Fighting Shadows

by Aly Martinez

  Anyone to say those words to me.

  My mom. My dad. Hell, I would have even been okay if Quarry had said them when he was fourteen.

  But Flint saying them was almost too much.

  Slowly, I turned to face him. I had no idea how to respond, but if he was going to be honest, so would I.

  “I can’t stay in this perfect house in this perfect neighborhood where I’m the dirtiest thing in it.” I shrugged and offered him a tight smile that served no purpose because I knew it was transparent.

  “Jesus.” He immediately made his way over to me. Supporting himself on one hand, he dropped a crutch to the ground and folded an arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest. “Don’t say shit like that.”

  “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you to live here. I thought we were gonna go back to your old apartment, where dirt lined the streets and people like me lived upstairs.”

  “Stop.” He kissed the top of my head. “What did I do to you?” he asked rhetorically.

  I answered anyway. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything to me, Flint.”

  “And that’s exactly the problem.”

  I didn’t understand his response, but I didn’t have time to harp on it.

  “I want to show you something. Can you promise not to run?”

  I couldn’t promise that at all. Running was what I did. Still, I said, “Yeah. Okay.” I wiped away the single tear that had somehow managed to escape. Attempting to hide my eyes, I bent over to pick up his crutch. As I straightened, offering it to him, he took my mouth instead.

  Tipping my head back, he whispered a dozen apologies against my lips, sealing each one with a gentle kiss. His mouth never opened the way I wanted it to, nor did his tongue find mine. To be honest, I wasn’t positive what he was apologizing for, but I accepted them all the same.

  How could I not?

  They were his.

  After a final chaste kiss, he led me out to the stone patio of his small backyard. Looking down at the precisely manicured grass and elegant, wooden privacy fence, I felt no better.

  He must have followed my eyes, because he whispered, “The grass was like this when I bought the place. I put the fence up though. The neighbors are nosy as hell.”

  “Right.” I swallowed hard.

  He nodded toward the small fenced-off area on the side of his house. “This way.”

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, covering my mouth. “It’s beautiful.”

  He barked out a laugh. “I’m not sure about that.”

  He was right—it was more than beautiful.

  Thick weeds covered the ground of the eight-by-eight area. I could tell they weren’t wild or unkempt because they had been trimmed to an even length that didn’t even meet my ankles, but I couldn’t have cared less that they were perfect weeds.

  They were still weeds.

  I hurriedly slid my shoes off and headed into them. The dirt clung to my feet as I paced a pattern. While I looked for the right spot to lie down, Flint decided to tell me a story.

  “For the first month after you left, I spent a lot of time in that patch at the old apartment. Then, as months passed, I got really pissed and just wanted to forget you’d ever existed. So I ripped them out of the ground.”

  I stopped pacing as I watched him use his crutches to lower himself to the ground.

  “Of course, they grew back.” He laughed, patting the dirt next to him, asking me to join him—an offer I couldn’t refuse. He continued as I settled at his side. “So then I sprayed them with weed killer.” He tossed an arm around my shoulders and reclined back, dragging me with him and then manhandling me into that position on his chest that I remembered he loved so much. “Seriously, weeds are resilient. No matter what the hell I did, I couldn’t get rid of them. Eventually, I gave up and went back to spending my nights there. So when I moved a few months ago, I took the only thing I had left of you with me. Some of them died in the move, but for the most part, they’ve done pretty well.” He ran his hands through the green bristle.

  “Wait. These are the weeds from your apartment?”

  “Some of them. I had to add a bunch.” He looked down, catching my gaze. “You should have seen the faces at the lawn and garden center when I walked in asking to buy weeds.” A hearty chuckle rumbled in his chest, warming me.

  For several minutes, no words were spoken but Flint repeatedly kissed the top of my head and stroked his fingertips up and down my arm. I was in heaven as the world momentarily disappeared.

  He finally broke the silence. “I was in love with you too.”

  Past tense.

  I rolled away, remembering all too quickly why I hated that position on his chest.

  I DIDN’T TRY TO STOP her as she settled on her back a few inches away. I fucking hated the distance she’d always put between us, but I needed her to hear me out.

  Turning to my side, I propped myself up on an elbow. “I’m going to give you that space while I say what I have to say, but do not get comfortable. This conversation ends with you back at my side. You got it?”

  “Mm-hm,” she hummed unconvincingly.

  “Okay, so listen. I was in love with you back then too.”

  “Right. Got that,” she noted, folding her hands over her stomach. “You know, I really don’t feel like having this conversation anymore. I get it. You didn’t mean the stuff you said. It’s in the past. Let’s talk about something else.”

  “It’s not in the past if you feel for one fucking second that you aren’t good enough to live in my house.”

  “Oh, I was just being funny.” She waved me off but never once looked at me.

  “Damn it, Ash. Stop lying to me. That was probably the only honest thing you have said today.”

  “Great. Now, I’m a liar, too?”

  “Okay. Clearly, space isn’t working.” I snagged her arm, trying to pull her back toward me, but she didn’t budge.

  “Can we just talk about something else, please?”

  “No. We absolutely cannot talk about anything until you hear me out. Ash, I’m so fucking sorry for the shit I spewed before you left. None of it was true. None.”

  “Apology accepted.”

  “Please don’t shut me down like that.”

  “Flint, I just accepted your apology. I didn’t shut you down.”

  “You just sprinted out of my house like I was some sort of serial killer. I’m thinking this is going to take more than just a simple ‘I’m sorry.’”

  “Fine. I’ll amend my statement. I accept your apology tonight. We only have two days together. Let’s talk about something else. We can come back to the depressing stuff later.”

  I rolled my eyes at her stupid imaginary time constraint. There was a lot to be said, but maybe she was right. As long as she didn’t try to run again, it could wait.

  “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

  She rolled to face me. “When’s your birthday?”

  “June first. You?”

  “Shit,” she cursed under her breath.

  “Is that a bad day for you?”

  “We have a big problem. Mine’s April eighteenth. Gemini and Aries are not compatible at all. It would be a disaster.”

  I rested my hand on top of hers, intertwining our fingers. “I’m willing to chance it.”

  “Disaster,” she whispered to herself.

  We sat in silence for several minutes until I asked, “Anything else you want to know?”

  “Yeah. Tell me about your first step? Was it amazing?”

  “Meh, not really.”

  “What?” she shrieked in disbelief.

  “Seriously, the first one wasn’t a big deal. I was at physical therapy. No one except the therapist was even there to witness it.”

  “That’s depressing.”

  “It was just a step, Ash. Then it became two steps. Then it became ten. It was cool, but it was still a long way from my goal of functionally walking again.”

  “Well, that’s a la
me story. You should never become an inspirational speaker.”

  I barked out a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “I’m serious. My version is so much better.”

  “You have a version of my first steps?” I questioned.

  She cleared her throat dramatically. “It was a warm day, and you were out picking strawberries.”

  I tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Picking strawberries in my wheelchair?”

  “Yep, and you weren’t wearing a shirt.”

  “Where exactly was my shirt?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe some of the strawberry juice dripped onto it.”

  “Oh, well, that makes sense. Can’t have that poison touching my skin,” I teased.

  “Agreed,” she answered seriously, making me laugh all over again. “So there was a small kitten who suddenly came limping past.”

  “There was a kitten in a strawberry field?”

  “Shh . . . My version. Anyway, you leaned down and picked up the kitten only to notice that his legs were badly damaged.”

  “Was I at all concerned that it would be rabid and claw up my beautiful naked chest?”

  “Nah. You were more worried about your manly bits.”

  I choked on my laugh. “My manly bits? Where were my pants?”

  She shrugged. “Strawberry juice.”

  “Ah, yes. Please continue.”

  “You were inspecting that poor kitten when you realized that it had to have walked hundreds of miles to get to such an isolated area. As you stared deep into that tiger-striped kitten’s eyes, trying to figure out where he had come from, words filtered through your head that affected you so profoundly it sent sensation back to your legs. So much so that you were able to rise up and rush the kitten to a vet.”

  “Sweet Jesus,” I whispered when I realized where she was going with the story.

  Suddenly, she sat up and asked, “Do you know what those magical words were?”

  “I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess the lyrics from the song ‘Eye of the Tiger’?”

  “Exactly,” she breathed before bursting out into hysterical laughter.

  “That was quite possibly the worst version ever.”

  “Did you miss the part where you were naked? That alone was better than your pitiful story.”

  She rolled around, laughing, and I watched intently, drinking it in.

  I had missed that crazy woman so fucking much.

  As much as I hated and regretted all the time apart, I couldn’t even find it in myself to be angry anymore.

  I just wanted to be with her. To show her who I truly was—not the jaded asshole she probably remembered. I wanted to find out who she had become and, even more than that, who she wanted to be. And then I wanted to be the one to give her that.

  I draped an arm across her hips then pulled, forcing her to roll over on top of me. Her laughter abruptly stopped when I grazed a soft kiss over her lips.

  “No more running. Give me time to fix this.”

  “I already—”

  “And not two days. I’ve spent years dreaming about having you back. Swear to me you’ll give me a shot to make that a reality.”

  “You dreamed about me?”

  “Ash, you tortured me on a regular basis. I didn’t even have to be asleep.”

  She smiled. “You too.”

  “Good. Then we’re even.” I kissed her again, letting it linger.

  After pulling away, she whispered, “I’m scared. I don’t know how to trust anyone in my life, much less you.”

  “Then I’ll fix that too.”

  “I just don’t understand why you’re trying so hard. It was a really long time ago.”

  “Because, when I was nineteen years old, I fell in love with a girl who changed my life by showing me that even the darkest nights still had stars and it didn’t matter one bit that you had to lie in the weeds to see them. We were kids and I barely knew her, but I loved her. I should have been there while she grew up, but I was a fool. Now, I have the woman back and I have every intention of making her fall in love with me again, and this time . . . I’m never letting go.” I took her mouth again, but it wasn’t gentle.

  It was deep and needy.

  Strong and firm.

  Bold and assuming.

  It was the way Ash had always kissed me.

  And fortunately for both of us, it had the exact same effect on her that it always had on me.

  She straddled my hips and folded her arms around my neck, pressing her chest down against mine. I have no idea how she did it, but I swear, every time Ash kissed me, she managed to squeeze herself flush against me as if she were attempting to meld our bodies into one—an idea I was completely okay with.

  Palming her ass, I rubbed her against my hardening cock.

  I needed to get inside her. She had marked the outside of her body as mine, and I desperately needed to mark the inside.

  “Tell me you’ll try. Give me a chance to show you how right we were—how right we are.”

  “I’ll try,” she moaned into my mouth.

  “Good girl,” I purred, grabbing the back of her head for another deep kiss.

  She sat up enough to grab the hem of her shirt, but I stilled her hands before she had the chance to pull it over her head.

  She searched my eyes with a puzzled expression.

  “I’m not risking any more interruptions with you. I want you on my bed, where I can take my time and explore every curve of you that I’ve been dreaming of touching since you first dove into my van. My neighbors are nosy as fuck, and I will be damned if I’m willing to share the sound of you crying my name when I make you come with my hands, tongue, and cock.” I pointedly rolled my hips against her core.

  “All three?” she smarted back on a moan.

  “All three,” I confirmed, catching her mouth again. “Now, get up. We’re going to bed.” I slapped her ass, fully expecting her playful giggle to follow, but like music to my cock, she hissed a, “Yes,” that quickly morphed into a cry of ecstasy.

  I mentally noted the fuck out of that cry as visions of turning her creamy-white ass various shades of pink caused my dick to twitch.

  “Now,” I ordered.

  She quickly popped to her feet. Then she handed me my crutches and stood awkwardly as I pulled myself up.

  “What?” I asked when she started knotting her hands.

  “So, um, I really want to . . . um . . . be naked in your bed.”

  I tilted my head, unsure what to make of this flash of insecurity from such a confident woman.

  “But I need to tell you something first, since I think you are assuming something else. Last time you assumed something, it ended with me turning my father in to the police and then running from you for three years. Sooo . . .”

  I tried to close the distance between us, but before I got close enough to touch her and soothe whatever worry she had, Ash dropped a bomb.

  “I’ve never had sex before.”

  My crutches became rooted to the ground, and my entire body went rigid—which included my already impossibly hard cock.

  “You’ve never?”

  “Well, no. Not exactly.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Uhhh . . .” She stalled in embarrassment before blowing out a loud frustrated breath. “Don’t hold it against me. I’m sure I’ll be great. I’m a fast learner.”

  “A fast learner,” I repeated incredulously.

  “I shouldn’t have even mentioned it, but I was worried it would piss you off when you found out.”

  “Damn right it would have pissed me off!” I snapped.

  “Great,” she huffed, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re pissed.”

  “Oh, I am so far from pissed you can’t even imagine.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  “Okay, so you’ve never had sex. What exactly have you done before?”

  “Well, you were my first kiss.”

&nbs
p; “I was your first kiss!” I shouted with an undeniable laugh.

  I fucking loved that I had her all sexually frustrated and nervous. I truly wanted to keep up the angry façade, but there was no possible way I could have hidden the huge shit-eating grin that spread across my face.

  “See! I told you I was a fast learner. You had no clue.”

  I headed toward her. “What else have you done?”

  “I’m not sure what you would consider what we did on the floor of the conference room, but that about sums it up. If I haven’t done it with you, it hasn’t happened.”

  My mouth fell open in stunned silence. I searched her eyes for lies but only found the truth.

  “No one else?” I clarified.

  She shook her head.

  I dropped my head back to peer up at the stars. “I am so fucking sorry, Ash.”

  “Why?” she asked timidly.

  “Because now that I know no one else has ever touched you, the things I am going to do to you tonight just multiplied . . . and not in your favor.” I shifted all of my weight to one arm and looped the other around her waist, roughly pulling her against me. “They aren’t going to be gentle the way you deserve.” I glided my hand down to her ass and squeezed, using it to grind her against my very angry cock. Then I dragged my nose up her neck to her ear and whispered, “But I swear to God you will beg for more.” I nipped at her earlobe. “Most of all, I’m sorry because I won’t be able to fulfill that angry fuck I promised to give you in the morning.”

  She whimpered as I raked my teeth across her skin.

  “We may have to postpone that now, but make no mistake. It will happen. Ash, baby, I have three years’ worth of frustration to work off inside you. And that’s the part where your begging becomes fun.” I lifted my hand before swiftly landing it against her ass.

  “Fuck,” she breathed, tilting her hips into mine.

  “Close your eyes. We’re going to bed and I’m not risking another freak-out about the inside of my house. We’ll deal with that in the morning. Tonight, your only worry is how deep you can take my cock.”

  “Jesus. Stop talking already.” She caught my mouth with her own.

  “Not a problem. I can’t talk with my tongue occupied by that sweet pussy.”

  “Flint.”