Ladder 54: Five Firefighter Romances

by Maren Smith

  “Fuck,” she muttered and looked away. “After I tell you what I did, you’ll throw me out.”

  “I won’t.”

  Dakota snapped her head around, and her eyes found his. “How can you be so sure?”

  “I can be sure, because I believe in us. You fell off the face of the planet but now you’re standing here in front of me.” He gestured toward her. “I searched for you for years but I couldn’t find you. You called my mother from burner phones like some sort of criminal.”

  “You knew about the phone calls?”

  “She didn’t tell me what you talked about, but yeah. It got very obvious.”

  “I wouldn’t have gotten through all I went through without Amelia. Truth be told, all I wanted to do was come back home. I missed you more than anything. But what you’ve revealed just now doesn’t sound like you want me to come back to you.”

  “You hurt me, Dakota, but I made a vow to you, multiple vows if you want to be technical, and I refuse to break them.” He took her hand. “I can’t promise I won’t ever get angry, but I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to get us back on the same path again.”

  “Your endless patience is honorable, but once you hear what I did—” She bit down on her lip and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “It can’t be worse than what we’ve already been through,” Troy sighed. “Just spit it out so we can move past it. Tell me.”

  “It was stupid of me to think I could explain it. Never mind. I’m leaving, at least I know I’m good at that.” She turned away from him, though he was definitely right. What she did wasn’t as bad as all they had already been through, but she didn’t want to disappoint him again.

  His hands appeared on her waist and he wrapped his arms around her.

  “Troy.”

  “Dakota.”

  “I need to go.”

  “I heard you.”

  She couldn’t even attempt to descend the stairs with a muscled former Marine attached to her. He nuzzled into her neck, but it pissed her off. How could he be so damn forgiving when he didn’t even know what she had done?

  “Troy!”

  “Dakota.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “No, you’re Dakota. Now that we’ve properly established our names, what did you do?”

  She shook her head, refusing to open up. She’d been so hell bent on telling him while she drove over here, but seeing him in person had killed her plan. There was so much more to apologize for besides selling her belongings, and there was so much to make clear to him—like the other reasons why she left.

  “I don’t think you ever planned on telling me outright. Nope. You were going to prance into the house while dropping hints about some transgression or whatnot of yours, and then go sauntering out the door, hoping I would stop you.”

  “Well, since you won’t let me in the house I suppose that scenario can’t happen, but you are stopping me from leaving. I’m not sure what to do here.”

  “I’ll let you in the house, but under certain conditions. I make the rules. You follow them. If you aren’t happy with the way things are going, then you bring it up to me and we talk. No running away from your problems. Not ever again.”

  “How can you trust me not to make the same stupid mistakes?” She relaxed against him a little and placed her hands on each of his.

  “I trust you, but we all make mistakes, darling. I don’t know the future, but this time around I’m running the show, like I said. If you don’t want to agree to my terms then you don’t have to. No harm, no foul. Go on back to wherever you were hiding out. Know this, if you leave I’ll petition for this separation to be changed to a divorce. I’ll file for your name to be legally changed on grounds of harassment. I’m not threatening you, just laying it all out, so you can make an educated decision.”

  “How can you possibly give me another chance? I was terrible to you.” Tears poured down her cheeks. “I said terrible things. I abandoned you.”

  “You want to know how I can give you another chance? Well, listen up and listen close. You wrote to me every day when I was overseas. Every. Fucking. Day. I got those letters, sometimes they came in the wrong order, and sometimes there were bits and pieces blacked out. You told me about your hopes and dreams, but also about everyday mundane life. Life I took for granted when I was home. You told me about what my parents were doing. You gave me glimpses of the stuff my sister was up to. You explained your studies and schoolwork in detail. When you got sent to rehab there was a break until they let you start writing again. Those letters became more clinical, more therapeutic, but guess what? I’ve read each one of them since the day you left. You wanted kids. You wanted a house full of love. You prayed for the day you wouldn’t be tempted by alcohol. You apologized to me for drinking in the first place.” Troy took a breath and then continued. “We didn’t know each other when I got deployed, but every letter of yours gave me a brief glimpse of the woman I married. They showed me the real Dakota, the one who opened up to me in those moments. The woman I fell in love with. You didn’t stop thinking about me just because I wasn’t here. You didn’t leave me then. You didn’t cheat on me then. I have to believe you needed a break in order to figure out what you really needed was here in front of you all this time.”

  “You’ve always seen me in a better light than I have ever seen myself,” she sniffled and wiped tears away with the back of her hand. “I’ve wanted to call you so many times or come back here, but I was scared. I hated the monster I created. You didn’t do anything wrong. There’s a few things I need to tell you, but this one is the biggest. I should have shared it a very long time ago. When I was thirteen, I heard my father kill my mother.” She crumpled at the harsh truth, one she’d never shared with anybody, but his body braced hers, and they sank down on the front steps together. “I never felt wanted or loved. No one ever treated me the way you did. I didn’t know how to reciprocate all those emotions, Troy. I still don’t know how.”

  “Is that poor excuse for a man still alive?”

  She’d never heard such a tone come out of Troy before, and it caused a shiver to run through her body. It sounded icy and methodical. It took her a few minutes to answer him. Finally after a few deep breaths, she shook her head.

  “No, my father accidentally killed himself one cold winter night. I was staying at my aunt’s house the night our house burned down. The firefighters tried to save him, but there was a gas leak and there was nothing to save. I never cried, not one tear, because I used to plan his death.” A huge shudder ran down her spine, and Troy rubbed her shoulders. “I used to picture it, dream about it, hoping it would manifest. I believed the world would be a better place without him, and I took on the responsibility of getting him out of it myself. Except I realized somewhere along the way that if I took matters into my own hands, I’d be caught and arrested. It took a while, but the universe took care of him.” Her voice dropped so low, she could barely hear herself. “In retrospect, of course I would walk out on us, Troy. Of course I would throw away our marriage. I’m so fucked up.”

  “No, you are not.” Troy twisted his body so he could cup her cheek, and he forced her focus to his eyes. “You are not any more fucked up than the rest of the world. You were a child, Dakota. Do not let that monster in to play in your mind. He abused you, and he hurt your mother. Do you understand? You reacting to his abuse does not make you bad.”

  “I love you. I want to come back home to you, but I’m so scared.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t deserve another chance.”

  “Open your eyes and look at me.”

  Dakota did as he commanded, but she worried about what his next line would be.

  “If I can give you another chance, than you can do the same for yourself. When we spent the night together at the cabin, you promised you wouldn’t run away again. Do you remember?”

  “Yes. Yes, of course, I remember.”

  “I choose to believe you were telling the truth during our time there
. I expect you to hold up your end of the bargain.” Troy released her cheek. He picked her up in his arms and ascended the steps. When he reached the threshold, he stopped and looked down at her. “I won’t pretend this decision has been easy for me either. I’m scared too, but I’ve got a contingency plan. You probably won’t like all my consequences, but we’re in this thing together. What is your decision, Dakota?”

  Her heart swelled with love. Real love. No matter her flaws and her previous indiscretions, somehow Troy believed in the two of them being together again. “I’ll come home and I won’t ever run away from you or my problems. Will you carry me inside?”

  “Yeah, sweetheart. I can do that.”

  She leaned her head on his shoulder, pressing close to him. He had brought up their wedding vows, and she’d told him about the darkness surrounding her family, and somehow he’d still believed her word enough to allow her back into their home. Dakota loved this man with all of her heart. She would fight away all her demons to prove just how much, no matter what.

  Chapter Six

  Dakota spent the night in the guest room, lounging in the comfy bed well into the morning. She dawdled in the shower, something not typical to her after living in a motel for so many months, then dressed and made her way down to the kitchen. Dakota marveled over how familiar and yet foreign the house seemed to her.

  Two sharp knocks struck against the front door, and she raced to answer it. Who could be at the house? Troy had been called away to the firehouse early this morning since the crew was left shorthanded, but he didn’t mention any company. Swinging the door open without checking to see who stood there left her in an awkward situation, one she wasn’t prepared to handle.

  “I’ve been calling you! Why didn’t you answer?” Daniella spun around to face the open door. The gorgeous brunette held a chubby baby girl in her arms, and a little boy had his head pressed against her left thigh. “Oh, my gosh.” Her eyebrows raised and her jaw dropped. “Da-Dakota?”

  “Hi. Yeah, it’s me.”

  “Hi.” Daniella forced a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Is Troy home?”

  “Troy got mandated for a shift today. The firehouse called him around five o’clock this morning.” Dakota peeked at the adorable child nuzzled against her mother. “Hello, pretty girl.” The baby cooed and reached for her. She took the little girl in her arms, a bit unsure of what Daniella would think.

  “Oh, wow. Lily doesn’t usually warm up to people, especially when she’s ready for a nap.” Daniella looked between her and the boy. “Cody, this is Dakota.”

  “Hi, Coda! It’s like Cody but with a duh at end.” He grinned up at her. “Are you Troy’s friend?”

  “Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you.” Dakota smiled.

  “I’ll get the trains, Mommy!” Cody pushed past the two of them and ran into the house.

  “I’ve got to bring Nate to his six-month follow-up appointment. It’s an hour away in the city.” Daniella seemed to be struggling with the pressing needs of her day versus potentially leaving her children with a virtual stranger. The two used to get along but neither woman had set eyes on each other in years.

  “I can watch them.” Dakota rubbed Lily’s back, and the little girl started to fall asleep. “I honestly don’t know when Troy will be home. He was supposed to be off today, but the department became unexpectedly short-staffed.”

  “The appointment should take about forty-five minutes or so and then it’s obviously an hour back.” Daniella worried her lip, and then stroked her daughter’s cheek as if buying time. “I’m hoping to be back by four-thirty at the latest. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “I don’t mind at all.” Dakota stepped back so Daniella could get inside.

  “Okay, thank you. Cody loves the playroom, he’ll probably be in there the whole time.”

  “There’s a playroom?”

  “Yes.” Daniella paused in her trek across the living room, and raised an eyebrow. “How long have you been here?”

  “Only since yesterday.”

  “Well, it’s through here.” Daniella led her through the living room. “Troy is ridiculous when it comes to baby-proofing. The entire room is kid-friendly.”

  Dakota followed her into the den, or what used to be Troy’s man cave. The entire room had been transformed and done up in bright, fun colors. She spied a television set, playpen, desk, chair, paper, crayons, toy railroad pieces and trains, stuffed animals, blankets, cushions, games, and enough plastic blocks to build several castles. The floor had been redone from smooth hardwood into squishy alphabet and number foam tiles. This room was a child wonderland. “Wow.”

  “Can you put Lily in the playpen? She’s asleep, and will be out for a good hour and a half or so.”

  “Yeah, of course.” Dakota laid the baby down and smoothed a blanket over her.

  “I’ve got three bottles, cereal, and fruit for her. Cody will eat pretty much anything. I brought over a few bags of chicken nuggets last time we were here. They should be in the freezer.”

  “Well, I was thinking of making my famous steak fries. They would pair together nicely.”

  “Yeah, they would actually.” Daniella planted a kiss on Cody’s forehead and hugged him tight. “Play nicely, and listen to Dakota, okay? Mommy will be back soon.”

  “Okay, Mommy.” Cody grinned up at her. “I like Coda. Her hair is pretty.”

  “Thank you. I’m going to put you and your sister’s things away and then I’ll be right back.” Dakota’s heart beamed with love for this little boy. If only his mother would be as easy to charm. She could only imagine what Daniella thought about her. Once the children were out of earshot, Dakota got a preview.

  “I appreciate what you’re doing today, I really do, but I’m not thrilled with you suddenly popping up.” Daniella placed a hand on her hip. “You just disappeared one night. Do you know what that did to Troy?”

  “No, I don’t know what it did to him. I wasn’t here,” Dakota replied softly. “It took an exceptional amount of courage to come back. Can you at least give me that?”

  “Yeah, I guess.” Daniella checked her phone. “Listen, I wouldn’t just throw the kids on you if there were a backup plan. My sister is out of town, my father surprised my mother with a trip out of state for their fortieth wedding anniversary, and I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

  “It’s rather obvious to me, because if you did have someone else, I’m sure you wouldn’t still be here. I promise to take good care of your kids.”

  “I don’t doubt that, but will you take good care of Troy this time around?”

  “Yeah, that’s the plan. Troy’s in charge, so we shouldn’t run into the same sort of issues we did the last time around.” Dakota bit down on her lip. Crap. This woman didn’t know anything about his alternate lifestyle, or did she? Everything rested on the other woman’s answer. If she were strictly vanilla, the comment would probably slip by unnoticed.

  “Troy is in charge? Do you mean he’s actually going to flex his dom muscle?”

  “His what? How do you mean?”

  “I’m just saying it’s impressive.”

  “Do I have like a submissive stamp on my forehead or something? How did you know about his extracurricular activities? What else do you know?”

  “No, wait. Hold on a second. I didn’t mean to imply anything. We can talk about it later. Let’s just say there was a lot of downtime in Afghanistan. You sort of get to know a person when you’ve got nothing else to do but sit in the mud for hours on end and whisper to each other. And no, it’s not like a stamp, but another topic for another time.” Daniella unloaded two diaper bags and a small duffle bag on the kitchen counter. “There’s two changes of clothes for Lily in here plus her pajamas. I also packed Cody’s pajamas and his blanket.”

  “Okay, I’ve got it.” Dakota walked the other woman to the front door. “I might hurt Troy again as you sometimes do when you’re in a relationship, but I’ll never leave. He forgave me, but
I bet it’s going to take a lot more than a few apologies and nice words for you to believe me.”

  “Life is short, Dakota. Like really fucking short. I don’t have time for grudges. If you say you’re sorry for what you did, then I believe you. Keep this in mind though, I don’t give a lot of second chances.”

  “Did you hear coughing?” Another sound caught her ear, and Dakota took off full tilt to the playroom. She scooped up Cody from behind and pressed into his stomach with a fist well above his belly button. After several pushes, he coughed out a tiny blue piece of plastic along with the contents of his stomach.

  Daniella stood next to her, stunned. She kissed Cody on the top of his blond head, and then held him in her arms. “Hey, buddy. Are you okay? What happened?”

  “The battery broke. I couldn’t get the door open so I used my mouth. I’m sorry. I made a mess, Mommy.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. It’s okay.” Daniella looked up at Dakota.

  “It’s no big deal,” Dakota assured both of them as she took a second to relearn how to breathe. She took several first aid classes after Troy got hurt, for when he would eventually be home and it would be the two of them alone. Thankfully she never had to test out her new skills, but her training came back to her when Cody began choking. “I’ll clean this up and then we’ll wash our hands. I’ll show you how to make the best French fries ever, Cody. Would you like that?”

  Cody nodded, and his mom set him down again. “Thank you. I don’t know why I didn’t hear him. If you hadn’t jumped to action, things could have gotten a lot worse. Thank you.”

  “Just leave me your number in case I need to reach you. Take your time. Please don’t worry. We’ll all be okay,” Dakota stated for more than one reason. Somehow all of them would be stronger on the other side. One day the two women might even become friends.

  “Okay, thanks.” Daniella hugged her and then she released her almost as quickly. “Thanks for all of this. I appreciate it.”