This Time

by Ingrid Monique

  “Where’s Sean, is he OK?” Lori asked.

  “He’s in x-ray,” Kelee told her.

  “X-ray; why?”

  “He was shot close range, but he was wearing his vest. I think he might have broken some ribs.”

  “Thank God it wasn’t any worse,” Lori said, relieved.

  Allan got up and ushered Kelee into his seat. “I’m goin’ to get some’ting to eat, an’ check on Sean,” he announced and left them alone.

  “She has no hair,” Lori moaned, caressing the baby’s head.

  “We were both bald when we were born, remember?” Kelee reminded her.

  “Oh, yeah, we were.” She smiled, caressing the baby’s cheek. The baby opened her eyes; she had Allan’s blue eyes. Kelee smiled as the baby grasped her finger.

  “I want to hear every’ting that happened,” Lori insisted. Kelee really didn’t want to talk about it, but knowing Lori she wouldn’t stop until she got the full story. Maybe if she did, then she would figure out how to solve her dilemma of dealing with Sean and the risk that came with being with him.

  Sean was grateful to be out of x-ray. He was dying to see Kelee—he needed to make sure she was OK. He was given a painkiller and his ribs were bandaged. Three of his ribs had been broken and he had a nasty bruise. He found out that Lori was still in the hospital, having given birth. He was grateful to know she and the baby were doing fine. Jack was recovering, the bullet successfully removed from his shoulder. Jack was resting surrounded by his wife and kids when Sean stopped by to see him. Giving Jack time with his family, Sean went in search of Lori, knowing he’d find Kelee with her. He couldn’t help but be worried about her. He didn’t like the look of fear in her eyes in the chopper earlier. He needed to make sure she knew that she was safe now.

  Kelee finished telling Lori what she had gone through. While she felt relieved it was all over, she couldn’t help the dread feeling that had taken hold of her.

  “Yu’ safe now,” Lori told her.

  “I don’t feel it,” she confessed.

  “I know it’s hard after all yu’ve been through, but yu’ can’t let it consume yu’. Yu’ don’t have any’ting to be afraid of anymore.”

  “I know.” She sighed, tired.

  “Then what’s really botherin’ yu’?”

  “I don’t think I can be with him, not after what happened. I can’t live with that kind of fear,” she admitted with all honesty.

  Lori looked at her, disappointed. “Don’t yu’ love him?”

  Kelee looked at Lori, surprised by her question. “I think yu’ seein’ too much into what went on between Sean and me,” Kelee told her.

  “So yu’ tellin’ me yu’ don’t love him?”

  “Love him, that’s too much for me right now. Plus, after what happened, I don’t think I can be with a man like him. I can’t always be lookin’ over my shoulder wonderin’ when some maniac who has a vendetta against him will target me.”

  “He loves yu’, Kelee. He wouldn’t let any’ting happen to yu’.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I can’t be with him. Plus, I didn’t come here to find a man. I came here to be with yu’ and the baby, and if I’d done that I wouldn’t have ended up in Sean’s drama. I just need to focus on what I came here to do and leave it at that.” She smiled at her niece, who had fallen asleep.

  “He wouldn’t have gone through all he did to get yu’ back if he didn’t love yu’,” Lori told her. Covering her breast, she placed the baby against her shoulder, tapping her back gently.

  “Could we stop talkin’ about Sean?”

  “Why?”

  “It’s too complicated.”

  “It’s not that complicated if yu’ love him.”

  “I don’t love him,” she insisted. “And could yu’ stop talking about Sean? I just want to forget everything that happened, everything, including him.”

  “I think yu’ handlin’ this all wrong,” Lori said, disappointed. “Yu’ two have such a strong bond, don’t throw it away.”

  “We have nothing,” Kelee said dryly. “And what we had I’d rather forget,” she said with determination. She had come to a decision; she wanted nothing more to do with Sean St. John.

  “Hey, man, how yu’ feelin?” Kelee heard Allan ask just outside the door.

  “Good,” Sean’s voice responded. Kelee spun around, looking at the door. Allan entered with a puzzled look on his face. When Sean didn’t follow him, Kelee’s stomach crunched up in fear.

  “Was that Sean?” she asked, knowing it was him—she had heard his voice.

  “Yes, wasn’t he in here?”

  “No, he never came in,” Lori said.

  “Funny, he was standing right at the door. I thought he was leavin’.” Allan shrugged.

  “He heard,” Lori said.

  “Oh, God.” Kelee buried her face in her hands. She felt really bad. She never meant for him to hear anything she’d just said. She wanted to end it with him, but nicely.

  Sean really couldn’t blame Kelee for feeling the way she did. He’d put her through a lot. She’d been through a dramatic situation, being kidnapped and held hostage with a gun at her head. If she hated him for it all, he had no one to blame but himself. He’d lied to her and put her in danger. If she left St. Pala tomorrow he couldn’t blame her. He didn’t want to lose her, but she’d said it, she wanted to forget everything and that included him. Sean didn’t feel like going home, so he decided to head west.

  Lori was released from the hospital a few hours later and they all went home together. Lori hadn’t bought up the subject of Sean and she was grateful. Back at the house Allan saw to Lori and the baby while Kelee retired to her room. She was emotionally and physically drained. Sean was all she could think of. She knew her words must have hurt him, but she just couldn’t see herself with him knowing the danger that came with him. He was a good man and the chemistry was unbelievable between them, but she needed to feel safe; she knew she wouldn’t be with him. She wished things had ended differently, but it was over and done now. There was nothing she could do about it. Tired, Kelee took a shower and get some much needed sleep.

  When Kelee woke it was nine the next morning. She felt refreshed and her headache was gone. She found Lori in the living room watching the baby sleep in her bassinet. Kelee sat beside Lori looking at her niece.

  “She’s so beautiful,” Kelee said, taking in the baby’s small perfect features.

  “Isn’t she?” Lori beamed.

  “Mama is going to be so happy when she sees her.”

  “Damn, I have to call her an’ tell her I had the baby. Every’ting happened so fast I forgot to call her.”

  “Just don’t tell her about me getting kidnapped. I don’t think she needs to know all that.”

  “Yu’ will tell her?” Lori asked.

  “Yes, but not right now. There are other things I have to deal with first.”

  “Like Sean?”

  “Like goin’ back to my life in New York.”

  “Why don’t yu’ stay here?” Lori asked. Kelee looked at her. “St. Pala feels more like a home to yu’ than New York, yu’ve said so yu’self. Wha’ yu’ have there besides work, which yu’ can do here?”

  Kelee did feel at home here. New York didn’t feel this warm or welcoming to her. She knew it had to do with the fact that she didn’t have any family there. She had family here, but her life and career were in New York not St. Pala.

  “Stay with us,” Lori said and hugged her. Kelee leaned against her.

  “I can’t. Not now,” Kelee admitted. In her heart she wanted to stay but she couldn’t. The thought of being in St. Pala and seeing Sean was too much. St. Pala was a small island and there was no way she could avoid him, he was like family to Lori and Allan.

  “Go get some’ting to eat, yu’ must be hungry,” Lori told her. Kelee nodded and headed into the kitchen to get breakfast. A few minutes later Lori joined her, baby monitor in hand.

  “I was thinkin’,” Lori st
arted. Kelee took a sip of her tea, ready for an earful.

  “Go on,” Kelee said.

  “I think yu’ should call Sean.”

  “I told yu’ I don’t want to have anything to do with him.”

  “After what he overheard, yu’ need to clear the air with him. Tell him why yu’ feel the way yu’ do. Don’t go back to New York without clearing ’tings up.”

  “I thought about that, but what difference would that make?”

  “Sean is like family. I hate to see ’tings end badly between yu’ two, that’s all.”

  Kelee knew she was right, she had to talk to Sean, clear the air between them.

  “Yu’ right,” Kelee admitted. Lori smiled with satisfaction. Kelee prayed Sean would want to talk to her after what he had overheard.

  Sean wasn’t at the house when Kelee called and his cell phone kept going straight to voice mail. Kelee called Jack, who was home recovering from his gunshot wound. Jack told her he’d give Sean a call. Two hours later Jack called back.

  “Did yu’ get him?” Kelee asked, anxious.

  “Yeah,” Jack said.

  “Is he OK?” she asked.

  “He didn’t sound like himself,” Jack told her.

  “Did yu’ tell him I wanted to talk to him?”

  “Yes. He said it was over between yu’ two. What happened?”

  “He overheard some things that I didn’t mean for him to hear. I just need to clear things up with him before I leave.”

  “When yu’ leavin’?”

  “Soon,” she said. “Do yu’ know where he is?”

  “The cabin. He goes there to cool off when he’s upset.”

  “Thank yu’ and take care,” Kelee told Jack.

  “Yu’ too.”

  Kelee found Jack and Lori in the living room. Lori was breastfeeding. Allan sat by her side, the baby holding onto his finger. There was so much love in his eyes for his daughter. A part of her envied what they had, a loving relationship and a beautiful baby.

  “Did yu’ get him?” Lori asked, looking up at her.

  “Jack said he’s at the cabin,” Kelee told her, sitting across from them.

  “I’ll take yu’ there if yu’ like,” Allan said. Kelee smiled at him, relieved.

  “Sounds good to me.” Lori beamed.

  “Yu’ want to pack a bag just in case?” Allan asked. Kelee smiled at him.

  Sean sat on the beach under a coconut tree, staring out into the calm, crystal blue waters. It was a peaceful soothing sight and he wished his emotions were as such. Kelee’s words kept replaying in his head. She couldn’t be with a man like him because she feared for her life. She wanted to forget everything, including him. It hurt to know she felt that way. Yet he had no one but himself to blame; he had put her in danger and almost gotten her killed. He wasn’t sure how he could take her fears away. He loved her and he wanted her in the worst way, but he also loved his work. He made a difference here. Because of him, crime was down and tourism was up in St. Pala. The people of St. Pala needed him, but he also needed Kelee; only she wanted nothing to do with him because of his work. So why did she want to talk to him? He wanted to see her, he missed her. He wanted to take her fears away, but he wasn’t sure how anymore. He thought of calling her but he stopped himself. He needed time to clear his head, and then he could better deal with her if she still wanted to talk to him.

  Less than half an hour later with an overnight bag in tow, Kelee kissed Lori and the baby on her way out. A few minutes later Allan and Kelee headed towards View Coast. Kelee was a bundle of nerves.

  “It’s goin’ to work out,” Allan reassured her.

  “I just don’t want him hating me.”

  “Trust me, he doesn’t. He’s too crazy ’bout yu’ to hate yu’.”

  “I need to make him understood, that’s all.” She chewed on her bottom lip.

  “Yu’ love him, right?”

  Kelee suddenly realized that she was afraid of acknowledging her feelings for Sean.

  “Yu’ do love him?” Allan asked again.

  “I haven’t thought about that,” she lied.

  “Yu’ don’t ’tink ’bout love, yu’ either in love or yu’ not. So which one is it?” Allan pressed for an answer.

  “I’m afraid to think about it,” she admitted.

  “Don’t ’tink too hard an’ lose him. He’s a good man. Plus, Lori and I ’tink yu’ two belong together.”

  Kelee couldn’t help the smile that touched her lips. “Yu’ do?”

  “Sure, an’ yu’ stayin’ in St. Pala would mean the world to Lori,” Allan added.

  “Oh, so this is about me staying in St. Pala?”

  “Partially. But seriously, I know Sean an’ when I tell yu’ he loves yu’, he does.”

  “Did he tell yu’ that?” Kelee asked, curious.

  “No, he didn’t have to; anyone can see it when he looks at yu’.”

  For the rest of the ride Kelee sat in quiet reflection wondering if Sean really did love her. She knew ten years ago they had made a connection, but she didn’t know how he really felt about her now. He had proved to her that he would have given his life to rescue her. She wondered how much further it went. She knew she felt a great deal for it, but she was afraid to admit it in fear that he didn’t return her feelings. She wasn’t sure what she’d say to him upon seeing him, but she had to get it all out in the open.

  They arrived at the cabin and Kelee couldn’t bring herself to get out of the car. Fear had gripped her; there was no turning back if she walked into that cabin. This was it; she would have to face what she felt for Sean and it scared her to death.

  “Want me to check if he’s there?” Allan asked.

  Kelee looked at him, snapping out of her spell. “No, no. I got this, thanks.” She kissed Allan’s cheek and got out of the car, pulling her bag from the backseat.

  Kelee walked up to the door of the cabin, her heart racing. This was it. She stared at the door. This was the place that they had started and this would be the place they would either continue or end. She glanced back to see Allan still waiting in the car. She took a deep breath and knocked twice. She heard footsteps and the door opened. He stood before her in loose sweatpants and nothing else. He looked tired, but still fine. She saw the round bruise on his side where he’d been shot. Again she thanked God he was alive, that he’d only walked away with a few broken ribs.

  Sean stared at her in disbelief. He looked down at the bag in her hand, then outside. He looked back at her and pulled her into the cabin, slamming the door.

  Instantly she was in his arms. His mouth engulfed hers in a heated kiss. The kiss they shared seemed to last forever, neither wanting to end it or let go of each other. Kelee’s heart was racing so fast she had to take a deep breath when the kiss ended. Sean was gazing at her with such intensity for a moment she couldn’t speak.

  “I never meant to hurt yu’ with what I said. I didn’t mean it that way.” She found her voice.

  “Yu’ showin’ up here says as much.” He smiled down at her, caressing her cheek.

  “I wanted yu’ to know that I don’t hate yu’, I don’t hate anything that happened between us. It’s jus’ that when I think of what yu’ do, it scares me to death. I just didn’t know how to handle it.”

  “I know, but yu’ must understand that it’s not always like that. Goin’ after Curve was dangerous, but otherwise my work never gets that dangerous.”

  “It doesn’t?”

  “No; I can’t even remember the last time I had to use my gun. I usually let the police handle the raids and busts, but when he targeted yu’ I jus’ couldn’t leave it up to them. Yu’ mean too much to me, Kelee. I’m sorry yu’ had to go through any of that, I really am. But there’s no reason to be afraid anymore.”

  He kissed her gently, soothing all her fears. Kelee clung to him, never wanting to let him go. He hugged her close.

  “Yu’ scare me, Sean,” she told him.

  “Why?” he asked, c
onfused and hurt.

  “Yu’ make me feel things, things that I am afraid to admit to.”

  “An’ now?” he asked with a slight smile.

  “I’m not afraid anymore.” She smiled, kissing him with all her heart.

  They kissed and undressed each other with an intense urgency. Sean took her, naked and in his arms, into the bedroom. He placed her in the middle of the bed, covering her body with his. In one swift move he was inside her, loving her.

  “I love yu’,” she whispered against his lips. He stopped and looked down at her.

  “Yu’ know how long I’ve waited to hear yu’ say that?” he asked.

  “Ten years.” She grinned, moving beneath him. He smiled and kissed her deeply. She didn’t want him to ever stop making love to her, or loving her.

  “I love yu’,” he told her, caressing her lips with his tongue. Her heart rejoiced at his words. She moaned, loving him all over again, loving him forever.

  DAFINA BOOKS are published by

  Kensington Publishing Corp.

  850 Third Avenue

  New York, NY 10022

  ISBN: 978-0-7582-8998-8

  Copyright © 2006 by Ingrid Monique Green

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

  If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the Publisher and neither the Author nor the Publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”

  Dafina and the Dafina logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.