Easy (A Flap Tucker Mystery Book 1)

by Phillip DePoy

  “Those two? They couldn’t kill a rumor.”

  “So?”

  “Well…” He sighed and settled back into his chair. “You’re right, of course, about a great many things. I first tried to talk Neena into being interested in my little plan. I told her I could get her a huge sum of money. Then I threatened I’d tell you about her sexual involvement with Dr. Schlag —”

  I had to butt in. “Like that would have made a difference to anybody.”

  Lenny agreed. “But in the second place, as you probably know, Neena’s real hair is blond. As it happened I’d already gotten Teeth interested in tantric beliefs months before. It’s amazing how easy it is to suggest something to someone and then make them believe it’s their own idea. I did it as an exercise, nothing more, but when he kept talking about what it had done for him and Ruby — and when he showed me a picture of her — I decided that Ruby would be my first step.”

  Dally cocked her head. “You got Ruby and Teeth into tantric sex?”

  Lenny smiled. “It was easy.”

  I shifted. “He can manipulate anything — combination of money and kundalini.”

  He went on, smiling at me. “But before I could complete all my plans Teeth got fired. Naturally, it didn’t take much to suggest to Augusta that she could get him a job with her brother.”

  I couldn’t resist. “It was a perfect setup for you. It gave you access to the girls at the Tip Top and to Ruby, plus it set up Teeth as the obvious fall guy — or tossed suspicion on Tony, who had all the opportunity for the killings. Even that had me goin’ for a minute.”

  He was proud of me. “You’re so good. That was exactly my plan. I wouldn’t have to kill Augusta after all, and in fact she’d be more corroboration for the phony story, extra linkage to Teeth, to Tony. It was perfect. I went to the Tip Top and, mirabile dictu: two girls in an act together, both redheads, and, as it turns out, both living together and in need of a little extra cash. It’s as if I’d written the story myself.”

  Dally nodded. “Apparently a big motif with you.”

  Lenny raised his eyebrows. “So I spent some time at the club — in a masterly disguise, if I do say so myself.”

  Once again, memory spoke to me — and I answered out loud. “The blond wig and a fat suit. It’s very well done.”

  He spoke to me very calmly. “I’m going to stop being amazed at your observations. I’m just going to assume you actually do know everything, despite what you’ve told us to the contrary.”

  “Go on.”

  “All right, eventually I did ‘pick up’ the two daughters of Lesbos. They needed the money. It was actually a little tricky with the fat suit.”

  Dally took in a deep breath. “I’m not sure I need to hear all this.”

  But he shook his head. “You’re not going anywhere.” He waved his hand oddly. “I’m telling a story.”

  She looked around, and there were Bertrand and Tommy again, lurking in the shadows by the door. She nodded slowly.

  He went on. “Well, first, the problem was convincing them to be videotaped.”

  Dally’s eyes widened. “Videotaped?”

  I nodded slowly, remembering Uncle Tegu. “He had to have something to show his…collaborator — to make sure the ritual was followed exactly? Something like that?”

  He shoved out his lower lip. “Correct.” He let a moment of silence work its way into our ears. “But with the offer of more money — a lot more money, actually — they allowed me to tie them up as well as set up the camera. Then it was only a question of making the first one die as hideously as possible. Strangle a little, take a break. Had to stuff items of clothing in their mouths, of course, to keep things quiet. I whispered to them over and over again the terrible things that were going to happen to them. Waved a razor around. I made up the most hideous images you can possibly imagine.” He looked around at us. “Perhaps, given the simpering nature of this little group, more than you can possibly imagine. I even accurately predicted for them their future: dead bodies stuffed in the trunk of a car. They were shrieking with terror through their gags. The cord went ’round the neck. The first one dead; the second was more frenzied than I would have thought possible. It made a very fine video.” Then, like he was scolding a dog: “One of them actually managed to pull out a clump of my hair, my real hair.”

  Dally could barely find her voice. “A videotape?”

  I hadn’t noticed before that there was a clock ticking somewhere underneath one of the sheets that covered things. Now it seemed so loud it could have been an explosion.

  “So I got the bodies out of the apartment, of course. Unfortunately I’d made a mess, and my own hair and bits of clothing were everywhere. So I just had everything pertinent — most of the furniture, the rugs, all of it — removed from the apartment and destroyed. Even sent the boys back a second time after you were on the case, Flap. Did you know?”

  I shrugged. No point in prolonging this particular party with my own reminiscences.

  He laughed out loud at me. It was one of the ugliest sounds I’d ever heard. I couldn’t believe that a few minutes earlier I’d actually had the idea that this guy was saner than Looney Lenny.

  “Anyway, I put the girls in the trunk and just went on about my business. I thought it would make a nice bit of backup for the video — show the tape, then display the stars.”

  I looked away, slowly getting the full picture. “The way you had to do with Uncle Tegu.”

  It was like he hadn’t heard me. He was in another part of his story. “I took them with me to visit Ruby and Teeth the next week. I thought it would really put a thrill of terror into Ruby. After they’ve been dead for a few days, dead bodies actually look quite terrifying. I set them up in the woods beside the camera, then I went in to get Ruby. The house was quiet. They were asleep. It was nothing to slip them both a little whiff of chloroform. They slept like logs. I hoisted Ruby out of bed and headed, in the darkness, toward the backyard where I could accomplish my task. Imagine my surprise when I pulled back his nightclothes and saw his masculine…works. I mean, he even slept in makeup. It was quite a joke on me. Of course, at the time I was pretty angry. I do have a temper. I try to control it, but it often gets the better of me, especially when I’m playing Lenny and I don’t get much of a chance to express my anger in my daily life — as it were. At any rate, there was Ruby, obviously a man. I lost my temper. And it was precisely at that moment that Ruby began to wake up. Naturally I’d only given him enough chloroform to put him out until I could get him away from Teeth. He had to be awake for the terror part of the show. He was absolutely beside himself with fear. He saw the dead bodies right away, and started jabbering something about my being a demon. He started making funny noises and hissing at me. Then he backed away, started to trace a pentagram on the ground. I let him — even helped him once I saw what he was doing. It only increased the power of the moment. Did I happen to mention how persuasive this tantric power can be, especially if you believe as strongly as Ruby did? I had the impression he thought I was a nightmare come to life, not human at all. Of course, he was drugged and wrenched out of a sound sleep, so I suppose that could account for some of his confusion. By the way, does any one of you know what the significance of the pentagram is?”

  I ventured. “Teeth said something about a seal that protected a guy from evil spirits?”

  Lenny rolled his eyes. “No, I mean what was significant to me.”

  Augusta could barely speak. “It’s the sign for the anahata chakra, the place of love and devotion — also where the breath and lungs reside.”

  He looked at me. “She learns well when she learns, doesn’t she? I decided to make it another clue: breath and lungs, love and devotion, strangulation. Too perfect. And I left clues like that all over town, as you’ve intimated before, on purpose. I’d always hoped something like this — your visit today — would happen. It never has until now. I’m very pleased.”

  I shook my head. “Why?”


  Dally, once again, was the wiser. “He’s an actor. He never gets to talk about his work, his genius…”

  Lenny flashed his modest side. “Well, I don’t know that genius is the word, but if you insist. I love to talk about my acting, but I never get to do it with anyone who can really appreciate it. Not the way you all can.”

  Dally steeled her face. “So finish the story.”

  “I let Ruby draw the pentagram, as I was saying. I also thought it might throw the police off — and it did. You know they actually thought there were satanic rituals involved?”

  I piped up. “Yeah, I got a big kick outta that one myself.”

  Lenny nodded. “Ruby was chanting some nonsense. He kept staring at the dead women. I told him what was going to happen to him. And once again it was too perfect. It would throw the police off any trail, this thoroughly bizarre murder. He actually fell into a kind of ecstatic fear-trance. It was thrilling.”

  Now it was Augusta’s turn to try and talk, vacant-eyed. “It was real. You really are the demon.”

  Lenny was proud. “I really am.”

  I wanted the story to move along. “So there’s Ruby, dead.”

  He obliged. “I started a little fire, to burn his clothes and get rid of the kind of microscopic evidence that police science seems so fond of these days.”

  I nodded, wanted to get away from Ruby and the pentagram — and the creepy feeling it was still giving me. “So what next?”

  “Well, a quick check of the math will reveal I was still one girl short. And I was beginning to feel I had to dispose of the other two. I mean, they were decaying at a fairly rapid rate, and the fun of having them around to scare my third victim was far less interesting than it had been to me, so I took the car —”

  Dally couldn’t help herself. “That pretty Buick —”

  I stopped her. “By the way, would it do me any good to figure out who that car’s registered to?”

  “Some fictitious or dead person. I don’t know. That’s easy to fix up when you’ve got friends in the police department. Officially speaking it was a completely invisible car. So I drove around for a while. Took the girls by for a visit to Uncle Tegu. Had quite the effect it needed — really gave the videotape power. Then I got the idea of taking them to the cinema. Do you know why? Do you know how they advertise that place in the paper?”

  “I give.”

  “It says, Tip top entertainment for the discerning adult, I believe.”

  I was dry. “Another clue. So you drove the car to the ‘art’ house parking lot…”

  Lenny nodded. “…across town. Left it. And just called up another car…”

  My turn again. “…a Lincoln Town Car.”

  He smiled. “I wondered when you’d bring that up. But let’s save that part of the story. We still have little Augusta to deal with. You can’t imagine the time I had convincing her that her suspicions about me were something she’d read in a tabloid headline at the supermarket. That took some doing — and some proper administration of what we might call medicine.”

  She still couldn’t quite convince herself. “It was real. That was real.” And she couldn’t stop shaking her head.

  Dally moved a little closer to her, still looking at Lenny. “You gave her drugs?”

  “Oh, yes. She didn’t used to be nearly as odd as she is now, thanks to me. But something sent her off. She found something that revealed my truer self, as it were.”

  Dally swallowed. “Oh, my God. She found the videotape.”

  He nodded. “I felt safe here at home. I was careless. One evening when I was gone, she put it on. I didn’t even know it was labeled Evening News. You know she’s…how shall we say it? She’s delicate where reading the paper is concerned, so she often taped the news broadcasts. Still, I don’t think it would have meant as much to her. The fat suit is a fine disguise. She didn’t recognize me. The only question was why there might be such a terrible tape in the house. I think it might have just gone under the rug, as they say, except for the fact that she found the fat suit.”

  Augusta rocked back and forth. “I found the fat suit. But then I didn’t think it was real.” Her eyes were hollow.

  He shook his head, disgusted at her. “She was looking for something or other in one of my closets and came across it. Even in her condition she’s capable of putting two and two together. I’d imagine it came as something of a shock. She took it out of my room and hid it behind some things in her own room. I didn’t even know it was gone for a while.” He looked at me. “I suppose you’re quite proud of your mint-sniffing abilities in this particular regard. That’s what you smelled. But do you remember my little airplane up in her room?”

  I nodded slowly. “As a matter of fact.” I was getting one of those ice-water feelings, and I didn’t like it.

  “It was a note from her. It described the video and the fat suit. She hadn’t finished writing it. I suppose I’d come home and scared her. I believe she left home that moment, in the middle of her note. I didn’t even know it was there. That’s why I ran upstairs when you were here. I’d never checked the room completely. I found the note seconds before you came in. Nothing else to do but play with it in plain sight.” Sigh. “I hadn’t really thought you’d ever even find my house, you understand — let alone come over and investigate.” He looked around the room. “I’d felt rather invincible in this place.” He went on with his story. “I just thought you’d find Augusta for me…for obvious reasons. In fact I hired you precisely because I didn’t think you were bright enough to uncover anything else but Augusta. I’d heard you had some luck at finding missing people. I never imagined you’d be the one to find all my little crumbs — I never thought you were bright enough.” He smiled a stab of arctic wind. “At any rate, the note was something she’d been writing to Tony. I know it sounds crazy, but I have it in my head that Lenny’s a murderer. Something like that — and it talked about her suspicions fairly lucidly. I mean, there were big revelations: the video, the suit. It would have caused me trouble. I had to dash upstairs. I grabbed it just in time. Luck — and the fact that I’m faster and brighter than most. Then, that night, I flew it in front of your face for five minutes. You never even knew.”

  “I’ve just recently come to think about it. And that’s where all the mint smell came from; the fat suit you were wearing when you were wrestling with Ruby was in there somewhere too. So now I know just how big a dope I am.”

  “Too late. It’s all long since ashes — the note, the suit, the videotape. But to return to our story, I had to find Augusta. Wouldn’t do for her to go around at that critical moment accusing me, no matter how crazy anyone thought she was. It would have been very inconvenient. And I thought she would make an ideal third girl after all under the circumstances. So back to the fat suit and wig. It was thrilling to see you come into the Tip Top, Flap. I was over at the other end of the bar from the two high-school boys. I assumed you’d get Augusta and leave, so I waited in the parking lot. You’ll remember it was raining, and a little dark. When the girl came out the back door, I thought she was Augusta. When I realized my mistake it was too late to run, so I came up with the most exciting plan yet. I asked her for what they call, in their common parlance, a ‘date.’ She, of course, accepted. And there we were, outside in the parking lot with you and Tony and Augusta only feet away. It was only seconds after she died that I heard you both come out the back door of the club. Now that was an adventure.”

  Like a dope, I finally got it. “So all along you really were leaving these little crumbs to follow. Like…even the ankle bracelets.”

  “That’s right. I deliberately took them off the girls. One at Ruby’s, one in the cinema parking lot. I thought the police might find them. I never suspected you would.”

  I shook my head. “I can see why. I’m pretty much of a sap.”

  He shrugged. “So, let me see, is there anything major I’ve left out?”

  I folded my arms in front of me again. “No
w’s as good a time as any to talk about Linda’s family.”

  He genuinely didn’t know what I was talking about for a second. “Linda?”

  “The people at the Golden Potala? Kind of the point of all this?”

  “Oh!” Big surprise. “Who’s Linda?”

  I let it go. “A waitress there.”

  He shrugged. “Well, you’ve properly surmised that it was Tegu with whom I had set up my little importing scam, especially when the outcome of our trade agreement with the Chinese came into doubt.”

  Dally had to know. “Tegu?”

  Lenny obliged. “The owner’s brother.”

  I added. “Right…Tegu. And by the way, some might call it smuggling.”

  He ignored me.

  I pressed. “Now, how exactly did you know about them, the Potalas?”

  “I’d done my research. I love research. And of course, their lease is held by Davidson, Peters, and Conner, our Atlanta law firm.”

  Like a rock whacked me on the back of the head. “Oh. Of course.”

  He went right on. “I knew that the family in Tibet was slowly sending a fair number of items to the little man who had no American identity.”

  I guessed. “Also information from the law firm.”

  Nod. “It was perfect: a completely free source of Tibetan artifacts, if I could only handle things properly. And once the false Panchen Lama was in place, as our research also showed would happen, it made the family’s necessity of getting religious artifacts out of the country even more urgent. It all fell into place perfectly. All I needed to do was place Tegu in mortal terror, threaten his…invisibility…and he’d give me anything I wanted. You can’t imagine how profitable a thing like this would have been for Cascade Art Imports: no overhead, possibly no cost at all, and a steady flow of priceless relics from a dying culture. It’s a phenomenal deal, you’d have to admit. And of course that’s another one of the reasons I kept the girls in the trunk, as I’ve mentioned. I showed them to little Tegu. Dead women with red hair decomposing in a trunk. I think he might have jumped out of his bones and back to his homeland, Red Menace or no. It certainly convinced him of…everything he believed.”