I slid my hands under her t-shirt, her skin like silk against my palms. We had never kissed, yet I felt like this had been a long time coming, a moment built on all the little looks, the little touches. Maybe I’d wanted her from the beginning. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I’d known that this woman was exactly what I needed to break free of the limbo I’d been stuck inside of for so long.
Or maybe I was just a man needing a woman. Any woman.
“I want you,” I whispered, dragging my lips against her throat to the edge of her earlobe. “I want you more than I have a right to. But I…”
“It’s okay,” she said, her hands moving, too, sliding down the back of my head and around my neck, her thumbs pressing against my lips. “It doesn’t have to mean more than what it is.”
“But you deserve so much more than that.”
She groaned, rolling her head back on her neck, my hand catching her, my fingers buried in those long, silky tresses.
“You’ve been too good to me already. Please, let me be good to you.”
I couldn’t…I wasn’t that strong.
I pressed my mouth to her throat, one hand sliding around to cup one full breast in my hand. She let go of me long enough to lift her shirt over her head, running her hands over my head again, tugging my mouth down over her collarbone to the valley between those perfect breasts. And then one nipple was in my mouth and the sound of her pleasure was dancing in my ears. There was a taste, a sweetness that I’d never known before. But then, everything about her was sweeter that it had a right to be.
I pushed her back, pressing her against the mattress as I kissed my way down to her thick hipbones, to where they stuck up on the bottom edge of her newly flat, life-giving belly. And then over the edge of that thick bone to the wide dimple of her ass. Her thighs, her knees…everything was perfection. She was perfection.
She watched me, as I tugged her panties away from her beautiful cunt. I’d done this once before, but this time was so different. Not better. But different. The memory of that night, of delivering Ford from her body, was one I would never forget. But this was also a moment I could not soon forget.
She was beautiful. Her skin a warm, creamy almond, softened by the lotion I could still smell clinging to her. Her muscles feminine, but strong, her curves deliciously erotic. There were marks here and there, a piece of her past that she would never be allowed to forget. She moved this way and that, as though trying to hide them from me, but I saw them. They simply didn’t matter to me. They simply showed me how strong she really was. I wanted to sit back and stare at her for a moment, but the need that I could no longer ignore was growing, threatening to reach uncontrollable proportions. I leaned over her and brushed the hair from her face as she watched me. The only things in her eyes were trust and a need that was nearly as desperate as my own.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
She cupped my jaw in her hand and reached up, brushing her lips against mine. I groaned, both relieved and scared out of my mind. I returned her kiss, encouraging her to open to me. She did. She opened without reservation, allowing me to invade her and touch her in all the places I’d dreamt of but never dared to believe I would one day possess.
She reached between our bodies and pushed her hand under the waistband of my shorts. She slid her hand inside, brushing her fingers against me, against the ache that so desperately needed this. As much as I wanted her touch, as much as I wanted to feel her tiny hand wrapped around my cock, I knew I would never survive if she gave that to me. I reached down and tugged at her wrist, making her wait for me.
She moaned against my mouth when I freed myself, when I pressed the moist head of my cock against her equally moist cunt. She opened her legs wide, nibbling on my bottom lip as I slowly pushed against her. When my head slipped inside, she lifted her hips and pressed herself against me. A moan like nothing I’d ever heard before slipped from between her lips, a mixture of pain and pleasure that was as primal as a human could possibly achieve. I pushed, and she lifted, and my head was spinning, my chest tight with the intensity of it all.
She wrapped her legs around me and pulled me hard against her. When I began to move, she stayed with me, joining my rhythm without hesitation. I rolled my hips, she rolled hers. I thrust and she thrust. When I had to sit still, she rocked her hips, grinding her body against me, small moans telling me how good it felt for her, how much she wanted it.
I’d never been with anyone who was so aware of her own body, so in possession of her own desires. It made it that much more difficult to control my own desire, knowing that she was getting so much out of what I was offering her.
She ground her hips against me, and I lost control. I thrust hard and deep against her, driven by the increasing volume of her moans. I was a silent lover, not the type to voice my passion, but the closer I came to the end, the harder it was to bite back the growl that was burning in my throat.
I didn’t lose control. But with her…
Chapter 14
Mina
I watched him laugh, watched the lines appear at the corner of his eyes, the amusement that lit up his gorgeous green eyes.
“You honestly want me to believe that you lived in Austin all your life and you never went to the South by Southwest festival?”
“Never.”
“Oh, you’re missing out, my friend.”
“Friend?” He smeared a little whip cream on the tip of my nose. “I think we’ve moved beyond the whole friend-zone thing, don’t you?”
“Maybe,” I said, tilting my head as if I was thinking about it.
He groaned, nearly knocking over the tray of strawberries and peach slices that we’d been sharing as he reached for me. I hadn’t needed to lunge. I was more than willing to climb onto his lap…the way I’d done earlier. I was more than happy to feel those huge, muscular arms wrapped around me. He kissed me, the acid of the strawberries and the sweet of the whip cream mixed on his tongue. I wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing myself against his semi-erect cock, loving the way it felt pressed against my clit. In a second, his breathing changed and his hands began to slide down the length of my back.
“You need to get out more,” I said, as I pulled back, running my hands over his face. “You have to go to South by Southwest at least once in your life.”
He pressed his mouth to my throat. “I have other things on my mind.”
“When we’re done here, then.”
“We’ll talk about it then.”
I sighed, pressing my hands against his shoulders as he worked his way down my chest. His mouth was warm and sticky, his tongue an expert at seduction. And he couldn’t seem to get enough of me, of my body.
I lifted his face to mine again, stealing another kiss. I could live right there, right in that moment. The feel of his lips on mine, the strength of his arms tightening around me. I wanted to be here, like this, for the rest of my life.
Was it possible to feel so secure and so wanted all at once? Was it possible to need something so much that I craved the next touch even as I was enjoying the current one?
“I can’t believe you’re from Texas,” he suddenly said, breaking the kiss.
I laughed. “Why? Don’t I look like a Texan?”
“No. Not really. But what does a Texan look like?”
“Good question.”
He studied my face. “And from Fredericksburg. You were like my next door neighbor.”
“Maybe it was fate.”
His eyebrows rose, and tension swarmed to his shoulders. He pressed his face against my shoulder, but he didn’t say anything else. I didn’t need him to tell me what he was thinking. He was thinking about the girl whose picture was in his drawer, the girl he loved. He was thinking about the betrayal he was committing on her by being here with me.
It broke my heart.
I kissed the top of his head, sliding my hips against his again.
He lifted me off his lap and set me beside him, as if I was an annoy
ing child getting in his way.
“Can I ask about her?”
He shook his head without looking at me.
“I’m sorry. I guess that would be a little weird.”
He didn’t answer again.
I began gathering the food we’d been sharing, loading up the tray and lifting it as I uncurled my legs, intent on taking it away. He touched my back, and then he was pulling the tray from my hands, setting it on the nightstand before pulling me onto the bed with him again. He was so strong, so much bigger than I was, that it didn’t take much for him to tuck my body along the length of his. He studied my face, his lips parted as if he wanted to say something. But then he was kissing me, and I was responding, curling into him, because it was all I wanted.
I didn’t care what he had to give me. All I cared about was the fact that he was willing to give me this little bit. It was enough to have any part of him, no matter how small.
We kissed again, the kisses hotter this time. And then he was inside of me, moving gently against me, touching me in places I’d never been touched before. I was not an innocent girl. I’d done what I’d had to do to make my way in life. But I’d never known a man like Ash. The way he looked at me…I’d never had a man actually see me when he looked at me. Most men saw what they wanted to see. The pleasure my body could provide for them. But Ash…he saw more than that.
And the way he touched me…was this what it was like to really feel connected to another human being? Was this what love felt like?
I wasn’t stupid enough to believe Ash was in love with me. But maybe I was just stupid enough to believe that I was in love with him.
I wrapped my legs around him and pressed my hands against the small of his back, watching his face as pleasure danced where laughter had been just a few moments ago. I watched, as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, as his movements grew a little more fevered, as his hands clung to me, tugging my hips up higher even though they were already as close as I could get them. And then he opened his eyes, his gaze sliding over my face just before…I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stop the explosion that rocked through my lower belly. I cried out, my nails digging into the flesh of his back. He cried out, too, his cock swelling just slightly inside of me as he lost control of his body, as he filled me again with the potential promise of a life.
When it was done, he lay back against the pillows, pulling me along with him. I curled up, my head against his chest. I closed my eyes, physically and emotionally exhausted. He, too, seemed to settle into something close to sleep. But then he ran his hand slowly down the length of my back.
“Would you be okay here if I went out of town for a few days?”
I nodded my head, as the ache of reality settled on my shoulders.
I was stupid. So very stupid.
Chapter 15
Ash
I held David’s file on my lap as the plane took us to the hanger at an excruciatingly slow pace. I should be at the office, meeting with new clients, talking to old clients, trying to get to the bottom of the attack on Kirkland. Six weeks and nothing else had happened, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all related. That Donovan’s accident—the first he’d ever had, according to him—and Kirkland’s shooting had to be related. David thought I was paranoid. Kirkland had upset a lot of people in the three years we’d had him in our employ. Yet, if some jealous husband was going to come after Kirkland, he probably would have done it long ago.
Rose was moving into Donovan’s old cottage this weekend. Mina had been working all week to get it ready. I needed to be there for that, too.
And Mina…
The look on her face when I left this morning haunted me. She wouldn’t even come and say goodbye to me in front of everyone else. She stood alone in the kitchen, Ford cooing in her arms. And that look…how did I explain this to her?
How did I explain this to myself?
I needed to know. It was as simple as that. I had to know if Alexi was alive or dead; I had to put the past behind me before I could move forward. And this trip was the only way to do that.
I opened the file and looked at the pictures that had haunted me all these months. They wouldn’t haunt me anymore. I was going to know the truth, good or bad. And then I was going to move on with my life.
***
I stood outside the elementary school and watched as parents talked among themselves, waiting for their children to be vomited out the main doors as the final school bell rang. A few cast long glances my direction, but most didn’t seem to think anything about the tall, muscular man leaning against a tree across from their children’s school. It was New York after all. Lots of odd creatures in this city.
The relative quiet of the residential street suddenly exploded as the bell rang and the children, as predicted, came running out the front doors. I found myself watching the little boys, imagining dark-haired Ford carrying a dark blue backpack, the color of his eyes, running out the doors to jump into his mother’s arms. Or blond-haired Aidan, her eyes a darker green than mine, but petite like her mother, walking with a group of similarly dressed little girls as her father waited impatiently on the sidewalk.
There was once a time when I couldn’t imagine a life filled with children. Now, it seemed like that was all I thought about.
And then I saw her. She stepped out of the building, talking to a child who was clinging to her dark slacks, her dark hair turned red. No one would ever guess that red wasn’t her natural color, not with her pale skin and the spattering of freckles across her nose. Only I knew, and that knowledge tore me up inside.
She walked the child to a tall, dark-haired woman who was clearly not the child’s mother. A nanny, perhaps. They spoke for a few minutes, then she turned to go back into the building. The play yard quickly cleared, parents rushing their children to dance and music lessons, or nannies rushing to get back to their afternoon soap operas. I crossed the street and entered the building without drawing any more attention to myself. The hallways were silent now, the smell of paste and urine and stale tacos almost overwhelming. I caught sight of her again, turning a corner a few yards ahead of me.
She wore slacks and a white blouse, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She once said that ponytails were for ponies. Clearly, she’d changed her mind. It bounced as she walked. She paused to stick her head in a classroom to ask someone about crepe paper for decorating the math center in her room. Then she was off, down the hall again. I thought I heard her whistling. But it wasn’t possible. She couldn’t be whistling Dixie the way she used to do to annoy me. Not here. Not in this place. Not now.
Alexi.
Chapter 16
At the Compound
David watched Mina take the baby upstairs, wondering why she suddenly looked like the world had dropped out from under her. The woman always had a quick smile for everyone, and she was so gentle with that baby that he couldn’t help but stop and watch sometimes when she was talking to him. But someone had sucked the wind out of her sails today, and David was pretty sure he knew what it was.
Ash had the proof that Alexi was alive since February. It was August, and he just now decided, overnight, that it was time to go see her. It couldn’t be a coincidence.
David closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer. Let Mina be as good a person as she seems. Let her be the one who can give Ash what he needs. Let Ash finally find a little happiness in his life.
Everyone else had. It was finally his turn.
David settled back down behind his workstation and reviewed the video feeds. He didn’t have to watch them all the time. The program was set to alert him to any anomalies. But he liked to take a look from time to time, just to make sure the program hadn’t missed something.
Donovan was shadowing an executive whose new wife had a brother who was schizophrenic and had threatened to kill him if he got out of the hospital. He’d been accidentally released from the mental institution a week ago and the cops had yet to find him.
All the video feeds looked good. There’d been nothing unusual on either of the cases so far. But there was always the potential of violence, so they were vigilant.
Then he started to answer emails.
It was usually routine stuff, things he could answer with a few lines here or there. But then he came across an email that sent the hairs on the back of his neck sailing.
Watch your back…
Chapter 17
Ash
I stood in the hallway a long time, even after she disappeared into her classroom. I still couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it all. Why hadn’t she come to me? Why hadn’t she found a way to let me know she was still alive?
We’d had a plan. If one of us was ever in a situation we couldn’t get out of, we would leave a sign. Something that only one of us would understand. Hers was to leave her engagement ring in a place I could easily find it. I searched everywhere for the damn thing, tearing up furniture and making my fingers bleed from prying up window. Nothing.
Nothing.
She didn’t follow our protocol; she didn’t try to get a message to me. Yet, she was here in New York.
I could have walked away. I’d seen enough. I even turned, even walked a few feet down the hallway toward the exit doors. But I couldn’t do it.
I had to know.
She didn’t look up when I opened the door. She was stacking dried paintings on a desk at the back of the room, giggling from time to time as she studied the artwork. I didn’t realize first graders were quite that amusing in their artistic endeavors.
ASHFORD (Gray Wolf Security #5) Page 7
