for crying out loud! He even took you up to his room and he wasn’t very stealthy about wanting to get laid. What happened?”

  Glancing past her, I say, “I can’t. It’s too personal.” I can’t talk about this with his little sister!

  We sit in silence for a minute, but I can practically hear the wheels spinning in her head. She finally asks, “You brought the subject up in the middle of having sex with him, didn’t you?”

  I incredulously laugh and avoid her scrutinizing gaze. Diffidently tucking hair behind my ears, I mutter, “How do you know?”

  She shrugs. “I’m a good guesser.”

  “It wasn’t in the middle. We weren’t that far yet.”

  “Oh.”

  “There’s more to it than just…that topic.” I sigh and look around, noticing there are rose bushes outside the gazebo, no flowers, only buds since it’s early spring. I quietly confess, “Simone, I don’t think I’m enough for your brother.”

  She prods me with her elbow and I glance at her as she questions, “Why would you say that?”

  “Because I want different things than he wants. Your brother wants us to live together, but he doesn’t want us to get married or have a family.”

  “Who says Finn doesn’t want to get married?”

  I raise my eyebrows at her. “Finn. Several times. I thought maybe he had gotten a tattoo broadcasting that sentiment.”

  She sneers, “My brother is absolutely full of shit. He wants to marry you so much it’s slowly killing him.”

  “What?” My eyes nearly bug out of my head, and she rolls her own blue eyes at my reaction.

  “Finn wants to marry you. Trust me,” she resolutely asserts.

  I counter, “He doesn’t. He can’t stress that enough. We’ve argued about that on a couple occasions.”

  “And trust me when I tell you that is all bullshit. He may be not afraid of trains, planes or automobiles going at high speeds, but the thought of marriage absolutely scares the shit out of him.”

  Gaping at her, I suspiciously delve, “How do you surmise this? He said it’s because of your mom’s divorces.”

  She nods. “It is. He’s always been angry about them. He doesn’t want to live through those messes again.”

  “I’m in love with him, Simone. I would never divorce him, but he doesn’t believe me.”

  She sighs. “Things happen, Hadley. Sometimes love dies. He’s afraid that will happen with you two. In fact, he’s doggedly convinced that it will if he marries you.”

 
“Again, how do you know all of this? Has he told you himself?”

  “Not in so many words because he doesn’t talk to me about what petrifies him; however, I can read between the lines. I’m not a psych major for nothing.”

  “I feel like he keeps so much from me. Until recently, he wouldn’t even introduce me to anyone he works with.”

  She sits straighter as her eyes widen in disbelief. “Really? How’d people know about you then?”

  “They didn’t. Everyone thought he was single up until Monday when I surprised him by showing up to one of his location shoots. Then he actually introduced me to some of his coworkers, but I think he felt compelled to do that. His tattoo stunt was the first time he’s ever publicly acknowledged he has a girlfriend.”

  She shakes her head. “Damn. He is a cagey bastard.”

  I sigh at that statement. “Yep. Do you think he really wants to marry me, even though he staunchly denies that he does?”

  “I’d bet all of my savings on it. He desperately wants to marry you, but he’s afraid. He just…”

  “Won’t,” I whisper.

  “I’m sorry,” she says. “He may change his mind.”

  “I doubt that,” I answer sullenly.

  She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I just want you to know that even if you two aren’t legally married, I still consider you my sister-in-law.”

  I smile at her and then bite my lip so I won’t cry in front of her.

  Simone asks, “Why don’t we go help Mom set the table for dinner? She’s up there worried about you. I had to tie her to the banister to keep her from coming down here. I surmised you’d rather not have her cross-examination yet.”

  I nod and lightly laugh. “Thanks.”

  “You bet. Come on. Everything will be okay. I’ll kick my brother’s ass for you, too. That might be fun for you to watch.”

  I laugh again as we walk out of the gazebo and back to the house.

  CHAPTER 4

  “There you are! Are you okay, sweetheart?” Julie throws down two potholders and promptly walks over to me. “What happened between you two?”

  “We had an argument.”

  She exasperatedly replies, “Well, we all knew that! What did my jackass of a son do to you?”

  I glance away from her zealously concerned gaze. “It was me.”

  “I greatly doubt it was you. I swear, if he does something to chase you away, I will kill him.”

  Staring out the window over Julie’s shoulder, I cross my arms and wanly say, “Don’t worry about that. I love him. It was just an argument. That’s all.” I shrug as I feel her eyes burning into me while I continue to look out the window. “It happens sometimes. We don’t agree on everything, so it’s bound to happen now and then.”

  “Are you sure? Did he hurt you? He wasn’t dressed, so…”

  “Mom!” Simone shouts as she grabs a stack of plates. “She said they’ll be fine! Let it go!”

  Julie squeezes my upper arms and I still can’t look at her directly. “Hadley, if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. I promise I will take your side.” I laugh, but Julie doesn’t and I finally regard her facial expression. “I’m dead serious. Finn is like his dad. He knows how to ruin a good thing.”

  Simone bursts out laughing. “Henry? Right, Mom.”

  Julie looks over at Simone. “What?”

  Rolling her eyes, Simone mumbles, “Nothing.”

  I hear the front door open and I start to feel sick. Great. I’m still not ready to face him. We all look to the kitchen doorway as Chrishelle walks in. “Hey, guys,” she greets and then sees me. “Hadley, how are you?” She saunters over and I move away from Julie so we can hug. Her perfume reminds me of my mother’s, unfortunately. I step back and smile at her. Also resembling Julie, Chrissie’s hair is almost shoulder-length and lighter than her mother’s, but unlike Julie and Finn, her eyes are blue instead of brown. She does have the same golden skin tone and laugh as them, though.

  “How have you been, kiddo?” Kiddo. I always thought that was cute of her. She’s only four years older than me.

  Forcing a smile to stay on my face, I reply, “Fine. What about you?”

  She laughs. “Can’t complain, but I probably will. Nobody will listen anyway.”

  “Quit complaining, you drama queen,” Simone grumbles while folding napkins.

  “You can zip it, Oscar,” she retorts. I want to laugh since it makes me think of my bridesmaid trash can.

  “Children, please!” Julie trills. I check out Chrissie’s outfit— skinny jeans, a baggy white top that falls off her shoulder with a baby blue tank top underneath. I could never pull an outfit like that off. I’d look like an maladroit, want-to-be hooker.

  Walking over to the refrigerator and yanking out the milk, she asks, “So how’s my brother doing? I haven’t even seen him yet.”

  “Um, he’s doing okay.” I look down at the brown and black-flecked granite countertop. I can feel all eyes on me. Shit.

  “What?” Chrishelle asks. “What’s going on with him? Did I miss something?”

  Simone answers, “No. He’s still a loser.”

  Chrissie refutes, “Says you, mega mouth.”

  “Chrissie, would you please take the casserole out of the oven for me, please?” Julie asks in an attempt to deter her daughters.

  “Sure.” She grabs the potholders and turns to the stove. “So, did you move in with my bro yet?”

  Here we go.

  “No, but I told him I will.”

  “Really?” three women ask me at the same time amidst metallic clanking of Julie dropping something on the counter.

  “Yes?” I falteringly answer.

  Julie beams and clasps her hands together beneath her chin. “You’re moving in with Finn? When? I’ll help in any way I can. Just let me know and I will take the time off work.”

  Chrissie rolls her eyes. “Jeez, Mom. Calm down. She didn’t announce she’s pregnant with your first grandchild. Damn.”

  Julie’s eyes hugely widen with optimism and she gasps, “Are you?” Simone and Chrissie stop what they’re doing to also stare at me. Now this is disturbing.

  My eyes nervously dart around the kitchen and I shake my head. “No,” I mumble. I glance out the window, wanting terribly to be kidnapped by space aliens.

  Julie glumly sighs and says, “Someday, I hope.” She’ll be waiting until the first of Never if her son gets his way.

  I mutter absently, “No. That’s not going to happen any time soon.”

  “Why not?” Julie asks with abundant disappointment. Wow. I did not expect to head down this rocky one-lane road…on a mountainside…after an ice storm…during an earthquake.

  I unwillingly look at her and give her a small shrug. “We’re not ready. That’s all.”

  Chrissie knowingly smirks. “You mean, Finn isn’t ready.”

  Simone gripes, “Well, he needs to grow a pair, along with a backbone. He has to marry Hadley and give her a baby.” Where are those damn aliens? I’ll even gladly accept illegal aliens kidnapping me right now.

  “I don’t know if that’ll happen,” Chrissie asserts with a frown. “I can’t really blame him. No offense, Hadley. I’m not exactly a fan of marriage either. I guess we’re two peas in a pod, my brother and I. I did get married once, but it didn’t work out. That doesn’t seem to help your case, though, since Finn uses that as another example as why getting married is futile.”

  I nod, but want to run out to my car and cry. I’m such a huge baby anymore. I ask, “Does he say anything else to you? I mean, about me? Anything I should know about?”

  Chrissie smiles. “He’s never been in love until he met you. We all know that. He told me you turned his life upside down, Hadley. He fell so hard for you, if that helps.”

  I nod again. It does.

  Temporarily.

  “I’ll talk to him,” Julie decisively says and returns to her mixing bowl.

  “No!” I yell. Everyone again looks at me a
nd I glance down at the counter. Shit.

  Julie sulks, “Why not? I’ll get through to him.” I tentatively look at her as she props her hands on the counter and leans onto them. “Hadley, he wants you to move in with him. You’ll be living as man and wife. He’d better not be thinking that you wouldn’t want to get pregnant eventually.”

  Simone giggles. “Just go off the Pill without telling him.”

  Chrissie scowls at Simone and then says to me, “Ugh. Do not do that. He would be so pissed and he’d feel rightfully betrayed. He would never trust you again, Hadley.”

  I avow, “I wouldn’t. I couldn’t anyway.”

  “Why?” Simone asks. Shit! I’m the mega mouth!

  “Nothing.” I quickly dismiss my big mouth and walk over to the window, crossing my arms and staring out at the quiet street leading up to the driveway.

  Julie asks, “Are you not on the Pill?” Fuck…

  I sigh and stupidly admit, “No.”

  Simone presses, “An implant? Shot?” I shake my head at the window. She shrieks, “Well, then it’s easy for you to have an accident!”

  I turn my head to glance at her. “Chrissie’s right. I could never do that to him. I wouldn’t forgive myself.” I walk back to the counter and grab the pile of beige napkins Simone had put into blue ceramic rings.

  “How are you not getting pregnant?” Julie intrusively asks. I’m again speechless by what someone in this house has said to me. Wasn’t Julie against the Pill at one time? I guess she’s clueless that her son doesn’t want me taking it—well, until earlier when he said he “changed his mind.”

  Simone laughs. “We know you’re doing it since you’ve been together for three years!” Is it normal for women to talk about something so personal this openly with their sort-of in-laws?

  Chrissie says, “Eww, guys. I don’t want to know that, and I’m sure Finn doesn’t want Hadley broadcasting their sex life to us, especially not to his mother.” Exactly!

  I shyly avoid their expectant stares, as well as answering Julie’s question, and I walk the napkins into the dining room. As I set them at each place setting, I look out the window to see the black Mustang pulling up into the driveway. Shit.