Silver

by K. A. Linde

  “Stacia—”

  “Good night, Pace.”

  With a heavy heart, she turned and walked away. Bryna wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

  Stacia was sure that she had heard everything. But that was fine. Life was too short to keep secrets.

  A FEW DAYS LATER, the entire football team packed into a church on campus. Boomer’s brother, Shawn, had insisted on having a service in Las Vegas for everyone. Then, they would fly Boomer back to Mississippi to lay him to rest.

  Stacia followed Bryna into the already crowded church and found one of the few open seats near the back. Trihn and Maya took seats directly behind them.

  Instead of celebrating the end of the season and preparing for the playoff game they had been slotted into, the team was in mourning. No one had been to practice since Boomer’s death. Coach Galloway had decided they needed the time off. He was helping facilitate everything, so as little burden as possible was placed on the Boomer family.

  Bryna took Stacia’s hand as the ceremony began. She listened through all of the Bible verses and hymns. But it was distracting and painful to see Pace seated in the front row.

  Stacia had been staying with Bryna and Eric since the incident had occurred. They had promised her that she could stay as long as she wanted, but she knew it was time to talk to her dad. Too much had happened. Luckily, Bryna and Eric had agreed to go pick up some essentials from Pace’s place so that Stacia wouldn’t have to go herself. She wasn’t ready to see him. She didn’t even know what she would say.

  What was worse was that it was the last full week of school, and she had so many assignments and tests that she felt like her brain was going to explode. So, she had reluctantly gone to see a school therapist. Talking out what had happened with Boomer and Pace really helped to clear her head. She had decided to make it a weekly appointment while she was at school until she felt like she was one hundred percent again. The counselor had told her that she could get a waiver for her finals if she felt like she needed it, but Stacia wanted to prove to herself that she could finish this on her own.

  Just like she had to prove to herself that she could make it through the funeral.

  “And, now,” the pastor said, “we’ll here from TJ’s brother, Shawn.”

  Stacia swallowed back her own tears as a guy who could have been Boomer’s twin walked up to the microphone. She didn’t think he could have been more than a few years younger than Boomer. He was dressed in a black suit and tie. Even from the distance, she could tell that his eyes were puffy.

  And how could she blame him?

  How could anyone blame him?

  He was going through the unthinkable. All alone.

  She hadn’t heard mention of Boomer’s parents. Coach Galloway had only reached out to Shawn. It must have been for a reason.

  How alone did he feel now that his only relative was dead?

  “Wow,” Shawn said before clearing his throat. “There are a lot of people here. For everyone who showed up…I really appreciate it. I bet my brother would have, too.” He coughed and looked down at his notes. “I don’t know how much you all knew about my brother, but he didn’t have an easy life. Neither of us has until Boomer started playing football. I thought this was going to change things. I thought things were finally turning around for us.

  “After jumping from foster home to foster home, you kind of start to expect life to be pretty bad. You expect people not to care about you. You expect to be split up. And we were. It was hard enough, finding someone to take in a middle school student but his high school brother, too? And then football happened.

  “To tell you that football saved my life would be an understatement. TJ might not have always done the right thing, but he didn’t have someone to help him through it all. He only had me, and he was raising me. But he called every day, and he made sure I stayed in school. While here in Las Vegas, he helped kids just like us so that underprivileged youth would know that they could get out. TJ was their role model. Just like he was mine.”

  Stacia sniffled and put her hands over her eyes. Christ, this was so much harder than she had even anticipated. Boomer was someone’s role model…and she had hated him. She had been there in his death. She couldn’t bear it.

  “I just hope he’s finally found peace. Thank you all for coming and being here for him. He always said that the football team was the only other family he had, and it feels good to be surrounded by his family one last time.”

  Bryna rubbed circles into Stacia’s back as Shawn wrapped up his speech. Then, the service came to a close. Everyone stood and milled around. A bunch of the guys went to talk to Shawn.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Bryna asked.

  “Yeah. No. I’m just going to wait in here until it clears out, okay?” Stacia said.

  Bryna nodded. “I’m going to go find Eric. You sure you’ll be okay?”

  “Yeah. I’ll meet you outside.”

  “Text me if you need anything.” Bryna hugged her before disappearing into the crowd.

  As everyone moved outside and the room cleared, Stacia finally stood and made her way to the front of the room. Coach Galloway was talking to a few players, and Shawn only had two more people in his line before Stacia made it to him.

  “Hi,” she said softly. She held her hand out, and Shawn mechanically shook it. “I’m Stacia. I was…in the accident that night…”

  “Oh, hi,” he said, dropping her hand. “Shawn.”

  “Right. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you. Thanks for coming.”

  Stacia nodded. “Of course. I just…” She shook her head. “Sorry. I really don’t know what to say.”

  A shadow of a smile touched Shawn’s face. “You’re the first person to say that. I feel like I’ve been making sad small talk with everyone all day.”

  “I bet. When do you go back to Mississippi?”

  “Tomorrow,” Shawn said.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  Stacia bit her lip before proceeding, “I never knew that Boomer…TJ worked with kids in the area. Do you happen to know what program it was? I’d love to dedicate some of my own time to it.”

  Shawn truly smiled that time. “I can get you the information. I’ll send it through Coach Galloway.”

  “I’d appreciate that. And, Shawn? You gave a really great speech.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Do you play football, too?”

  “No. Actually, I’m kind of a nerd.”

  “That’s good, too,” Stacia said with a sad smile. “Are you applying to colleges soon?”

  He nodded. “Next year.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Thank you.”

  “It was really nice talking to you. I’m glad that I got to introduce myself.”

  “Me, too.”

  Stacia took a deep breath and then released it as she walked away from Shawn. Talking to Boomer’s brother was the right thing to do. It was good to know that, despite the horrible circumstances and the pain, he seemed to be on the straight and narrow. She hoped he’d get into a good college and spend all his time in the library. Football might have helped Boomer, but it had been his downfall, too. She kind of hoped Shawn stayed a nerd.

  She was just about to exit the church when she felt Pace approach her.

  “Hey, S,” he said.

  She closed her eyes to ward against the pain and then turned to look at him. “Hey.”

  “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m doing okay. And you?”

  “It’d be better if you came back home.”

  Despite the fact that he was wearing a black suit that fit him perfectly, Stacia could see that he was pretty messed up. Her leaving had just been the tip of the iceberg with everything he was dealing with after Boomer’s death. And it made her feel guilty that she had left, but it didn’t change the past.

  “That’s not my home. That’s just a p
lace where I lived for a couple of months.”

  “It is your home.”

  “I always said it was temporary,” Stacia reminded him. “I’m sorry, Pace. I know that you’re hurting right now, but I don’t see how I could come back with you.”

  “Stacia, please,” he said, pleading with her. “What do I have to do? Do I have to get down on my knees and beg you? I will. I’ll do it.”

  “I don’t want you to beg me, Pace. I just wanted honesty. When you could have given it to me, you chose not to.”

  “I can’t change the past. Let me make it up to you in the future.”

  Stacia reluctantly pulled away. The worst part was, she still loved him so much. No matter what he had done or said, she still wanted to comfort him when he was in pain. She still wanted to go home with him. But she couldn’t do it just because he felt guilty about his actions. She needed to do it for herself—when and if she felt comfortable with allowing him to earn her trust back. At this moment, she just didn’t see that happening.

  “I can’t. And we should leave. We’re being disrespectful.”

  “When am I going to see you again?”

  “I don’t know,” Stacia said as she left the church with Pace on her heels.

  “You can’t stay at Bryna and Eric’s forever,” he accused.

  “I know I can’t. I don’t want to. I’m going to get my own place.”

  “That didn’t work out so well last time,” Pace reminded her.

  Stacia stopped and turned around to face him. “I’m going to talk to my dad. And I’m going to tell him everything. He’ll help me. He loves me. I should have seen a long time ago that he’d be okay with whatever I did.”

  “Please, don’t do this.”

  “I really wish that I didn’t have to,” Stacia said. “You should just…focus on football.”

  “I don’t care about football. I care about you.” He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, as if trying to get her to see he was serious.

  “That’s not true. You do care about football. You care about getting drafted. You are just…in a funk since the accident. And it was an accident, Pace,” she said consolingly.

  “If I hadn’t made that sharp turn,” he said under his breath.

  “Then, he would have hurt himself some other way that night. He was driving drunk. That’s not your fault. You cannot blame yourself.”

  “I blame myself for losing you,” he said.

  She couldn’t argue with him on that. “I was yours to lose.”

  “Just come back, and let’s talk it out. We can make this work.”

  “I can’t. Stop asking,” she said. “I’m going now. When I come to move out…don’t be there. Please.”

  “Stacia…”

  She swallowed hard and held back the tears as she walked backward, away from him, and then she fled toward Bryna. “Let’s go.”

  “You okay?” Bryna asked.

  “No,” Stacia whispered. “But I will be.”

  LEAVING PACE AT THE FUNERAL was almost worse than sitting through the funeral itself. He was clearly beating himself up about the entire incident, and truthfully, they’d both been through hell because of what had happened.

  But being around him wasn’t easy. This wasn’t the first time that he had lied to her. Freshman year, she had found out Pace was lying to her about Bryna. It had taken a while for them to get past that. Then, just as she had gotten over the shit with Madison, more shit had piled on top of her.

  She knew she was justifying it in her head when she still loved him so much. But walking away was the right answer. She needed to get her life together, and she was just realizing that she hadn’t given herself a real shot by moving in with Pace.

  All in all, it just meant that she needed to set shit straight. That meant talking to her dad. She cradled her phone in her hand and bucked up the courage to make the call.

  “Stacy, honey, it’s so good to hear from you.”

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “How are you holding up?” he asked. “I know the funeral was today. I wish I could have been there for you.”

  “It’s okay. It was pretty hard actually.”

  “I can imagine,” he said quietly. “I’ve never lost a player like that, but I have to assume Galloway is a wreck.”

  “Yeah. Coach is taking it pretty hard. Everyone is.”

  “How are you really feeling? You sound sad.”

  Stacia swallowed and laid it out there. “Pace and I broke up.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Because of the accident?”

  “No, some other stuff. It’s really just…dumb. I don’t know. I just need some time to clear my head with Boomer’s death and all my assignments and just life.”

  “I get that. Take all the time you need. But don’t make him wait too long,” her dad said with a sigh. “I saw how happy he made you. I wouldn’t want you two to lose something real.”

  Stacia straightened in her seat in shock. Her father was the most overprotective man she had ever known. She hadn’t even been allowed to date in high school. And here he was, telling her to work it out because they were good together.

  “You really think so? I mean, I thought we were great together, but it just went south. He said some stupid stuff to some of the other football players, and he never told me about it. I just feel a little betrayed.”

  “Ah,” her father said. “Locker-room talk is the downfall of many relationships. It’s why I always tried to steer you away from football players. But I think I somehow did the opposite. They’re not all bad, and when you find a good one, you know. I can tell which of my players are top-notch good guys within ten minutes of meeting them. I’m not saying that whatever Pace did was okay, but I got that good-guy feeling from him in our meeting.”

  “Wow,” she muttered. She leaned back into the chair in Bryna’s guest bedroom. “I’m surprised to hear you say that.”

  “Why? Because I was strict when you were a kid?”

  “Strict? You were an Army general!” she said. “I couldn’t even date when I was in high school.”

  “I thought I was protecting you. And, sometimes, it’s hard to let go. When your mother left, I had no idea what I was doing. I thought I was helping, Stacy. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I did the best I could.”

  Stacia shook her head. “No, don’t be sorry. You’re a great dad. The best. Maybe I needed a little more protection. I actually did something that I haven’t told you about. I was afraid of how you would react. I moved in with Pace at the start of the semester.”

  “Ah, yes. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me.”

  “Wait, what? You knew?” Stacia squeaked.

  “I did. I overheard Derek talking about it on the phone with you. I was just going to let you figure it out. It seemed important to you.”

  “It was,” she admitted. “And I think I’ve realized that I should have come to you from the start. I can’t continue living with Pace, and I can’t afford an apartment with the rent I’ve been getting.”

  “We’ll find something else for you. I’m sure there are plenty of apartments. But why didn’t you come to me before?” he asked.

  Stacia shrugged, even knowing that he couldn’t see it. It felt so long ago that she had been afraid of what her dad would think. She hadn’t wanted to disappoint him. She’d been afraid of him adding extra rules, and she didn’t realize until now that she actually needed them.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Probably the same reason it took Derek so long to come out. I was just afraid.”

  “Well, neither of you needs to be afraid with me. I’m your father. I will always be here for you.”

  “Thank you, Dad. I love you.”

  “I love you, too, honey.”

  They talked a little longer about where she should possibly move to and if she should get roommates.

  And it was Stacia’s idea to ask Whitney if she’d want to move in with her for the spring semester.

  “Ahh!�
� Whitney screamed later that week. “You’re serious? Really serious?”

  “Yeah,” Stacia said with a smile. They lingered behind after their last class of the semester, waiting for Simon to meet them. “My dad is helping me get this new apartment, and I thought it’d be cool for us to live together. We can do study sessions at our place.”

  “That’s amazing. You have no idea how much I want out of my other apartment situation. One of my roommates has her boyfriend over all the time, and he’s a total slob. He should be paying rent or at least utilities, but he’s just using her because she’s brainwashed, and she’d do anything for him. He can take my space. I’m ready to get out.”

  Stacia laughed. “Then, it’s settled. When do you want to go look for places?”

  Simon appeared just then. He smiled awkwardly at Stacia before pulling Whitney in for a hug and a chaste kiss. “Hey, Whit.”

  “Hi, Simon,” she whispered, red with excitement.

  “Wait…are you two official?” Stacia asked.

  “Um…” Whitney muttered.

  “I think so?” Simon said, turning to look at Whitney.

  “You do?”

  “Uh…yeah. If you want.”

  “I do…I mean, I want,” Whitney rambled.

  “Great!” Stacia said. “You’re together. I’m so happy! Let’s go celebrate.”

  The trio left campus and went to celebrate at a place where Stacia insisted on treating.

  By the end of the next week when finals ended, Whitney and Stacia had nailed down an apartment near campus that they both loved. Bryna took one for the team and made sure Pace was gone at football practice before a group went over and removed Stacia’s things from the premises.

  It was sad to leave the place behind. She had a lot of amazing memories there, but it was time. It was time to start over and actually let herself grow. Her dad might be right that letting Pace go for too long would be a bad idea if he was the right one. But, for now, she needed to be on her own.