Losing the Field

by Abbi Glines

  “Grab the waters. I’ll stick them in my pockets,” I said, then got out.

  She didn’t follow immediately. I grinned as I waited for her to join me. When she finally got out of the Escalade, she had the bottles in her hand, and a frown wrinkled the space between her eyebrows. “Are we . . . are we going up that?” she asked, looking up at the water tower.

  “I thought you said you weren’t scared of heights,” I reminded her, enjoying this. Seeing her battle with herself over doing this.

  “Heights I’m not scared of . . . however, the police I would rather not piss off.”

  That made me chuckle. “The cops won’t come after us.”

  She didn’t look convinced. “Climbing the water tower is illegal.”

  “Technically, yes. But all the cops in town are already at the football field. Probably all having a burger, fries, and some nachos compliments of the Booster Club. None of them are worried about teens climbing water towers.”

  With a sigh, she nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  That was easy. “You go first. I’ll come up behind you in case you slip.”

  She shot me an annoyed glare. “Not a comforting thought.”

  “What? I might have a limp, but I haven’t lost the strength in these bad boys,” I said, flexing my arms.

  She laughed, and the tension in her eyes faded. “My life and criminal record are in your hands.”

  “Noted.”

  She walked toward the tower. Still hesitant in her steps, but she was doing it. As a kid, I never considered the cops or danger of this. It was just my quiet place to dream. A dream that was now gone. I gave my head a hard shake. I wasn’t going to think about that. Not now. I would later, while on the field, as I watched my teammates play the first game of our senior year. My former teammates.

  Tallulah came to the bottom of the ladder, and she tilted her head back to look up. The way her wavy blond hair blew gently in the breeze. Her waist small but her hips flared just enough. She wasn’t too thin. I liked that. She had curves. She also knew how to dress her curves. Tonight wasn’t going to be easy for me. But being with her made it better. Easier. She didn’t know that. Maybe I’d tell her. Maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I’d just enjoy this. Be thankful she was here, that she forgave me.

  “Should I take off these boots? Seems like it would be hard to climb this with boots.”

  I hadn’t thought of that, but she had a point. Barefoot would be better. “Yeah. Go barefoot. It’ll be easier.”

  She bent down and slipped a foot out of each boot, then stood back up and gave me a small grin before turning back to the ladder. Our burgers were going to get cold by the time we got up there with all these delays. Not that I cared. I was enjoying myself.

  “Okay, here I go,” she announced without looking back.

  “I’m right behind you,” I assured her.

  “You better be. If I get arrested, you are going with me.”

  “Would make for a great story at school on Monday.”

  She laughed loudly. That sound. It always made me smile.

  Climbing up the tower, I tried to stay focused on making sure she was steady. Be alert. But she was wearing a skirt. It was hard not to look up. I was fighting it.

  “Are you looking up my skirt?” she called down to me as if she could read my thoughts.

  “No. I thought about it. Considered it, but I’m being a gentleman. It’s a rare thing. Make a note of it.”

  “I’ll be sure to put it in my diary,” she shot back.

  It was the longest amount of time I had ever taken to climb the tower. But we made it finally. Tallulah went to the railing and stared out at the town beneath us. It was a view most people never saw of Lawton. “You can see the field so good from here,” she said when her gaze landed on our school.

  “Yeah,” I agreed, not saying anything more. I had come up here to face this without my friends watching me first. To deal with the fact I’m not on that field tonight warming up. But knowing Tallulah was here to observe me suddenly made me nervous. I didn’t want to appear weak to her.

  “This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” she asked, not beating around the bush.

  “Nope,” I replied. I gave in and looked out at the field all my childhood dreams had revolved around. My friends and former teammates were out there. Fans were already filling the stadium. The band was practicing. The drums could be heard all the way up here.

  Tallulah moved and sat down, her feet dangling over the edge. “If my momma knew I was up here, she’d have a fit, possibly never recover. Cardiac arrest, even.”

  I took the waters from my pockets and handed her one, then sat down beside her. “Probably shouldn’t tell her.”

  “If the cops take me in for breaking the law, she’s gonna know. Then I’ll be grounded until I’m thirty.”

  “That would suck but sounds a little dramatic.”

  She held out her hand. “You don’t know my momma. Give me a burger. I’m starving.”

  I pulled out the burgers and left the fries in the bag to sit between us. “Might be cold since it took so long to get you up here.”

  She smirked. “This is the first time I’ve been asked to do something illegal.”

  That made me forget about the football field and my not being on it. The drums in the background faded, and I threw my head back and laughed. The weight on my chest eased. I didn’t care about what I was missing. I had this. And this was turning out to be better.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked, then took a big bite of her burger.

  “You. We aren’t smuggling cocaine, or breaking and entering. This is not that big of a deal. If we were caught, they’d give us a slap on the wrist and a lecture on safety.”

  She swallowed her food, then shrugged. “Probably. But it’s more exciting to think we’re rebels breaking the law.”

  “Is it, now?” I replied.

  She nodded and took another bite. Tallulah wasn’t like any other girl I had dated. She wasn’t flirting or trying to control me with the promise of sex. She was . . . real. Fun. And damned if I didn’t regret all the years I had missed out not getting to know her.

  Didn’t Figure You Wanted My Opinion on Your Love Life

  CHAPTER 19

  TALLULAH

  I wasn’t scared of heights. Not normal heights. So I hadn’t been lying to Nash when he had asked. I thought of heights like climbing into the attic, or the tree house I always wanted as a kid but my mother was too scared to build for me. I didn’t think Nash had been asking if I was scared of climbing a sixty-foot water tower.

  When he had driven up here and I realized I was meant to climb this thing . . . I’d considered backing out, telling him no way. But the look of excitement in his eyes as he waited on my response kept me from doing that. I figured it was a slim chance I’d fall to my death. I’d more likely die in a car accident than fall off this water tower.

  Now that we were up here looking out at the town we both called home, I was glad I hadn’t let fear stop me. I hadn’t really been concerned we would get arrested. I knew the cops were all waiting on the game to start. Doing their due diligence to make it safe as the opposing team arrived and the roads began to fill up leading into the parking lot. The police had simply been my excuse.

  “Are you still planning on standing on the sidelines tonight?” I asked him after we finished our dinner.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I am.”

  His gaze was out on that field as his friends warmed up and the band played in the stands. Although we couldn’t hear them, we both knew they were pumped up and calling out whatever football players yell at one another before a game to prepare themselves mentally. The grass would be freshly cut, and the smell of grilled meat would fill the air as the concession stand got ready to feed the fans. My heart ached for him. I’d never loved anything like that. Never had something be that important to me. It had to be a void in his life.

  “What happened? To your leg?” I asked before I
could think that through and stop myself.

  He sighed and turned his gaze to me. “A stupid backyard game of football. We do it every year on Memorial Day. Most folks just play flag or touch when not wearing pads. But we like to tackle. Makes it more fun.” He looked pained as he said it. “Never thought once that it could change everything. I thought I was invincible. The harder the hit I took or gave the better. I was tough. I was an idiot.”

  He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. The memory was hard on him. I wished I hadn’t asked. If I could have taken back my question, I would have. Go back to the witty banter and laughter from earlier. That’s what he needed right now, not being reminded of all he’d lost.

  “I couldn’t move my leg. I’d never felt that kind of pain before. The world began to fade in and out from the severity of it. But I wouldn’t let myself pass out. Not from pain. I had to stay awake. I needed to know what was wrong. I thought I’d broken something . . . I thought, ‘Damn, I hope it’s better before practice starts up.’ But what I never considered was I’d have a torn ACL, torn MCL, and a pinned ankle. A fucking limp for the rest of my life.”

  I didn’t know much about sports injuries, but I’d heard ACL tears were bad. Really bad. But he had more than that. Way more. “I’m so sorry.” Seemed inadequate as I said it, but it came out of my mouth anyway. Because I was sorry. I wished he could go back and not play the game. I knew he wished it more than anyone.

  “Me too. I figure I’ll always be sorry,” he replied.

  There was a heaviness over us now. The easy happy feeling from before completely gone. That was my fault. He’d needed to forget not recap. Especially before this game. I thought hard on anything else I could say to lighten the mood. Change the subject without seeming as if I didn’t care.

  “I shouldn’t have asked. This wasn’t what you needed to be thinking about.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted, and he turned his gaze back to me. “Blakely never asked. All she knew was I was hurt. I had to go to therapy, and I wouldn’t be playing football anymore. She didn’t even come to the hospital for my surgeries. She said hospitals made her nervous and smelled funny.”

  I didn’t care for Blakely. I never had. She was self-absorbed. I had watched her when he had started dating her last year. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see that she cared only for herself. He was a nice guy. They didn’t fit.

  “She didn’t deserve you,” I told him. “I knew that when you started dating her.”

  He shifted his body until he was facing me completely. “You should have told me. Saved me the trouble.” He was teasing now. His tone lighter. His eyes no longer held the shadows of his loss.

  “Didn’t figure you wanted my opinion on your love life.”

  He laughed then. “Sex life, Tallulah. There was no love there. Unless you count the love Blakely has for herself.”

  My cheeks burned at the word sex. Which was silly. We were seventeen. I was quite possibly the only girl in my grade who hadn’t had sex. I hadn’t even kissed a guy. Not even a peck. I needed to watch my HBO. Get over my awkwardness with the word sex.

  “Why are you blushing?” he asked with a full grin now on his handsome face.

  I shrugged. I tried to think of a believable lie and decided against it. The truth was better. Besides, it wasn’t like the truth would shock him. He knew what I looked like last year. He also knew I hid in corners and had no social life.

  “I am not used to talking about sex with . . . guys.”

  “So me saying ‘sex life’ made you blush?”

  I nodded.

  “Interesting. What if I say ‘blow job’?”

  His laughter got louder as my cheeks became an even brighter shade of red. I covered my face with my hands and tried desperately to make myself stop.

  His laughter stopped. “I’m sorry,” he said, still sounding amused. I had wanted to get his thoughts off his injury. I should be glad I’d achieved it. His hand touched my arm and gently tugged my left hand away from my face. “I shouldn’t have laughed. It’s cute. Fucking refreshing,” he added.

  I dropped my other hand and lifted my head back up. Turning to him, I smiled. “It’s embarrassing.”

  He shook his head. “No, it’s not.” His voice had dropped and sounded more serious. I stared at his eyes, trying to figure out why when he began to move closer to me. His head lowering, his body easing my way until there was no space between us. I knew it was coming. Even though it had never happened to me before. I guess it was instinct. You just knew.

  When his mouth touched mine, I forgot to breathe. It was the most exotic feeling in the world. The softness of his lips brushing over mine. His breath warm against my face. Even his heartbeat was fast against my chest. Or was that mine? I wasn’t sure. All I knew was this was my first kiss, and I couldn’t imagine anything ever being this perfect.

  She’d Been Right There All Along

  CHAPTER 20

  NASH

  The kiss was different. I didn’t know how exactly. It had shaken me, made me question every kiss before and then regret them. I wished this had been my first. The others hadn’t meant something. This had.

  It was Tallulah’s first. Her trembling hands as they rested on my arms and the way she inhaled sharply when my lips had first touched hers. The gentle way she tested it. Was unsure yet curious. All that should have made the kiss awkward. Instead it had made it the best I’d ever had.

  I didn’t want to leave this water tower. Stay up here with her in my arms. Being alone and forgetting what waited for me below was tempting. Up here she was mine. She made me laugh. Made me want other things. She made me want to find a new dream. Losing the field wasn’t as important to me as it had been. Tallulah’s tender, inexperienced kiss held more power than she would ever realize.

  After I had pulled back from the kiss and looked into her eyes so honest and sincere, she’d laid her head on my chest and sighed. A content sound. My arms were still wrapped around her, and my gaze wasn’t on that field down there. It was on Tallulah. The way she fit against me. It was as if she was what I had been waiting for. And she’d been right there all along.

  “It’s time for you to get down there,” she said softly as she lifted her head to gaze up at me.

  “Probably,” I agreed, not loosening my grip. “I’d rather we stay right here.”

  She smiled then. A shy smile that made my heart squeeze. “I’d like that too. But they’re expecting you. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t do this.”

  She was right. They all wanted me there like I always had been. Especially Ryker. I could be selfish and say they didn’t get it. How hard it was going to be and what they expected of me. But I knew that reaction would let Tallulah down. I would eventually let her down. I just didn’t want it to be tonight. This soon.

  “I guess I better do this, then,” I said, wishing I could kiss her again and we could forget it all.

  Her hand rested on my heart. “You’ll be glad you did.”

  I wish I had her optimism in life. To see everything in the light she did. Unfortunately, I didn’t. Not anymore. I’d been handed heartbreak. I knew what it felt like. I hoped she never would.

  The climb back down the tower wasn’t nearly as exciting. The darkness was now thick enough that if I had glanced up, I wouldn’t have seen up her short skirt. Not really. Maybe some shadows. I kept my focus on getting us down safely.

  At the bottom she slipped her boots back on and then gave me a bright hopeful grin. “I’ll never forget this first date.”

  Me either.

  “That was the plan. I needed to blow Asa’s measly field party date out of the water. Thought long and hard on how to do that.” Only part of that was an exaggeration.

  I didn’t actually think his date would be hard to top. That night had sucked for everyone.

  I slipped my hand over hers, and she threaded her fingers through mine. Our walk to the Escalade was quiet. My head was still up on the water to
wer with her in my arms. If I was lucky, so was hers. Words didn’t seem needed at the moment. We were good like this. Comfortable in each other’s presence.

  I opened the passenger-side door and helped her as she climbed inside. I wanted to lean in and kiss her again, but that first kiss . . . it seemed too special to mess with just yet. Keeping it singular and on a pedestal for a little longer felt right. Instead I squeezed her hand and held her gaze longer than necessary before closing the door and going to get in the driver’s seat.

  “Who will you sit with at the game?” I asked her, not having thought about that before. “You could sit with my folks. I could introduce you to my mother.”

  “That’s okay. I didn’t plan on sitting with anyone. I was just going to find an empty seat. Tonight will be hard on your parents, too, I imagine. They don’t need a stranger there beside them whom they feel they have to talk to.”

  My mother would be more than happy to meet Tallulah. She’d talk her damn head off. Possibly pull up my baby pictures on her Facebook and start showing her. Might not be the best idea after all. Tallulah was sweet, but my mother could scare her off. “If you’re sure. My mom won’t mind, though. She’s nosy as fuck. Chatty too.”

  Her soft giggle felt good. Made it easier to deal with driving into the parking lot of a football game with the fans. I’d never done this before. I was always on that field before the fans arrived. Even as a kid, I was the water boy and the ball boy. The sidelines were all I knew.

  “It’s packed,” she said, looking around. She was also changing the subject. I wouldn’t push her to sit with my parents. I didn’t like the idea of her sitting alone, but it was clear she was used to it. Seemed to prefer it.

  “Yeah. First game is always a big one. If we win, it’ll get bigger next week.” The word we stuck in my throat. It wasn’t a we. It was a they.

  She didn’t say anything more while I found a parking spot and turned off the engine. Staring straight ahead, I saw people walking with their stadium cushions, shakers, and even some cowbells. Football was life here in Alabama. Always had been.