“No, of course not. I just wanted to ask you something,” she said, taking his hand in hers to reassure him.
“Okay,” he answered tentatively.
“We haven’t really talked about what this is between us, Billy. I suppose I have been avoiding the conversation because I wasn’t really sure of my own feelings,” she explained, a nervous look on her pretty face.
Billy wanted more than anything to shut down the discussion before it could really begin. He wasn’t sure he could reply to any of her questions honestly and telling her the truth would be disastrous. He had hoped to avoid the talk about what this was, preferring to make his exit before it ever came up.
Maybe it was his ego, but there was also a part of him that was curious about what she needed to say, and the truth was, he wasn’t sure how to avoid it anyway. He nodded, waiting for her to continue, choosing to hear her out first.
“I guess it’s no surprise that I have been attracted to you since early on. By now you know I’m not the kind of woman that jumps into anything easily, especially romantically. I guess I figured what the hell, you were leaving at the end of the summer, and clearly we had a physical attraction to each other.”
She looked to him for validation, her eyes searching his.
“I would say that’s a fair assessment.”
“I tried to tell myself that it was just physical. It had been so long since I allowed myself to have some fun, you know? But somewhere along the way, I kind of fell for you. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m guessing you might feel that way too?” she asked, pulling no punches.
Billy smiled weakly, afraid to reveal too much. She wasn’t wrong, but he thought he had hidden his feelings better than that. Truthfully, he had never experienced that level of emotion before. The passion, the intimacy, the affection he felt for her, it was all foreign to him. Maybe he hadn’t buried it as deeply as he’d thought.
Alice inhaled slowly, waiting for him to reply. His head was spinning, trying to find the answer, not the one in his heart, but the one that would end the panic he felt, and buy him more time.
“Yes, I’ve also been seeing the feelings develop,” he answered, his tone as noncommittal as he could make it.
Alice cocked her head at him, as though carefully decoding his words. He smiled cautiously at her, trying to calm his own nerves, as much as setting hers at ease.
“Would it be fair to say that there might be something special here, more than just a summer fling?” she asked hopefully.
Christ, woman, you’re killing me.
Billy lightly massaged her fingertips, unable to meet her eyes. It was more than a summer fling. She was the kind of woman a man would be damn lucky to have in every season, for the rest of his life. Any man but him.
“You are very special, Alice,” he agreed, offering nothing more.
He knew his answers were confusing her, but he couldn’t give her what she needed. He burned that bridge the moment he chose to deceive her, before he even met her.
Alice was an intuitive woman. He could tell by her fallen expression that she knew he was waffling. She looked disheartened, perplexed even, though she tried to mask it. He loathed making her feel that way.
He leaned in and kissed her gently, hoping to appease her, even in a small way. She kissed him back, but he could tell she was hurting. He pulled back and smiled at her, hoping it would be enough.
She looked pensively at her wine glass, swirling the liquid around as though deep in thought. Billy gently tried to change the subject.
“Amy said the cutest thing to me today when we were walking back from the playground,” he said softly.
Alice looked up at him curiously.
“Oh yeah? What did she say?” she asked, clearing her throat.
“She asked me if I knew how many testicles an octopus had.”
Billy raised his brows and grinned.
Alice laughed softly at first, which quickly turned into a belly laugh and he laughed right along with her, grateful for the comic relief. She squeezed his fingers gently, as though reassuring him that she was ok, at least that was how he chose to interpret it. He gave her another kiss, and this time she returned it more generously.
“I’m going to call it a night,” she offered quietly, as soon as their lips parted.
Billy nodded, thinking that time apart was something they both could use. She stood up and took the empty wine glass from his hand. Billy lifted himself out of the swing and put his arms around her.
“Okay. Thank you for including me today. It was fun.”
“I’ll be out in the paddock tomorrow with Solomon, starting some basic training. Stop by if you aren’t too busy,” she encouraged, a tight smile on her face.
He could tell she was guarding her feelings, but he didn’t know how to fix that.
“I asked the crew to work a few hours tomorrow, because of their short week next week, but we’ll probably wrap things up by one or two. I’ll come find you after?” he asked, raising his brows.
“I would like that,” she said, nodding her head gently and smiling.
Billy kissed her goodnight and watched her walk inside. She turned and gave him a quick nod before closing the door behind her.
He stood on the porch for a moment longer, wanting nothing more than to break down her door and carry her up the stairs to her bed, two at a time.
I’m in fucking trouble, Billy thought to himself.
Chapter 21
Alice
“Thank you for your business, Alice. As soon as the paperwork is filed, we will transfer the loan to your account. I imagine it will be there quite soon. Everything here is in order. Just make sure you get that building insurance in place as soon as possible. Scan and email the policy to me when you get a copy of it so I can put it in your file,” the loan officer advised, shaking her hand. “Let me know if there is anything else we can do for you. It sounds like you have a lot of excitement in your future.”
Alice shook his hand and stood up, slipping her purse over her shoulder, and wondering if her exciting future would include Billy. After their awkward conversation on Saturday night, she had been questioning everything. Had she overestimated his fondness for her. Was she too far ahead of him?
She was usually pretty good at judging people’s feelings, but Billy had her turned all upside down. One minute he was affectionate and caring, making her feel like she was the only woman in the world, and the next minute he was ambivalent. Had she done something wrong? Jumped the gun?
When she had opened up to him that night, her intention wasn’t to pressure him, but to find out whether he had considered a future with her. It was important for her to know these things, not just for her sake, but for Amy’s too. It had been hard for her to gather enough courage to take that step, and he put up his walls.
Alice drove home with the radio playing loudly, appreciating the upbeat music. She couldn’t say that she was sad really, just confused. Billy didn’t exactly shut her down. In fact, the next day he had sought her out after he finished work for the day. He found her in the barn putting Misty and Solomon in their stall, and in spite of the fact that she was covered in dust and smelled like hard work, he kissed her passionately. He acted like the night before had never happened.
Alice chalked it up to the fact that, maybe, he just wasn’t there yet. That didn’t mean that what they had together wasn’t real. He had even come to the house, sharing Sunday dinner with the family. And it had been nice. Then they snuck away and made love afterward, their passion intense as ever.
The truth was, she regretted bringing it up. Their afternoon together at the picnic had been a lot of fun. They had been relaxed, playful and happy. She wasn’t sure how things would go, whether Billy would be comfortable with Amy or not. She wondered if he would be able to accept the fact that she was a mother. They had undeniable chemistry together, no question, but she was curious if that would translate outside of their sexual connection. Would he fit in with her family? He s
eemed to blend in perfectly, showing no signs of discomfort. Just the opposite. That was the only reason she found the courage to press him.
Alice pulled into the long driveway, passing by Joe who was walking up the lane way. She slowed down the truck and stopped beside him.
“Hey there, what’s up?” she asked through the open window.
Joe threw her half a smile and walked up to the truck.
“Nothin’. I just went over to the Ferguson’s farm. They are having some issues with one of the horses we sold them a few months back. Big Damien. He wanted my opinion on a lame foot. Sam dropped me off at the end of the road on his way into town,” he shared, lighting a cigarette.
“Everything ok?” she asked, hoping it wasn’t serious.
Joe nodded, taking a long pull off his smoke.
“He’s fine. Just a sub-solar abscess, as near as I can tell. They are calling the vet in to fix him up.”
“Do you want to hop in, I’ll drive you up to the barn?” she asked kindly.
Joe shook his head.
“Nah, I don’t mind the walk. You go on,” he said, banging the side of her truck.
Alice waived at him and drove on, grateful that things weren’t awkward between them. Although they had seen one another plenty of times since she turned down his proposal, and he hadn’t brought it up again, he had still been somewhat distant. She had tried to be discreet, but it was no secret that Billy was being attentive. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. Truthfully, she didn’t know where things stood with Billy anyway.
She pulled the truck up to the barn and made her way around to her office. She looked around for Billy, wondering if he was nearby. She wanted to share the good news with him. He was right, there were no issues with the bank. She had nothing to worry about.
Later that afternoon Billy came to find her. She was working on updating the website, deep in concentration when he came strolling in. He was covered in sawdust, apparently putting his carpentry skills to work.
“Hello, Beauty, you look like you are buried in work,” he said, kissing her on the top of the head.
The fine dust from his hair rained down on her like confetti. Alice giggled and ran her fingers through his hair.
“You look like you were buried, too,” she teased.
“I just finished some trim work in Joe’s living quarters. It is coming along nicely,” he explained, pulling up a chair beside her. “What are you working on?”
“Just adding some information on the website. As soon as the arena is done, I’ll hire someone to come and take some professional shots and then I’ll include them here, and here,” she said, showing him her work.
“That’s great,” he said, passively. “How did it go at the bank this morning?”
“No problems, just like you predicted,” she said smiling. “Thank you for staying so calm and keeping me focused.”
Billy shrugged his shoulders and looked away.
“Let me just check my account and see if the loan was processed,” she said, bringing up her banking website.
“I’ll move to the other side of the desk and give you some privacy,” he said, shifting his chair.
“Don’t be silly, I trust you,” she said, placing a hand on his arm.
Billy looked away anyway, out of respect. She typed in her password and pulled up her account.
“Yup, we are good to go. Let me send you the transfer right now,” she said manipulating the mouse.
After a minute or two she looked up and him nodded.
“There it is! We are almost done! I can’t tell you how relieved I am,” she said, kissing him on the cheek.
Billy accepted her kiss but seemed indifferent. Alice wondered again if something was wrong.
“What is it?” she pressed softly, placing her hand on his.
Billy shook his head and smiled.
“Nothing. Everything is good,” he assured her.
Alice looked at him skeptically. He seemed so unsettled lately, and she wondered if it had anything to do with her, but after what happened the last time they talked, she wasn’t about to pressure him.
“Seriously. No worries,” he said, squeezing her finger tips.
He leaned in, placing his fingers under her chin and raising her lips to meet his. He kissed her ever so softly. It was one of the sweetest kisses she had ever received.
* * *
Billy threw his bag into the cab of the truck. Alice smiled at him sadly. He had not given her an exact date when he would be back, saying only that it wouldn’t be long. She was going to miss him, whether he was gone for only a week or the whole month.
“So, the crew will be back Monday?” Alice asked, hoping he would offer information about his own timeline.
“That is the plan,” Billy agreed, meeting her eyes. “Don’t look so sad, Alice,” he said, putting his arms on her shoulders.
Alice could have said the very same thing to him. He was anxious and fidgety. She couldn’t explain it, but she had a strange feeling about the whole thing. She tried to ignore it, chalking it up to her old triggers. Every time she was happy, something bad happened. She sighed deeply, and forced herself to smile.
“Billy!” Amy yelled, running across the yard, her curly pig tails bouncing up and down.
He looked at Alice and grinned.
“Don’t leave without saying goodbye to me,” she said, throwing herself around his legs.
“I wouldn’t do that,” he said, picking her up.
Amy gave him a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him, pressing her cheek firmly against his. Billy looked genuinely touched. He tried to peel her away, but she tightened her grip. He looked at Alice with his brows raised, as if to say, ’Help me.’
Alice shrugged as if to reply, ‘No way ,Jose.’
“Thanks,” he said flatly, but his smile said otherwise.
Finally, Amy gave him a kiss on the cheek and released her grip on his neck.
“See you later, Alligator,” she said, touching his nose with her tiny index finger.
“Gotta go, Buffalo,” Billy replied, poking her in the belly.
Amy giggled and he set her back down on the ground.
“Now, what do you say you run and play so I can say a proper good bye to your mommy.”
“Ok, see you soon, you big Baboon,” Amy teased.
She ran back to the house, turning around just once to wave goodbye again.
“Take care,” he said, pulling Alice into his arms.
She searched his eyes, looking for something else. Reassurance, comfort, answers? He closed his own eyes and kissed her, which seemed to be his way of distracting her.
As far as distractions go, there were worse things, she thought, enjoying his affection. She parted her lips, inviting in his tongue. He groaned softly in her mouth, as his passion heightened, their kiss long and delicious. Alice pulled back and smiled at him, leaving him wanting more.
“There is more of that waiting for you when you come back,” she offered, grinning playfully.
Billy nodded, his eyes glazed with arousal.
“Seriously. I’m going to miss you,” she said sincerely.
“Me too,” Billy said, pulling her in for one more hug. “More than you will ever know.”
He released her reluctantly, slipping into his truck. He offered her a short wave as he drove away. Alice watched his truck until it disappeared down the driveway. She held back her tears, not wanting to give in to her uneasiness.
* * *
Several days had gone by and she still hadn’t heard from Billy. She tried casually texting him once or twice, but he hadn’t responded. She tried not to worry, assuring herself that he was busy and that he would reach out to her soon. She tried to preoccupy herself with tasks around the ranch, but everywhere she turned there were reminders of him. She was dizzy with the memories they had shared over the past several months. She didn’t anticipate missing him this much.
It was so quiet, a stark contrast to t
he activity and construction noises that had recently filled the ranch. It felt like a ghost town to her and she looked forward to the chaos resuming.
She had the whole weekend to occupy before that happened, but it wouldn’t be too difficult, if she could just keep herself focused.
She hoped it wouldn’t be too long before Billy returned. She was confident that when the crew returned to work Monday, they would be able to carry on without him. Even still, she would feel a whole lot better if he were there to supervise them.
Alice was in the barn finishing mucking the stalls, when Joe walked in. He came up to her, his hands in his pockets, looking like a man that had something to say. She could smell bourbon on his breath, and it struck her as odd. It wasn’t like him to drink during the day.
Alice set the broom against the wall and wiped her hands on her jeans.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” he asked her apprehensively, slurring his words.
“I was just heading over to the arena to tidy up the construction site. Do you want to join me? We can talk over there,” she suggested.
Joe nodded and gestured for her to lead the way. When they got there, Alice looked around, a huge smile on her face. She could see the possibilities in front of her and couldn’t contain her excitement.
“Doesn’t it look fantastic in here?” she asked him, trying to share her enthusiasm.
Joe shrugged and took a cigarette out of the package, placing it in his mouth. Alice frowned.
“I wish you wouldn’t smoke in here, Joe. Will you wait until we are back outside?” she asked, not wanting to offend him, but worried about safety.
There was a lot of debris and sawdust around, too many flammables littering the area.
“Sorry,” he said, placing it back in the pack.
He looked around pensively.
“Looks like there is a lot left to do. Doesn’t make sense to me that Billy and his team would leave now. Seems a little ill-timed,” he observed skeptically.
“Yes, there is a lot left to do,” Alice agreed, looking a little more critically around the space, “but Billy told me that it would be fine. He’s assured me we will hit our timelines, even with this time off. It is Labor Day weekend and they have all been pushing so hard, Joe.”
Bad Boy Brother Page 39
