Addicted to You

by Renita Pizzitola

  And then he was in motion, slowly closing the gap between us. His darkened eyes focused squarely on my lips.

  Lost in the moment, my heart overrode my brain and I didn’t care if he was drunk. After all what could one kiss hurt…besides our friendship. Again.

  But I didn’t have to stifle the fears and doubts, because Colby made the decision for us both. Just as our lips met in the slightest brush of skin, he yanked back. His eyes widened, like he’d just woken up from a dream and had no idea how he’d gotten there.

  And my heart broke a little. I stared at him in disbelief. How many times would this play out? And how many times would I fall for it? “I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “Nothing,” he snapped.

  My hurt morphed into anger. Why was he mad at me? He had leaned in for the kiss. And like always, he had pulled away, making me feel like an idiot and reminding me exactly what I was to him. So I snapped back, “Are you sure? Because some days, I think we’re friends. Other days, I think we’ve lost that. And then there are moments like this…” I glanced up. “And I think you want more from me.”

  He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off, needing to get it all out while I had the courage.

  “Thing is,” I continued, “I thought I could do casual, but I was wrong. This…whatever it is…well, it’s tempting. Yet every time I feel myself being sucked back in, you go and remind me that I’m nothing more than a mistake.”

  “A mistake?” He blinked as if trying to bring my words into focus. “A fucking mistake,” he muttered.

  I guess I’d expected him to argue it, or maybe even reassure me, but instead he just looked, well, confused.

  “I know you regret it,” I whispered.

  He shot upright, his posture rigid, his eyes focused on me. Everything about him screamed volatile. Whoa.

  “I regret straining our friendship, but regret and mistake are two very different things. I don’t know if I’m more offended for you or me.”

  I stood, not wanting to give him the opportunity to tower over me, and crossed my arms tightly across my chest. “Why in the world would you be offended? I didn’t say you were the mistake.”

  “No, you didn’t. Nor would that have offended me.” He ran his hand through his hair, then dragged it down his face, looking more sober than he had ten minutes ago. “I’m offended that you think I could ever see you as anything less than abso-fucking-lutely perfect. You, Isla, could never, nor will ever be a mistake. For me or any other guy lucky enough to have you in his life.”

  Though his words were sweet, I couldn’t help but blurt, “Then why do we keep doing this? This constant back-and-forth. I’m sorry but I can’t help but feel like I’m your drunken desire turned sober mistake.”

  His face twisted like he was angry or hurt or confused. But I had no idea which. After all, he’d been full of surprises all night.

  I sighed, losing my steam. “I know you probably think I’m crazy, but well, I’m a girl and sometimes we can’t just shut it all down. I have feelings, Colby. And I let them get involved and I don’t know how to do this with you.”

  “You think you’re the only one with feelings?”

  “Well, it’s not like you talk about them. How else should I know if there’s actually more than one of us with feelings?”

  He let out a humorless laugh. “And that is exactly the problem.” He brushed past me, and as he made his way to the door I could have sworn he mumbled, “Definitely more than one.”

  “Oh no. You are not pulling that crap again. You do not just get to walk away when the conversation isn’t going your way.” I reached for his arm and forced him to stop. “Why does it need to be like this?” My shoulders sagged and my voice lowered, the fire gone. “Just explain it to me. Tell me something. Anything. Help me understand so I don’t have to feel like the crazy one here.”

  His eyes drifted to the ground and for a moment I thought he’d completely shut down, but then he murmured, “Landon.”

  Just because he looked to have sobered up, obviously he hadn’t. “I don’t even know why I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you when you’ve obviously had too much to drink,” I muttered more to myself than him as I walked past. “Like always, you’ve brought out stupid-decision-Isla. Congratulations!”

  But this time, he stopped me. “Isla.”

  I sighed. “What?”

  “Could you…”

  I stared at him, waiting for his question.

  “I just…” He spoke slowly as if he needed me to hear each word with clarity. “Could you ever see Landon as…more than a friend?”

  “Landon…Me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But what about…what about us?”

  “There’s really not an—”

  I held my breath, waiting to hear the words that would give finality to what I feared.

  His expression softened as he continued. “…An easy way to figure this all out. But I, um, I think he’s interested in more with you.”

  “And you?”

  “I think he’d treat you right.”

  “I meant how do you feel about m—”

  He looked down. “He deserves a fair chance.”

  I ducked my head to make eye contact with him, searching for some kind of explanation behind what he was saying. “So you want me…and him? A chance…You want me to give him a chance?”

  “You should do what’s best for you.”

  I stepped closer, and his body tensed, but not in an angry or upset way, more like caution. Like he held back.

  “Landon is a great guy, but I, uh, don’t see him in that way.”

  His head popped up. “Could you?”

  “I…I don’t know.” My mouth tugged down, not liking the direction this conversation had headed. This went back to the same question Felicity had asked. Could I? Who knew? I had never seen him in that way, but truth be told, as long as Colby was in the picture, I wouldn’t. “If…” I turned away and took a deep breath as my words trailed off.

  “If what, Isla?”

  I spun around, closed the distance between us, and kissed him. It wasn’t deep, nor was it timid. More of an invitation. I needed to know once and for all, tonight. If I put myself out there, took the decision out of his hands, would he pull away or take it to the next level?

  And I got my answer.

  His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly against him. As my lips parted, his tongue sought the soft underside of my top lip and my breath came out in a shudder, recalling how he’d done that same thing the night we’d spent together. So I pulled back slightly, allowing room for my teeth to sink into his bottom lip, forcing him to react just as he had that night.

  He took a step in the direction of his bed, but I moved in the opposite direction, ultimately pulling away. Not that I really wanted to, but I’d only initiated to prove a point. I couldn’t allow it to go further. Though I really wanted to.

  “I needed to know this attraction wasn’t one-sided. But I also need to know that ending up here again”—I gestured to the bed—“has nothing to do with drinking.” I slipped out of his arms. “Honestly, I don’t know what you want me to do. And I guess we both have things to think about…to figure out.” I stepped outside his room then glanced back over my shoulder. “Just know that even if it’s not what I want to hear, I’d rather know the truth then be shuffled around.” And right now, the truth felt like Colby had hooked up with me because we’re friends, it was easy, it was comfortable, and there was an attraction. He’d do it again for all those same reasons. But when it came down to it, attraction wasn’t the same as feelings, and he didn’t like me in the way he believed Landon did. So Colby acted as a brother and a friend, and suggested Landon and I consider giving things a go.

  “Isla—”

  I truly hoped I was wrong, but it wasn’t the time for arguing things further. Instead I said, “Think. Sober up. We’ll talk later. But Colby, just know the choice i
s yours.”

  He shook his head as if denying my words, but ultimately it always had been his decision. If he cared about me half as much as I did him, there’d be only one choice.

  He remained quiet as I walked down the hall, and as I rounded the corner, I was thrown back into the party still in full swing. The last half hour had been like a time warp in an alternate universe compared to this. Everyone was laughing, drinking, and completely oblivious to my emotional turmoil, thank God.

  “I win.” Brandon pointed at Dave. “Drink up.” He laughed, then asked, “Who’s next?”

  He started rearranging the cups for the next game just as I came into view.

  He grinned and I shook my head, so not ready to pretend I was okay.

  “Oh, come on.” Brandon stared at me, slightly pleading.

  I glanced at the table and shrugged, wavering slightly as all eyes went to me. “I don’t know.”

  “You can play against Taylor. That will be fair.”

  Fair? “Hold up.” I gestured to the cups. “You think I don’t want to play because I’m scared to lose to a boy?”

  “No, uh, I just assumed you’d have fun playing against her.” He quickly backpedaled, but I wasn’t actually mad or offended. I was teasing.

  Suddenly Landon was at my side. “Let’s play teams. Matt and Taylor versus Isla and me. How does that sound?”

  “Works for me,” Taylor said. “But I’m driving, so Matt, you have to do all the drinking for our team.”

  He looked pretty pumped about that news. “No problem there.”

  Landon grinned. “Well, I’m pretty wasted. So Isla might have to do all of ours, too.”

  I laughed but it came out as more of a nervous titter and I wished Colby hadn’t let me in on Landon’s feelings.

  “But…then again, we’re going to kick your ass.” Landon tossed a Ping-Pong ball in the air and caught it. “We won’t be doing much drinking either way.”

  “Oh, I see how it is.” Matt reached both his arms into the air. “Hang on, let me just do a few stretches.” Then he rolled his head from front to back. “Loosen up a bit.”

  His little spectacle made me laugh, a genuine These are my friends; why not enjoy myself? kind of laugh, and my body finally relaxed.

  “Hey, laugh all you want, but just remember half of my team is completely sober. We have a fifty-percent advantage.” He slung his arm around Taylor.

  “Or disadvantage—have you never seen me play beer pong? I kind of suck,” she admitted.

  “Shh, babe, this is the mental game. We’re just psyching them out. I know you can’t play for shit.”

  I lifted my hair into a ponytail and pulled a hair tie from my wrist. “You do realize we can hear you, right?”

  “You do realize I can hear you too?” Taylor added. “I mean, way to boost my confidence right before the big game,” she teased.

  “I know, babe, and I’m sorry, but look—it’s working. Isla’s getting ready for a throwdown. She’s pulling her hair up and she’s all ‘Hold my purse.’ ”

  “Purse?” Taylor mouthed.

  I shrugged and forced back another smile. Game face, right?

  Landon chuckled. “Okay, okay, let’s go. Someone needs to get their ass kicked before they just pass out altogether. I’m winning this game by merit, not default.”

  As the game started, I found myself letting go. Colby drifted from the forefront of my thoughts. Forgotten were Landon’s supposed feelings for me. And I had fun. I laughed at how incredibly off our aims were. And when one of us succeeded by chance, we’d turn to one another and high-five without even a second thought. We were in sync. We were having fun. And we were winning. The perfect team.

  Landon tossed the final ball. It bounced effortlessly into a cup, and I squealed as he covered his mouth with his hand. “Ohh, is that what I think it is?” he mocked the losing team. “Isla, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe we just kicked some serious ass.”

  I stared at the table and nodded, my expression one of mock-seriousness. “Why Landon, I believe you are correct.”

  He then busted out some sort of celebratory end zone dance.

  Laughing, I nudged him and shook my head. “Okay, okay.” But when he wouldn’t stop, I finally grabbed both his hands. “Oh my god, we won. Now don’t spoil that with whatever this is!”

  He flipped his hands so that he was now holding my wrist and tugged me into his arms. Then he pumped one hand into the air and shouted, “Victory!”

  I laughed even harder, realizing that the one thing I really had to give Landon credit for was he knew how to have a good time. He was the epitome of fun. I glanced up just as he smiled down on me.

  Yep. Definitely fun.

  And interested in me. Without pause or hesitation.

  Unlike Colby. Who hesitated. Every. Freaking. Time.

  Speaking of whom, I’d just noticed. Silently standing in the corner of the room. Gaze glued to where Landon and I stood, still arm in arm.

  Chapter 14

  Colby didn’t look too happy as he silently made his way through the small crowd before disappearing down the hall. But I couldn’t decide if that made me sad or a tiny bit pleased. Maybe both? Obviously I cared way too much about the guy to want him miserable but he needed a wake-up call. If he didn’t like seeing me wrapped in a Landon-hug, he probably shouldn’t be shoving me into one. Because that’s exactly what he was doing. He’d made it clear that I should give things a try with his brother. And, well, that stung. It seems I’d been clear enough on my feelings toward him. And how had he responded? He’d offered up his brother.

  “Hey, do you mind if we take off soon?”

  I turned to Taylor. “Uh, yeah. Of course, no problem. I’m ready when you are.”

  Geez, how long had I been standing there pondering my love life? Or lack thereof. I glanced around to ensure no one else had noticed me zoning out. But instead all I noticed were cups piled all over the kitchen. Guys leaning on the counters to avoid falling over. And a few already sprawled out on the couches. Whoa. When had everyone gotten so messed up?

  “This place is a disaster.”

  “I know.” Taylor glanced around. “Matt passed out.” She nodded toward the recliner. “Landon said just to let him sleep it off because there’s no way I’d be able to get him home.” She shrugged. “Looks like it’s all downhill from here.”

  “No joke.” I looked at the kitchen again, wondering if I should throw away some of the empty cups, just as a guy spilled his drink all over the counter. “Um, no point in even trying to fix this. Until all the guys are gone, looks like it’s just going to get worse.”

  “That’s what I’m thinking too.” She sidestepped to narrowly avoid a collision with a guy I didn’t even recognize. He muttered what sounded like a half-assed apology and Taylor’s mouth turned down slightly. “Yeah, I’m definitely ready to go.”

  “Me too. I’m going to let Landon know so he doesn’t worry about us, and then I’ll meet you outside.”

  “Sounds good.” She glanced around one last time, as if assuring she had a clear path, then beelined for the door.

  I could only imagine what this must look like to someone who hadn’t had a single drink all night. Not much about the guys’ partying bothered me, but sloppy drunks were another story, and clearly, most of them were headed in that direction.

  When I spotted Landon about to head down the hallway, I called his name then maneuvered my way through the drunk-guy obstacle course.

  Landon eyed the crowd, then smiled and nodded when he finally spotted me. “I thought I heard you. What’s up?” He leaned against the wall leading to the bathroom and bedrooms.

  “We’re heading out.”

  “Already?” His mouth turned down. “It’s early.”

  I laughed. “Actually it’s not, but either way, Taylor’s my ride and she’s already waiting for me outside.”

  His expression brightened. “You could always stay the night.”

 
; “Thanks, but I don’t really feel like fighting the guys for couch space,” I teased.

  His frown reappeared. “I’d never make you sleep on the couch.”

  “Well, I’d never steal your bed.” I nudged him and smiled. This conversation clearly wasn’t going anywhere so I leaned in for a final goodbye hug to help wrap it up. Except maybe my signals were off. Or my aim. Or maybe it was the lack of sobriety on the receiving end. Who knew?

  But somehow I ended up with Landon’s mouth pressed squarely on mine. I’d like to think shock combined with one too many drinks was what froze me in place for a second too long, but a little pestering voice in my head called me out. It was intrigue.

  There was this little part of me that wondered if all of Colby’s pushing me in Landon’s direction served a purpose. After all, he knew us both better than almost anyone else. Did he see or know something that I was too hardheaded to see for myself? I’d been in love with Colby for as long as I could remember, and maybe that’d forced me to wear blinders and miss what was right in front of me. Could Landon and I have more than a friendship? Could there be chemistry and romance between us? After all, the kiss wasn’t horrible. Or gross—those were always the worst—but it kind of also lacked spark.

  I didn’t feel the tingles on my skin or the flutters in my chest. Nor was there the warmth that pitted itself in my stomach and flushed my body like merely the memories of kissing Colby did. Landon was a great catch, and he’d make some girl insanely happy, but I was pretty confident that girl would never be me.

  After satiating my curiosity, I pulled back. Landon was a skilled kisser—clearly he knew what he was doing and how to do it very, very well—but he just wasn’t Colby.

  Of course, Landon was so drunk I doubted he’d even remember this tomorrow, so I just smiled and said, “I think you need sleep.”

  Before he could answer, movement drew my gaze down the hall to Colby’s doorway, where he stood looking—well, I wasn’t too sure what that expression meant. A dozen different emotions seemed to work their way across his face but I couldn’t decide on the dominant one. Then he stared me straight in the eyes, his face now void of anything readable, and turned back to his room, shutting the door behind him.